Class of July 2015 Part 6
Member
Join Date: Apr 2014
Location: Midwest
Posts: 1,697
My pink cloud has passed for now.
Been feelin anxious, down and hopeless all week. I think it's from the chantix so I have discontinued it. My goal is to just not drink or smoke everyday. Anxieties snowball and I had an I don't give crap moment yesterday. Could have gone either way. Took my anxiety meds and I was still panicking for an hour it felt like. Probably 20-30 mins real time. I went to my back up Plan and went for a drive to cool down.
Anyway I thought I would share as cravings or feelings can come out of nowhere.
I am glad everyone is doing well. I am not an only child.
I agree with you tooshabby. I really appreciate reveryone's posts and support.
Bbb thanks for the daily smart share.
I also thought about waking up and regretting where I am. I am great full to be where I am. After reading soberwolfss post on the two wolves I have a better perspective. It's been so tough with a child that has physical special needs, another child that needed 2 surgeries before he turned one and medical bills piling up. The drink made me forget about all this for a few hours. So I feel sorry for myself. Poor me and my family. I am feeding the wrong wolf. People are way worse off so I read my grattitude list and it makes me feel better. Sorry trying to sort through a ton of stuff and probably shouldn't post on a public forum but I think it will make me feel better to get it off my chest.
Have a great night!!
Been feelin anxious, down and hopeless all week. I think it's from the chantix so I have discontinued it. My goal is to just not drink or smoke everyday. Anxieties snowball and I had an I don't give crap moment yesterday. Could have gone either way. Took my anxiety meds and I was still panicking for an hour it felt like. Probably 20-30 mins real time. I went to my back up Plan and went for a drive to cool down.
Anyway I thought I would share as cravings or feelings can come out of nowhere.
I am glad everyone is doing well. I am not an only child.
I agree with you tooshabby. I really appreciate reveryone's posts and support.
Bbb thanks for the daily smart share.
I also thought about waking up and regretting where I am. I am great full to be where I am. After reading soberwolfss post on the two wolves I have a better perspective. It's been so tough with a child that has physical special needs, another child that needed 2 surgeries before he turned one and medical bills piling up. The drink made me forget about all this for a few hours. So I feel sorry for myself. Poor me and my family. I am feeding the wrong wolf. People are way worse off so I read my grattitude list and it makes me feel better. Sorry trying to sort through a ton of stuff and probably shouldn't post on a public forum but I think it will make me feel better to get it off my chest.
Have a great night!!
Member
Join Date: Aug 2015
Location: Ky
Posts: 2,043
Toadie, fellow camper and boater and party cove-er. I can relate. Learning how it can still be fun without the alcohol. One thing for sure I'll remember it all! And I won't be the one showing my behind. It was hard but I felt so good when I made it through a weekend. It was like "yea ok I can do this".
One day at a time
One day at a time
Member
Join Date: Aug 2015
Location: Ky
Posts: 2,043
Hope it gets better Letitgo. One or the other behavior is all I could quit at a time. I quit smoking first 8 years ago and I used chantix. Worked for me but don't fit everyone. I can't imagine quitting both. I feel like that would set me up to fail for sure. Hang in there!
Ps wish I'd quit drinking first.
Ps wish I'd quit drinking first.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2015
Location: Auckland
Posts: 2,548
I remember when I was young my parents chatting away happily at the dinner table while they waited for me to try and stop gagging so I could get down the brussel sprouts or other vegetable that had been boiled for an hour or so. I got the "there are starving people in Africa, you know!" line. Just give me a raw carrot!! But the thing is, just because there are people worse off than us doesn't mean what we go through isn't really hard. It sounds like you have a heck of a lot on your plate, letitgo. You're right though, gratitude is so powerful. It's been helping me lately, too. Be kind to yourself :-) And thanks for sharing. It takes guts, I reckon.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2015
Posts: 654
Good to hear how everyone is doing. Last time I tried quitting the smoking at the same time and it just felt too much for me personally. It made that sense that I had a craving for something much more intense. I think it's one of those where everyone reacts very differently to it. I am still trying to be more sensible with smoking and I am using an ecig a lot but I am not being too hard on myself if I smoke for now. So long as I absolutely do not drink.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2015
Location: Auckland
Posts: 2,548
Sounds like a good plan to me. Once you feel more certain of yourself and less deprived from not drinking alcohol, you can tackle it....
Oops....sorry Dee, didn't mean to mention the word 'tackle' after the All Blacks thrashed the Wallabies like that last weekend. How thoughtless of me :-)
Oops....sorry Dee, didn't mean to mention the word 'tackle' after the All Blacks thrashed the Wallabies like that last weekend. How thoughtless of me :-)
Member
Join Date: Jan 2015
Location: the driftless zone
Posts: 1,017
Checking in.
I'm up at this ungodly hour and had a chance to come on so here's my whine..
XH is leaving today, and though things have basically been fine, I'm exhausted. The AV has been popping up here and there, but am so grateful I have a few weeks in so the voice is not as urgent as it could be.
That being said, I've developed a serious m&m habit...
Also, I too need to mention smoking. I smoked in my younger years and quit before I had children. A few years ago, (three?), I took it up again. I have no idea why, except I guess I had just hit the f-it button. Anyway, I'm still smoking because I have to face this not-drinking thing head-on. Not a great situation, but I'm going with it.
I'm up at this ungodly hour and had a chance to come on so here's my whine..
XH is leaving today, and though things have basically been fine, I'm exhausted. The AV has been popping up here and there, but am so grateful I have a few weeks in so the voice is not as urgent as it could be.
That being said, I've developed a serious m&m habit...
Also, I too need to mention smoking. I smoked in my younger years and quit before I had children. A few years ago, (three?), I took it up again. I have no idea why, except I guess I had just hit the f-it button. Anyway, I'm still smoking because I have to face this not-drinking thing head-on. Not a great situation, but I'm going with it.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2015
Location: the driftless zone
Posts: 1,017
BTW, a few months ago I was talking to younger sis about the smoking thing. "What kind of person starts smoking again after over twenty years". She replied, "A mentally ill one". I laughed because it's true (all three of us sisters have been seeing shrinks for years).
Member
Join Date: Jul 2015
Posts: 132
Good Thursday morning fellow Julyers. I missed posting last night as I upgraded my computer to Windows 10. It went really smoothly, saved all my programs…..but took forever.
Happy birthday UP.
Toadie I can relate. So many, many things were associated with ETOH in the past. It’s going to take some time for those associations to extinguish. Back to my Pavlov-dog analogy; it’s hard not to salivate if every time you entered the bowling alley you drank. But after some visits where you had MORE fun and can actually remember it better with no drinking, the link will slowly extinguish.
Letitgo, that pink cloud died for me some time ago. I’m in this sort-of in-between time now where I’ve been sober for a while but I don’t feel totally stable and secure yet. I know we’ll get there though!
Sober day 48 starting. Finished up the last of the idiotic school forms where you actually use a physical pen and paper! How primitive! And you write the same info on different forms over and over…..Our US schools remain in the stone age on digital matters.
Have a good one folks!
Happy birthday UP.
Toadie I can relate. So many, many things were associated with ETOH in the past. It’s going to take some time for those associations to extinguish. Back to my Pavlov-dog analogy; it’s hard not to salivate if every time you entered the bowling alley you drank. But after some visits where you had MORE fun and can actually remember it better with no drinking, the link will slowly extinguish.
Letitgo, that pink cloud died for me some time ago. I’m in this sort-of in-between time now where I’ve been sober for a while but I don’t feel totally stable and secure yet. I know we’ll get there though!
Sober day 48 starting. Finished up the last of the idiotic school forms where you actually use a physical pen and paper! How primitive! And you write the same info on different forms over and over…..Our US schools remain in the stone age on digital matters.
Have a good one folks!
Member
Join Date: Apr 2014
Location: Midwest
Posts: 1,697
I quit smoking a weekor too after the booze and chantix helped me greatly to not created the smokes. However, it also makes my stomach hurt and I feel more pissy now. Snapping over nonsense. So I am almost a month free from smoking and afraid the chantix is making me enraged. It has really scary side effects. Also I feel a little depressed. So I thank the chantix for getting smoke free but I am paranoid I am having scary side effects. Feel better just quiting it now and seeing if I feel better. I havery gained some nonsmoking muscles so it's time to flex them.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2014
Location: Midwest
Posts: 1,697
That button I know all too well. I think normal people know how to respond or turn off that button. Us addicts deep down love that button because seen as good or bad it always leads to the drink. Happy or sad always a good time to hit the f-it button or so I thought.
Also, I too need to mention smoking. I smoked in my younger years and quit before I had children. A few years ago, (three?), I took it up again. I have no idea why, except I guess I had just hit the f-it button. Anyway, I'm still smoking because I have to face this not-drinking thing head-on. Not a great situation, but I'm going with it.
Originally Posted by tokidoki 
Also, I too need to mention smoking. I smoked in my younger years and quit before I had children. A few years ago, (three?), I took it up again. I have no idea why, except I guess I had just hit the f-it button. Anyway, I'm still smoking because I have to face this not-drinking thing head-on. Not a great situation, but I'm going with it.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2015
Location: Ky
Posts: 2,043
Just wrote in my blog and thought for the day. Maybe your comments will shed some light for me.
"Do you forgive? Do you forgive easily? Do you forgive with ease? How do you talk to yourself at those moments when forgiving is necessary for yourself? "
I am having a hard time with this word Forgive.
Look forward to any input!
"Do you forgive? Do you forgive easily? Do you forgive with ease? How do you talk to yourself at those moments when forgiving is necessary for yourself? "
I am having a hard time with this word Forgive.
Look forward to any input!
SD 7/3/15 SRJD 7/14/15
Join Date: Jul 2015
Location: The Jersey Shore
Posts: 316
Happy Thursday everyone! Thanks for the encouragement. Just dropped my MIL back at the casino, had a light lunch back at the RV in the campground and heading out for a bicycle ride around the State Park.
Back to the casino to meet my MIL for dinner at 5:00 pm, a little gambling and that will do it for Thursday.
Stay the course!
Back to the casino to meet my MIL for dinner at 5:00 pm, a little gambling and that will do it for Thursday.
Stay the course!
Rehydrating to Oblivion.
Join Date: Jul 2015
Location: UK
Posts: 1,332
Hi July'ers
Bit of a late check in for me today on day 36. I ventured into the city as I'm bored of either sitting in the house reading, or being out on my bike. Needed to do something different. It's nice being out in the busy city, but when you already feel lonely it can get a bit much! I was finding myself very anxious with the sheer number of people around as well, but at least I tried it
Plans for tonight are a relaxing bath, some netflix and my daily mindfulness practice.
Planning on a longer bike ride tomorrow to blow off some steam/ Frustration that has been building up the past day or so. I have to just remember that this process is baby steps, I must be patient and wait for the long term benefits. As addicts the problem Is that we have trained ourselves to run away from all pain so it feels like I'm swimming against the stream at times, but I'm headed in the right direction
Bit of a late check in for me today on day 36. I ventured into the city as I'm bored of either sitting in the house reading, or being out on my bike. Needed to do something different. It's nice being out in the busy city, but when you already feel lonely it can get a bit much! I was finding myself very anxious with the sheer number of people around as well, but at least I tried it
Plans for tonight are a relaxing bath, some netflix and my daily mindfulness practice.
Planning on a longer bike ride tomorrow to blow off some steam/ Frustration that has been building up the past day or so. I have to just remember that this process is baby steps, I must be patient and wait for the long term benefits. As addicts the problem Is that we have trained ourselves to run away from all pain so it feels like I'm swimming against the stream at times, but I'm headed in the right direction
Member
Join Date: Jul 2011
Posts: 1,462
Hi everyone ... I need to get this out of my head so I stop feeling like its a secret. For the past two days I have told myself at work that I will drink tonight. I feel anxious about work and everything else but once I give myself permission to drink and to look forward to drinking, I relax a little. When I get home, I do things that need to done, procrastinating the drinking , and then once I've eaten I change my mind and decide to make it another day.
This scares me and I feel it isn't healthy. I'm afraid it will backfire on me one day (today?) and I'll just do it.
I am also feeling myself come out of my "good place" about my relationship and feel like I'm not good enough and unlovable rather than the acceptance I had the past couple of weeks. I'm wondering what he's doing and why he doesn't miss me and if maybe there's something wrong with me after all and he's a great guy and I screwed it up. This is my old thinking pattern and it causes me to lose my peace and go backwards.
I just needed to put it out there and hope that expressing it and maybe some feedback will help. Why are some days so good and some so hard ??!!
This scares me and I feel it isn't healthy. I'm afraid it will backfire on me one day (today?) and I'll just do it.
I am also feeling myself come out of my "good place" about my relationship and feel like I'm not good enough and unlovable rather than the acceptance I had the past couple of weeks. I'm wondering what he's doing and why he doesn't miss me and if maybe there's something wrong with me after all and he's a great guy and I screwed it up. This is my old thinking pattern and it causes me to lose my peace and go backwards.
I just needed to put it out there and hope that expressing it and maybe some feedback will help. Why are some days so good and some so hard ??!!
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