chuff1

Sandgirl is right Snagglepuss

Keep posting hun, would miss you if you were not around

Mick x

Snaggle

Afternoon Mick a wet and windy Belfast

xx

Snaggle

Thanks Sandgirl and Mick - I don't want to leave the Marchers I am just at a loss to know where all my steely resolve from a couple of weeks ago has gone. I was happy and sure that sobriety was the way to go.... and I know it still is....but that feeling of acceptance has disappeared. Nt sure why - trying to figure things out and get some kind of plan/structure in my head.

chuff1

Snaggs
Guess you have to work it out for your self hun....but you did say that your normal routine from Wednesday through to Sunday involved contact with alcohol, cant say that that makes things particularly easy.
To make changes in our life, we have to make changes?

Stay close hun

Mick x

Snaggle

Exactly Mick and those changes are what I am going to work on

Black

Hi everyone,
I believe the gods are testing me at every corner this past month since i decided to stop drinking. between all the funerals and sickness around me we found out yesterday my friend diagnosed with bone cancer and it is terminal, she is the mother of a young family in her forties. although I did not drink on hearing the news it is on my mind steady since, I will have a drink tonight, I will have a drink tonight and on it goes.

Anyhow going to hospital now to sit with her a few hours. It is so sad and so unexpected. will call back tomorrow.

chuff1

Hi Black

So sorry to hear about your friend, its not been the best of times for you has it my friend.
You will be a better friend to her sober.

Mick

tootsl1

Hey snaggle ive been where you are and it sucks. Knowing there is a problem but not yet ready to confront it, is the hardest bit. It becomes so much easier when you can say ok, bring it on, i can do this. The time it takes each one to reach that stage differs. All i can say is keep trying, one day it will stick

Well done Raggedy

Snaggle

Thanks Toots - I want to do it - its just that final step that's proving the hardest xx

360shoes

Hi Black, I'm so sorry. This must be so hard for you. I can't really imagine and there isn't even really anything to say that will make it any better. When these things happen, I have to look at people who have endured or lived next to tragic amounts of suffering and see how they survived it. Nelson Mandela, Mother Theresa, Ghandi, my friend who's little girl was hit by a car and died. I don't know how any of them got up to another day to their reality.

I think our hearts get a big deep empty hole carved out when bad things happen...thats why it hurts...and I guess we have a choice to either fill that big hole with love, compassion, and service or anger and misery. Like a cup. The cup is the form but it is the emptiness of the cup that has the real purpose. Eastern sages get credit for that. Not me.

Snaggle, no one knows what your journey will be or how it will unfold. It's your journey and yours alone. Stick around and say whatever you want to say whenever you want to say it.

xxxxx and an oo

360shoes

And now that I really think of it. Not a one of those people filled their cup up with alcohol.

tootsl1

Black, I with chuff on this one, hard as it is going to be she and her family need you to be strong and be sober
You are in my thoughts

360shoes

This is a very interesting subject to me. Could be my quest to understand people. I have found out something. The closest people in my life, the ones who really love me. I asked them how they truly felt about me and my drinking and how they felt about me quitting. Mind you this is 3 people. The ones who are stuck with me. None of which have a drinking problem. I asked them and actually begged them to be very honest. I told them I have to know. Even if it hurts. I got the realm of happy, scared, pissed, and I don't know just yet but I'm here for you no matter what and a lot of combination of all of it. I also asked them how would they feel if someone called me an alcoholic or I was threatened to outed as an alcoholic. Would they be prepared? Its probably going to happen. I don't care for that word but its probably going to get thrown out there eventually. These very 3 said they would defend me to the death and would open up one hell of a can of whoopa** on whoever could be so cruel. In full disclosure, these 3 would have also kicked someone's a** if someone called me a drunk..even though they knew I was one...but I was their drunk. <3 Start with those who have unconditional love I say...they are a safe way to practice this.

My loved ones don't have to understand all my struggles and actually I'm grateful they don't have to know all the gory details. I got you for that. But I need them to know I care about how they feel and I care how they really feel about me.

Now the opinions of those with their own drinking problem and how they really feel is a whole different subject. I doubt I would get the whole truth even if I did ask. I've been there. I've done it. I would say you have absolutely no problem please drink with me and then I would get all pissed off at you for making me even think about the subject. Party pooper.

And those who are just casual friends or acquaintances but not in the tight circle? If they ask, I'll just say whatever works to keep the mood of the situation light and positive. Doesn't matter beyond that. Plus they'd get their a** kicked if they take it too far. It feels good to know someone's got your back.

Babs1234

Shoes---I loved it---I really don't know what to say---I really admire your honesty and the honesty of your friends. I'm just going to take this all in and put it towards my own recovery. Thank you

JCMalta

Its night time again here in Malta, today another positive day (2nd consecutive), I don't intend to say big nice things happened but it was a peaceful normal day. For me these days are special because in the last years I had so few of them.

Thanks for all your contribution, you all help me in some way to keep sober.

360shoes

Babs, I am just one of those people who just has to get to the heart of my matter. I know there are lots of people on here who aren't. There is no right or wrong. At first, I held back on how I felt and what I think and worried about how my posts were long and whatever. Then I moved into I don't care. It's who I am. I have a right to walk my path as much as anyone else does. Different makes life interesting. Plus if I drive anyone nuts they can skip over me or block me. I'm easy to spot. I usually have feet or shoes in my avatar and my posts are long.

MeSoSober

How come I'm spending so much time in the Newcomers to Recovery threads and so little here when here is where I find most of my old peeps?

Anyhoo, it's been hot here in Virginia (too freaking hot for my taste -- it's miserable here in the summer and I want a real SPRING, dammit!) and we may be in for some severe weather tonight.

Kind of anticipating my next urge to see if I LEARNED anything from the last one. I do not want to wear the dunce cap again.

Snaggle, hang in there. My resolve to quit is through the roof when I'm going through withdrawal hell, and then as surely as night will follow day, the AV speaks up when I feel good again. "I WANT to quit drinking for good. Except . . . No, I am definitely quitting . . . But if my friend calls and wants to hang on her "party porch," it's okay for me to have a few beers because it's a controlled environment" . . . "NOooooooooooooooooooo -- no alcohol of any kind, ever! I will not weaken! Except for maybe on a very special occasion . . ."

SHUTUPSHUTUPSHUTUPSHUTUPSHUTUPSHUTUPSHUTUP!!!!!!!! !!!

I am resigned right now to the fact that some days, some hours, will be stronger than others. I guess the best we can do is prepare when we're strong for the weak moments we know will come, avoid putting ourselves in compromising positions, remind ourselves of the heartache alcohol has caused us, post here, get up when we fall, etc.

Hugs to you, Snaggle, and to all the rest of my sober Marching brothers and sisters -- special shout out to NORTHLANDER. And Mickster. And toots1 and ah, the hell with it!

MeSoSober

Thought you guys might enjoy this musical number from "The City of New York vs. Homer Simpson," in which the family goes to see a Broadway musical about the Betty Ford Clinic (the character who is "checkin' in" is reportedly based on Robert Downey, Jr.):

Im Checkin in' Musical HD - YouTube

Dee74

Snags it's pretty common to feel resigned, weak, or even apathetic after a relapse...and our addiction likes that.

The truth is you're still that powerhouse who burst onto opur screens a month ago...you can rediscover that

I think Micks onto something with the change thing too

I'm really sorry for all your tragedy Black - and yeah life doesn't respect the fact we're trying to stay sober...

but what others have said is right - you can do the most for yourself your friend and everyone else by staying sober.

Lean on us for support

Babs1234

hey there Shoes !!!!! Gotta love you----thanks