Class of July 2015 Part 6
Member
Join Date: Dec 2014
Location: TX
Posts: 239
I am glad that you were able to get your refill, what frustration. From what my doctor has told me, it is not medically safe just to stop the meds that you are on "cold turkey". I was lowering my does of valium very slowly over the course of the last year to the point where I was barely taking any at all. That was until all of this started with my stomach. I wish you had a doctor like mine, that can tell that we are not doctor shopping or looking for more pills. I am the one who wanted off the meds and he was the one who told me that my body would know when the time is right to lower. Now, I am finding that I am taking my recommended dose some days and only one on other days. Yes, I will have to go through some withdrawals at some point because I have been on them for a few years but right now my doctors sees that I don't abuse them and they may actually benefit me because stress is not good for Crohn's. I wish you had an understanding doctor like mine letitgo. ((hugs))
Member
Join Date: Apr 2014
Location: Midwest
Posts: 1,697
My psychiatrist was cool but he moved his practice. The second pyschiatrist guy was an alcoholic himself and had sex with one of his patients. He then got a dui. And has since been stripped. So i stayed at the practice and a new dr took over. He was nice but he didnt stay long. The 2nd psychiatrist to take over is my current psych.
My wife is upset because i talk to him for 5 mins and he just writes perscriptions.
My very first psch was the only person that would actually talk and ask questions and listen. The only one that actually seem to care. I have seen mt latest psych 3 times maybe. The last time i was there and he requested a drug test. His reasoning was that he wanted to cover his but. However it pissed me off that he billed my insurance company for it. I take a .5mg of xanax 3 times daily. Usuassy .5 in am and 1 at night to sleep. Hasnt been working at all lately. I doubt this minor amount it even has street value. I used to take 2.5mg a day but i have heard the horror stories about getting addicted so i am trying to get down to a small enough amount to quit.
Anyway i ofcourse agreed with no objection to the drug test. I was boxed in. If i say no it looks like i am hiding something. I could have sttod on principle but i could have nothing to hide. I have never been treated for alcoholism or drug addiction. Again it would feel like tarnishing my record for life. Sorry to take our post so much.
Anways i called my insurance and plan on establishing a counselor and phone consultations due to my travel. Its good to just get things off my chest and have another perspective in addition to medicine.
Few more days and i will be home and with the family and spending less time from SR. But it has helped greatly these past few weeks
My wife is upset because i talk to him for 5 mins and he just writes perscriptions.
My very first psch was the only person that would actually talk and ask questions and listen. The only one that actually seem to care. I have seen mt latest psych 3 times maybe. The last time i was there and he requested a drug test. His reasoning was that he wanted to cover his but. However it pissed me off that he billed my insurance company for it. I take a .5mg of xanax 3 times daily. Usuassy .5 in am and 1 at night to sleep. Hasnt been working at all lately. I doubt this minor amount it even has street value. I used to take 2.5mg a day but i have heard the horror stories about getting addicted so i am trying to get down to a small enough amount to quit.
Anyway i ofcourse agreed with no objection to the drug test. I was boxed in. If i say no it looks like i am hiding something. I could have sttod on principle but i could have nothing to hide. I have never been treated for alcoholism or drug addiction. Again it would feel like tarnishing my record for life. Sorry to take our post so much.
Anways i called my insurance and plan on establishing a counselor and phone consultations due to my travel. Its good to just get things off my chest and have another perspective in addition to medicine.
Few more days and i will be home and with the family and spending less time from SR. But it has helped greatly these past few weeks
Member
Join Date: Jan 2015
Location: the driftless zone
Posts: 1,017
Still at home before going to have Indian/Thai (?) food with a friend.
letitgo--Wow, the saga of the shrinks. I can totally understand why you had to agree to the drug test, but I hope you can let s/he go soon. My current shrink is overworked and the appointments are short, but at least she gets to the heart of the matter... Like you, I still miss my first doctor. Also, I'm on a similar dosage as you. I believe we'll get off it soon, but in the meantime...
Anyway, don't worry about posting too much. Your frog analogy was very good. I actually was talking to younger daughter a few weeks ago and said "you know, like the frog in the pot". She had no idea what I was talking about.
Have a good day/night everyone.
letitgo--Wow, the saga of the shrinks. I can totally understand why you had to agree to the drug test, but I hope you can let s/he go soon. My current shrink is overworked and the appointments are short, but at least she gets to the heart of the matter... Like you, I still miss my first doctor. Also, I'm on a similar dosage as you. I believe we'll get off it soon, but in the meantime...
Anyway, don't worry about posting too much. Your frog analogy was very good. I actually was talking to younger daughter a few weeks ago and said "you know, like the frog in the pot". She had no idea what I was talking about.
Have a good day/night everyone.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2015
Posts: 132
Don't worry about posting too much letitgo. It's good for us too. I really liked that frog analogy. I worked in the psych field in the 80's and 90's and I tell ya, its really important to find someone you like. They are different as night and day. Most of our MDs at the hosp saw people only 10 min for med adjustment and the real counselors (LCSW's or Psychologists, or PsyD's) did the real therapy. Most of our MD's actually considered themselves to be terrible therapists (and they were). Some of the best TX I saw was with a few very good GP's who listened to the Psychologists who were knowledgeable of meds. Other than working in the cutthroat hosp industry I do miss that time as we counseled each other as a group. Can you imagine how odd it was to sit in a trailer full of network engineers later? It was downright funny. That's why I had to get back to working with normal people who just happen to be blind. My "thankfulness list" starts with: I can see!
Time to hit the track and I will be mindful of my reactions good or bad later.
Time to hit the track and I will be mindful of my reactions good or bad later.
Rehydrating to Oblivion.
Join Date: Jul 2015
Location: UK
Posts: 1,332
Letitgo - I'm glad you got your prescription filled. I've no personal experience of benzo withdrawal but I have heard they can be nasty if you stop suddenly. I'm sure when you are ready to come off a gradual taper would be prescribed for you.
The only time I have ever had benzos is, ironically, for alcohol withdrawal. I ended up throwing most of them away after my last detox as I was envisioning myself eating them like sweets. I would have probably taken anything at that point though.
Closing out day 54 here. We have just watched Defiance (wwii film with Daniel Craig). I was quite impressed, very emotional.
Work was okay today. One of the guys I work with is half way down the road to full blown alcoholism. He openly admits drinking every night, and I've never seen him drink in moderation either. It's sad to see because I see a lot of myself in him. He is deeply insecure and is still at the stage in which he thinks alcohol is his friend, and gives him something. I can only hope he doesn't go as far down the rabbit hole of madness as I did. I certainly look at drinkers in a new light though.
I'm so exhausted I'm rambling all over the place here, so it's bed time for me.
Take care all
B
The only time I have ever had benzos is, ironically, for alcohol withdrawal. I ended up throwing most of them away after my last detox as I was envisioning myself eating them like sweets. I would have probably taken anything at that point though.
Closing out day 54 here. We have just watched Defiance (wwii film with Daniel Craig). I was quite impressed, very emotional.
Work was okay today. One of the guys I work with is half way down the road to full blown alcoholism. He openly admits drinking every night, and I've never seen him drink in moderation either. It's sad to see because I see a lot of myself in him. He is deeply insecure and is still at the stage in which he thinks alcohol is his friend, and gives him something. I can only hope he doesn't go as far down the rabbit hole of madness as I did. I certainly look at drinkers in a new light though.
I'm so exhausted I'm rambling all over the place here, so it's bed time for me.
Take care all
B
Member
Join Date: Jul 2015
Location: Auckland
Posts: 2,548
Such interesting posts!!
Gosh, I feel sorry for your work mate, BBB. Poor guy. Maybe you can lend him an ear if he gets to feel comfortable.
I had a nightmare last night wherein my AV was beside my bed, in the dark, personified as a man with a slightly (evil) reddish hue to his face, and wanting me to drink. In the nightmare I thought to myself "wake up! turn on the light!!!" And then I did wake up. I didn't crap myself, but I came pretty close, not to put too fine a point on it.
Indian or Thai? That is the question (numnumnum).
Gosh, I feel sorry for your work mate, BBB. Poor guy. Maybe you can lend him an ear if he gets to feel comfortable.
I had a nightmare last night wherein my AV was beside my bed, in the dark, personified as a man with a slightly (evil) reddish hue to his face, and wanting me to drink. In the nightmare I thought to myself "wake up! turn on the light!!!" And then I did wake up. I didn't crap myself, but I came pretty close, not to put too fine a point on it.
Indian or Thai? That is the question (numnumnum).
Member
Join Date: Apr 2014
Location: Midwest
Posts: 1,697
Indian food sounds good. Had some pizza and a salad.
Thanks to Dee for sharing that frog story.
Going to start looking for a therapist (masters clinician or psychologist) now. I get frustrated because i can never find one with nights or weekends. Or the are booked out a month and want me to come in everyweek. No more excuses or i will turn into frog soup
.
I will try to be more open minded. Hoping my pcp can do the meds part.
Still brainwashing myself to see alcohol as posion. It really makes sense in a lot of ways.
At the point where he says to go back and reread so i thought i would share it with you all. Its solid information.
Chapter 6 intro
Don’t be fooled by the name. It’s a powerful poison and will shorten your life considerably. It is also highly addictive, will debilitate your immune system and impede your concentration. It will systematically destroy your nervous system, your confidence, your courage and your ability to relax. By the way, it tastes awful and will cost you about £ 100,000/ $ 142,000 in your lifetime. What does it do for you ? ABSOLUTELY NOTHING!
Chapter 8 intro
Can you remember when you last woke completely rested after six hours’ sleep, bursting with energy, feeling that you haven’t got a care in the world, looking forward to another exciting day on this planet? Can you remember when it happened on a Monday morning?
Have a good night!!
Thanks to Dee for sharing that frog story.
Going to start looking for a therapist (masters clinician or psychologist) now. I get frustrated because i can never find one with nights or weekends. Or the are booked out a month and want me to come in everyweek. No more excuses or i will turn into frog soup
.I will try to be more open minded. Hoping my pcp can do the meds part.
Still brainwashing myself to see alcohol as posion. It really makes sense in a lot of ways.
At the point where he says to go back and reread so i thought i would share it with you all. Its solid information.
Chapter 6 intro
Don’t be fooled by the name. It’s a powerful poison and will shorten your life considerably. It is also highly addictive, will debilitate your immune system and impede your concentration. It will systematically destroy your nervous system, your confidence, your courage and your ability to relax. By the way, it tastes awful and will cost you about £ 100,000/ $ 142,000 in your lifetime. What does it do for you ? ABSOLUTELY NOTHING!
Chapter 8 intro
Can you remember when you last woke completely rested after six hours’ sleep, bursting with energy, feeling that you haven’t got a care in the world, looking forward to another exciting day on this planet? Can you remember when it happened on a Monday morning?
Have a good night!!
Member
Join Date: Jul 2015
Posts: 132
Congratulations 2wheels!!
letitgo, once you find a good counselor you'll be shocked at what the MD's miss. It's just not their gig.
I'm re-reading the Carr material to hammer it in my mind. One important item I don't recall seeing in his book is the strong link of Alcohol to cancer. Alcohol is a class 1 carcinogen, same is tobacco.
"We have known for a long time that alcohol causes esophageal cancer, says Jürgen Rehm, PhD, WCR contributor on alcohol consumption, and Senior Scientist at the Centre for Addictions and Mental Health in Toronto, Ontario, Canada, "but the relationship with other tumors, such as breast cancer, has come to our attention only in the past 10-15 years."
Had a good day and 4 days out from my slip on the 3rd. It's actually taken this long to get my head clear again. My runs are getting faster and my knee is getting better. But more importantly, no urges or AV after feeling good today.
Have a great evening
letitgo, once you find a good counselor you'll be shocked at what the MD's miss. It's just not their gig.
I'm re-reading the Carr material to hammer it in my mind. One important item I don't recall seeing in his book is the strong link of Alcohol to cancer. Alcohol is a class 1 carcinogen, same is tobacco.
"We have known for a long time that alcohol causes esophageal cancer, says Jürgen Rehm, PhD, WCR contributor on alcohol consumption, and Senior Scientist at the Centre for Addictions and Mental Health in Toronto, Ontario, Canada, "but the relationship with other tumors, such as breast cancer, has come to our attention only in the past 10-15 years."
Had a good day and 4 days out from my slip on the 3rd. It's actually taken this long to get my head clear again. My runs are getting faster and my knee is getting better. But more importantly, no urges or AV after feeling good today.
Have a great evening
Member
Join Date: Jul 2015
Location: Athens, GA
Posts: 737
Heck yeah 2 wheels, congrats on 90 days!
I challenged my social anxiety a little today by meeting with a girl I know who has been trying to be friends with me for a couple of years! We hung out a cafe at happy hour. She and everyone else there was having beer, but not one soul seemed to care that I ordered coffee. I didn't especially mind the beer around me, either. Though I can't go drinking coffee at 7 p.m. every time I want to be social, it felt good to get out of my shell in the real world for a bit.
I challenged my social anxiety a little today by meeting with a girl I know who has been trying to be friends with me for a couple of years! We hung out a cafe at happy hour. She and everyone else there was having beer, but not one soul seemed to care that I ordered coffee. I didn't especially mind the beer around me, either. Though I can't go drinking coffee at 7 p.m. every time I want to be social, it felt good to get out of my shell in the real world for a bit.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2015
Location: Auckland
Posts: 2,548
That's fantastic, Upwards!
Yes, I agree that counselling/psychology is a great way to go for anxiety. Let us know how it goes, letitgo :-)
Bob, I'm so sorry to hear your runs are getting faster (sorry, I couldn't resist that!)
Yes, I agree that counselling/psychology is a great way to go for anxiety. Let us know how it goes, letitgo :-)
Bob, I'm so sorry to hear your runs are getting faster (sorry, I couldn't resist that!)
Tooshabby 
Member
Join Date: Aug 2015
Posts: 464
Hope everyone is having a better time than I am,
Day 54 here, and its getting to me. Tired of feeling like I'm losing my mind everyday. Everyone has good suggestions, therapy, meds etc. I can't do any of those its annoying. It's gotten to the point where I don't want to do anything at all because nothing works! Sorry for the rant its just how I feel today,
You mentioned nightmares, I have those too frequently, just about everynight, its horrible and I wake up in a panic.
Hope everyones sober life is doing better for you than it is for me,
Day 54 here, and its getting to me. Tired of feeling like I'm losing my mind everyday. Everyone has good suggestions, therapy, meds etc. I can't do any of those its annoying. It's gotten to the point where I don't want to do anything at all because nothing works! Sorry for the rant its just how I feel today,
You mentioned nightmares, I have those too frequently, just about everynight, its horrible and I wake up in a panic.
Hope everyones sober life is doing better for you than it is for me,
Member
Join Date: Jul 2015
Location: Auckland
Posts: 2,548
(((Holds)))
That's encouraging that 2wheels remembers feeling something similar to what you feel this stage. Sounds like just pushing though one more month and you might have it, or at least be feeling better :-)
Way to go, Climbing Out!
That's encouraging that 2wheels remembers feeling something similar to what you feel this stage. Sounds like just pushing though one more month and you might have it, or at least be feeling better :-)
Way to go, Climbing Out!
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