tokidoki

Good stuff going on today, Julyers!

Day 1 for me was July 4th, so yeah, one month today! (I think there may be a couple of other folks too...)

Thanks 2wheels and martina for writing about a little further out. Since I've relapsed at 6 weeks and 2 months, the next few weeks I must be extra vigilant. But for today anyway, feeling good.

tokidoki

Whoops, was going to write something about dreams.

I had a dream a few nights ago about drinking. My younger daughter, her friend and I were at a restaurant. I went up to the counter to get the drinks (?) and there was a glass of wine and two sodas. I go back to the table and demand to know whose wine it is and daughter says with a smirk, "It's for you Mom. I thought I'd save you the trouble". Ouch.

I also have recurrent dreams about moving in and out of various apartments/houses--either deciding I like them and needing to leave, or hating them and having to stay. Maybe I'm making some major life changes?

BTW Toadie, you're one heck of a bowler!

KeepingOn

Absent, but not forgetting y'all. Church retreat all weekend, then getting caught up. Sorry to miss the discussion. I'll try to read backwards!

Missed the support and encouragement. This group is incredibly important!

KO

Dee74

Congrats on 30 days letitgo and BobBFree

D

angd1978

One month down and the rest of my life to go!!

Jimuk

Whiteturtle, I hope you check in soon.

Well done everyone celebrating 30 days sobriety. Day 10 starting for me, feeling good, no real cravings although I'm sure they are coming so staying guarded. I've also not had a cigarette for 10 days so it's a double bonus.
Have a safe and sober day friends.

Cbf123

Morning all! Day 8 here, hope whatever day you are on goes perfectly.

Upwardspiral

Most intense drinking dream I ever had last night, and I won! In the dream I decided to drink, bought a 6 pack of my favorite beer, and actually had a cold can snapped off in my hand ready to open.
The mental anguish was as real as anything I'd experienced at the beginning of real life relapses. Unlike in real life, though, armed with my new vocabulary, I screamed "f*** you AV!" repeatedly and ran away from the beer.
I think my subconscious is with me on this one now

toadie54

Congrats tokidoki, letitgo and BobBFree on your first month of many more!

Let's have a solid, sober Tuesday!

Dee1971

Congrats 30 dayers! Im on day 22 wooo hoo !

BringingBackB

Hi guys,

Checking in here on day 20.

I've rode 20 miles on my mountain bike today to celebrate the occasion. I promised my counsellor i would do it and i bloody well did. Proud! I'm absolutely exhausted. Minor setback in that I had the world's slowest speed crash. It was a bit of a comedy moment really... i have those clip in shoes and well... i forgot I was clipped in so when I stopped and tried to put my foot down, my foot was still attached to the pedal. I hope nobody saw as it will be on YouTube if they did! I'm a bit cut up on my right side but nothing a few plasters won't fix!

Apart from that I'm feeling good. No huge urges. Stopped for a coffee half way on my bike rde and I found the coffee shop sold beer. For a brief moment the AV was going with its 'beer is so refreshing , get one in the sun!' routine. About 3 seconds later I caught myself and kicked it's sorry arse to the kerb. A dehydrating beverage when you're already sweating buckets would be madness. So 1-0 to me I reckon.

What I need now is a nice long relaxing bath... i fear I may be in pain tomorrow!

Free2B84

Good Morning July peeps! Day 29 here At the dentist getting the permanent crown put on. Crossing my fingers that it will take away the slight throb that has never went away with the temporary one. I don't wanna have a root canal & honestly don't have the money. I've spent $800 on the crown alone. It's great seeing everyone doing so well. California/west coast ocean sounds so nice. Can't wait to get the chance to experience it myself. Great bowling scores, I would love a group to get together with like that. Sounds like a lot of fun. I wish the best in the bike shop & staying away from the temptation of folks bringing in beer. I havnt had to be around alcohol or anyone drinking yet. Goodluck. Hope everyone else has a great week!

Carver

Hey all, good to see you going strong! I'm spending today in the company of my alcoholic father, which is strange.

It kicked the AV into overdrive. AV's new line is "Well, you're definitely not as much of an alcoholic as him. Drinky?"

But I'm not interested. AV can kiss my a&@

CaseyW

One good tool I've learned in AA is that when my addiction tries to sell me thoughts like "Well, you're definitely not as much of an alcoholic as him" that I should add the word "yet" to the end of that sentence.

Glad you put that thought where it belongs, Carver, and glad to see you Julyers still hanging so strong together. Congrats to everyone who is at or nearing one month. You're doing great!

whiteturtle

Hi everyone, and thank you for all those who asked about me...it is humbling to know people around the world care. And thank you BBB, for the PM... Here I am, as requested! Thank you all so, so, so very much.

Yesterday was just a tough mental day; I was so overwhelmed with emotions that I didn't know how to even put words down to check in.

I went to work in the morning. I told them I hurt my foot, but I left out the alcohol detail. I am so ashamed of it, and it's probably not a detail work needs to know. The day went by pretty quickly. I was so busy with patient after patient that I didn't even stop moving until I left around 5pm. Luckily I had ibuprofen in my system to help my foot. When the meds wore off, it actually felt better than it has, so I am hopeful it is actually just healing. I went home and propped it up with a bandage and ice. This morning it seems okay.

The thing that has been hanging over me beyond just the shame of Saturday night and the injury is the idea of telling my parents what happened. I am so afraid of my dad thinking less of me, and of making my mom worry about me. I was at a point last night when I realized I can't live with what I did and having my parents know, but I can't not tell them (I have a problem with keeping secrets; even omitting details from work made me feel terrible), so I thought the only solution would be dying--disappearing. But I have never been able to do that, so all of these conflicting emotions and the inability to move just made me feel like my body was going to fly apart, like I wanted to just lash out and throw everything in my reach across the room.

I ended up writing out an email to my parents explaining what happened and that I am not going to drink after all that. I pasted it into a new message, addressed it, then ended up deleting it. I couldn't do it, to bear them knowing how badly I screwed up. About fifteen minutes later, I picked my phone back up, re-pasted the message, and sent it. About three minutes later, my mom was calling me.

She was so incredibly kind and understanding. She was just happy I was okay, and worried about my depression. We talked for about half an hour, and she tried to get me to realize that I can't let this one mistake define the rest of my life, and that my realizing that it was wrong and learning from it is huge. She really wants me to try seeing a psychiatrist again, and to once and for all learn how to honestly change my negative thought processes. I told her I will look for one today.

She said my dad didn't say much about the email before she went to call me, so I am sure he is extremely disappointed. He hasn't emailed back or texted or anything, and I am afraid to ask him about it. My mom made me feel about a thousand times lighter about it all, but the worry with my dad is still pulling me down. I am too all or nothing...if everything is not okay, then I feel like I can't be happy or content. Sigh.

I am so grateful to my mom, though. Her reaction helped me immensely.

So, I am still here, and sober on Day 3, and mentally starting to get to a better place. I just feel like I need to rest for a week with nothing to do, but that isn't possible. I just hope I can try to take care of myself when I can, or at least start learning to.

Thank you again to you all. I cannot say enough how much your concern means to me. I feel incredibly lucky; if I was religious, I would say I feel blessed in this case. Thank you all, and I hope everyone is continuing to do as well as you have been. The strength and committment and caring of this class is staggering.

Carver

You're right there, CaseyW! My mum said that at least I had the sense to realise that I was heading that way. He still drinks a couple of bottles of wine a day, if not more. That's not going to be my future.

Cbf123

Great to hear that you're doing well, WT.

Here I'm feeling pretty damn pleased with myself. Second day off without drinking and the triggers that I'd normally fall to (ooh, look, rain / sun / snow / guests / new stuff - you get the message) were pushed to one side. Again, I'm desperate not to fall into complacency, but I'm happy with how things are going so far.

Hope everybody else has had a similar day!

Jimuk

Well done Whiteturtle, hang in there.

Well things have moved quickly today. I've accepted the job offer. They have booked my flight for Friday. Feeling nervous leaving my family for a while and being so far away but it's the opportunity I've been waiting for for a long time.
I'm feeling strong and able to cope with this massive change. Had I still be drinking I wouldn't cope at all and been in panic mode now.
I'm grateful that I'm sober today.

SilentCinemaFan

Today is day 12. I am almost at 2 weeks already and I feel like I just quit yesterday. I feel fabulous but that's when I start getting a little edgy. The second week has notoriously been the most challenging when it comes to staying sober. You've gone through the incredibly tiring week 1 you were so gung-ho about staying sober. Then you feel great again and now the hard part begins. These cravings I have are around 10 to 15 minutes long and only happen once a day so thankfully when I encounter one I just do what I can to get the craving out of my mind whether thats having my favorite treat, a strawberry lemonade or something like a dip in the pool. Then its gone.

I've gone 6 months sober and what I've learned is over time, these cravings start to dim away, never completely go away but just become more faded over time. There was a point in time after a few months that I didn't even think about drinking for several days and when there was alcohol around, I wouldn't even have any interest. It was like my brain healed up and didn't have any pleasure notifications anymore.

You're not out of the ball park though, even at 6 months I decided to succumb since I was watching the World Cup and doing a fun road trip to the lake for a week. Once I drank a lot the first night, it was all over and cravings came back as if they didn't lose a beat. So I tried to beat the storm so to speak thinking that magically I won't crave anything just like I had the last 6 months but the cravings never went away and I went through another 12 month period where I wasn't sober again.

So here I start again, this time very aware of how my brain reacts very intensively to alcohol no matter how long I've been sober. As for sobriety, it becomes easier as cravings start to decline but it's those first few months that are rocky and are white rapids.

I believe everyone has felt a similar way as I have and we all understand we just try to live day by day, bad days we are allowed to be angry and frustrated just release it more through exercise and activity.

I trust we can all do this.

Tooshabby

Great news, everyone!

Whiteturtle - I am so pleased to hear your Mum responded the way she did. I am sure your father loves you very much. He may not have responded for a variety of reasons, e.g. your Mum has already told you how they both feel, he doesn't want to make you feel any worse, just a concern so deep he doesn't know what to say....I understand that feeling that everything has to be 'right', but it is alright - really. Your parents love you, your boyfriend loves you, we love you! And you are committed to recovery. Big hugs xx