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Class of September 2015 Part 4

Old 10-02-2015, 06:24 AM
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Originally Posted by KeyofC View Post
Arbor, the AV can be tricky..it likes to break you down then get you to drink. Replace that negative with positive. Change your thinking to change your thinking and you life. (Hug)!
That's a good way of looking at it, Key. That's also why folks say you've already planned your relapse days in advance. Once that seed is planted it can grow pretty quick. Crush it before it has the chance!
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Old 10-02-2015, 06:35 AM
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You got it friend!
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Old 10-02-2015, 06:47 AM
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Speaking of thoughts.... I've been realizing lately that you really can't believe Everything you think. For me that applies to drinking and my ended relationship. Sometimes thoughts and feelings come and they either aren't accurate, aren't good for us, or just out of habit. For example, drinking: I can't waste this night alone and opportunity to drink without hiding it, or I'll just drink today because it's Sunday (or fill in the reason) and then I'll hop right on the bandwagon,. All of those thoughts are flawed and ultimately detrimental to my happiness and well being. Even thoughts about my breakup: maybe he's not so bad, I ruined it and he's "the one", he's going to end up happy with someone else and I'll be alone and jealous. Those are just old thought patterns that I cling to and fall back on. I know better now!

Not sure if any of that makes sense. I just used to think that if I felt it or thought it, it had to be real and the truth. It's not always.

I am happy to be done with alcohol for the umpteenth time. Nothing good comes of it. Ever! I hope I've finally gotten that through my thick head.
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Old 10-02-2015, 06:59 AM
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Forabetterlife~It makes absolute sense! Everything takes time, but I have learned the way I think about things definitely can determine the outcome as far as if I let it kill me or if I let it help me. They way I allow myself to act and react with it are huge as well..Keep on taking the time to explore your feelings as they come and figure out why you are feeling that way. What is your ownership in that situation. All we can control is ourselves. Might as well try to make everything a stepping stone to help ourselves and move on. Forgiving ourselves isn't about being right or wrong. It's not about pointing blame either. We can only control ourselves. Forgiving is about accepting your part in it, realizing you made a mistake for whatever reason (usually just cause we are addicts), and let it go so you can move forward. Everyone kept telling me things would fall into place once I learned to step back and let myself feel things and think about them. They were so right. Good for you! (Wish they had a high five emoticon! I love emoticons..lol)
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Old 10-02-2015, 07:27 AM
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Hi all - doing well here posting in both threads (Oct. and Sept.) I spoke with the psychiatrist this morning. What a nice, understanding guy. He will either see me later this month (has a long wait for appointments) OR set me up with a collague of his that also understands addiction. I feel like I'm taking a good step for more self-care ... it's hard to do this alone and I'm certainly not going trying to. I have SR (these wonderful support groups), my group therapy which doesn't focus on addiction but all sorts of other good stuff, my SMART Recovery group, and now maybe a doctor that I can speak with about all of this (and possibly medication). There isn't any more "joy" in that glass or that bottle - it's just pure misery now. Anyway, Day 2 for me and I'm grateful to not have the horrible hangover feeling. Good riddance!
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Old 10-02-2015, 08:05 AM
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Originally Posted by forabetterlife View Post
Speaking of thoughts.... I've been realizing lately that you really can't believe Everything you think.
Exactly.

Not all thoughts are facts. Facts are facts.

Think about what your trying to do. Why your here on SR. There's a way to be sober and happy. You just gotta believe.
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Old 10-02-2015, 08:16 AM
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Day 35

Gotta get it in my head that this is my own journey. I talked to a friend, well, not a close friend. Truth is shes a girl that I have a casual relationship with. Well anyways, I'm telling her about my weekend plans, she says go meet people. I said well, I may, I may not, maybe just hike or explore on my own.

"you should go meet people"

Well look, I am not drinking now. She knows that.

"if your life is boring now, you should drink"

Ugh. Really? I try to explain that sometimes the harder path is the better path.

"lame"

Sure, lame. Working on my health and sanity is lame. Ultimately, the conversation moved on and was fine. She's not always so immature and flippant, and I'm pretty sure that she doesn't really give a crap if I drink or not. She just thought the struggle was pointless, which was an annoying thing to hear when I'm busting my ass.

But gotta do it for myself, no-one else.

Same thing I learn over and over again whenever I try anything.

I spent months learning the language of this country, only to find it made little to no difference in the attitudes of the locals. Surprise. Most things that you do to a high level of success or profficiency may grant you easy external rewards as a benefit, but sometimes they don't, and sometimes you need to do them for the sake of doing them.
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Old 10-02-2015, 09:40 AM
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Day 3, not feeling well but still wanted to check in with you guys. Heading into a sober weekend.
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Old 10-02-2015, 10:09 AM
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Good morning, all:

Cameron, congrats on day 10, and Illuminate on day 9. That is awesome! Congrats, too, 3wolves, on a week. That is a huge accomplishment. Kinzoku, 35 days is amazing. FF, you are on your way--day 3!

Charliesworld, I hope that today is better. That sounds like a really challenging evening that you had

Juno, so glad to hear that the outreach with the therapist went well.

I am struggling a bit. Had a horrific night's sleep, which I think has more to do with some health challenges than anything else. But I was able to sleep in this morning--my dear partner took the dogs out so I could sleep and brought me home a nice cup of coffee. Working from home today, so I will pace myself and take an afternoon nap if I need it. Exhaustion is my achilles' heel, which is so ironic given how alcohol disrupts one's sleep.

I hope all of you have a great weekend!
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Old 10-02-2015, 12:02 PM
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Hello everyone, Day 14 for me!
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Old 10-02-2015, 12:04 PM
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Hope you feel better, Matilda! I actually decided to work from home today, too, and slow down and take care. When I start pushing myself too hard, that's when I start feeling the urge to drink away the stress. It's a rainy awful day here and perfect for working from home.
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Old 10-02-2015, 01:36 PM
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It's a beautiful day. Windows are open. I am watching the birds play in their mister out front. Tree frogs everywhere. I tried uploading a picture of a fat one. File too large. I have to figure that out. Happily, calmly sober. My grands are spending the afternoon with me. We have the Cinderella movie to watch if A has to stay calm ( low blood glucose). I'd love to go for a bike ride. Only if his numbers are high. At seven and autistic, he can read his meter and let you know what he can do. His retention is mind blowing. It's communicating what's in there that's his challenge. Sensory processing disorder as well. Textures fascinate him. He fascinates me. His sister, age 8 has a form of Tourette's Syndrome. Her tic is physical, not verbal. She is just becoming aware of it herself and working to control it. I think for her, it is peer pressure. She is an absolute sweetheart. She loves to cook with me. I do all our bread, jelly/jams, grow our own beef and chickens as well as eggs and two veggie gardens. We avoid processed foods, eat organic and local. Going out of this plan can bring some of A's autism behaviors out with a vengeance. I think we are all healthier for the changes that we embraced with his diagnosis.
Talked with our lawyer in the custody case of our grand that lives 900 miles away. He feels we have all our ducks in a row. Hard to believe that we are just weeks away from a full out battle. Her dad is a sociopath. He shot my grands pup after a house training accident. Then told grand as he stomped thru the house with the gun that " her f-ing mother was next". Grand told her counselor about it, who notified DCS. THATS how this whole ugly mess started. Her brother passed away almost four years ago. Daddy dearest has forbidden her to speak of her brother "because it hurts" him. Our daughter is in grief counseling, and he has told grand that her mom is weak. Even had her take moms meds out of the cabinet and take pictures of the labels. He has no clue my daughter has the password to grands cell phone, has seen and screenshot all this. My heart is racing at just typing all this out. I've told no one about all this. Very raw and painful. Having to look at this crap sober.
Thanks for another day of sober fellowship.
Here come my peeps.
Hug.
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Old 10-02-2015, 01:43 PM
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Hey guys. I'm tired today, I stayed up too late working on some things on my to-do list. I feel like I have a million things I need to do and not enough time to do them, but I'm trying not to let it stress me out and just do what I can do, you know? And my house was spotless yesterday and somehow in less than 24 hours it looks like a tornado came through. So that's annoying. Every so often I go through and do a good purge to get rid of a bunch of things we don't use or need and I definitely feel one coming on, maybe this weekend. I'm a minimalist at heart, but my husband and 3 kids - not so much!
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Old 10-02-2015, 01:50 PM
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day 18 for me…feeling pretty good although the fatigue is lingering. Took a 2 hr. nap in the middle of the day today for no apparent reason other than just ridiculously tired. oh well, this too will pass.

Interesting and provoking thoughts Key and Forabetter…definitely caused me to stop and think about feelings vs. facts. Now that I'm feeling feelings again, I am noticing that they don't necessarily last too long. At least the normal everyday feelings anyways. (grief et.al-probably another story).

Juno- glad things are looking up and you have reached out for help. It's not a sign of weakness but the exact opposite. It takes tremendous strength to reach out just as it takes tremendous strength, to decide and to follow up on, not drinking.

Shout out to FF, Kin, Mid, Charlie, Popeye and Cape Girl and everyone else on here in the September 2015 group. Let's have some sober weekend check-in's everyone!
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Old 10-02-2015, 01:50 PM
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3wolves - Your poor granddaughter and daughter! That is a terrible situation all around. Will you have to travel there for court?
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Old 10-02-2015, 02:01 PM
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Yes, we will be traveling for court. I've made arrangements with work to take a leave of absence. I will be staying to help find a new normal when we win. My husband will not be able to stay, but I can til my daughter says ok, I got this. Grand will be impacted no matter what the judge decides. So the plan is for me to help while they adjust. One more reason to be sober and healthy!!!
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Old 10-02-2015, 02:25 PM
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Day 28, 4 weeks and seems like eternity.

I had pretty bad cravings yesterday. Started when I felt really hungry just prior to starting work. I devoured a packet of almonds in minutes. From then until I had eaten after work my AV was sending positive , picture-postcard images of red wine. I could almost taste it. Bit if a bummer really as they came out of nowhere.

I was also thinking yesterday that I have a lot of respect, even awe, for the people who relapse but immediately come back on here the same day or a day or two later. When I have relapsed I disappear down the rabbit hole for months. Probably because I know that posting here will force me to make an uncomfortable decision. Kudos to all of you who bounce and keep bouncing back.
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Old 10-02-2015, 02:31 PM
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3wolves

That sounds really horrific. I easily become quite weepy when I hear of children and terrible situations. Wish you and your grandkid(s) all the best.
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Old 10-02-2015, 02:51 PM
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Midton, I am with you, I have a ton of respect for people who come right back after a relapse. When I have relapsed in the past I didn't come back for a long time. Once I get that taste, it's like sliding down a steep gravel slope and not being able to grab a handhold and stop myself. High-five on 4 weeks, that is awesome!!
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Old 10-02-2015, 03:01 PM
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Had that flutter in my chest tonight really really wanting a vodka and DC.....so I drank my mixer of Diet Coke instead. Somewhat satisfied that craving I had. Bed soon.
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