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Moms and Mums Club Part 11

Old 10-07-2014, 11:17 AM
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Lucy - I used to get cravings that time of month too, but I don't anymore. I don't actually get cravings much at all. I sometimes get a wistful feeling, and last week (pmsing), I thought a few times "what's really the harm in 1 drink? I can just go back to not drinking." And while I guess I could do that, I have this amazing string of months of sobriety, and I can't lie to myself - I want that time to be continuous. I'm proud of myself, and if I had that one drink, I would start at day 1, which would be completely unmotivating, leading likely, to another drink. It's too complicated to mess with.
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Old 10-07-2014, 12:43 PM
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Argh! I just wrote a whole thing and it disappeared!

LucyG - I understand. While I don't get cravings much anymore, I'm aware one could hit at anytime. In fact, on sunday husband and I went to have burgers before a movie and he ordered a schooner of beer. I used to LOVE patio sitting, schooners and food in the sun. for a moment I wanted to jump across the table and take it. Then a feeling of mourning washed over me, sadness that I'm not that fun girl anymore and then I got scared because I could have totally romanticized my way 'into just one patio schooner (though my husband never would have let me). This morning at the office, I was looking at all the wine in the wine rack (I've told you all my office is full of booze-hounds with happy hour starting for my boss abut 4:00). One bottle looked funny and out of pure curiosity, I pulled the bottle out to see why (it was empty) and feeling the bottle in my hand was weird, the first time I touched a wine bottle in 8-months. I backed away and realized, I'm still way too sensitive.

We're off to Boston/Bershires this weekend. My husbands Alma Mater is having an event and many of his friends are returning to campus for the weekend. We've rented a house and my in-laws will stay with us. It should be fine but I have a tough time with his mom who drinks a lot and is very childlike. His parents have a very toxic marriage and they basically orbit around each other in the same room and don't talk. They haven't slept in the same room for over a decade. Its the kind of dysfunction that's so heavy, even though no one says anything. It's the first time their whole family will be in the same room in years. So, I'm not sure how that pressure will be dealt with among the others... I'm going to bring my running shoes and give myself lots of out options. Take my daughter to campus and walk the shops and have lunch etc. Though it will still be tough, I think, last time I was there, it was all drinking all the time. I do recall being a sloppy mess, likely making a fool of myself but then again I have no recollection. So maybe it won't be so tough afterall.... will be nice to avoid being the messy wife.

I'm rambling but will check in again.

Hang in there, LucyG!

A friend posted this article on FB, thought I'd share:
Moderation Management - How to Cut Back on Drinking
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Old 10-07-2014, 02:58 PM
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Thanks Babs and Bebetter!

Do you know what's keeping me from drinking the most??? My weight loss since stopping! I know it's vain. But I look good and I'm getting older. At least I can keep that in my pocket.

Babs have fun in Boston. My family has a street named after us there. I was told to visit. Let me know your favorite places:-) we are thinking of going this summer.

Picking up kids!
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Old 10-07-2014, 05:43 PM
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Hi ladies...

Great job on resisting temptation Lucy! I still get some cravings from time to time. Although they are fleeting, they still come. I just tell myself that I have too much good that has happened in my life because of my sobriety, and I just won't risk losing it again.

And one of those things is my appearance, so you are not the only one using vanity as a motivator...I say...whatever works! I look like a completely different woman now, and I dare say I am an attractive lady now, that loves shopping for clothes now. If I went back to the bottle, those 110 pounds would be back before I know it!

I have tomorrow off, and looking forward to getting some things done:-)
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Old 10-08-2014, 11:25 AM
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8 months sober today.

I think it's been harder for me lately because I haven't had to worry so much for my hubby. Now the focus is in my own recovery.

I want to party and celebrate my recovery... But I will want more and then it will become a nightly expensive routine. I've realized how many of my friends have the same alcohol problems that I had. I watch them with envy and with pity.


Live and let live

Awesome Dolly on 110 pounds!
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Old 10-08-2014, 12:13 PM
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LG - I hear you sister! The only way I really know how to 'celebrate' is with champagne and an eventual blackout. It takes time to shift our understanding of certain things - for example, my new love of dessert. No bread pudding left behind! Or buying a new top or fancy shampoo. There are things that you will find start to satisfy you the way we perceived alcohol to satisfy us. It will pass.

'I watch them with envy and pity.' There is no truer statement I've heard lately. As I've said we're going to Boston this weekend and we're meeting some couple friends of ours and I'm certain the husband is an alcoholic and every time he and my husband go out, they get off the rails and I think about how nice it would be to not be addressing the alcoholism right now... I think he eventually will have to but wouldn't it be nice to be ignorant for a little longer? I dunno.

Also, I used to live in Boston for 7 years. So we're returning to see friends and family. That little pace will always be special to me because it brought me my husband but I could never live there again. A little too much of too many things that this California girl can't ever quite adjust to but I certainly love that it was a part of my/our story for so long. Looking forward to bringing our girl there.

Ugh... Wednesday.... one more day of work and we're off. Can't wait!!
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Old 10-08-2014, 01:48 PM
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Hi all day 10 for me. I go from feeling on top of the world to being so bitter and sad that I can't have a drink. But, it isn't just " a drink"... It's 10. If it was just one, I wouldn't be here, right?! I am resolved to never having to go back to day 1. This coming weekend is our Thanksgiving, can't imagine no wine! I used to love a holiday Monday cause that meant extra drinks on Sunday night. My immediate family are now all in the know, so it is going to be tough being watched, but I know it is out of love and concern. How did you all handle your first holiday?
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Old 10-08-2014, 05:41 PM
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Hi Moms...

Lucy...big congrats on 8 months! Milestones are common times for cravings, so that in addition to your PMS is likely why you were craving a couple days ago, but you muscled through, and it will get easier again:-)

Ellay...great job on 10 days! First holidays are tough, but you can do it. My first holiday after quitting was 4th of July, which was a big drinking affair/BBQ. It was hard at first, but then I just stopped looking at what people were drinking, and I relaxed more.

Babs...you will be in my neck of the woods...I'm a Boston girl:-). Should be nice weather for you.
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Old 10-08-2014, 06:45 PM
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Good for you Ellay! 10 days!

My first holiday was 4th of July. My hubby was so trashed that I didn't have much of a chance to think of myself. I was the only one sober to be with my kids.

Holidays are rough. Especially with everyone knowing. People will watch. But there's always comfort in all of the support you will get. Good luck to you.

Wow, where is there Thanksgiving this time of year? Have a great one and eat a lot. At least your calories won't be with alcohol!!!!

Day 10 is fab.
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Old 10-08-2014, 07:30 PM
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Just turned off Saving Mr. Banks. Holy s**t what a great movie to renew my journey as a sober person. I didn't expect it to be so painful to watch in parts.... I never want my children to grow up as the children of an alcoholic. I love them too much to devastate their lives with my own. Whew! Sorry for the drama talk - if you haven't seen the movie, I recommend it! I remember someone else here said that a few months ago.
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Old 10-09-2014, 05:17 AM
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Hi Ladies,

I can totally relate to the difficult first holiday, that's so hard. My first holiday was 4th of July- so I skipped it. I wouldn't have been able to do that if Thanksgiving or Christmas was my first. Too much family back-lash. We are having a family "old family films" night next weekend. That will be a challenge.

I also have noticed how many friends have issues with alcohol. My best friend has been pretty open about her "addiction" but isn't ready to stop. It's amazing how much alcohol runs lives. The envy and pity comment is so true for me.

I am at day 114. Hooray, but hard. My in-laws gave my husband and girls a gift but left me out. Hurtful, but not totally shocking. So my husband mentioned it to his mom. She said she would have to get me an extra special b-day gift. She mentioned some wine glasses she had in her closet. My husband told her I wasn't drinking anymore so that wouldn't be a great "regift". Her response to that was that I could just call them fancy water glasses. You got to love the family you married into.

Welcome to Boston. I live about an hour outside the city. Beautiful area but the snow is a killer. I also love the Berkshires. Great time of year to visit there.

Take care!
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Old 10-09-2014, 06:38 AM
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Good Morning!

LG- congratulations on 8 months!! I didn't say it earlier! I'm sorry! Did you treat yourself?

BeBetter - that movie had the same effect on me. I was a mess while watching it and images have haunted me since. I also find it interesting that Colin Ferrel is in recovery and I find the things he's said about his recovery helpful. I wonder if he found that part difficult to play. I'm sure it renewed his commitment to sobriety as well.

21Reeves - Your MIL sounds, ahem... difficult. That passive aggressive stuff is no good. I don't understand people who do things like that. Did she think it wouldn't be noticed that she got everyone something but you? Ugh. It sounds like you have dealt with it for awhile and have a healthy way of dealing with it. I'd lose it.

It was a difficult morning with the baby. We were up at 5:00 am and she did not want to go about our normal routine at all. It's helpful to be at the office early, especially since I have to leave early for the airport.

I'm so ready to get out of town. I remember my first trip to the airport after quitting drinking, I was very scared. The airport used to be on e of my favorite places to drink. I could go be anonymous and drink as much as I wanted and not be recognized or play the game 'oh, I shouldn't have another...' and most of the other folks saddled up to the bar, I felt, were the same. Depending on what mood I was in it would be burger, fries and lots of beers or salad/soup and lots of wine. It's so much easier not to have to try and figure out how I'll manage drinking enough.

Hoping my weekend with the in-laws/brother-in-law goes okay. They're a big stressor/trigger for me. Let's just see how many miles I run to prevent having to be around them.

Will check in later.

XO
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Old 10-09-2014, 09:34 AM
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21 Reeves! I can relate to the passive aggressive in laws. My sister n law texted me and said, " of corse I care about my brother and the kids!" Omitting me completely. I called her out and told her how passive aggressive she was. I'm a straight shooter. She didn't like that much. I haven't spoken to her since. I've got a lot of hang ups with his family. They don't have a clue what I have to deal with with him.

Hubby had a slip this week. I knew it. He went to a concert and I could tell how he wasn't going to meetings and began talking about how he wants to move. It's crazy how he reverts back so quickly to old behaviors. He gets manic about things and fake happy about others. At least he didn't do it around me. But I'm totally disappointed. Especially since I told him I was craving a drink. He gives me no support on that front.

He says he's getting back on track. He seemed healthy today. It is what it is. No drinking in my house.

He's gone 59 days, 32 days 28 days. It pusses me off because I wanted to drink and didn't.

Bebetter that movie with Colin Ferrel was so upsetting to me too. I brought my kids. I had no idea it would have been such a serious subject matter. So sad and real. Great film.

Have a good day ladies...

We have another arsonist. Set fire to the forest again. I'm really struggling with the human race.
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Old 10-09-2014, 05:26 PM
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We used to live within biking distance of a brewery when we were in Syracuse and I was earning my masters degree. We used to go tasting there and bring home growlers in our backpacks. I was young enough then, that my heavy drinking was socially accepted. Today, a friend of mine posted an interview of the brewer on FB, and it took me so viscerally back to those "good old days" - when I was young, carefree... it was a year or so before my husband would be diagnosed with cancer, 7 years before our son would die. And for once, in a long, long time, I felt actually sad that I have chosen to never go taste at that brewery again. I've been back there a few times in the past 12 years, and it's never been the same... once, I went back sober; the last time, we went back with the kids, and I stood there with a tasting mug in one hand and a baby on my hip. I think back to that day, and realize that those days of my youth really are over, and no matter if I drink or not, they aren't coming back. It wasn't necessarily the drinking I missed when I saw the link to the brewer's interview (I didn't watch it) - it was the being young and carefree part.... so much of my life is tied to memories with alcohol.
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Old 10-10-2014, 03:11 PM
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Babs, Yes, my mother n law is very passive aggressive. I'm used to it, it's been part of my life for almost 20 years.

Lucy, sorry to hear your husband had a slip. It sounds like you are handling it really well. You sound strong!

BeBetter, I can relate...We would visit wineries and I would buy a few bottles at each one and have a baby on my hip while I sipped half the day away. The best was how happy I was at the ones that gave juice boxes or coloring books of grapes. It seemed totally acceptable at the time. I cringe to think about it now.
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Old 10-10-2014, 03:13 PM
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Forgot to mention...tomorrow is my birthday and I am really looking forward to going to six flags with my husband and girls. I don't even love that kind of place, but I do love the idea of watching my girls have a blast and not be focused on alcohol.
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Old 10-10-2014, 05:54 PM
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Happy Birthday 21Reeves! Have a blast at 6 Flags...sounds like fun, and it is so liberating going on those family outings not stressing over when you would be able to get that first drink. To just be able to enjoy the family is so wonderful!

We are going to a fair on Sunday, and I too am looking forward to that quality family time:-)
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Old 10-11-2014, 07:27 AM
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Happy Birthday 21 Reeves! Have a great day at 6 flags. The one thing I don't miss is having to constantly use the bathroom because of drinking. That would be terrible at 6 flags. Lol

The brewery thing too gets me. I grew up in the Northwest and everyone drinks beer. We are thinking of moving back someday but it really would be a trigger. Pubs on every corner.

Dolly- have fun at the fair! My daughter has a school fall festival tomorrow. Too many kids for my taste but she loves it.

It should be a beautiful fall weekend!!!

Xox
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Old 10-11-2014, 03:44 PM
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Hi ladies!

Haven't posted in awhile, but doing well. Things are are a bit crazy right now. Only have 8 weeks, at most, left of my pregnancy and we have decided to start the process of moving from our townhouse to a single family home. Our townhouse is already on the market and we have found our "dream" home and made a contingency offer on it. As long as we sell our place by Dec 1 it is ours. The reason we decided to do this now is because we currently do not have a bedroom for our second girl. My hubby works from home so one of our 3 bedrooms is his office. We looked at finishing our basement and moving his office down there, but it would be way too expensive and we don't really want to put anymore $ into a house we don't plan on staying in. So, needless to say, it is a bit stressful around here now trying to show the house and worrying about selling it in time and then getting packed/moved before the baby comes. I guess it will all fall into place if it is meant to be, right?

Happy BD 21Reeves! Hope everyone else is doing well. Hugs to all of you
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Old 10-11-2014, 03:58 PM
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Oh, the joy of moving Ladybug and pregnant too!! But it.sounds like fun too. I hope it all falls into place. A new baby and home will be wonderful! Selling the house is such hard work. I'm bet your excited to meet your baby! Be good to yourself and good luck on the sale.
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