BringingBackB

Evening all,

Haven't had chance to read everyone's post yet but will do when I get a second tonight.

Had a good round of golf this afternoon Pretty tired now!

Hope everyone is doing okay. Welcome back T'S. Really good that you are straight back with us!

Time to rustle something edible up here. Day 46 almost done with!

letitgo

Have a good evening BBB!

tokidoki

Checking in because I again want to congratulate you all, whatever day you're on.

Tooshabby, I was wondering where you'd been. Glad to see you posting with us.

Letitgo and BBFree, I've reread your posts from yesterday. Thank you for the great insights...

I'm taking younger daughter up to college tomorrow. The cat and I are already looking at each other thinking "Now what?"...

I *have* just made a plan with a friend that will keep me on a "mission" this week. Also, school, with the kids, starts the day after tomorrow.

So I will be very busy but will need to dig deep again the next few days.

Take care, everyone.

Tooshabby

Thank you everyone. I will be making a plan this week and learning more about AVRT. Maybe buy a couple of books. The one thing that is different since joing SR is that in the past, slipping has lead me to think "Oh, screw it. I'll just drink when I want then." I'm not going to do that this time. The great thing about this forum is it makes me accountable. I refuse to get on here and lie about where I'm at. The fact that others have had many goes at sobriety before succeeding - even The Great Dee - gives me hope that one day I will conquer this beast. Thanks for your compassion and understanding. Have a great day/night all :-)

letitgo

My daughter just started kindergarten. Time really flies tokidoki. I guess you and the cat will get to know each other all over again

Anyway its was a nice sunday
Took a nap and got some exercise in. Yes its the first time I actually exercised since i quit drinking 50 something days ago. We all start somewhere.

Reading the Allan Carr book. I know i shouldn't prejudge but too bad.
1. He makes quiting anything sound too easy. Almost like a used car salesman. Just like his quit smoking book. Maybe I lack the intelligence to understand his sound arguments and be quit for good.
2. I like his point about the majority not always being right.
3. I think alcoholism is a progressive disease that some will be much less fortunate in fighting. Heredity, socioeconomic situations, feeling trapped. IMO
4. I dont like the victim card he gives everyone.
We were lured in without a choice. I think everyone knows like smoking the potential outcome of drinking.
5. We never had control in the first place. I disagree with this. I had some control for the first 5 drinks and then all control was lost after the affects. I knew what i was doing and did it anyway. Maybe i am in denial still. But i do control my sobriety.

Ironically at breakfast i overheard a conversation about some guys that went out for a drink last night. The guys says i dont drink just on occasion. I had margerita only because i like the salt on the rim. I really dont like to drink.
Maybe we never liked the taste of posion at all. I am enjoying the book. Someone needs to pick the next book.
Take care all

BobBFree33

Day 58 in the books. My youngest brought home some bug from school and I did not feel very well today. No exercise, not much of anything going on. Don't really feel so hot emotionally either. But I had zero AV or cravings. Yay, I can feel sad and not want to drink.....That's an odd victory but a victory nonetheless. Being analytical, its actually damn healthy. Who the hell decided we have to be nearly psychotically enthusiastically "stoked" 100% of the time? OH, I forgot, social media.....

letitgo I agree on the limitations of the Carr book. Clearly he re-hashed his no smoking material. And he's quite the salesman. That "keep drinking" while reading I found very off-putting. But a couple of the elements, esp the brainwashing, were like a bolt of lightening to me! I've always enjoyed going against the common grain and seeing the idiocy of alcohol and the billions spent to sell it completely unmasked as the sham it is has helped me immensely. BTdubs, anyone have any other anti-alcohol books to recommend that are good? I'm open.

Tooshabby, hang in there! At the risk of rolling everyone's eyeballs I'll make the perfunctory "old fuddy-duddy" quote: "A failure to plan is a plan to fail.." I believe that's a Ben Franklin quote.

Have a good sober eve ladies and gentlemen.

Tooshabby

Ha!! Funny you should write that, Bob. I just read it for the first time this morning somewhere and I really like it.....spooky possums!!

Yes - we no doubt have a raft of emotions because as humans there are a number of ways we may feel, and ought to feel. I think what happened to me is that through my childhood and then later as an adult, I experienced an enormous amount of emotion associated with trauma, began 'self-medicating', and have now developed a low tolerance to various emotions as they remind me of the past and it's hooked in with the habit of drinking. I really feel for me a lot of it is about breaking an entrenched, bad habit. I'm pretty much out of the woods emotionally. Just have to relearn that I can handle emotion now - it is tolerable.

Bluebird2007

Hello all

Long time no post but I'm still here with you. I have a Bank Holiday today so have time to post and catch up. Glad to see so many doing do well and not giving up, even after setbacks. I've been working a lot recently which has been difficult for me as work is my primary trigger; I'm hanging tough but still trying out different ways of calming down after work. Back to work tomorrow so may not post again for a while. Keep up the good work my friends. ��

Dee74

Glad you're doing ok Bluebird

D

letitgo

Moving right along day 58 I think. I am 1 day after Bob and Angd1978.
I pm DD last week but no response. Toadie has been gone for a few days but i bet he is bowling or on another RV trip.
Bob, i agree with you on liquor and advertising. Its all a load of bs. Same thing with our capitalistic society. Smoke and mirrors. Wonder what will happen when China no longer accepts our credit. And no i dont have tin foil on my head. Everything has a price.
Busy monday. Lots of stress and traffic. Some small plans in my mind to buy some booze and just relapse for a day. Thoughts come and go very quickly maybe lasting 5-10 seconds. These urges are not overly strong and can simply be swatted aside. Its been wierd because i havent left the hotel much because i am not smoking. I smelled smoke on a few people today. My only urge was to vomit. If you still soke there is a cool video on facebook or youtube thats shows the size of a heathly lung vs. Non healty lung.
Anyway i hit the eliptical again. It said i was exercising and my heart rate was too high at about 190-200 the whole time. I just went in at full force. It said i should stay steady at 145heart beats a minute for fat burn. Can you tell i dont exercise? I did feel good afterwards but i got a little vertigo. Like the ground was still moving aftwards. Unsure if that is normal.

Overall my energy is increased. Sleep deprivation from not being home. Mood is increased alot. I think it was the chantix and nicotine withdrawal. I got upset today but nothing that was over the top or worth being upset over. Forgot to add the fog is much cleared. My brain is thinking 20-30% faster. Like its been rusted and but now fully tuned up.
Have a good one!

BobBFree33

Day 59, coming up on 2 months. If I count the 91 days I had earlier in the year I've got a lot of sober days this year. I spent a lot of time digging out the reason for the slip at 92 days. I know I've said I was complacent before, lost some of the fire of early recovery. I felt more and more stress, felt like it was building. I felt like I was "missing something". That something was, of course, alcohol. I did that 91 days on pure will power.

But willpower was not enough for me. Willpower is self-defeating because you set yourself up to keep yourself away from something you want. That thing becomes more important and the farther away from it you get the more rare and precious it seems to become. That's why diamonds are so expensive. They are rare. If every time you stepped out the door you were kicking them off your shoes and having to sweep them like dust then they would be worth nothing.

The mind flip for me has been to realize I don't miss something that was 100% crappy. Do I miss my last root canal?? Do I dreamily pine over it getting all excited for the next one I have to have? Do I think about what wonderful conversations my dentist and I had talking about my root canal? That's why I keep dredging up the fact that this romanticization of alcohol, the "selling of it", the false positive memories I have of it need to have a bright clear light shined on them. That's why I keep digging out the truth of those memories.

And that's made the difference for me. That's why I don't have to rely on just will power now.

I too hit the elliptical tonight; got 3 miles in. My arms are so sore just typing hurts!

Have a great eve folks.

Upwardspiral

6 weeks sober yesterday :-) I'm still having a lot of brain fog, but I've always been foggy headed and my next mission will be caffeine and sugar cessation as I think that is the source. Over all I'm feeling good, especially with regards to sleep!
I have a lot of work to do on my social anxiety, self esteem and self regulation, but I'm very optimistic whereas 6 weeks ago I was suicidal.
Tomorrow I'm going mountain biking with a friend, one of the few people who knows the true depths of my alcoholism and with whom I feel no social anxiety. Have a great evening/morning all!

Dee74

Congrats on your milestones Bob and Upwardspiral

D

Tooshabby

Darling Upwards - I didn't know you were suicidal six weeks ago?! You are sounding great now :-) Onwards and........Upwards (yikes, that's a bad one). Seriously though, I'm really happy for you. I used to have terrible social anxiety years ago, but I'm much, much better now. No more anxious socially than anyone else I wouldn't think. So there is hope :-)

Looking forward to my brain fog clearing, letitgo. Assuming it does, of course! Great post, Bob - thanks!

Upwardspiral

Thanks Tooshabby, that's really sweet
Good luck with your brain fog too. Mental clarity is truly a blessing!

Cbf123

Congrats to all you folks with a decent stretch behind you. Not had a proper chance to go through all the recent posts but I always do a quick scan of the numbers.

Day 7 here for me, hoping to keep things ticking along.

Have a great day

toadie54

Just checking in, entering into two months today of abstinence, been pretty solid, not a lot of noise in my head...dangerous times upcoming though, a two week solo RV trip in October will be a challenge!

Stay strong everyone, and congratulations on everyone's milestones!

BringingBackB

Hi guys, day 48 here.

I am going back to work tomorrow!

I spoke to my manager on the phone and agreed a phased return. I am so proud of myself as I was terrified. As it happens I was seeing my mental health specialist at the time who helped me and reassured me whilst I was on the phone. She said my whole body language changed dramatically when my phone rang, it sure felt like it did.

This is a very big step for me. I am going to have to focus hard on managing my anxiety tonight and tomorrow morning. It usually is nowhere near as bad as you build it up to be though.

One.of my main goals has been to get back to full time work and this is a big step in the right direction. I will only be doing 4 hours 3 days a week at first until I am comfortable t build up to full time.

I am so grateful this place is here for me to lean on in times like this.

My mind is currently going: &$$; $, $, $; $&#,!!!!!!!!! , or something similar, but this is good.

Over and out
B

Free2B84

Day 58 here

Schools going good and I'm easing into the routine again. It's good to stay busy & this summer I had too much free time. At first i complained about trying to fit in everything I needed into a school day. But I'm grateful for the mind that being sober is giving me.

I do have my 1st trip to California(San Francisco, LA, San Diego) coming up in 5 weeks. I'm very excited to see and experience a place I've always wanted to be. Hoping my outlook won't change too much because I plan on moving there in a couple of years when I graduate. I'm going with two best friends, one being my roommate that totally supports my sober movement. The other drinks too much but said she would agree to a sober vacation. So I have positive thoughts that it will be easy and non-tempting to drink.

Loving reading you guys post & keeping up with the progress! Hope everyone has a great Tuesday off to d.u.i. Class for me...

Tooshabby

I have woken up in the middle of the night and thought I would take a quick peek....I'm so glad I did because BBB, I want to say to you, you got this!!! It will be okay. Anxiety tries to tell us maybe it won't, but it will be. You are a terrific person, and you will be fine. It's so good you are breaking yourself in gently - perfect. It sounds like the workplace is really supportive, which is so fantastic. I wish you the very best of everything good for your first day back. YOU GOT THIS!!!! Lean on us whenever you want/need to xxxx