Upwardspiral

My thoughts are with you angd. Hope everything comes out okay.

BobBFree33

Day 54 you you, me and tokidoki.

My daughter had to have an emergency colonoscopy a few years ago. They diagnosed her with irritable bowel syndrome. They put her on meds and she got better. I had it when I got my first job. I'm thinking positively for you and hope it is nothing serious.

Another new, strange, different day for me. As a runner I basically got injured all the danged time. So I had to quit a lot to let my injuries heal.
Every single time I quit running, I'd always increase the drink or start back drinking if I had stopped.

But not this time. The difference is my belief system, and de-mythologizing alcohol. But it goes farther than that. This de-bunking of the BS goes for anything bad we do to ourselves that is not healthy. Letting others tell us what is important, what is valued, how to think, and how to be happy are included too.

Like I said before; 50 years ago if you were not a smoker you were an oddball, not a "mature adult".

Now if you are not a Red-bull-guzzling, parachute-jumping, ultra-marathon vegan, vodka-downing, get-it-all-on-gopro, "radical" with 10,000 followers then: you aint nuthin! So easy to buy into that crap, and, for at least a bit of it I did. But no more.

Have a great eve and early morn folks.

Cbf123

Ang - Good luck, you've got all of our thoughts and prayers!

Day 2 here, which annoys me in a slightly childish way (I should be on day 30 something!), but I know that I won't be drinking today, or tomorrow, or the next day. I just wanted to say thank you to you all for the kind words and support I was given yesterday. It's wonderful to know that our mistakes are forgiven and kindness offered so readily. There are familiar names that I see here whenever I check in, and it makes me happy to know that this core is still going strong in the group.

I hope you all have an excellent, sober day. I know I will.

BringingBackB

Angd - Sending hugs your way. Hope everything is okay for you in the end
We'll all be with you in spirit on Friday for your appointment.

KeyofC

Day 39 for me! I've been reading this group just been a little quiet. Things have leveled out as far as the depression so when it's good I'm eerily quiet. The old me would say I was waiting for the other shoe to drop and cause chaos. The new me is just learning to enjoy the quiet and know it's ok for things to be normal. I was so used to being on hyper speed and jacked up all the time. It feels strange but I welcome it. Vacation for the next 10 days.
Hope everyone keeps doing well. For those struggling I'll keep you in my prayers that it gets better. Don't give up! (((Hug))) to yall!

Upwardspiral

Starting day 39 and felt like checking in this morning. This is the longest I've been sober since I started drinking some 13 years ago.
In the last few days I've gotten this momentary sinking feeling similar to what happens in my drinking dreams: I suddenly think "when am I gonna forget what's important and slip?" As if it has to happen sooner or later. Someone's post about slipping and drinking one single drink after a few months sober made my stomach churn the other day: I saw myself in that, tried it on for size in my mind for a second. I remind myself that it doesn't ever have to happen, my AV just hopes it will, but for a minute I feel doomed.
For this reason sobriety continues to stay very close to the surface of my mind throughout the day. One day at a time.

Free2B84

Day 53 here & it feels like so many more

I've been trying to get sober since 2011 and have had many teachings on how to do that. I use to feel so dumb for not learning before now but now I know that it took all of that for me to get to where I am today. Sober at 31 is amazing! I know some of you have fallen off the wagon a little & I don't want you thinking that now you have to start over. I consider the 1st time I knew I wanted to change to be the start of this journey. The set backs were just temporary, my fight for sobriety is permanent

Have a great Thursday folks!

BringingBackB

Free2B you are sounding great

Wrapping up day 43 here and had a good day. Very few negative thoughts at all despite what's going on with my return to work hanging over me. I'm doing well

I had a dream last night that I was drinking. I have never been so relieved in my life when I woke up and realised I was safe, sober in my bed. 43 days in and the though of alcohol still reminds me of the misery and pain of those last days of drinking. I imagine this will eventually wear off, so I need to remain vigilant (like you upwardspiral).

Plans for tonight are some well earned relaxation. I've been doing so much exercise lately I deserve a good rest with my feet up.

Roll on day 44 tomorrow

angd1978

Thanks everyone! I don't know what I would do with out yall. It's nice to have some people that understand dealing with life's problems while trying to maintain early sobriety is not that easy. I'm thinking positive thoughts today. I hope everyone is having a great sober day!

letitgo

BBB i had no idea what cinder toffee was.

Glad your ok angd1978.

Have a great vacation Key!

Does anyone know which Allan Car book to get? The kindle says Carr has 3 books on alcohol. Which title is it?

Been thinking alot about HALT. That is my life on the road to a T.
Hungry- i have no kitchen and stuck eating out
Angry- i do get cranky siting in traffic or when things out of my control go wrong. Working long hours everyday for 2-3 weeks in a row. It becames difficult to shed stress and easier to become angry.
Lonely- all alone for a few weeks at a time. Miss my home and family.
Tired- in a different time zone and its hard to sleep in a hotel bed. Sounds and smells are different.
Since this is my first trip going sober i have implemented some new rules for myself.
Hungry- went straight to the store and got some groceries and food. Packing my lunch and extra snacks in case my blood sugar gets low.
Angry- Serenity. I honestly dont know how anyone could live and drive on the east coast usa or any major city. I am just trying to be accepting and take my time. I can only do and control so much. (So happy i am not in NYC honking constantly drove me crazy)
Lonley- been calling my wife and kids. Called my brother the other day. Checking in on fb and sr.
Tired- resting at night but taking a walk. Trying to get into excercising be we will see. An hour a head and i cant sleep until.midnight here. Accepting the fact i will be tired.
I would like to go sight seeing or catch a game/movie. I am sure i will figure something out this weekend. Happy to be on the road. I did a well a few times last year before caving. Have a great one!

Dee74

The Allen Carr book I read was The Easy Way to Stop Drinking, letitgo

D

BobBFree33

The Carr book I read was "The easy way to control alcohol".

Day 55 in the books. Feeling good. Still get tiny cravings for micro-seconds. But they pass. I do pull out the Carr book and turn to Chap 7, the brainwashing, periodically. It may not be for everyone but it works for me.

I finished the Knapp book, Drinking, A love story. I just don't think she ever pulled back the veil of that romance with alcohol to see the demon underneath. She well-noted all the horrible things that happened with alcohol but even near the end of the book it was never fully unmasked. Sorry, that's just my take, probably wrong, but its just my opinion. The book was still good and I got something out of it though. I'm not saying Carr's is necessarily any better, just different, specific things I can use. I guess they are apples and oranges; different types of books. I'm still too early in recovery to have all my marbles in order just yet, so pardon my dust (in my brain) :-)

Hope you get positive answers angd!

Good, sober eve all.

letitgo

Yes the easyway to stop drinking is not on the kindle. The easyway to control drinking is. I read the free sample and its pretty good. I was thrown off by the name. He does mention in the preface to keeping drinking until you read the book unless you already have a day in sobriety. Gonna get it. From the reviews i cant see there being a big difference. Since addicts genuinely would like to control drinking (forst false hope) makes sense to use that as a title vs. Quit drinking. Thoughts being quitting is scarier then control. Who knows rambling about a book title. The interpretation from the preface is it will make you want to quit drinking.

I agree with you Bob that knapp was deeply addicted. It opened my eyes to different levels of addiction. She still seemed to be in a love/hate relationship at the end. Hating the fact she loved booze so much. But deep down still in love with it.

Dee74

I know the book had different titles in the UK and the US, so it may indeed be the same...or it may be one of the other books released since his death.

D

BringingBackB

I think it's the same book... I read how to control drinking, he explicity states that the title is a 'bait' to lure people into the book. Within the book itself he 100% advocates abstinence.

I wasn't a huge fan of the 'don't stop drinking until you finish the book' instruction as I'd already stopped, but I could see the benefit to reading the book whilst simultaneously feeling the after effects of the night before.

tokidoki

Hello Julyers,

Checking in.
I'm still hanging in there. Thanks BBFree for keeping track, yes, you, Angd and I are all on the same day. Starting to rack them up.

Congratulations to everyone here, for sticking with it. Cbf, good for you on coming right back here!

I've mentioned how I started smoking again after 20+ years without. I remember now that Carr's stop-smoking book was what helped me get started on the long quit. My thoughts were "Well, he's not a very good writer (yeah, a misguided snobbish stance) but I'm going to believe what he says because he's obviously passionate about it". He said that quitting was just as difficult for people who didn't smoke 'that much' (in my case 5-10 a day) because we're used to putting off the AV, etc.

So I imagine his book about drinking is just as useful.

I also recently finished Drinking: a Love Story. IMO, it had an interesting and well-written narrative (liked the chapter on denial), but I didn't find it as compelling as some other recovery books. Just my take.

Anyway, I'd better go. A periodontal visit is waiting and I have to mentally prepare. Yikes.

Hang in there, everyone.

angd1978

Glad to see that you are right back with us Cbf!
This has been a big wakeup call as far as my health goes. I don't want to drink anymore and I hope that I haven't done some kind of permanent damage to my body from 20+ years of abusing it. I hope that the last 48 hours of pain and prep will stick in my mind forever, as a tool to use when I feel like a drink might be a good idea. I am so sick right now and can't wait to get this procedure over in a few hours. I just want to eat and sleep. I will deal with the results of the colonoscopy first and then I need to stop caring about the demands of my job and start looking into ways to find an alternative to teaching. I can't go on like this for many more years and definitely can't see myself making it to my retirement in this field. The job will kill me before retirement! I'm sorry that I am having a pity party for myself but I just feel like I have worked so hard to put myself through school, raise my son as a single mother, and finally have a job that I am passionate about but no respect from parents or administration. It's getting too hard to fake happiness everyday for 12 hours and burn the candle at both ends. I am missing out on my own son's senior year to basically raise other people's children. UGGHHHH..... okay, rant over!

Cbf123

Thanks Toki, and you too Ang - still here, back on day 3. That little bit of distance between the dates has brought a bit of positivity back into me again. Good luck to you both with your respective ailments at the moment! Hope the weekend gets off to the best of starts for all.

letitgo

Angd1978,
Life is full of hard decisions. I like being on the road because I make extra $$. But this takes a toll on the relationship with my wife and kids. I need the extra money for medical expenses for my daughter. I feel lonely and guilty not being home. A damned if you do and damed if you dont situation. I am just trying to stay positive. Still not worth drinking over

Cbf123

Amen to that!