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Class of July 2015 Part 6

Old 09-10-2015, 08:04 PM
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Welcome, fantail!!!! We are glad to have you here!

Well, tomorrow should be my last test for Crohn's or whatever is causing inflammation in my small intestines. I get to fast all night and tomorrow, work all day, then go drink barium and have x-rays of my GI tract! I am sick of not eating! I went into this journey in July trying to quit drinking, get healthy, and lose weight. Now I have lost about 10 lbs in 2 weeks and not because I am trying to do so anymore. All I want to do is feel better. Honestly, drinking has not even crossed my mind... even with all the stress at work. I am battling a major upper respiratory infection too from having a weakened immune system, due to my meds. I would give anything to feel normal again, but all of this is now a constant reminder of why I can't drink. I honestly picture pouring gasoline into my ulcerated intestines when I think about alcohol. No desire what-so-ever to pick up and I hope it stays that way! I have a positive attitude all day at work, so I am sorry if I rant a little on here... it is my only place to be me. I hope everyone is having a great day/night. ((HUGS))
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Old 09-10-2015, 11:54 PM
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No need to be sorry about ranting at all - cripes, what an ordeal. You poor thing. I hope they finally get on to it and things start improving for you. At least you can see a silver lining with it being a constant reminder. That's something.

Hello Fantail! Is that a New Zealand fantail? It looks like it. They are the most adorable bird ever. Incredibly friendly. If you meet them in the bush they come up very close to you, flitting around, with the cutest little 'beepy' kind of chirp. Adorable :-)
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Old 09-11-2015, 06:43 AM
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Yes, it is! I spent 6 months in NZ when I was 22 and I loved it. You have a lovely country. I loved all the birds but the fantails in particular. I picked apples for a month and they'd come flying around and making little pips while I was up in the trees. They always made me happy!
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Old 09-11-2015, 06:56 AM
  # 484 (permalink)  
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image-2415309343.jpg

Yay!!!
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Old 09-11-2015, 12:43 PM
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Welcome to the group Fantail

Day 58 here and I'm exhausted.

I've had a stressful and not very enjoyable day at work to be honest. Basically my 'role' within the company runs out in 3 weeks time. After then I will be put 'on the bench' until something else comes along within the organisation. This is the sort of thing that drives me bonkers as I hate not knowing where im going to be in a month's time. My head starts racing with all sorts of ridiculous theories like they are trying to get rid of me etc etc, it's never as bad in reality as in my imagination. I just need to keep on trucking through and hopefully something will come up.

I did have an urge to drink today after work, just to make my mind be quiet for a while, but I fought back. It's been my first big urge in a few weeks. I got home as quickly as possible and headed straight out for a bike ride. The exercise calms me down but also helps me get my anger out in a positive way. I was going up hills like a man possessed!

Fair to say im mighty glad now that I didn't cave and remain sober. I had a nice meal and bath and am now ready for bed. My weekend is packed with activities to keep me busy and away from isolating.

So, 'on to the next one' as Jay Z would say
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Old 09-11-2015, 02:32 PM
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Welcome and Congrats Fantail!
I hope everything goes well for you angd1978.
BBB I hope they are able to find you a new role. Didnt you just interview for a different position? Thats a huge fear for me being outta work.
Hi tooshabby. I hope you are well..i really like your avatar.
Hope your doing better today holds and tokidoki!


Anyway heading home and taking some time off. Usually this is a huge trigger because i bust my but for two weeks and deserve to celebrate with a drink. I have lemon and lime seltzer water..i was supposed to buy the sparkling but i actually enjoy the seltzer because it has more of an edge to it.

Have a great weekend!
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Old 09-11-2015, 02:44 PM
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Hey everyone! Still around, abstinence intact!
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Old 09-11-2015, 05:11 PM
  # 488 (permalink)  
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Hey Julyers! Day 67 here

I'll be honest.., I haven't opened this app in a week & it's not because I haven't thought about it. Yeah school is taking up a lot of my time, part time job & my mind keep me pretty occupied but there's no excuse why I can't check in or at least read ur post daily. Why is it that I don't? I know it could be partly to being complacent :/ I do not want to be too comfortable that's for sure! Especially now that I have a huge trip coming up next month in California (San Fran, LA, & San Diego), a place I've never been in my life. So hopefully me putting this out there will help motivate me to work on it & stay aware.

Hope everyone's doing as well as can be expected! I do think about u all daily
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Old 09-11-2015, 07:18 PM
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So lovely to read all your posts, guys. Fantastic people are not giving into the AV.

Wow, Fantail! That's really special to hear :-) Such a darling little cutie that bird. But yes, all the birds in NZ are amazing. Birds everywhere, for that matter.

Nice to see you free2B!!!
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Old 09-11-2015, 07:42 PM
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Nice to catch up with everyone, it's hard to stay abreast of so many threads! I've been well, sleep and energy levels have been good but I hope for more improvement. Staying on top of my vitamins and paying attention to my moods.

BBB, I identify with the work anxiety. I run a small business with just a few friends but sometimes I still feel like my efforts don't get recognized and I wonder if I'm wanted. It's funny though because honestly I'm getting burnt out on it and don't really want it myself sometimes. Relearning self confidence is gonna take me a while.
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Old 09-11-2015, 11:16 PM
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Hey guys. It's been a pretty bad week here for me. I'm ashamed, feeling guilty. I was scared to even come back on here, feel embarrassed and disappointed in myself. A week off work has taken its toll again. I've drank every day this past 7 days. The worst part is, I recognised every trigger along the way, and I felt like I couldn't control any of it. Once I'd done that first day things just kept going. I should have come here, talked it out, done anything as long as it meant not drinking. But I didn't.

I as good as did six weeks without even letting temptation into my head, and now I just feel back to where I started, mentally, physically. Feels like such a huge hurdle to overcome again. I know I can do, even with 24 hours behind me I'll start to feel better. Just to much resentment towards myself right now.

Hope you guys'll have me back.
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Old 09-11-2015, 11:23 PM
  # 492 (permalink)  
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We don;t shoot our wounded here cbf - welcome back

D
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Old 09-11-2015, 11:37 PM
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Originally Posted by Dee74 View Post
We don;t shoot our wounded here cbf - welcome back

D
Thanks, Dee. Much appreciated x
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Old 09-12-2015, 06:24 AM
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cbf, hugs to you. Dee said it best,--'We don't shoot our wounded here'. I've been wondering about you and hoping you'd check in. Sorry to hear about the drinking, of course, but very glad you're back. I think I said it earlier, but one of the only things I feel I can give advice on is not to disappear. I've done it, and it was the wrong decision. So you're back and still at it....take care.
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Old 09-12-2015, 06:59 AM
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Thanks Toki, it's nice to know people care, no matter how many miles apart we might be. I'll get my mind right, I'll keep checking in and I'll go back to making this a part of my daily routine.

I'm not off for an extended time now until January, so I have a much better chance of keeping myself in check. Gah. So dumb for falling down again. So dumb.

Every bit of defence that I had put up this past 6 weeks needs to get reinforced in my mind. Need to really refocus. Because sobriety is really what I want. It is.

Good luck all of you. If my failings bring any of you the strength to ignore the AV for another day, I'll take that. That's all I've got right now.
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Old 09-12-2015, 07:27 AM
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Hi Julyers! Checking in on you all, wow lots going on. Ang, I had a barium X-ray years ago, man I could not get off that table fast enough!!! Glad that's over for you and hope you get final results soon. Letitgo, the beer at Pizza Hut comment made me laugh, Pizza Hut was a hangout for me years ago and why? It is just horrid pizza. Give me a slice from Costco with no beer when the junk pizza urge hits. Bob , sorry about your slip but right back up, yah! going back to Carr book again too. BBB always making us all proud with how you handle things. Hope the job sitch is sorted out soon. Upward, Toki, Free, Toadie, glad your still going strong!

I'm at day 20 , Longest stretch that I can remember with not a lot of urges now, yeah! I have a phantom hangover this morning after a drinking dream, weird. Thought all that was over. I see I'm going to have to be extra vigilant around 30, 60 and 90 day mark.

Thinking of you great Julyers often!
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Old 09-12-2015, 07:34 AM
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Right now I am trying to learn basically how to live. I am learining so much about myself. I have a lot of issues. I have read that we are immature in how we handle our feelings because we froze them during our addiction. I completely believe that. I feel like a fish out of the water. I can barely explain myself to my husband when we have a disagreement and I was the one who started it. We went round and round and he never understood me because I couldn't explain what I was really meaning for him to understand. I finally was so exhausted from it and confused I told him to forget it. I told him I was the only one with all the problems so since I was the only one doing any changing and the only one with all the problems I'd just "change myself some more". I told him I would leave him alone and let him do whatever the hell he wants to do. I am at a loss. I feel like I can't win no matter what I do. I am doing all I can to keep my head above water and not sink into depression yet again.
((Hug)) to everyone
Those doing good in this weekend I am happy for you.
Those who are falling down, we are here to try to help you back up. Don't give up on yourself. I posted this a minute ago: "thank God I don't have a dead line or a final destination." Thank God I get a clean slate every morning to try to get things done as best I can, sober.
Catch up more later!
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Old 09-12-2015, 07:38 AM
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Glad you're back Cbf, lean on us!

The most crucial thing I picked up on from this place near the beginning was the importance of the plan. I can spiral down into obsessive worrying pretty fast, but making a plan is different. I've been using this every time I'm going to be in a situation where I might be uncomfortable and have access to booze. Next up, a baby shower for some of my gen x friends. Kind of a big drinking group of friends.
I'll show up early, bring my own fizzy water and cranberry juice, home made cookies, and leave as soon as I have run through greetings and hellos with friends, no longer than 90 minutes. There's a speaker meeting in the evening I can catch. Just playing it out in my head how it CAN go without me drinking makes me feel more relaxed.
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Old 09-12-2015, 06:38 PM
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Sorry you relapsed butbyou can learn from it.

I love that quote Dee said. How perfect. We are all wounded at times on so many levels.

Reposting about my night
Hope your all having a good night! I went to a sports bar for dinner. Again i dislike eating alone. No temptation really. I noticed alot of people at the bar drinking water or soda. They were all watching football. Not everyone was pounding beers or even drinking. My thoughts are not all people go to a bar to drink. Some just like the commradery of watching the big game. I enjoyed it sober.


Made it to an AA meeting after dinner. It was a great meeting. I got some new perspectives. Take care
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Old 09-12-2015, 07:02 PM
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time for a new thread guys
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...-part-7-a.html

D

Last edited by Dee74; 09-12-2015 at 10:43 PM.
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