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Class of July 2015 Part 6

Old 09-03-2015, 10:25 AM
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Hello all, day 49 here

Been going okay for the most part, wish I didn't have to work so much but it is what it is.

Back tooth is starting to ache again after I had it operated on about 4 months ago or so, without the alcohol I feel every pain in my body more intensely, the ibuprofen usually dulls the pain though, I got a high dose prescription for that.

Hope everyone is still keeping on since July as we go into the labor day weekend!
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Old 09-03-2015, 10:29 AM
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Day 50!

Getting back to work has done wonders on my confidence / self esteem. Second day back today and I've been back to my old jokey self at work. It felt good. Definitely taking it in baby steps, im only working 5 hours per day next week to ease me back in.

It all reinforces the decision I have made to never ever drink again, no matter what!
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Old 09-03-2015, 04:22 PM
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I am so glad to hear how well that you are doing being back at work BBB!! Good news

It's good to hear from you Bluebird!
I am feeling better mentally than yesterday. I think just going to bed early when I feel very stressed is helping me out with whatever is going on. I literally HAVE to take it hour by hour most days. My students were well behaved today, admin. was off my butt, and I wasn't in pain! My G.I. doc called me and said that the blood test didn't confirm Crohn's but my biopsy was positive for Ilieitus, which is inflammation of the small intestines( consistent with Crohn's). I have to go have a small bowel follow through next Friday to see how the barium travels through my digestive system and maybe that will lead to a better diagnosis. No Celiac disease and I DON'T have CANCER!!! YAY!!! We just need to figure out what is causing my intestines to be inflamed and maybe my pain can be reduced. Diet will probably be part of it, once he knows what the diagnosis is. Hopefully, no more tests after this because I am tired of being poked and prodded plus all this fasting.

Congrats to all reaching a new milestone and especially to my July friends that will be hitting 2 months with me tomorrow! Fight the good fight friends.
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Old 09-03-2015, 04:27 PM
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Thats great Angd1978. So happy its not the big c. Hopefully a simple treatment thats non invasive.
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Old 09-03-2015, 04:33 PM
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Thank you letitgo! I am trying to pull some positives out of the chaos! lol
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Old 09-03-2015, 07:25 PM
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Angd that's great! I'm very relieved for you
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Old 09-03-2015, 07:59 PM
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As for me, feeling blah today. Awoke at 3 a.m.with a rare gall bladder attack. Took my hippy remedy of apple cider vinegar in watered down apple juice and some strong brewed chamomile tea. Sure enough, by the time I got all those liquids in me the pain had subsided.
I told myself after the 6 week mark I would start to discipline myself a little more with regards to diet and regular exercise, and the time has come.
I take so much comfort in SR that I tend to come home from work and spend the better part of my evening reading posts here. However that's my only tool right now and I'm beginning to feel like I'm just stacking days.
I think it's time to try some AA meetings. I think I would like the fellowship.
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Old 09-03-2015, 11:21 PM
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That's so great it's going well BBB!!!

Your news sounds promising Angd....it would be great if the inflammation could go away completely. You have handled it so well.

I know what you mean Upwards, I think Mr TS is starting to feel a bit like an SR widow!! He's supportive though, which is great.

Good to hear from you Toadie. Did I tell you when we went to Melbourne we went ten pin bowling? I got a couple of strikes......but a few gutters as well :-)
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Old 09-04-2015, 03:36 AM
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Congrats to Angd1978 and Bob for hitting 2 months today!! Rockstars
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Old 09-04-2015, 06:08 AM
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So glad you got news that there is no cancer angd.

Letitgo….I’m not feeling much like a rock star.

I hope you’ll indulge me in this too-long post.

I screwed up yesterday. I’m mad at myself for making it 61 days and blowing it. I’ve been analyzing it to figure it out and learn from it. I’ll share what I know but I guess technically I need to move over to the September group. First, the school called and my son had vomited in class. He’s diabetic so I was thinking all sorts of things. It’s the flu so I got him home and he ended up being fine once I got him settled in. So I’m home early. The AV started his work. I’m off today, Friday, and Mon for the holiday….lots of time and not much of it planned. I went on my run too early, had a very good one in which I was excited about how well it went. So I went from stressed over my son to excitedly happy about my run….which ended way too early and left me in my danger zone.

I knew I was in trouble and I picked up the Allen Carr book and went to the brainwashing section. But it was too late. The AV helped me decide I was lonely, which, I am at times like most people. Heck I had just had lunch with a friend 3 hours before that, have my granddaughter coming over Sun, and I have a party booked next week. So that’s kind-of a BS argument that I bought like a fool.

The worst part of the AV’s argument went like this: “The Allen Carr ‘pitcher plant’ analogy proves you are not an alcoholic because you never drink more than one bottle of wine. His analogy says you always drink more. I did not think it through, I guess I did not want to think it through. In truth, one bottle is enough for me to already be digesting in the pitcher plant’s enzymes. My esophagus, stomach, right eye, blood pressure and a TON of other things are screwed up when I drink. I’m a jerk to my kids too. So, yeah, I’m in there digesting away! The other argument my AV made has been a tough one to shake. I drank the night before some blood work. My blood work numbers were really good despite this. In the same exam I conveniently forget that my bp was up as well as my heartrate. And in the past my liver enzymes were slightly elevated. When I had these tested after being sober for a month my pulse and bp were really nicely low. But my little brain clings to one good blood work result, ignoring all the other glaring problems.

Sorry this is getting long but I’m trying to learn from my mistakes and hope to share my thinking with others. In short, I did not follow my plan or even my backup plans. I never really explored my doubts about the pitcher plant or my blood work before. Now I’ve learned I can’t use those to rationalize drinking in the future. I did not get on here because I avoid the internet when I’m drinking. So, I’m very sorry this happened but I’m going to learn from it. I totally own it all, no one or no thing to blame but me.
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Old 09-04-2015, 06:49 AM
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Hello Julyers,

So today is the 4th, two months down. I *must* be vigilant. Writing this down now because on my first attempt I went two months and then got complacent... Yeah, not good.

About the insomnia thing; I am a lifelong insomniac. (Mom said even as a toddler; must have been fun for my parents). I am now sleeping better than I have in my whole life. However, I guess it's all relative. At the moment, I have a quite bad headache. I'm choosing to believe it's because my brain is healing itself. It's probably something mundane like grinding my teeth, but I like the brain-healing idea better... Anyway, I know very well how insomnia totally messes you up mentally. In fact, I now realize that the first time I really abused alcohol was when I was up for nights a few months after my second child was born.

Sorry, don't know why I'm on this stream-of-consciousness thing but just throwing that out there.
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Old 09-04-2015, 06:52 AM
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Been there Bob. I am just past that point in the carr book. I hope you stick around or check in with us. We are all with you. Dont beat yourself up. Have a great weekend!!
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Old 09-04-2015, 06:52 AM
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BBFree, I'm sorry that you slipped, but am very glad that you came right back on here. Your posts are very insightful and fwiw, I really believe you are are on the road to long-term recovery. I, very selfishly, hope that you continue to post here with the Julyers. Hugs to you.
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Old 09-04-2015, 08:31 AM
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Day 51.

First week back at work over with! I'm bloody exhausted mentally so I'm off for a nap to recuperate for the evening.

Catch up with you all later.

Bbfree - I am sorry about your slip but glad you are back with us. It definitely sounds like you are drilling down into why you drank though. Your Av's prattle about the pitcher plant, in my view, proves Carr's pitcher plant analogy perfectly. Yes, you dont drink more than a bottle of wine... yet
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Old 09-04-2015, 09:16 AM
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Originally Posted by BringingBackB View Post
Yes, you dont drink more than a bottle of wine... yet
Exactly!

Thanks ya'll. I'm firmly back on the wagon with some new insights; gotten at a very high price. Sometimes I feel like Dr Jekyll and Mr Hyde; calm and rational by day, and an irrational monster at night. One of those "gotcha's" of drinking, that schism of self.
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Old 09-04-2015, 09:47 AM
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Congrats Tokidoki on 2 months!
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Old 09-04-2015, 10:02 AM
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I was confused by the chapter in the book but it all makes sense now that i finished the chapter.

The alcohol trap is identical today as it was when you and I first fell into it. It consists of three separate pieces of brainwashing. The first is that the human mind and body are physically weak and deficient and need outside help in order to enjoy life and to cope with stress. This creates the belief that we need outside chemicals to compensate for the deficiencies. The second piece of brainwashing is that alcohol will compensate for the illusory weakness and deficiency. Ironically, it actually creates weakness and deficiencies. The third is that we have been brainwashed to believe that we are more intelligent than the intelligence that created us. That is indeed arrogance!

Great info Mr Carr RIP
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Old 09-04-2015, 10:40 AM
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Hello all,

Bbfree, I almost had this happen as well and it probably would have had I not been distracted throughout the night. I was this close to making my way to the store and drinking but I just went to bed because before I knew it, it was too late.

I had a nightmare last night (again) and woke up extremely nervous and almost in a panic but it slowly died down and now today i just feel indifferent which is sort of normal usually goes away by the evening where I feel fine.

Angd, glad you got some good news from your doctor, hope you get everything sorted out.

toki - I really do believe our brains are healing and I get the headaches too. Our brains are getting better every day I believe so we should be okay!

upward spiral - do you have AA meetings nearby? I want to try a couple meetings or 2 but the nearest one for me is about an 45 minutes away. SR really does help most nights.

Pizza night with the family should be good! then off to Bible study and then grocery shopping the next day

Hope we are all doing well and can keep sober tonight!
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Old 09-04-2015, 01:43 PM
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((((Bob))))

I totally agree with Toki that you are on the road to long-term recovery. I think you are right that going from fear and stress and swinging to excitedly happy early in the day being a significant factor. I have a very similar pattern.

Bob, I wouldn't say this if I didn't mean it, but I have no doubt whatsoever you are going to make this just fine. You already have a great 'I'm going to learn from this' response - unsurprisingly. What a great person and a great Dad. You better not leave the July class??!!! I know how you feel. I've done it twice. But I'm not giving up and I'm not losing the support and camaraderie I've gained in this class. In a way, that would be self-sabotaging, and no one else wants it. We want you with us! I look up to you. Nothing has changed :-)
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Old 09-04-2015, 03:16 PM
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Bob, I hope you stay in the July class. It's a good sign that you have come right back to reflect on what caused your slip. Don't be hard on yourself, keep moving forward. Best wises!
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