Charlie117926

Thanks Dee. Thanks Bob.

I'm using all the tools available! Glad to be a part of this!

sleepie

I have to wonder, years and years ago when I was first prescribed benzos for anxiety, where I'd be if I'd taken them. I took them once and didn't like them because I fell asleep. That was before I drank too. Anxiety has clearly been a major issue for me for a long time.
Anyway I am sweating out another taper this week, it's day four after dosing down valium again and I am tired and anxious at the same time. In the past day 4 is hard when tapering. I have to try and find a way to do enough but not over do it... like when it comes to trying to walk and get some exercise, it's really necessary.

saande424

Hi everyone. I'm new here. I desperately need support. My last drink was on Sunday night, well, Monday morning if I want to be technical. I have been drinking almost every night for just over six years now. Recently it's been 1-2 bottles of wine a night. And last year it was a pint of gin every night with tonic. And before that it was something else. I had nine days sober last October after a health scare, and then I just went right back to drinking. I'm so tired of it all. I'm tired of ruining my health. I'm tired of the guilt. But I don't know how to stop. I've made it through yesterday and today. But it's been awful. I'm sad. I'm angry. I cried tonight after passing by the liquor store without buying anything. I can't imagine doing this night after night after night for the rest of my life.

sleepie

Hi saande424 I agree it is difficult but unfortunately it does also get worse and harder to quit as time goes on. you are doing the smart thing

Dee74

Welcome saande

It definitely absolutely gets easier. You're on the right track, and there's a ton of support and understanding here

D

Caramel

Welcome, saande424.
You've come to the right place. This place is like
And, it will get easier. Good health to you.

whiteturtle

Hi, everyone. Rough day...just not at all feeling good about myself. So many things have triggered my AV to get loose, and I was very, very tempted earlier. Still, all I want at the moment is to jump into my car and hurry to the store to get wine. The store closes in half an hour. I am posting here instead of going to my car...but am finding it not only difficult to ignore the cravings, but also anxious and depressed at the thought of not giving into them, of going through the night without drinks.

I have eaten throughout the day, sipped some Coke, made tea a little while ago even though I am sick of tea at this point... Tried reading, tried watching TV, tried playing my videogame, tried writing... I haven't tried sleeping because I feel depressed in the way that I just don't want it to be tomorrow and have to deal with a whole new day of these feelings; I just want to wallow in the now-familiar funk of this day rather than restart it all. And to get through that wallowing, to dull it, make it easier, I want to be drinking wine.

I think writing this post is talking me more into than out of. I hate feeling depressed and anxious and overwhelmed; it just seems like wine would make it so much easier for now.

I know that's not the reality of it if I drink...I would feel worse tomorrow. I feel so bad now, though, that I almost don't care.

Store closes in half an hour. I just have to wait it out thirty minutes...but then I think about how depressed and anxious I will feel when midnight rolls around and wine is 100% off the table. I guess the thought of it being there if I "need" it is more comforting than the thoughts of how much better off I will be all around in the morning if I don't have it.

I don't know what to do. This is probably the hardest battle I've had so far with myself, and that's saying something after the last couple weeks. I make it one more half hour and I will be beginning Day 17.

I feel so defeated. Even if I make it past tonight, if I feel this weak now, how am I going to fight this forever?? I know I shouldn't be thinking past the next minute, even, but...I am too filled with anxiety and self-loathing to not be dreading what's to come.

I am so sick of feeling this way. Depression is exhausting. I am just at a loss tonight.

Sorry for the lack of positivity. I hope you are all faring better and having good days. And JL, happy birthday. I'm so glad it was a nice, sober day for you.

60andbeyond

Here I am again at day 1. Yes Dee, the guy is still in my life. He is way worse off than I am. I can't convince him, and I am so weak to say no. This is my fault. I know that. I was so good in saying no for so long. I guess I just see and feel his pain and understand. But I know it's not good for me. I want him to stop drinking so bad but it seems like every night he is getting worse. Like I said before I was doing so well. The problem I have always had in life is putting everyone else first and myself last. I think it would be good if I cut ties but at the same time I just feel so bad for him. Does anyone want to slap me right now? I sort of do just typing this out. I just understand his pain and self medication.

I just wish I could go back to about 6 months ago when I was focused, positive, and didn't have any distractions. Do I cut the ties altogether? Do I suggest treatment? I guess I just wish I could find a way to not care so much about others and care more about my own well being.

whiteturtle

Midnight. Stores are closed, and I got a sinking feeling realizing it. I am somehow disappointed that I can't go get wine, even after everything positive the last couple weeks. Feel so lost.

CaseyW

You do too know what to do.

You don't go buy that booze.

You don't take that first drink tonight no matter what.

You sit on your hands for half an hour if you have to.

You think that drink thru to the bitter end, to the worst possible consequences of it, to what led you to SR in the first place.

You post in here every minute if you have to.

You don't take that first drink no matter what.

You go take a long shower or a walk around the block.

You eat a gallon of ice cream.

You play a game of solitaire.

Did I mention that you don't take that first drink no matter what?

You watch a horrible reality show on television.

These feelings will pass. Drinking will not make them better. That first drink might provide a couple of minutes of relief but how much more anger at yourself and depression will it probably add?

You can do this. A thought is just that--it has no power until you put it into action. Keep posting. We're here for you! Wishing you the best...

CaseyW

The disappointment will pass. Your sobriety will last. So glad you didn't go and that you posted on here. Keep us updated on how you're doing, whiteturtle. Sorry my previous post was after the deadline.

Caramel

I've been thinking of you through the day, whiteturtle, and wondering how you were doing.
Sorry that you found today hard: it takes courage, you did well.

Caramel

CaseyW - thank you for that list above. My turn will come to avail myself of it, no doubt.
I did smile at "sit on your hands for half an hour if you have to".
Thanks again

sleepie

Hi whiteturtle, I am sorry to hear you are feeling badly. I understand the feeling of nothing working or feeling satisfying when all you want is to drink.
I hope you will keep reaching out here. Everyone here and maybe you too, can attest to the regret that always comes with drinking after a period of abstaining. And of course that alcohol feeds depression.
Trust me... as far as being positive I don't think you should apologize!
It's called reality. I am going through a heck of a time myself. If I bum someone out, their issue not mine.
Glad you are here with us.

angd1978

Unfortunately we have to feel those feelings because we are not numbing them with alcohol anymore and they aren't pleasant whiteturtle... but they will make you a stronger person and help you be able to handle things when they get tough SOBER!! You made the right decision by posting on here and waiting it out till the stores close. Keep it up and you will see all of the rewards and it will get easier. Don't be like me and cave in on one bad day after over two months of sobriety. That one drink lead me pretty quickly back to drinking almost everyday and waking up needing a drink. I should have posted immediately on here like you did. You can do this!!!!!!!!! Prayers

sleepie

Well I took so long to type that whiteturtle way to go on NOT buying the wine!
I know you feel bad. take just a sec to feel good that you didn't go and get it.
I try to take "time outs" from my own problems... maybe take a time out from feeling bad and just say "Hey, I WON tonight".... then feel whatever you need to.

Dee74

I'm glad you didn't go to the store whiteturtle.

60 - it's very hard to stay sober when you have a partner who is also a drinking buddy.

Have you considered more support for yourself, like AA or some other meeting based group?

D

PennyLane76

You will feel better about that store closing in the morning, proud of yourself for not going in! After my trip to store in tears crying in the parking lot, I felt like a fool and went home no wine. But alas there was one lousy beer and thought I had to have it, chugged as fast as possible. The next day I was Very proud that I didn't go in that store, but bummed I drank that lousy beer. Tomorrow you awake and say, look what I did, wow. Yaaaaay Me. I DIDNT BUY WINE! repeat.. I didn't buy it! Then read Caseys list and. .. Casey scores! I gotta print that one off and carry in my car. Thanks Casey

Dee74

Time for a new thread

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...-part-3-a.html

D