One Year & Under Club Part 18
Member
Join Date: Jul 2013
Posts: 167
I so wanted to get to double figures. I'm so disappointed with myself. It's strange because normally i would spend the Sunday getting drunk to stop the shame, but today i have no desire to do that at all. I'm going to lay in bed with a take away and some chocolate, knowing that today is, once again, day 1 of many sober days!
Member
Join Date: Dec 2012
Location: Canada
Posts: 315
ML--I agree with all the things others have said. I've tried many times to get sober, and the last time I got back on SR, I lasted a day. A day! So you're ahead of me there. Glad you posted about it. For me, I had to get to that point where I just couldn't take it anymore. Maybe this last incident will be that point for you.
A little down after all that has happened lately. Feeling a bit abandoned (betrayal by "friend" who was apparently only a colleague, and a manipulative one at that), which is not a minor feeling for someone adopted--it's an automatic trigger for me. Also not looking forward to being poor again. Most importantly, I will really, really, miss my job when it ends Aug. 31. Not to get into too much detail, but I helped to run programs for marginalizes/minority students as well as teaching and tutoring. It wasn't an ordinary job; I was so attached to my students. Yesterday I was talking to my husband and said, "We will really have to look into correcting X for next year," not realizing that there is no "WE" anymore as I will be gone from the office in September.
I don't have a desire to drink, thank God. And I was up at 5:30 a.m., which has become usual, so I have time to relax, come to SR, exercise and eat something healthy before errands/cleaning start. One of the reasons I quit is I finally realized no one else is going to take care of me. When I was drinking, I guess I kept thinking someone would demand to know what I was doing to myself--especially as I got worse and worse. Nope. That's because my few friends and my family are mostly alcoholic.
I'm leaning on SR a lot lately. I'll get through this. I just feel sad.
A little down after all that has happened lately. Feeling a bit abandoned (betrayal by "friend" who was apparently only a colleague, and a manipulative one at that), which is not a minor feeling for someone adopted--it's an automatic trigger for me. Also not looking forward to being poor again. Most importantly, I will really, really, miss my job when it ends Aug. 31. Not to get into too much detail, but I helped to run programs for marginalizes/minority students as well as teaching and tutoring. It wasn't an ordinary job; I was so attached to my students. Yesterday I was talking to my husband and said, "We will really have to look into correcting X for next year," not realizing that there is no "WE" anymore as I will be gone from the office in September.
I don't have a desire to drink, thank God. And I was up at 5:30 a.m., which has become usual, so I have time to relax, come to SR, exercise and eat something healthy before errands/cleaning start. One of the reasons I quit is I finally realized no one else is going to take care of me. When I was drinking, I guess I kept thinking someone would demand to know what I was doing to myself--especially as I got worse and worse. Nope. That's because my few friends and my family are mostly alcoholic.
I'm leaning on SR a lot lately. I'll get through this. I just feel sad.
Living and Loving Life at Last
Join Date: Aug 2012
Location: gods own country
Posts: 12,171
ML well done for having the courage to come right back. When I first slipped I was too embarrassed about letting myself down in front of others. Fact is I was only letting my self down, no one else, and if I had come back then I would have recieved un judgemental support to get back up. As it was I went months before I dared come back, partly hoping no one would recognise me! Even that wasn't my last lapse, but I learned.... Eventually!! Don't be too hard on yourself, you are dealing with an addiction, a habit, a reward, a consolation, a friend when no one else is and a fun thing to do ( for the first few glasses anyway) with your friends. You will have to make changes to maintain your sobriety, and in this you may need more help than we can offer here alone. Is there an AA set up in Spain? Or similar? There are also various types of on line meetings. Also check out different types of recovery.
Lets get day 1 under your belt. Seriously, well done for coming back so quick.
S&S when you leave a job that you are emotionally invested in, it can take a while to completely seperate your thoughts and your heart from it.
Betrayal hurts anyone, I have experienced it and it makes you less inclined to trust the next person who tries to get you to allow them in.
Take care of yourself sweetie, you are worth it.
Lets get day 1 under your belt. Seriously, well done for coming back so quick.
S&S when you leave a job that you are emotionally invested in, it can take a while to completely seperate your thoughts and your heart from it.
Betrayal hurts anyone, I have experienced it and it makes you less inclined to trust the next person who tries to get you to allow them in.
Take care of yourself sweetie, you are worth it.
Aka.. Indamiricale. :)
Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: Dr.Bob's Neighbor
Posts: 2,728
messy ~ as others have said, don't beat yourself up to much, and just learn from this... You just made a bad decision in a split second, nothing I and most of us have not done... Thats just how fragile sobriety is... It only takes that moment to choose the wrong road..
Rest up , and start again wiser for it.. I hope you go to the meeting on friday, there will be other people that you will see f2f that are just doing the same thing.. Trying to stay sober one day at a time..
It always take a lot of courage to admit slipping, so be proud of yourself, you did GREAT by coming on the next day and sharing... 
Rest up , and start again wiser for it.. I hope you go to the meeting on friday, there will be other people that you will see f2f that are just doing the same thing.. Trying to stay sober one day at a time..
It always take a lot of courage to admit slipping, so be proud of yourself, you did GREAT by coming on the next day and sharing...
Member
Join Date: Dec 2010
Location: Coastal Massachusetts
Posts: 1,637
Day 124 sober, and feeling a bit down today. I hate that I can do so well, and they I let worries/regrets get to me. Back to work tomorrow after 10 days off, maybe that is why. I'm blessed to have a supportive wife, and a sweet 4 year old daughter. But, I get down so easily.
Living and Loving Life at Last
Join Date: Aug 2012
Location: gods own country
Posts: 12,171
WWG, be gentle with yourself. It's ok to get down from time to time, just don't allow yourself to wallow in regrets.
Hi HD3 wise words.
Grace, hope you are home safe, everyone else hope you had a lovely weekend, and hope Monday is not too much of a night,are for anyone.
Hi HD3 wise words.
Grace, hope you are home safe, everyone else hope you had a lovely weekend, and hope Monday is not too much of a night,are for anyone.
Aka.. Indamiricale. :)
Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: Dr.Bob's Neighbor
Posts: 2,728
Well the 53rd AA picnic and horseshoe tournament was just awesome... Even better this year since I didn't cook.. LOL.....
Turned out was a bit over 3 thousand... The park was just beautiful today, cool and sunny...
Sad news though for me.. My sponsor and I were talking all day about his sponsor (my grand sponsor) and how he visited him yesterday. And he said he was ready to go on to the next life... Well at 5:05 this afternoon we got the call that has passed away...I am really glad my sponsor has 2 sponsors, so we still have the whole other side...
52 years of helping other alcoholics in sobriety, 62 years of marriage. Heaven really gained a special kind soul today.... God Bless you Neil and all the lives you have touched.. You made us all better people by you sharing yourself...
R.I.P. Neil....
Turned out was a bit over 3 thousand... The park was just beautiful today, cool and sunny...
Sad news though for me.. My sponsor and I were talking all day about his sponsor (my grand sponsor) and how he visited him yesterday. And he said he was ready to go on to the next life... Well at 5:05 this afternoon we got the call that has passed away...I am really glad my sponsor has 2 sponsors, so we still have the whole other side...
52 years of helping other alcoholics in sobriety, 62 years of marriage. Heaven really gained a special kind soul today.... God Bless you Neil and all the lives you have touched.. You made us all better people by you sharing yourself...
R.I.P. Neil....
Member
Join Date: Oct 2012
Location: North. Where it snows.
Posts: 702
Neil seemed like an amazing man. My sympathies HD.
On my end, I resisted the opened bottle of white wine but I replaced my craving with binging on junk food all WE. And I ate a whole tub of ice cream. ARRRGHH. I've never ever done this.
I miss drinking. I just feel like giving myself permission to drink just one night and then start sobriety again. That's wrong and I felt so guilty with ice cream, I can't imagine what wine would do to me...
wwg, I know the feeling. But I think the hyper sensitivity is not something that needs to be cures at all cost, it makes you the rich person that you are. We can celebrate being melancholic and at times sombre. The Americanization of mental illness makes us forget it too often and throws antidepressants at these conditions that can linger. I have found that exercise, yoga, gratefulness and lucidity has helped come to terms with sad feelings. As for regrets and worries, they are where they should be: in the past. Acknowledge the regret, and forgive yourself.
Have a good evening.
I will have 7 months soon. I wish I didn't tell everyone I know that stopping booze was irrevocable and for life.
I see that week-ends aren't easy for most of us.
On my end, I resisted the opened bottle of white wine but I replaced my craving with binging on junk food all WE. And I ate a whole tub of ice cream. ARRRGHH. I've never ever done this.
I miss drinking. I just feel like giving myself permission to drink just one night and then start sobriety again. That's wrong and I felt so guilty with ice cream, I can't imagine what wine would do to me...
wwg, I know the feeling. But I think the hyper sensitivity is not something that needs to be cures at all cost, it makes you the rich person that you are. We can celebrate being melancholic and at times sombre. The Americanization of mental illness makes us forget it too often and throws antidepressants at these conditions that can linger. I have found that exercise, yoga, gratefulness and lucidity has helped come to terms with sad feelings. As for regrets and worries, they are where they should be: in the past. Acknowledge the regret, and forgive yourself.
Have a good evening.
I will have 7 months soon. I wish I didn't tell everyone I know that stopping booze was irrevocable and for life.
I see that week-ends aren't easy for most of us.
Administrator
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,477
I wish I didn't tell everyone I know that stopping booze was irrevocable and for life.
Maybe it time to do a little Allen Carr DP?
what is it you're craving?
what are you expecting alcohol to do?
what is it you want alcohol to fix?
is it a realistic expectation, do you think?
can you think of other better ways to deal with whatever it is?
D
Member
Join Date: Oct 2012
Location: North. Where it snows.
Posts: 702
yes! Allen Carr did wonders for me. I will actually take my kindle out and reread the epilogue. Thanks for reminding me.
I'm craving the carefree, the buzz, the "romanticness" of it
I guess that I also miss the self-destruction it carried strangely.
what do I want alcohol to fix? Self-hatred.
Hum. I hadn't really understood that. Better ways to deal with that. Fall in love, find a job, surround myself with people...I remember you saying you had to deal with similar issues of self-worth at the beg. of sobriety. How did you work through it?
I'm craving the carefree, the buzz, the "romanticness" of it
I guess that I also miss the self-destruction it carried strangely. what do I want alcohol to fix? Self-hatred.
Hum. I hadn't really understood that. Better ways to deal with that. Fall in love, find a job, surround myself with people...I remember you saying you had to deal with similar issues of self-worth at the beg. of sobriety. How did you work through it?
Administrator
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,477
I found the more I dealt with things, the less my old argument of 'I suck' held water, I guess DP.
Not that I was perfect mind, but a lot of the things I hated myself for mattered less or just didn't apply anymore after a while with a change in perspective
Some counselling helped too, and meeting Mrs Dee.
D
Not that I was perfect mind, but a lot of the things I hated myself for mattered less or just didn't apply anymore after a while with a change in perspective
Some counselling helped too, and meeting Mrs Dee.
D
Member
Join Date: Feb 2013
Location: Southern Arizona
Posts: 275
Messy, you don't suck. you slipped. forgive yourself and figure out what to do different next time. *hugs*Glad you are still posting.
Thanks Tanja.
I made it through the night. 6 months!!!! Last night was SOOOO hard. But I feel like I just won a big battle. Off to get that tattoo. My cousins coming with me.
my heart is with everyone having a hard time right now. Have a good sunday all.
Thank you guys for your continuous support.
Thanks Tanja.
I made it through the night. 6 months!!!! Last night was SOOOO hard. But I feel like I just won a big battle. Off to get that tattoo. My cousins coming with me.my heart is with everyone having a hard time right now. Have a good sunday all.
Thank you guys for your continuous support.
Breaking Thru
Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: SW Pennsylvania
Posts: 1,219
Originally Posted by dorothyparker 
I'm craving the carefree, the buzz, the "romanticness" of it
But for today , 17 days in , I still feel like I've lost my best friend
Good luck in your journey
Aka.. Indamiricale. :)
Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: Dr.Bob's Neighbor
Posts: 2,728
Originally Posted by trikyriky
I think for me this will disipate over time , like any other love lost
But for today , 17 days in , I still feel like I've lost my best friend
Good luck in your journey
But for today , 17 days in , I still feel like I've lost my best friend
Good luck in your journey
Member
Join Date: Apr 2013
Posts: 5,439
Well, day 111 no drinking and day 11 no weed is about over for me.
Made it through the weekend with one of my favorite old weed smoking buddies visiting from out of town. He said he was proud of me for quitting and that made me feel good.
I'm exhausted tonight. Made it almost 5 miles walking/jogging tonight. I suspect I'll sleep well, especially having just had a glass of milk and a snack. It feels so good to be engaging in healthy behaviors. I have so much more self-respect these days, even just from little things like exercising, eating well, and not having other things happen like waking up on the bathroom floor. In a lot of ways, it's the little things that make sobriety worth it. Another one that comes to mind is never waking up without having brushed my teeth the night before. I don't even want to think of that now. Gross!
Made it through the weekend with one of my favorite old weed smoking buddies visiting from out of town. He said he was proud of me for quitting and that made me feel good.
I'm exhausted tonight. Made it almost 5 miles walking/jogging tonight. I suspect I'll sleep well, especially having just had a glass of milk and a snack. It feels so good to be engaging in healthy behaviors. I have so much more self-respect these days, even just from little things like exercising, eating well, and not having other things happen like waking up on the bathroom floor. In a lot of ways, it's the little things that make sobriety worth it. Another one that comes to mind is never waking up without having brushed my teeth the night before. I don't even want to think of that now. Gross!
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