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Class of July 2015 Part 5

Old 07-30-2015, 09:43 AM
  # 101 (permalink)  
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Welcome to newcomers and great to hear from you Sansa!

Starting Day 27 today: I went to a doctor's appointment yesterday and my blood pressure was 103 over 70! The last time I saw the doctor back at the end of April it was 140/90! I had my blood work done at that time and everything was great, even my B-12 deficiency was gone( which I have had for years). At that time, I was moderating my drinking again, but had two and a half months of sobriety prior to that. I can't have blood work done again for a while but my doctor thinks I should be perfectly fine since I was only drinking for a few months and have started to abstain again. He even commented on how healthy I looked and we decided to make the last taper down on my anxiety meds. I can't really see much changes in my appearance so early on, but it was awesome that he noticed. Having him say that I look healthy makes me wonder what I must've looked like before. The body is incredibly resilient and I am so excited to see how much better I can feel with more time under my belt.
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Old 07-30-2015, 09:50 AM
  # 102 (permalink)  
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Originally Posted by rah555 View Post
Adding another item to my toolbox! Made an appt w a counselor. I'm nervous about going.
Good for you Rah!!!!! Why not get all the help we can? Im going to one next week, cant wait! AV tried to tell me this morning, oh go ahead and drink until then, let the counselor sort it out! Arggh! I told AV to shove it
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Old 07-30-2015, 12:10 PM
  # 103 (permalink)  
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I went to an AA meeting today. It's what worked for me all those years ago when I was sober for a year. I'm going to give it my all. Hope everyone is having a wonderful day
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Old 07-30-2015, 01:50 PM
  # 104 (permalink)  
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I think that's a wise step forward, Eliasson. Wishing you the best today...
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Old 07-30-2015, 02:26 PM
  # 105 (permalink)  
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Originally Posted by rah555 View Post
Good morning all! Start of day 5 here. Been trying to get control of this for some time now. I think I've hit rock bottom. I've been trying to moderate but now realize that that is not option for me.
Today is also day 5 for me rah. Like you, I am no longer able to moderate my drinking, so there is only one rational option: stop for good.

Well done everyone. Here's to another day of sobriety, sanity and a little more serenity (I still have some work to do on seniority).
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Old 07-30-2015, 02:42 PM
  # 106 (permalink)  
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For me, maintaining the illusion that I can drink in moderation has been a huge problem. It doesn't help that on many occasions I've had an 'acceptable' amount of alcohol because it just feeds this idea. On many, many more occasions I have gone way too far, and it's caused a lot of heart ache for myself and others. The thing is that even when I do drink moderately I don't enjoy it because the AV is screaming loudly in my ear that I'm not drinking fast enough and that I want so much more.
Reading everyone's posts over the last couple of weeks has really helped to snap me out of this delusion. I'm finding one of the great things about this site is that it has forced me to confront reality. I just can't drink - period.
Welcome to all the newcomers and returners, and thanks for all the support here everyone.
Have a great day and cling tightly to that wagon :-)
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Old 07-30-2015, 05:35 PM
  # 107 (permalink)  
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I like the smart chat room a lot. Lots of bs gabbing in there that I ignore. But when someone has a queation or needs support it quickly changes to a great thing.

Today is day 30 for me. AV thinks that means I'm in the clear so lets get a beer. I know today isn't any diff then the last 29...but the urge is there.

Keep calm and sober on.....


Originally Posted by Rio97 View Post
Well I went to an AA meeting and came home frustrated. I just don't think AA is for me, at least right now. Now the cravings have hit. I signed up on the SMART recovery website. Ready to try a different approach. I just wish they had face-face meetings in my town. Anyway, day 8, gotta fight through this anxiety.,
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Old 07-30-2015, 06:20 PM
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Checking in.

Welcome June. You got in under the wire and we're happy you're here.

There's so much good stuff going on here, can't possibly reply to it all!

It was another beautiful day up here in the driftless zone. Did pretty much as yesterday. Life is really *not* rough at the moment.

I just got back from a movie--Trainwreck. It was good for a few chuckles. And it got me thinking. I love to laugh. I laugh *a lot*. I've been told I have a very infectious laugh (no doubt annoying at times too....) But--every night while I was drinking, my mind would enter what I called The Ruminator mode. Yup, useless, maudlin, anxiety-inducing crapola mode.

I hope that's behind me forever.
Upward and onward.

Hang in there everyone!
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Old 07-30-2015, 06:36 PM
  # 109 (permalink)  
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End of day 5. Finally starting to feel better. I've been feeling very low and emotional, scared too. I made an appt with a counselor for next week but am feeling nervous about it. I am thinking of canceling the appt. I've been thinking of things I can do that aren't alcohol centered...thinking of joining the Y, thinking of looking for volunteering opportunities; thinking of going to church or taking a class. Sometimes I come up w these good ideas but have a hard time actually stepping out. I'm going through a weird period...sometimes I feel lonely and isolated and then when push comes to shove I revert back to being alone and isolated. I'm not sure what's holding me back. I used to take an anti depressant but stopped. Maybe I need to start taking it again.
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Old 07-30-2015, 06:36 PM
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Checking in, hugely busy day til now. Lots here are doing fine! Ang, great results on the blood work, perfect bp, tapering on anxiety meds, etc--all really impressive. You're doing so well. Hope you and I both have a great school year!
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Old 07-30-2015, 06:39 PM
  # 111 (permalink)  
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Originally Posted by Time2Rise View Post
Today is also day 5 for me rah. Like you, I am no longer able to moderate my drinking, so there is only one rational option: stop for good.

Well done everyone. Here's to another day of sobriety, sanity and a little more serenity (I still have some work to do on seniority).
I'm with you there, T2R, moderation is out of the picture. I've tried more times that I can count.
I also have to work on serenity, but have seniority in spades (turned 60 this year). (couldn't resist)
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Old 07-30-2015, 06:47 PM
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Originally Posted by rah555 View Post
End of day 5. Finally starting to feel better. I've been feeling very low and emotional, scared too. I made an appt with a counselor for next week but am feeling nervous about it. I am thinking of canceling the appt. I've been thinking of things I can do that aren't alcohol centered...thinking of joining the Y, thinking of looking for volunteering opportunities; thinking of going to church or taking a class. Sometimes I come up w these good ideas but have a hard time actually stepping out. I'm going through a weird period...sometimes I feel lonely and isolated and then when push comes to shove I revert back to being alone and isolated. I'm not sure what's holding me back. I used to take an anti depressant but stopped. Maybe I need to start taking it again.
Hey, rah, it's really easy to isolate when drinking. Maybe just take the plunge into counseling, maybe the antidepressant will help, too, at least to get you through these early days. And then just try one of your ideas. Baby steps are the way to go early on usually.
Feeling low and emotional are typical in early sobriety--it comes and goes and then gets better with some more time. Your brain and other parts of your body are adjusting most especially now.
5 days is great! Tomorrow you might feel even better. There's always the chance of a better tomorrow when not drinking.
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Old 07-30-2015, 06:48 PM
  # 113 (permalink)  
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Welcome June!

Finishing up sober day 27. I'm actually happy about something for the first time in a while. I had a major test tonight. I went out to a concert (right in my danger zone at 5:30pm) with some work friends. The wine and craft beers were flowing.....but not into me! Out of our little group of 4 only 2 chose to drink and they only had one. It's interesting, I was not tempted in the least and I had a really good time! After I left it was like "*****, I did it! I had fun without Alcohol!"

Now there is a perverse side of me that actually got into watching some folks getting sloshed, tripping, spilling their beer and being totally oblivious to it. Watching a granddad actually scare his granddaughter was...oddly....disturbing...and VERY educational to me. He thought he was being funny. I could tell who was "preloaded" too.... I guess I know what to look for since unfortunately I am well versed in these kinds of things!

I guess the thing I noticed the most was the obliviousness of their behavior. They were slower, didn't get jokes, and laughed at the wrong time. But they had no clue. To me, I could see their senses shutting down and it was clear as ringing a bell.

I wonder how many hundreds of times I was out, thought I was 'clever' when any observant person could see I was stupid trashed? Can't hide that sh*t.

Anyway, it was a really good time where I saw the first cracks in my persistent anhedonia.
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Old 07-30-2015, 06:51 PM
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Day 30 and I'm finally getting some energy back.

Congrats everyone!
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Old 07-30-2015, 06:56 PM
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way to go angelsmilin

D
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Old 07-30-2015, 06:59 PM
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Bob - that's great :-) Anhedonia is breaking up, she's breaking up!

I can imagine seeing that would be disturbing. It makes my skin crawl when I think of how I've behaved in the past on alcohol :-/ If that's what people mean by 'playing the tape' it's a good deterrent for me.
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Old 07-30-2015, 07:18 PM
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Just a quick note to say good night to all (or good morning to some LOL). Another day without adding more poison to my body.

I did notice today that nearly all of my anxious moments throughout the day were caused by things that "might" be. If I took the time to address the items that truly needed attention, things settled on their own accord.

Living in the "now" is a difficult skill for me to learn, but absolutely necessary.
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Old 07-30-2015, 07:28 PM
  # 118 (permalink)  
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Originally Posted by HFA View Post
I like the smart chat room a lot. Lots of bs gabbing in there that I ignore. But when someone has a queation or needs support it quickly changes to a great thing.

Today is day 30 for me. AV thinks that means I'm in the clear so lets get a beer. I know today isn't any diff then the last 29...but the urge is there.

Keep calm and sober on.....
How do I find the SMART chat room?
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Old 07-30-2015, 07:32 PM
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I can't log on to chat so can't help sorry....someone will....
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Old 07-30-2015, 08:52 PM
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Hello everyone checking in been pretty busy here in FL.. Homesick tho can't wait to go back to Cali . Welcome Rah ..familiar face . Have a good night all
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