One Year & Under Club Part 18
Member
Join Date: Apr 2013
Posts: 5,439
Originally Posted by dorothyparker 
what do I want alcohol to fix? Self-hatred.
Hum. I hadn't really understood that. Better ways to deal with that. Fall in love, find a job, surround myself with people...I remember you saying you had to deal with similar issues of self-worth at the beg. of sobriety. How did you work through it?
Hum. I hadn't really understood that. Better ways to deal with that. Fall in love, find a job, surround myself with people...I remember you saying you had to deal with similar issues of self-worth at the beg. of sobriety. How did you work through it?
I think if you feel self-hatred for actual behaviors you do, you should think about those behaviors and change them. If it's just a general thought pattern, practice being nicer to yourself.
One thing that helps is if you wouldn't say it to a friend, don't say it to yourself. I know that I can be so cruel to myself sometimes and say the most ridiculously hurtful things to myself that I would never, ever say to anybody else. I don't deserve that though.
I think drinking is an excellent start at showing yourself self-love. It shows that you're taking care of yourself now and care about yourself. Keep working on healthy behaviors that support that mind set.
I do think finding a job would help you feel better about yourself. And I'm not trying to say that falling in love and surrounding yourself with people are bad things cause they're not, they're good things. I'm just wondering if they're not really the solution to your feelings toward yourself.
Living and Loving Life at Last
Join Date: Aug 2012
Location: gods own country
Posts: 12,171
HD sounds like the picnic was awesome, it's difficult to imagine so many people gathered together having a wonderful time and absolutely no need of alcohol. I'm sure Neil was looking over you all and enjoying it as much as anyone.
DP I felt like I was going through the grieving process when I first began recovery. ( terminology is so Important. If you keep saying you 'gave up' something you are reinforcing the fact you are going without, so try to always be positive about how you phrase your recovery) I genuinely felt I had lost a close friend and having grieved and let go I now am able to have my fond memories ( yes booze & I had good as well as bad times together) but know we will never be together again.
Self hatred? The reason for my signature. Drinking helped me forget how stupid useless fat and ugly I allowed myself to feel. Over the years of trying and failing to control my drinking, my self loathing included guilt and self pity. Addicts frequently have feelings of lack of self worth at best, self hatred at worst. DG offers very good advise, now you have alcohol 6months behind you ( and sorry, but you really have to be proud of yourself for that one sweetie!) perhaps it's time to make yourself your next project. What do you want from life? What can you do to help it happen? If you can't get a paying job, how about volunteer work? Or studying? Instead of being mad at yourself for eating a tub of ice cream, slap yourself on the back for avoiding the open wine bottle. Sometimes all we need to do is change our focus. How can you put a more positive spin on what you say or think about yourself? You have the brains, go make it work!!!!
Triky, yup early days in your loss, but you will get there. A new life with new best friends is there waiting for you to pick up.
Mel! Congratulations sweetheart! Way to go, hope the tat isn't too painful.
DG, sounds like you are feeling good about yourself just now, with good reason! Isn't it great when someone reaffirms us? And way to go with the exercise! I down loaded the app but haven't had chance yet to try it!
I had a dream the other night, I was running and nothing ached. It was wonderful!!! I really don't care if or what significance the is to running dreams, it was just lovely for once to run and not feel my back twinge, my knee grip, my muscles pulling, my breath straining...... Hahah the joys of starting running at 50!!
DP I felt like I was going through the grieving process when I first began recovery. ( terminology is so Important. If you keep saying you 'gave up' something you are reinforcing the fact you are going without, so try to always be positive about how you phrase your recovery) I genuinely felt I had lost a close friend and having grieved and let go I now am able to have my fond memories ( yes booze & I had good as well as bad times together) but know we will never be together again.
Self hatred? The reason for my signature. Drinking helped me forget how stupid useless fat and ugly I allowed myself to feel. Over the years of trying and failing to control my drinking, my self loathing included guilt and self pity. Addicts frequently have feelings of lack of self worth at best, self hatred at worst. DG offers very good advise, now you have alcohol 6months behind you ( and sorry, but you really have to be proud of yourself for that one sweetie!) perhaps it's time to make yourself your next project. What do you want from life? What can you do to help it happen? If you can't get a paying job, how about volunteer work? Or studying? Instead of being mad at yourself for eating a tub of ice cream, slap yourself on the back for avoiding the open wine bottle. Sometimes all we need to do is change our focus. How can you put a more positive spin on what you say or think about yourself? You have the brains, go make it work!!!!
Triky, yup early days in your loss, but you will get there. A new life with new best friends is there waiting for you to pick up.
Mel! Congratulations sweetheart! Way to go, hope the tat isn't too painful.
DG, sounds like you are feeling good about yourself just now, with good reason! Isn't it great when someone reaffirms us? And way to go with the exercise! I down loaded the app but haven't had chance yet to try it!
I had a dream the other night, I was running and nothing ached. It was wonderful!!! I really don't care if or what significance the is to running dreams, it was just lovely for once to run and not feel my back twinge, my knee grip, my muscles pulling, my breath straining...... Hahah the joys of starting running at 50!!
Member
Join Date: Apr 2013
Location: Kansas City
Posts: 2,294
Congrats on 6 months "Melvin"! 
And to triky for 17 days! 
and DG for 11 and 111! 
I would post some of my drinking days journal, but I would have to edit 90% of it for language. It became a contest to see how disgusted I could be with myself and what degrading words I could use to describe myself. Strange how alcohol talks and how stopping cleared my dark mind a lot. The dark episodes still come, but are less frequent and a lot less dark.
Closing in on 4 months now. I know what you mean triky, for a long time I missed my booze and my "best friend". But I have come to understand the worst day sober is better than a good day drunk.
Let's have a good Monday Undies!
And to triky for 17 days! 
and DG for 11 and 111! I would post some of my drinking days journal, but I would have to edit 90% of it for language. It became a contest to see how disgusted I could be with myself and what degrading words I could use to describe myself. Strange how alcohol talks and how stopping cleared my dark mind a lot. The dark episodes still come, but are less frequent and a lot less dark.
Closing in on 4 months now. I know what you mean triky, for a long time I missed my booze and my "best friend". But I have come to understand the worst day sober is better than a good day drunk.
Let's have a good Monday Undies!
Member
Join Date: Oct 2012
Location: North. Where it snows.
Posts: 702
When I have a bit more time, I will transcribe Allen Carr's appendix B for you. It helps greatly. He calls booze DEVASTATION.
And he says we should never feel sad about giving up. There is nothing to give up when it's a life of miseries. It's not giving up, it's embracing a new lifestyle.
It's a pity I can't just find it copy and paste it but I will be back with it.
DP
And he says we should never feel sad about giving up. There is nothing to give up when it's a life of miseries. It's not giving up, it's embracing a new lifestyle.
It's a pity I can't just find it copy and paste it but I will be back with it.
DP
Member
Join Date: Oct 2012
Location: North. Where it snows.
Posts: 702
OK. HERE IS IT. I hope it can help someone. It helps me every time I feel less resolved in my sobriety.
ALLEN CARR - The instructions that make it easy to quit
1. Cultivate the attitude: « isn’t it great? My life is no longer dominated by DEVASTATION »
2. Never, ever doubt your decision: there is absolutely nothing to give up!
3. Do no try not to think about drinking.
4. Be aware that the little monster exists, but don’t worry about him.
5. Don’t worry if occasionally you forget that you no longer drink.
6. Don’t wait to become a non-drinker.
7. Accept that you will have good days, and bad days.
8. Be aware that you control the craving, not the other way around.
9. Do not mourn the death of an enemy.
10. Don’t change your lifestyle because you have quit drinking.
11. Don’t try to convert your friends unless they first seek your help.
12. Change those parts of your of your lifestyle which you do not like, but for purely selfish reasons.
13. Do not use substitutes.
14. Enjoy breaking the associations.
15. Never envy people who drink alcohol.
16. Last but not least:
ENJOY LIFE!!!
ALLEN CARR - The instructions that make it easy to quit
1. Cultivate the attitude: « isn’t it great? My life is no longer dominated by DEVASTATION »
2. Never, ever doubt your decision: there is absolutely nothing to give up!
3. Do no try not to think about drinking.
4. Be aware that the little monster exists, but don’t worry about him.
5. Don’t worry if occasionally you forget that you no longer drink.
6. Don’t wait to become a non-drinker.
7. Accept that you will have good days, and bad days.
8. Be aware that you control the craving, not the other way around.
9. Do not mourn the death of an enemy.
10. Don’t change your lifestyle because you have quit drinking.
11. Don’t try to convert your friends unless they first seek your help.
12. Change those parts of your of your lifestyle which you do not like, but for purely selfish reasons.
13. Do not use substitutes.
14. Enjoy breaking the associations.
15. Never envy people who drink alcohol.
16. Last but not least:
ENJOY LIFE!!!
Member
Join Date: Oct 2011
Location: springfield, va
Posts: 1,385
Good Morning Undies,
DP - Thank you so much for posting that information. Reading it helped me!
HD - I am so sorry for your loss of Neil. What a wonderful man. May he rest in peace.
DG0409 - You gave excellent advice on dealing with self-loathing in early recovery. You should be so immensely proud of yourself in not only giving up alcohol, but cigarettes and marijuana too! I can't even imagine giving up three things in such a short period of time. Jogging/walking 5 miles is great! Healthy habits really do bring about a psychological and physical lift. I know for me exercise also helps with mood. Kudos to you for making it 5 miles
Toots - I loved your post on self-hatred. I think a lot of us can relate to those feelings and drinking just amplifies it 100%. Changing perspective and helping others are two fundamental ways to start loving ourselves.
Drake - I too kept a journal on my drinking days. Pretty horrific stuff. Years and years of it. If I ever get the crazy notion that my drinking wasn't that bad - all I need to do is go read my journal.
Today is a special day for me. I celebrate one full year of sobriety! It seems surreal. I know I still have a lot of work to do on myself, but I am so grateful to be sober and alive. I simply couldn't have done it without the support of this group. Thank you all for always being there and offering such love and support.
DP - Thank you so much for posting that information. Reading it helped me!
HD - I am so sorry for your loss of Neil. What a wonderful man. May he rest in peace.
DG0409 - You gave excellent advice on dealing with self-loathing in early recovery. You should be so immensely proud of yourself in not only giving up alcohol, but cigarettes and marijuana too! I can't even imagine giving up three things in such a short period of time. Jogging/walking 5 miles is great! Healthy habits really do bring about a psychological and physical lift. I know for me exercise also helps with mood. Kudos to you for making it 5 miles
Toots - I loved your post on self-hatred. I think a lot of us can relate to those feelings and drinking just amplifies it 100%. Changing perspective and helping others are two fundamental ways to start loving ourselves.
Drake - I too kept a journal on my drinking days. Pretty horrific stuff. Years and years of it. If I ever get the crazy notion that my drinking wasn't that bad - all I need to do is go read my journal.
Today is a special day for me. I celebrate one full year of sobriety! It seems surreal. I know I still have a lot of work to do on myself, but I am so grateful to be sober and alive. I simply couldn't have done it without the support of this group. Thank you all for always being there and offering such love and support.
2 and fireworks if I could just find them. 
Living and Loving Life at Last
Join Date: Aug 2012
Location: gods own country
Posts: 12,171
Well done on one year sober Tanja, and thank you so much for all the help advice and support which you consistently provide. Enjoy collecting your chip, and hold your head high!
Member
Join Date: Apr 2013
Posts: 5,439
Today, I am thinking about what I think is one of the most important quit sayings. Attitude of Gratitude. I think it is so important to be grateful for the positives of being quit. It's really amazing how attitude makes such a huge difference in how successful we are. Rather than, "It sucks I can't drink because I'm an alcoholic," thoughts like "I'm thankful I'm not drinking today because I won't wake up hungover and I'll save a ton of money," really go such a long way.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2012
Location: Canada
Posts: 315
Congratulations Tanja!!!! What a huge accomplishment. And thank you for your support here. Hope you stay or at least drop by!
DG--trying to do exactly that. Still pretty close to the habit days--I almost turned in to the liquor store after shopping yesterday, without thinking--but I'm cultivating that gratitude.
Things are pretty rough right now, but that means sobriety is one of the few things I have to feel good about. I can't fall for thinking a drink will make it better. That makes me sad sometimes--however deluded I was, I always had that to look forward to! And I also got the twisted satisfaction of self-destruction and of becoming exactly what I thought of myself, speaking of self-hatred! Jekyll and Hyde. But it doesn't really work. And the healthy part of me is so relieved to be free of it (like Alan Carr says! Thanks for the reminder DP)
Hanging in here on Day 25.
DG--trying to do exactly that. Still pretty close to the habit days--I almost turned in to the liquor store after shopping yesterday, without thinking--but I'm cultivating that gratitude.
Things are pretty rough right now, but that means sobriety is one of the few things I have to feel good about. I can't fall for thinking a drink will make it better. That makes me sad sometimes--however deluded I was, I always had that to look forward to! And I also got the twisted satisfaction of self-destruction and of becoming exactly what I thought of myself, speaking of self-hatred! Jekyll and Hyde. But it doesn't really work. And the healthy part of me is so relieved to be free of it (like Alan Carr says! Thanks for the reminder DP)
Hanging in here on Day 25.
Aka.. Indamiricale. :)
Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: Dr.Bob's Neighbor
Posts: 2,728
Good afternoon gang... Gray and cloudy this day here in Cleveland.. So a good day to be in and read and meditate...
Love is the essence of life. If there is a purpose for living , it is this, the finding and creating of love. We are creatures of love, our natural state. We find much pleasure, satisfaction, and fulfillment in giving and accepting love.
Why then does it seem so hard to find for so many of us like me? Because of my self-centeredness may have kept me from seeing it, in many aspects. Or taking it for granted most of the time. Preoccupation with my own selfish concerns can keep love out of my and our lives. I have unwittingly trained myself not to see where it is, which is everywhere. As we all know love is everywhere, it just takes practice and training to see it, specially in those unexpected places. For today I will remove my blindfold and look with a open heart...
tanja ~ Super big hug, and congrats on sticking with the winners.. I wish you were closer to me, I would ask you to give a lead(share your story) at one of my groups.. There is a couple of old timers here, that like to say. Your new till you have 5 years, then your mind and body are finally rid of the toxic and poisons. And we are then truly accountable.. So keep riding being new...
And it is my privilege to present you with your one year coin...
Love is the essence of life. If there is a purpose for living , it is this, the finding and creating of love. We are creatures of love, our natural state. We find much pleasure, satisfaction, and fulfillment in giving and accepting love.
Why then does it seem so hard to find for so many of us like me? Because of my self-centeredness may have kept me from seeing it, in many aspects. Or taking it for granted most of the time. Preoccupation with my own selfish concerns can keep love out of my and our lives. I have unwittingly trained myself not to see where it is, which is everywhere. As we all know love is everywhere, it just takes practice and training to see it, specially in those unexpected places. For today I will remove my blindfold and look with a open heart...
tanja ~ Super big hug, and congrats on sticking with the winners..
I wish you were closer to me, I would ask you to give a lead(share your story) at one of my groups.. There is a couple of old timers here, that like to say. Your new till you have 5 years, then your mind and body are finally rid of the toxic and poisons. And we are then truly accountable.. So keep riding being new... And it is my privilege to present you with your one year coin...
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