Class of March 2013 Part 15
Member
Join Date: May 2012
Location: Aussie
Posts: 382
hey guys,
I haven't been that active on this thread and I apologise but I just want to get some stuff out and see if anyone else is having the same issue.
I'm 104 days sober (yay!) and the past week I have had about 3 nightmares of me drinking and then "blacking out" and people telling me about "how fun" I was the night before and then I freak out because I can't remember ever having a drink.
The dreams are freaking me out. Has anyone else had dreams like this?
I haven't been that active on this thread and I apologise but I just want to get some stuff out and see if anyone else is having the same issue.
I'm 104 days sober (yay!) and the past week I have had about 3 nightmares of me drinking and then "blacking out" and people telling me about "how fun" I was the night before and then I freak out because I can't remember ever having a drink.
The dreams are freaking me out. Has anyone else had dreams like this?
Member
Join Date: Mar 2013
Posts: 6,224
Hey Jane, good to see you and congratulations on the 104! What a great achievement. 
I haven't had nightmares like that but I know other people do from reading in the general Newcomers to Recovery section. I think the psychological recovery process takes longer than the physical one, other Marchers will be along and I'm sure they or Dee will have some insight.
I haven't had nightmares like that but I know other people do from reading in the general Newcomers to Recovery section. I think the psychological recovery process takes longer than the physical one, other Marchers will be along and I'm sure they or Dee will have some insight.
Living and Loving Life at Last
Join Date: Aug 2012
Location: gods own country
Posts: 12,171
SJD great to hear from you, even though you broke the no apologising rule!!! 😄
I have had drinking dreams, nothing like you have by the sounds of it, but to me it seems like straightforward anxiety. Although we are able to control our thoughts and feeling when we are conscious, unconscious, our fears can take control. I feel perhaps you have an -all to natural- fear of descending back into being an incapable drunk. You have 104 days of sobriety (yay that sweetie!!) and are fearful of losing that. Perhaps if you consider the very worst scenario, you drink and have to start back at day one, and remind yourself of the strength you have, you can reassure your subconscious that, not only will you not drink, but that even if you did you would get back to where you are. Try and relax, remind yourself frequently about how happy you are sober and perhaps the fears will ease. I gave up smoking 30 years ago; I still dream sometimes I have smoked. I fully expect to have drinking dreams from time to time, but will decide to wake relieved its a dream. Just a thought, perhaps there is some guilt mixed in there at the states you used to get in???
That will be $450 for the totally unprofessional psychobabble!! X
I have had drinking dreams, nothing like you have by the sounds of it, but to me it seems like straightforward anxiety. Although we are able to control our thoughts and feeling when we are conscious, unconscious, our fears can take control. I feel perhaps you have an -all to natural- fear of descending back into being an incapable drunk. You have 104 days of sobriety (yay that sweetie!!) and are fearful of losing that. Perhaps if you consider the very worst scenario, you drink and have to start back at day one, and remind yourself of the strength you have, you can reassure your subconscious that, not only will you not drink, but that even if you did you would get back to where you are. Try and relax, remind yourself frequently about how happy you are sober and perhaps the fears will ease. I gave up smoking 30 years ago; I still dream sometimes I have smoked. I fully expect to have drinking dreams from time to time, but will decide to wake relieved its a dream. Just a thought, perhaps there is some guilt mixed in there at the states you used to get in???
That will be $450 for the totally unprofessional psychobabble!! X
Member
Join Date: Mar 2013
Posts: 6,224
Originally Posted by tootsl1 
That will be $450 for the totally unprofessional psychobabble!! X
Originally Posted by tootsl1
How are you? How is life?
Living and Loving Life at Last
Join Date: Aug 2012
Location: gods own country
Posts: 12,171
Splitting my sides Marcher and very glad i overcharged you!!! Actually melting in the sun in an english garden just now, but our temps friday when leaving scotland were around 14C. Summer!!!!! ☀
Marcher
Join Date: Apr 2013
Location: Florida
Posts: 3,235
Good Morning Marchers!
Yes, yes, yes, I have had the dreams. I have read that many others have as well. Toots, I think you're correct about the subconscious feelings of guilt, and anxiety. It took a while after waking before the bad feelings settled down, for me. I haven't had them much, but I don't like them at all.
Bah! Cold weather~ it is hot here and will be for months. Today we are driving to my mother-in-law's home to visit. She is not getting on well by herself anymore. We have her house up for sale, but she will probably have to come up here to live before it sells. She keeps falling, but doesn't want to use a walker because it makes her feel old. So she keeps falling. It's hard to watch our parents age when they're not doing well at it.
Everyone have a good day!
Yes, yes, yes, I have had the dreams. I have read that many others have as well. Toots, I think you're correct about the subconscious feelings of guilt, and anxiety. It took a while after waking before the bad feelings settled down, for me. I haven't had them much, but I don't like them at all.
Bah! Cold weather~ it is hot here and will be for months. Today we are driving to my mother-in-law's home to visit. She is not getting on well by herself anymore. We have her house up for sale, but she will probably have to come up here to live before it sells. She keeps falling, but doesn't want to use a walker because it makes her feel old. So she keeps falling. It's hard to watch our parents age when they're not doing well at it.
Everyone have a good day!
Member
Join Date: May 2012
Location: US East Coast
Posts: 14,287
Joy, watching parents age is hard! I don't think most of us do it gracefully all of the time. I was told by an old friend who passed away some years ago that "aging isn't for sissies". In this country I think we have a patchwork of assistance for the elderly that, at its best is excellent, but at its worst is truly horrible. So unless one has oodles of money or a very close family or preferably both, it can be a rough go. It's never easy.
Hugs,
Sass
Hugs,
Sass
Member
Join Date: Feb 2013
Posts: 1,997
Hi SoberJane!
Congratulations on the 104!
I have had some really bad nightmares. But mine have been the kind that involves serial killers. Seriously have woke up in a sweat they were so scary. Who knows, maybe we go into such deep REM sleep now our poor brains spark every now and then. Lord only knows what cobwebs I've got in there!
Where's Sigmund Freud when we need him? Oh well, he would probably just tell us to blame our parents anyway the old fart.
I figure that since my waking hours are no longer a nightmare, I get a few in my sleep. Fair trade off to me.
Good to hear from you dear!!
Congratulations on the 104!
I have had some really bad nightmares. But mine have been the kind that involves serial killers. Seriously have woke up in a sweat they were so scary. Who knows, maybe we go into such deep REM sleep now our poor brains spark every now and then. Lord only knows what cobwebs I've got in there!
Where's Sigmund Freud when we need him? Oh well, he would probably just tell us to blame our parents anyway the old fart.
I figure that since my waking hours are no longer a nightmare, I get a few in my sleep. Fair trade off to me.
Good to hear from you dear!!
Member
Join Date: May 2012
Location: US East Coast
Posts: 14,287
Shoes, I just love your attitude! When it's raining you can't fix the leaky roof and when it's dry it's not leaking, lol. Perfect :rotfxko. Life is hard enough that some humor and a relaxed attitude go a long way.
Yes, I think you're right about REM sleep. As I seem to recall, we dream during REM sleep. If we are REM-deprived, then we have lots more dreams than usual when we finally do get some. It can take quite awhile to make up the deficit. I believe alcohol can cut REM sleep to almost zero which is bad in many ways!
Yes, I think you're right about REM sleep. As I seem to recall, we dream during REM sleep. If we are REM-deprived, then we have lots more dreams than usual when we finally do get some. It can take quite awhile to make up the deficit. I believe alcohol can cut REM sleep to almost zero which is bad in many ways!
Member
Join Date: Feb 2013
Posts: 1,997
Hi Joy,
I will be happy to share any thing I learned about caring for elderly parents. I learned by doing it all wrong so now I have the retrospect knowledge.
First thing I wish I had done was taken mom and dad to get evaluated by geriatric specialists on day 1. I didn't see them everyday so really I didn't know what type of care they needed. Some people hide their dementia pretty well...my dad case in point. Had I done that first I would have not had to move them twice.
Bless you for helping her. The elderly need it whether they think they do or not. They can be a little stubborn at first. It's hard when they start losing their independence. I understand that. That's why getting the specialists involved early helps. IMO
xoxo
I will be happy to share any thing I learned about caring for elderly parents. I learned by doing it all wrong so now I have the retrospect knowledge.
First thing I wish I had done was taken mom and dad to get evaluated by geriatric specialists on day 1. I didn't see them everyday so really I didn't know what type of care they needed. Some people hide their dementia pretty well...my dad case in point. Had I done that first I would have not had to move them twice.
Bless you for helping her. The elderly need it whether they think they do or not. They can be a little stubborn at first. It's hard when they start losing their independence. I understand that. That's why getting the specialists involved early helps. IMO
xoxo
New and learning
Join Date: Feb 2013
Location: Colorado
Posts: 85
I have tons of awful dreams too! This makes sense Sass, thanks!
Praying for you toots while you are home. And yes, you, sass, joy, shoes, marcher, all are gifted at writing and dispensing valuable advice! 1Day......praying for you too! Hugs!
Praying for you toots while you are home. And yes, you, sass, joy, shoes, marcher, all are gifted at writing and dispensing valuable advice! 1Day......praying for you too! Hugs!
Member
Join Date: Feb 2013
Posts: 1,997
Speaking of old coots and dementia...I'm off to pick up my dad for the afternoon. I will spend the afternoon waiting on him hand and foot. Listening to stories I have heard a thousand times. He will be in charge of the remote and the TV will be so loud I'll have to wear ear plugs. I will help him to the bathroom 7 times and have to clean up after him 12.
I will hear "I love you so much and I love spending time with you" 2000 times and all of the above will mean nothing.
I do everyday need to remind myself of this though.
I will hear "I love you so much and I love spending time with you" 2000 times and all of the above will mean nothing.
I do everyday need to remind myself of this though.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2013
Posts: 1,997
Originally Posted by 1Dayatatyme
...You are a kind, compassionate, and patient person. Your father is blessed to have you as a daughter.
Right now he's eating tacos with dentures made about George Washington's time. Lettuce is all over him, the chair, and the floor. My 2 dogs love him. They are on clean up duty. Finally the mutts are contributing something around here!
It's all good.
Guest
Join Date: Feb 2012
Posts: 891
"Toots: I think the difference is Sass whether the parent inadvertently hurts the child, or deliberately and calculatingly hurts them."
Oh Toots, Sass, 1Day and Shoes. Thank you for sharing your stories.
Toots: what you quoted to Sass rings so so true. I spoke w my Aunt (Mums sister) last night. I had a rather spectacular crying episode. I was in no way abused as a child and was blessed to feel very loved. However I did witness something once which I always swore I would either take to my grave. I spoke about it last night, there was part of me that was relieved, a big part, i'd held it in since I was 12 but at the same time, I felt I was betraying someone, my own Mum who is no longer able to defend herself. And, I betrayed her to her sister.
It's 8.30am and I have lay awake all night thinking about this. I don't even know any more if I am the person I used to be 1 month ago.
Apologies and sorry for breaking the sorry rule Toots. I guess I just feel comfortable sharing this w you guys because I'm prob still reaching out and feel so loved here.
Shoes: my heart reaches out every time I read anything you write. Sometimes it's because i'm inspired by your writing dialogue and thoughts, sometimes it's because i'm laughing at your PT and gym experiences ( I have a PT and it's a love/hate relationship), other times it's because I'm aching for the frustration w your unsupportive sibling when it comes to caring for your parents, matched with guilt and and love. No matter how much your Dad deteriorates he will always have a reason to be an extremely proud Dad. You are exemplary and an inspiration to us all.
I've said it more times than I remember now but Marchers, you really are the best.
Oh Toots, Sass, 1Day and Shoes. Thank you for sharing your stories.
Toots: what you quoted to Sass rings so so true. I spoke w my Aunt (Mums sister) last night. I had a rather spectacular crying episode. I was in no way abused as a child and was blessed to feel very loved. However I did witness something once which I always swore I would either take to my grave. I spoke about it last night, there was part of me that was relieved, a big part, i'd held it in since I was 12 but at the same time, I felt I was betraying someone, my own Mum who is no longer able to defend herself. And, I betrayed her to her sister.
It's 8.30am and I have lay awake all night thinking about this. I don't even know any more if I am the person I used to be 1 month ago.
Apologies and sorry for breaking the sorry rule Toots. I guess I just feel comfortable sharing this w you guys because I'm prob still reaching out and feel so loved here.
Shoes: my heart reaches out every time I read anything you write. Sometimes it's because i'm inspired by your writing dialogue and thoughts, sometimes it's because i'm laughing at your PT and gym experiences ( I have a PT and it's a love/hate relationship), other times it's because I'm aching for the frustration w your unsupportive sibling when it comes to caring for your parents, matched with guilt and and love. No matter how much your Dad deteriorates he will always have a reason to be an extremely proud Dad. You are exemplary and an inspiration to us all.
I've said it more times than I remember now but Marchers, you really are the best.
Marcher
Join Date: Apr 2013
Location: Florida
Posts: 3,235
Life, You are the best too! I know you're in pain, and thoughts are in chaos these days. I do understand. I have lost a very dear brother, and a father in law who was like a father to me. And others. But not my mother. And so, I would be honored to be your friend at this time. To be here for you, to listen and cyber hug. My heart is with you. You too are an inspiration, you just don't realize it yet.
Shoes, Why the heck did you give Dad a TACO? I'm learning, that's for sure! (lol you know I love ya!) I will certainly come to you for help. I love my MIL, and I love my husband even more, so taking care of her is showing love to him. Men don't say a lot about feelings, he is more pragmatic. But I know he's sad seeing her like this. And so it goes...
Hope everyone is doing well today. It's been a good day. I avoided a temptation/trigger, and I'm enjoying the afterglow of staying sober! Yes, they really compare at this point in my life. (I don't know what that says about me though!)
Keep the good stuff coming!
Shoes, Why the heck did you give Dad a TACO? I'm learning, that's for sure! (lol you know I love ya!) I will certainly come to you for help. I love my MIL, and I love my husband even more, so taking care of her is showing love to him. Men don't say a lot about feelings, he is more pragmatic. But I know he's sad seeing her like this. And so it goes...
Hope everyone is doing well today. It's been a good day. I avoided a temptation/trigger, and I'm enjoying the afterglow of staying sober! Yes, they really compare at this point in my life. (I don't know what that says about me though!)
Keep the good stuff coming!
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