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Class of July 2015 Part 6

Old 09-01-2015, 12:23 PM
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Thank you so much Tooshabby

The person handling my case from Occ health is very good and he has sorted all this out for me. I know for a fact my manager would not have liked the gradual return one bit so I am very grateful to this guy for pushing it through.

I will report how my first day back goes tomorrow, im quite nervous eek!
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Old 09-01-2015, 04:04 PM
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best wishes BBB

D
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Old 09-01-2015, 06:09 PM
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Just catching up with everyone's post tonight. In the morning I will have 60 days. I am having stabbing pains in my stomach, my stress from work has reached an all-time high, and I am still anxiously awaiting the results for my biopsy. I wish I could say I was in a good place right now but the only thing that's stopping me from drinking is knowing that I will be in even more pain. I guess at least that's something. 13 more days till I reach my highest amount of sobriety days ever. If I can get through all of this BS... I can get through anything at this point. Off to bed, I'm beat and feel defeated.
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Old 09-01-2015, 06:16 PM
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You are doing really Angd1978. Its normal to be anxious in your position. I hope you get good results and some medicine to ease your stomach. Can you see a therapist to go over your health and work stress? We are here for you
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Old 09-01-2015, 06:24 PM
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I agree. You are doing phenomenally well, Angd. Have they said anything to you about diet? Or is that premature before you get the test results? If it's irritable bowel/crohns then diet may make a big difference. Hope you don't have to wait too much longer to hear back. Waiting is torture. Hang in there xox
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Old 09-01-2015, 06:24 PM
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Originally Posted by BringingBackB View Post
Hi guys, day 48 here.

I am going back to work tomorrow!

I spoke to my manager on the phone and agreed a phased return. I am so proud of myself as I was terrified. As it happens I was seeing my mental health specialist at the time who helped me and reassured me whilst I was on the phone. She said my whole body language changed dramatically when my phone rang, it sure felt like it did.

This is a very big step for me. I am going to have to focus hard on managing my anxiety tonight and tomorrow morning. It usually is nowhere near as bad as you build it up to be though.

One.of my main goals has been to get back to full time work and this is a big step in the right direction. I will only be doing 4 hours 3 days a week at first until I am comfortable t build up to full time.

I am so grateful this place is here for me to lean on in times like this.

My mind is currently going: &$$; $, $, $; $&#,!!!!!!!!! , or something similar, but this is good.

Over and out
B
Hope you have a great 1st day back! Its nice your employer has held your job. Take it easy as you get back into things
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Old 09-01-2015, 07:23 PM
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BBB congrats on going back to work. It's another positive step.

angd, hope you get those results soon and hope its not as bad as you feared. You have sobriety working for you though and that's a biggie! So you are doing all the right things to help yourself. That's all you can do.

Day 60 here. Feeling pretty good about it. I took the day off as I was still not 100% from the bug going round the house. Also, I requested a lot of vacation days coming up. Typically I just don't plan to have time off and kind of wing it. Now, for the first time I am planning things well in advance for the holidays. This is part of taking better care of myself and reducing my stress. Just taking days off I'm given is a step in the right direction for me.

Have a good night all.
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Old 09-02-2015, 03:00 AM
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Good morning all. I have been up since 430 am and got some exercise in..i know i have a 10-12 hour work day ahead. Think i am stressing knowing its going to be a long and tough day. Traffic in philly is horrible. I wish i could just sleep through the night and not wake up. I think the booze helped me sleep but it wasnt good sleep. I still got 5-6 hours in so i think thats is healthy. Day 60 and i am happy to.report i have driven past numerous stores with really no urges. Samething on.the cigarette front. I notice them everywhere and think for a second one would be ok. But then i think $7 a day habit to not breath and stink. I think i will see my doc about my sleep issues if they persist when i get home. Have a great Wednesday.

Ps: SR chat last night was about forgiveness. They always have great topics and fantastic discussions. I wish our friends from the uk could attend but i bet its like3-4am your time.
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Old 09-02-2015, 06:43 AM
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Hey all, just a quick check in from me today. Day 8. Hope everyone is doing OK, sorry I've not got more time to read through your posts. Best wishes x
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Old 09-02-2015, 07:20 AM
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Hang in there Angd, my thoughts are with you!

I've been waking up feeling like lead lately, all sleepy and sluggish but still rising a good 3 hours earlier than I was when I was drinking. I've been upping my physical exertions lately so that may have something to do with it. I've also been frying my adrenals with way too much caffeine
I went mountain biking with a friend yesterday and we ended up spending the whole day together; swimming, eating iced cream, driving around, having dinner at a restaurant that is BYOB only. I barely thought of alcohol at all the whole day, except in the abstract of "hey, I'm sober." It really does help to stick to friends who know my situation and are 100% supportive. Life is good.
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Old 09-02-2015, 09:49 AM
  # 371 (permalink)  
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I am very pleased to report my first day back at work went fine. I'm mentally exhausted now but super proud of myself. It was nice to see my buddies in the office anyhow.

Closing out day 49 with some much earned relaxation.
B
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Old 09-02-2015, 04:22 PM
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Checking in.

Yay, BBB on your successful day back at work.

Angd, sorry about all your troubles. I'm thinking of you.

Upwardspiral- Did I tell you I love your SR name? Am picturing you now spiraling up!

Congratulations everyone, for hanging in there. I'm looking forward to rounding out two calendar months. Day one was July 4th... didn't plan it that way, but it makes for a nice starting point...

Take care, everyone.
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Old 09-02-2015, 04:29 PM
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Oh, should mention - got younger daughter up to the university, and although it's only been a couple days (of freshmen week at that), she seems to be settling in nicely.

On the work front, the students have finally come. It's steaming hot in these parts right now, and the building I'm in this year is not air conditioned, so we're sweating through it.

I had a good mental reminder last week. At the end of one of our countless meetings, I was talking with another teacher, one I really respect. We were doing the usual grumble, grumble. Then he said, "But you know what? My goal for this year is to remember it's not all about me." I said "Ooh, I like that. I think you've now given me my goal for the year. Thanks"

So that's what I'm trying to keep in mind as this new school year starts. It's not all about me.
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Old 09-02-2015, 05:07 PM
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Great job BBB and Tokidoki, I'm so happy for y'all!
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Old 09-02-2015, 05:34 PM
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Great posts everyone! Great to hear all the good news, determination and camaraderie.

Toki - that's a beautiful goal. I have this little 'trick' I pull on myself when I feel like my life is lacking purpose and I get into a bit of a funk. I remember the sheer joy of being able to love others and make some kind of positive difference in their lives. That reminds me life is so worth living. Teachers have so much opportunity for that. Wonderful.

Edit!! I forgot to mention my success. I came home from work the other night feeling happy and excited about life and did NOT stop off to get alcohol to quell the emotion. That's a major for me, because happiness has been a big trigger. I just find it too much, for some reason. Anyway, watershed moment for the Shabsmeister!
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Old 09-02-2015, 06:20 PM
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Congrats BBB! toki, I guess congrats are in order for getting another one off to college.

Tooshabby, I have that same thing: being too happy is as bad as being sad!

Day 61 and I was tested on the way home from work tonight. I have been in pain for my right knee for some time and I have been taking some time off running. But its not working, still have the pain. And my right elbow has been hurting when I use the elliptical...since I can't run. It's a pisser!

So the old demon AV, being the clever fellow he is, picked the PERFECT time to "remind" me I'm getting old, I can't do what I want, and the kicker: "What's the point of being healthy anymore..." Oh, that was a clever one! But it didn't work. The goal line, the "reward" for this little line of dis-reasoning is the memory of a relaxing drink. Except, thank the lord, by dismembering that thought process I effectively moved the goal line and smashed the reward to pieces. Because the "relaxing drink" is a false memory and the second I played the tape to that point and really remembered that wine tastes bad, hurts my stomach, and solidifies my negative thoughts at that low point, the urge passed.

Whew! And it was all brought on by basically feeling sorry for myself because I can't run like I want to. I am a baby though.....that's a fact! ha ha.

Have a great eve and early am folks!
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Old 09-02-2015, 06:30 PM
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Originally Posted by letitgo View Post
I wish i could just sleep through the night and not wake up. I think the booze helped me sleep but it wasnt good sleep. I still got 5-6 hours in so i think thats is healthy.
I meant to comment on this as during the last 60 days I have had up and down periods of great sleep and crappy sleep. Lately its been fantastic so I hope that's where it finally settles in.
Booze gave me weird sleep, some really sick nightmares that were messed up....and too real. I think as my drinking progressed my guts hurt more at night and it just got worse.
I'm just guessing but I think it takes our brains months to settle down after what we put it through. So maybe it just takes more time.
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Old 09-03-2015, 12:28 AM
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Just checking in briefly to ask how everyone is going....?

Love you guys xxxx
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Old 09-03-2015, 02:30 AM
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I had great sleep at home 2 weeks ago. Maybe i am still used to waking up in the middle of the night with JR. I am at a hotel and an hour ahead so its normal to not sleep as well. Plus working 10-12 hours a day. So its hard to shut down my mind. I can say i realized that i would use booze to make it easier to sleep but the quality of sleep was terrible.

A bit stressed and overwhelmed but again nothing i can't handle. People drive like maniacs so i am hope i get home safely. Need the 5 second rule at the stop lights because people keeping blowing them 3 seconds after they are red. Typical us east coast i shouldnt generalize because i really have only experienced philly and nyc.
Chicago isnt as bad because they have speed cameras and red light so they want you to blow them for the fines. $100

I glad eveyone is doing well.

Happy your first day back was nice BBB. Did you feel embarrassed? Or do they tell your employer your its a confidential medical issue? Sorry just curious.
I agree the name upward spiral is awesome. You should trademark it. Hope its going well at the bike shop! I dont know how you all stand the heat in Georgia.
Glad your back with us CBF and tooshabby.
Toki that is a great mindset. As addicts its hard to step back and understand its not all about us.
Thanks for you insights Bob. Sorry you havent been able to exercise. I think we are at the point where its easy to become complacent so we must be on guard.

I really appreciate all of you and enjoy this class and sr. Have a great Thursday!!
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Old 09-03-2015, 05:29 AM
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Originally Posted by Upwardspiral View Post
Hang in there Angd, my thoughts are with you! I've been waking up feeling like lead lately, all sleepy and sluggish but still rising a good 3 hours earlier than I was when I was drinking. I've been upping my physical exertions lately so that may have something to do with it. I've also been frying my adrenals with way too much caffeine I went mountain biking with a friend yesterday and we ended up spending the whole day together; swimming, eating iced cream, driving around, having dinner at a restaurant that is BYOB only. I barely thought of alcohol at all the whole day, except in the abstract of "hey, I'm sober." It really does help to stick to friends who know my situation and are 100% supportive. Life is good.
I've been feeling sleepy and sluggish too. I've also been waking up at least 3 hours earlier, sometimes 4, then when I was drinking. I get so much more stuff done! I find myself saying "how did I get anything done when I was sleeping until 12-1pm?!" The answer is I didn't. I'm lucky my husband didn't leave my a** lol. I also drink way too much caffeine. It's starting to make me jittery. Anyway, just wanted to say I can relate.
xo
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