Class of September 2015 Part 4
Member
Join Date: Aug 2009
Posts: 1,292
Secret drinker
You know I should have done something like that. I haven't had any chocolate/cake, and I've got a sweet tooth, for around 6 weeks. I'm walking around here on eggshells avoiding all the junk food. And I still feel antsy. I'm going to eat some chocolates a packet of crisps, relax and enjoy it.
You know I should have done something like that. I haven't had any chocolate/cake, and I've got a sweet tooth, for around 6 weeks. I'm walking around here on eggshells avoiding all the junk food. And I still feel antsy. I'm going to eat some chocolates a packet of crisps, relax and enjoy it.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2009
Posts: 1,292
Originally Posted by Dee74 
when the AV starts screaming, maybe read some of your old posts Midton - remind yourself of whats at stake.
And maybe you can do something nice for yourself this weekend?- staying sober shouldn't be an ordeal
D
And maybe you can do something nice for yourself this weekend?- staying sober shouldn't be an ordeal
D
Member
Join Date: Feb 2014
Location: Florida., USA
Posts: 3,252
(((MIdton))) I understand where you're coming from. I've been teetering for a couple of days myself. I have to have faith in those who have exceeded our meager sober time, that it will indeed get better. I'm depressed and just want to feel better - is that a crave or the AV? Meanwhile, I'll just plug along with another day. Going to try to make water aerobics this morning and start the house cleaning that I've neglected because of my funk.
Wishing everyone a weekend filled with sober and happy time.
PS - This came from one of Dee's posts in the Newcomer's forum:
I know it's scary but I guarantee you will find the same kind of improvement too - not instantly but eventually.
It's a leap of faith I'm holding on to this.
Wishing everyone a weekend filled with sober and happy time.
PS - This came from one of Dee's posts in the Newcomer's forum:
I know it's scary but I guarantee you will find the same kind of improvement too - not instantly but eventually.
It's a leap of faith I'm holding on to this.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2015
Location: Texas
Posts: 138
Thank you all for your kind words. It's also comforting to see that others hAve their own horror story. I don't "blame" anyone for my being an alcoholic. Those are my choices. However I do believe the wounded little one in me was hiding in that bottle.
I woke to my grands feet in my back. You would think that by eight the bedtime game of twister would have stopped. I am not complaining. There's always nighttime chatting. She still likes to be spooned.....will work her way over to me, " snuggle me please....". Why of course princess. I pray those are her memories that comfort her after I'm gone. I pray I can help my grand that's 900 miles away feel that same love and protection while I'm there. Yes, her world will be changed, but I will be there for the crash. Her dad has her convinced he is going to win full custody. This is a mess. My heart gets heavy when I focus on it.
I haven't drank. I feel good about that choice.
I hope we all have a great day. I'm making breakfast if anyone's hungry! Pancakes, bacon and eggs. The grands request!
Group hug.
Chin up.
I woke to my grands feet in my back. You would think that by eight the bedtime game of twister would have stopped. I am not complaining. There's always nighttime chatting. She still likes to be spooned.....will work her way over to me, " snuggle me please....". Why of course princess. I pray those are her memories that comfort her after I'm gone. I pray I can help my grand that's 900 miles away feel that same love and protection while I'm there. Yes, her world will be changed, but I will be there for the crash. Her dad has her convinced he is going to win full custody. This is a mess. My heart gets heavy when I focus on it.
I haven't drank. I feel good about that choice.
I hope we all have a great day. I'm making breakfast if anyone's hungry! Pancakes, bacon and eggs. The grands request!
Group hug.
Chin up.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2013
Location: New England
Posts: 3,805
Originally Posted by Rar
PS - This came from one of Dee's posts in the Newcomer's forum: I know it's scary but I guarantee you will find the same kind of improvement too - not instantly but eventually. It's a leap of faith I'm holding on to this.
How could it ever get worse? Nothing's worse than living that alcoholic cycle. That's a really dark place I wish to never relive again.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2015
Location: UK
Posts: 927
Google for a retro sweet company.
I found one yesterday and ordered £12 worth of sweets, wham bars, fizzy cola bottles, ice chocolate cups, giant chewy jelly strawberries, white chocolate fish and chips, and noisy popping candy for the kids (better let them have something, lol!)
Hell, if I'm staying away from alcohol I'm sure as hell allowing myself anything else I want! I've even considered taking up smoking again but having given up for over 5 years I realise that's ridiculous.
I'm off to look at a rescue cat this afternoon, Mr Stripes.
I've been volunteering all morning serving 45 cooked breakfasts, chatting to friends and neighbours sober is really satisfying and rewarding.
There's more to life than wine. I intend to fill my life as much as possible.
I found one yesterday and ordered £12 worth of sweets, wham bars, fizzy cola bottles, ice chocolate cups, giant chewy jelly strawberries, white chocolate fish and chips, and noisy popping candy for the kids (better let them have something, lol!)
Hell, if I'm staying away from alcohol I'm sure as hell allowing myself anything else I want! I've even considered taking up smoking again but having given up for over 5 years I realise that's ridiculous.
I'm off to look at a rescue cat this afternoon, Mr Stripes.
I've been volunteering all morning serving 45 cooked breakfasts, chatting to friends and neighbours sober is really satisfying and rewarding.
There's more to life than wine. I intend to fill my life as much as possible.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2015
Location: Ky
Posts: 2,043
PS 3Wolves, SD, anyone I may have missed
I have a terrible relationship with my Mom too. For so many years I have torn myself up thinking it was me, finally I had to forgive her and let myself off the hook so I could move on from that pain. I had to realize this was her problem not mine. Sure it's still a soft spot and a sore spot too and I still feel so sad about it. Now I just try to enjoy what small moments I do have with her when she allows it. For myself, I realize one day she won't be here at all and I want to be able to carry on with my life and not live in the "what if's" or "I wish I'd done this" moments. Thank you for sharing. It's painful, I'm right there with you.
I have a terrible relationship with my Mom too. For so many years I have torn myself up thinking it was me, finally I had to forgive her and let myself off the hook so I could move on from that pain. I had to realize this was her problem not mine. Sure it's still a soft spot and a sore spot too and I still feel so sad about it. Now I just try to enjoy what small moments I do have with her when she allows it. For myself, I realize one day she won't be here at all and I want to be able to carry on with my life and not live in the "what if's" or "I wish I'd done this" moments. Thank you for sharing. It's painful, I'm right there with you.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2015
Location: East Coast
Posts: 1,134
Hey all - checking in and doing well. I have a huge list of things to do today so I'm off - out and about.
Just wanted to say I have a great, very supportive Mom whom I love with all my heart. In fact, she is going with me to a doctor's appointment next week that I'm worried about just to be there for me. This drinking thing affects us all with all different kinds of families and situations! I also have a great Dad - he had to give up drinking years ago. I think I inherited his (drinking) tendencies. It's gonna be okay
Just wanted to say I have a great, very supportive Mom whom I love with all my heart. In fact, she is going with me to a doctor's appointment next week that I'm worried about just to be there for me. This drinking thing affects us all with all different kinds of families and situations! I also have a great Dad - he had to give up drinking years ago. I think I inherited his (drinking) tendencies. It's gonna be okay
Member
Join Date: Feb 2015
Location: Texas
Posts: 138
For some of us, there is no when she dies....my mother died in 1985. Any feelings, love or remnants of warm fuzzies were killed that day. It's taken me many years to get over most of it. We are blessed to have a diverse group as "family" now. Those we support 24/7 and they do the same. My girls grew up surrounded by people who loved and valued them. My mother wasn't an alcoholic. She was evil. It took me YEARS to TRUELY let my husband love me. Years to stop her hate and fear from touching my relationships. Years of therapy, counseling and crying.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2014
Posts: 168
Good job you guys in staying sober! It sounds like for a lot of us, our AV is rather worried this sobriety thing might really be "for real" and is putting up a bit of a fight.
Rar, like you I also try to just have faith in those with much more sober time than us. I picture it like we're all trudging up a mountain in a fog and have moments of wanting to give up and turn back but those at the top in the clear with the beautiful view are shouting encouragement to keep going and join them up there.
I also try to have faith in myself and my decision to get sober. Sometimes when my AV is really screaming at me, I can't remember exactly why I want to be sober so badly, so I just think to myself "why would I have signed up on a recovery website if my drinking days were so wonderful?!", then when the craving dissipates and I can think more clearly and remember all the whys I am grateful I didn't give in.
Rar, like you I also try to just have faith in those with much more sober time than us. I picture it like we're all trudging up a mountain in a fog and have moments of wanting to give up and turn back but those at the top in the clear with the beautiful view are shouting encouragement to keep going and join them up there.
I also try to have faith in myself and my decision to get sober. Sometimes when my AV is really screaming at me, I can't remember exactly why I want to be sober so badly, so I just think to myself "why would I have signed up on a recovery website if my drinking days were so wonderful?!", then when the craving dissipates and I can think more clearly and remember all the whys I am grateful I didn't give in.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2015
Posts: 120
What I've learned so far being sober.
Positives:
1. No one like a drunk person
2. No one likes me texting at 3am, believe it or not, you're in the minority of people who are awake drunk at this time and people don't appreciate being disturbed with BS chat.
3. No shame or guilt in the morn.
4. Not having to scroll through phone or computer to see what the hell you were doing during a blackout.
5. Lots more disposable cash.
6. Responsible, being available for other people.
7. Being able to do school runs without being dizzy.
8. Being able to stay awake during the day and going to bed at a reasonable hour.
9. Weight loss.
10. Being 'there'! (Not trying to swim through a fog for trying to think of simple things)
11. Being available for medical emergencies (important for my family).
12. People asking what you are doing because you look as well as you have done in a long time (really, after 11 days and not knowing alcohol issues or new abstinence).
13. No more palpitations.
Negatives:
NONE......literally not one, and I have tried for balance sake to think of anything negative that's happened since.
1. No one like a drunk person
2. No one likes me texting at 3am, believe it or not, you're in the minority of people who are awake drunk at this time and people don't appreciate being disturbed with BS chat.
3. No shame or guilt in the morn.
4. Not having to scroll through phone or computer to see what the hell you were doing during a blackout.
5. Lots more disposable cash.
6. Responsible, being available for other people.
7. Being able to do school runs without being dizzy.
8. Being able to stay awake during the day and going to bed at a reasonable hour.
9. Weight loss.
10. Being 'there'! (Not trying to swim through a fog for trying to think of simple things)
11. Being available for medical emergencies (important for my family).
12. People asking what you are doing because you look as well as you have done in a long time (really, after 11 days and not knowing alcohol issues or new abstinence).
13. No more palpitations.
Negatives:
NONE......literally not one, and I have tried for balance sake to think of anything negative that's happened since.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2015
Location: UK
Posts: 927
Originally Posted by SleepyDots
Good job you guys in staying sober! It sounds like for a lot of us, our AV is rather worried this sobriety thing might really be "for real" and is putting up a bit of a fight. Rar, like you I also try to just have faith in those with much more sober time than us. I picture it like we're all trudging up a mountain in a fog and have moments of wanting to give up and turn back but those at the top in the clear with the beautiful view are shouting encouragement to keep going and join them up there. I also try to have faith in myself and my decision to get sober. Sometimes when my AV is really screaming at me, I can't remember exactly why I want to be sober so badly, so I just think to myself "why would I have signed up on a recovery website if my drinking days were so wonderful?!", then when the craving dissipates and I can think more clearly and remember all the whys I am grateful I didn't give in.
I also try to have faith in myself and my decision to get sober. Sometimes when my AV is really screaming at me, I can't remember exactly why I want to be sober so badly, so I just think to myself "why would I have signed up on a recovery website if my drinking days were so wonderful?!", then when the craving dissipates and I can think more clearly and remember all the whys I am grateful I didn't give in.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2015
Location: Texas
Posts: 138
I want to be sober.
I want to be happy sober, not white knuckle.
I feel calmer this time. Not resigned, the calm of knowing its right for me.
The last time I drank, I blacked out.
When I surfaced, I was barely able to make it to the loo. Up with the booze and my dinner came massive amounts of blood. Scared the hell out of me. Just days later, I fall trying to hide it (my original post). I poured that wine out. I have not had a drink since.
My grand sits here next to me. THAT is the greatest reward for sobriety.
Thank you all for being here.
Hugs to all.
I want to be happy sober, not white knuckle.
I feel calmer this time. Not resigned, the calm of knowing its right for me.
The last time I drank, I blacked out.
When I surfaced, I was barely able to make it to the loo. Up with the booze and my dinner came massive amounts of blood. Scared the hell out of me. Just days later, I fall trying to hide it (my original post). I poured that wine out. I have not had a drink since.
My grand sits here next to me. THAT is the greatest reward for sobriety.
Thank you all for being here.
Hugs to all.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2015
Posts: 7
23 Days
Hi everyone. For those still here...well done. You're over the hump!
I've made it to 23 days and, although the first week was challenging, I have adapted quickly to the lifestyle changes that I had to make. I've found a key thing is finding a good 'substitute drink' that feels like a treat, reading, coming back to this forum and reading any scientific literature about addiction so that I keep remembering that this is a self induced neurological problem, like an illness, and my brain needs time to readjust.
Unfortunately, this week I had health scare which meant that I had to quickly quit nicorette gum that I have been addicted to for 10 years
I'm handling it ok and think I have my head round it. Nicotine is a tough one though!
I've made it to 23 days and, although the first week was challenging, I have adapted quickly to the lifestyle changes that I had to make. I've found a key thing is finding a good 'substitute drink' that feels like a treat, reading, coming back to this forum and reading any scientific literature about addiction so that I keep remembering that this is a self induced neurological problem, like an illness, and my brain needs time to readjust.
Unfortunately, this week I had health scare which meant that I had to quickly quit nicorette gum that I have been addicted to for 10 years
I'm handling it ok and think I have my head round it. Nicotine is a tough one though!
Member
Join Date: Aug 2015
Location: US
Posts: 5,095
Originally Posted by forabetterlife
Speaking of thoughts.... I've been realizing lately that you really can't believe Everything you think. For me that applies to drinking and my ended relationship. Sometimes thoughts and feelings come and they either aren't accurate, aren't good for us, or just out of habit. For example, drinking: I can't waste this night alone and opportunity to drink without hiding it, or I'll just drink today because it's Sunday (or fill in the reason) and then I'll hop right on the bandwagon,. All of those thoughts are flawed and ultimately detrimental to my happiness and well being. Even thoughts about my breakup: maybe he's not so bad, I ruined it and he's "the one", he's going to end up happy with someone else and I'll be alone and jealous. Those are just old thought patterns that I cling to and fall back on. I know better now!
Not sure if any of that makes sense. I just used to think that if I felt it or thought it, it had to be real and the truth. It's not always.
I am happy to be done with alcohol for the umpteenth time. Nothing good comes of it. Ever! I hope I've finally gotten that through my thick head.
Not sure if any of that makes sense. I just used to think that if I felt it or thought it, it had to be real and the truth. It's not always.
I am happy to be done with alcohol for the umpteenth time. Nothing good comes of it. Ever! I hope I've finally gotten that through my thick head.
Yes that makes perfect sense. As a matter of fact, most of my thinking is flawed. A lot of my thinking is to protect my addiction. I mean, if I'm happy, showing myself compassion, letting go of guilt and shame, I wouldn't need to drink. Ok that's over simplified but most of the emotions and perceptions that are a result of my drinking are not accurate, at all. I am also a few months out of a relationship....my perceptions about what it was and what the break up is are also completely twisted up. I pretty much have to question all of my thinking at this point. If its based in anger, fear, guilt and shame, it is unhealthy and will lead me back to drinking. I can feel these things, yes. But I need to move past the physical emotion and understand what is really driving this stuff. Then do something about it. I guess that's recovery and my addiction doesn't like when I start moving into the light so to speak.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2014
Posts: 1,327
Hi, all:
Just a quick check in. I'm not feeling great today. Still feeling sad about yesterday and slept poorly and am out of sorts. Had told my partner I'd go to Octoberfest with him and friends. When I was feeling good, it seemed like it would be fun. Now, the idea of watching everyone else drink sounds awful. Yet I feel like he'd be disappointed if I don't go.
Just a quick check in. I'm not feeling great today. Still feeling sad about yesterday and slept poorly and am out of sorts. Had told my partner I'd go to Octoberfest with him and friends. When I was feeling good, it seemed like it would be fun. Now, the idea of watching everyone else drink sounds awful. Yet I feel like he'd be disappointed if I don't go.
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