Marcher13

Good morning people, I forgot to tell you it was an art opening I was at last night (we are in art in a regional area), so the counter was lined with glasses of red and white and I just looked at them but felt no desire to drink. I was a bit annoyed that the only alternative was orange juice, OJ is something I have for breakfast.

Have a great day.

joygirl

Good morning Marcher!
You would think they would serve some fizzy water at an art opening!? Shame on them. I'm with you on the orange juice. You are so amazing to be beyond desire for the alcohol!
Have a great Friday!

lifetplant

Joygirl you are in my thoughts. Speaking from a medical background if Doc's are really concerned they never show it to your face. If they look concerned it usually means there is a result they are unsure of or can't remember from med school how to interpret! Fingers, eyes and toes crossed for you. x

tootsl1

Marcher the caterers of these events are lazy. Red, whit and oj, easy. Something for everyone! My gorgeous grandson only drinks water, but the number of birthday parties he goes to where the only provide fruit juice means mum always packs him off with his own. ( a seven year old bringing a bottle to a party... Hopefully not a sign of things to come!!!)
I'm going to be travelling by train down to London today, first class of course, one doesn't mix with the peasants, and alcohol is complementary. This will be my first train trip since I quit. Fortunately they do do little bottles of fizzy water too, so I doubt I will feel tempted. It's more the strain of the situation I am travelling towards, than the availability, but the two together will probably give me a fleeting moment, but I am forearmed!
I doubt I will get much chance to read or post this weekend, other than train each end, but you will all be in my thoughts.

Keep positive, Joygirl.
Good to hear from you LP, hope you get back into Aussie time soon! Get settled, find your space again, xx

1Dayatatyme

"I'm going to be travelling by train down to London today, first class of course",
ahhh, it sounds like a line from a movie. Please remember that the Marchers are with you in spirit, and our little voices are whispering in your ear, chatting so much we are drowning out any attempt by the AV to convince you otherwise.
My hunch is you will make it through the week-end with flying colors, and then tell us all about it in your posts upon your return.
Have a safe, yet fun and stress free trip!!

tootsl1

Free wifi on the train so I will be chattering back, Oneday! I'm sitting here with an unopened bottle in front of me... Don't panic! It's water!!! Lol. Absolutely no temptation so far, am busy reading and catching up on emails, it has been such a hectic week at work that I have had very little time to myself, so the chance to just sit and do nothing specific for the next 4 hours is bliss!! You are sounding well, and in a good place right now?

It's great how far some of us have come! If only there was a magic potion to take which would remove our reliance on alcohol! It's not merely the addiction, it's not the habit, it's not even the social acceptance, it's more the part that it played for so long in so many aspects of my life. I read new threads and often people talk about loneliness or boredom and I realise that drinking tends to allow us to avoid those feelings. It is only once we sober up that we begin to notice a situation we ought to have dealt with long before. Then of course, some of it is self inflicted when I for one would frequently prefer to spend a night in on my own with my poison of choice, that doing something of interest.

Why? Why do we do this to ourselves? I know I am far from alone in my actions, but as a social loving person, why would I chose to isolate myself? And over so many years. I could cry for the wasted potential that was my younger life. Don't get me wrong, regrets would get me nowhere, past is past, and I had plenty of fun, but when I think of what I may have achieved if I hadn't managed to distract myself for three decades, what I may have been. I wonder if there is a parallel universe where there is a me who didn't follow the bottle?

She's probably rich successful and a major pain in the butt!! Haha! Sorry wallowed in a little navel gazing there, normal service has been resumed! Toots out!

Saskia

Toots, you are so strong I believe in you and you will be just fine. I understand the feelings about "what might have been" ... Even without alcohol there are many things that can change our lives and we never know what might have been. I call them "if onlys": if only I hadn't said xzy, I might have married that wonderful hunk" (who by the way is now a disgraced person zzzzzzz); if only I hadn't dropped out of college, I'd be a college professor now, etc etc. I think that the "if onlys" are a normal human reaction.

LifeT, interesting observation about doctors! Thinking back, the doc who diagnosed my heart problem didn't look worried at all yet in other situations where the diagnosis was far less certain, the doc could look seriously worried.

JoyGirl, I'm thinking of you and keeping my fingers crossed that you turn out to have something non-serious.

Have a great Friday to all!

Hugs,
Sass

Babs1234

Good morning everyone. Toots you are a hoot. You make your own fun don't you!!! Have a great day and sober week-end everyone. Hugs to you all.
Babs

tootsl1

You're right Sass, every decision is a crossroads often never recognised as such at the time!

Hi babs, yes i have found ways to amuse myself, and have done since my index digit first located a nostril at the Age of 10 months!!! 👆👃lol x

Marcher13

Good morning all.

Toots I hope your index digit isn't locating a nostril as you sit in first class returning home from London! I wouldn't put it past you actually. England has gorgeous trains especially on the rural trips.

Have a good sober weekend everyone.

joygirl

TOOTS! I..can't..stop..laughing.......................... .

Life, Thank you sweetheart! But, really, something he forgot from med school???? That's supposed to make me feel better? I'm calling Dr. House!

Sigh... the only passenger trains we have here are Amtrack, usually located near the dump.

joygirl

Sorry, hello Marcher and Sassy, Babs and 1day! I was laughing so much I left you out, but here's some love and hugs!

360shoes

That's a good tip Life!! Thanks. It makes sense. I wish I knew that during my hypochondriac years.

360shoes

Hahahahaha! Lmao2. Dr. House...hahaha. There have been some posts where I wondered if he was on SR.

1st class train. That sounds so romantic. Sigh.
And yes Joy, our Amtraks do not compare. I've been on them. Greyhound busses on tracks. Hahaha!

I was kind of always a low achiever so I don't really have to many regrets that I would have turned out much different. Maybe low achiever is not the right word. I just always wanted to be happy and I didn't really care about being successful. I don't have a competitive bone in my body. I guess the only regret I have is I missed out on more time in my life to be happy. I'll try to just make up for it now. I have a better shot at that than I do making a fortune now anyway.

Gosh I love you guys. You all make me happy.
xoxo

1Dayatatyme

Shoes,
I just have to say IMHO, those shoes you are now using as your avatar are just not reflective of what a complex person you are.
Switching gears:
I do believe a lot of my last relapse has to do with a regret I just can't seem to resolve.
I use the saying "Forgive sounds good" on my profile picture because I am still struggling with forgiving myself.
Our family moved about every two years, due to my husband's career.
However, when we were faced with a difficult choice, which included staying in Seattle where we lived and all the kids were happy in their schools, but my husband would need to find another job, or move with current company to Nebraska or take offer from a competing company and move to Colorado.
WE meaning mostly practical myself, made the decision to move to Colorado.
YIKES!! The consequences of that decision have been horrendous on the one hand, and just fine on the other.
To name a few results of this move: my husband divorced me, my middle child turned into an angry juvenile delinquent for a year or two (Now he is fine - graduated college, great job, etc, etc,) my daughter was so angry she ditched school a lot ( yes, she turned out great... has a master's in education and a handsome husband); youngest child did fine, and as I mentioned in a post about a month ago, has graduated college and has a great job.
But, my ex husband has died in the meantime, about 7 years ago.
I beat myself up... so much regret... I really believe he would be alive if we had decided to stay in Seattle. And, the sad thing is, my heart yearns for Seattle, for the rain and the all that Seattle entails. And, I can't afford to move back there... the cost of living is high, and here I can make ends meet.
Plus, two of my three children are here.
I tell myself I made the best decision I could at that time, but I hate how my fear of financial insecurity drove that decision. If I had felt more secure, I would have stayed, and have faith my husband would have found a job.
But, it is all water under the bridge.
I live with this every day. Therapy doesn't help, it can't be changed.
So, b/c I feel so safe with you Marchers I can share what is on my heart.
Life goes on. I am clean. That is a miracle with this burden of guilt I carry.

tootsl1

1day, I'm sure that even if you presented all the positives for the move at the time, and really pushed for it, it wouldn't have happened if the rest of the family had strong opinions against it. I understand your need as nurturing mother to want what is best for you family, and high on that list is financial security. I don't know what happened after the move to cause the divorce, but I doubt that it was all down to that, even if you believed it so. Who knows how the kids might have turned out in Seattle, do they ever tell you, now as adults that they regret the move to Colorado?
I feel perhaps your loudest unspoken regret is not getting the chance to talk this all out with your now dead husband

I have similar in that I too am left holding strong emotions regarding my ex who also now has died. I have a lot of anger, I still have dreams at night where I shout and physically assault him ( never happened in life) and it is all emotions I cannot resolve. I live with it and accept it, because even though the decision to leave him was mine, he caused the ending of our marriage. Sometimes there is no closure and we are left holding emotions. Sometimes a letter from the heart to that person, or even an imaginary conversation can help. X

Marcher13

1day, try to be gentle with yourself. Toots has suggested those things I found myself thinking as I read your post, one of the things none of us we will never know is what would have happened if we had done the alternative. I think we do the best that we can in our circumstances at any given time. Even then we don't know what will happen, we don't know what the alternative might result in, so we decide and do our best.

And, on a less lofty note, I love your new avatar Shoes!

1Dayatatyme

Toots:: Your post was very validating and I am grateful you shared your experience, which sounds so similar in that I also do not have closure, and am working on accepting the fact that certain events, or memories will trigger strong emotions in me, usually regret and guilt. I kept beating myself up emotionally because I could not get this issue resolved by now. Well, I can't resolve it.
When my son graduated last month, it was very painful to realize his dad was not there to see such a wonderful accomplishment by one of his children... my ex valued education so highly, he would have had a wonderful day.

I am not in love with him anymore, and did just fine after the divorce, but once he died my grief and all its attending emotions came to life.
I still have not had a real relationship since he died, I just have no interest in the men I have met, here and there, over the years.

Marcher:: Thank you for your kind and supportive post. You are right, we don't know what would have happened, had we chosen another alternative. And you are correct when you wrote I made the best decision I could at the time with the information I had, and the financial security of my family came first... before location.

Thank you for for understanding. I may post more about this when my son gets married in August... the last time I saw my ex alive was 8 years ago at my daughter's wedding, the year before he died. For now, I will continue to focus on being present and of service to my clients, and supportive of my children, as taking the focus off me and helping others seems to be the best way for me to distract myself when I am stuck in my "what ifs".

I had written a letter to him but it was in the first year after his death... I may need to write another one.

360shoes

If it makes you feel any better 1Day, I live in Nebraska.
Which also explains why those shoes really would not work for me. We are pretty land locked. But Ken was kind enough to think of me so they are placed in the avatar gift hall of fame.

Hmmm, that's a tough one 1Day. Maybe forgiveness is not the lesson. Maybe it's grace we all need. How would any of us be able to move on from something bad if there weren't people before us that have been given and shown us grace?

I think I would carve that guilt and regret out of my heart and let love fill the hole. There will always be a scar from it but that would just be a reminder to me that I know what it feels like when another person came into my life who suffers terribly and I could use that to show grace.

I hope I could do that for someone. It was given to me so often when I never deserved it.

(((Hug)))

tootsl1

1day, I went through grief and guilt at the end of my marriage, I found that when I found out he had died, my prime emotion was sadness, that he had chosen to life that self destructive life. I felt frustrated, angry and guilty, but primarily, it was that he had taken his path, and I have to find a way to live with my feelings. I know that I have no need to feel guilt, but that doesn't stop me. It is a very small part of my heart that is affected, I have a new life now, and no regrets for my choices, I did what I felt was right, and genuinely still believe that what I did was for the right reasons and not motivated by anything bad. Still though a part of me wonders if he would still be alive now if I had stayed; I certainly know I would have been a shadow of myself. So, guilt but certainly no regrets