Codependency and beyond - Part 19
Living in a Pinkful Place
Join Date: May 2006
Location: Louisiana
Posts: 7,545
Good Tuesday Morning -
Amy - So Brit moved back home???? Praying for healing and that she really does well! Glad the dental work is done for you & praying that your mouth heals quickly!
If you would my friends - please keep Kaileigh's Dad in your thoughts and prayers - he like many of our A's - is WAY out there - pretty much living where ever he can beg a place to live, making it just how ever ~ and you know just how dangerous that can be.
Mr. Pink has been pretty quiet about it - but last nite he broke a little about him - said he does think about him - wonder if the phone call will be saying something has happened to him -
Last week, He and I were able to make a f2f meeting - it was wonderful - The meeting was on "acceptance". As always, the God of our Understanding knew exactly what we needed to hear!
Struggling with an issue with Kaileigh - as she is really going back to the "babytalk" and acting like a 4 yr old again - maybe it's because we were gone for a few weeks - but I have to say it is one of my pet peeves - I truly HATE baby talk. So far I have been able to control my frustrations with it - Just simply reminding her not to baby talk in a calm voice, but oh it's like nails on a chalk board for me.
She started it again on the way to the babysitter @ 4:30 this morning - I could feel myself getting so irritated - so I just stopped and said "Can I ask you something? Can you tell me why you baby talk?" She said "I don't know" I said "Ok, I'm not fussing at you, I was just asking if you had a certain reason why"
I thought maybe if I want her to act a little older - maybe I should treat her a little older right???? Makes my brain tired to try to keep up!! Somedays I think - I'm way to old for this??? bwah ha ha ha
We will see how it works!
AND my oldest daughter, Katrina turns 29 yrs old today - so yes - I am old! lol
Hope that each of you have a day filled with blessings of Grace & Gratitude!
PINK HUGS,
Rita
Amy - So Brit moved back home???? Praying for healing and that she really does well! Glad the dental work is done for you & praying that your mouth heals quickly!
If you would my friends - please keep Kaileigh's Dad in your thoughts and prayers - he like many of our A's - is WAY out there - pretty much living where ever he can beg a place to live, making it just how ever ~ and you know just how dangerous that can be.
Mr. Pink has been pretty quiet about it - but last nite he broke a little about him - said he does think about him - wonder if the phone call will be saying something has happened to him -
Last week, He and I were able to make a f2f meeting - it was wonderful - The meeting was on "acceptance". As always, the God of our Understanding knew exactly what we needed to hear!
Struggling with an issue with Kaileigh - as she is really going back to the "babytalk" and acting like a 4 yr old again - maybe it's because we were gone for a few weeks - but I have to say it is one of my pet peeves - I truly HATE baby talk. So far I have been able to control my frustrations with it - Just simply reminding her not to baby talk in a calm voice, but oh it's like nails on a chalk board for me.
She started it again on the way to the babysitter @ 4:30 this morning - I could feel myself getting so irritated - so I just stopped and said "Can I ask you something? Can you tell me why you baby talk?" She said "I don't know" I said "Ok, I'm not fussing at you, I was just asking if you had a certain reason why"
I thought maybe if I want her to act a little older - maybe I should treat her a little older right???? Makes my brain tired to try to keep up!! Somedays I think - I'm way to old for this??? bwah ha ha ha
We will see how it works!
AND my oldest daughter, Katrina turns 29 yrs old today - so yes - I am old! lol
Hope that each of you have a day filled with blessings of Grace & Gratitude!
PINK HUGS,
Rita
mergirl
Join Date: Jan 2009
Location: Paradise
Posts: 4,161
((((Rita))))
I was a very young and troubled mom, so understand this is a story, not advise. Whining was my biggest no no with my daughter. I used to tell her when she would whine that I couldn't hear that tone of voice, please restate your request or complaint using your "big tree" voice.
hey, it may have stopped me from losing my mind!
I was a very young and troubled mom, so understand this is a story, not advise. Whining was my biggest no no with my daughter. I used to tell her when she would whine that I couldn't hear that tone of voice, please restate your request or complaint using your "big tree" voice.
hey, it may have stopped me from losing my mind!
Member
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: Atlanta
Posts: 31,179
(((Rita))) - Brit didn't do that, but she did do things that I considered unacceptable (things dad and stepmom let her get away with, but not me). She learned, at a very young age, what "this is not negotiable" meant, even though I'm sure she didn't understand the WORD, she understood that I was not going to accept what she was doing, I wasn't going to argue, or give in.
I know it's different, but it was pretty amazing how she got to behaving SO much better with me. I really like the way ((Lisa)) handled it to! I think I'll use that if/when Brit gets into her whiny voice (she can really lay it on thick, with her southern drawl) or gets argumentative..."sorry I can't hear you with that tone of voice. If you want to talk to me like the almost 18-year-old that you are, you know where to find me".
Of course, with her, I can just walk away...you obviously can't do that at her age. Saying extra prayers for her dad. My g'ma told me that when my aunt died (she was 29, had a ruptured ectopic pregnancy) is when my uncle really, really started spiraling down. Unfortunately, his kids were exposed to it and had it pretty rough, but you are able to give ((Kaleigh)) so much more of a "normal" life, even though addiction is a part of it. Heck, that IS our normal, and you and (((Mr. Pink))) are in a great position to show her how we can live our lives, despite what those we love do.
BTW, Happy Birthday (((Katrina)))!
Hugs and prayers,
Amy
I know it's different, but it was pretty amazing how she got to behaving SO much better with me. I really like the way ((Lisa)) handled it to! I think I'll use that if/when Brit gets into her whiny voice (she can really lay it on thick, with her southern drawl) or gets argumentative..."sorry I can't hear you with that tone of voice. If you want to talk to me like the almost 18-year-old that you are, you know where to find me".
Of course, with her, I can just walk away...you obviously can't do that at her age. Saying extra prayers for her dad. My g'ma told me that when my aunt died (she was 29, had a ruptured ectopic pregnancy) is when my uncle really, really started spiraling down. Unfortunately, his kids were exposed to it and had it pretty rough, but you are able to give ((Kaleigh)) so much more of a "normal" life, even though addiction is a part of it. Heck, that IS our normal, and you and (((Mr. Pink))) are in a great position to show her how we can live our lives, despite what those we love do.
BTW, Happy Birthday (((Katrina)))!
Hugs and prayers,
Amy
Member
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: Atlanta
Posts: 31,179
Sheez, do I still have some work to do on the "Brit being home" issue. Just realized something of mine was thrown away in the bathroom makeover. Am going to the store, get an inexpensive tote/bag, keep everything in there, IN MY ROOM.
Dad called and I told him I was heading to the store, and why. Mentioned it's apparently Brit's bathroom, and he said "no, it's yours, too". I told him funny how I never have any say on how it's painted, that I now get to see the pink AND neon orange, but whatever. I know this sounds petty, but there are about 20 empty bottles of stuff in there, yet MY stuff is what gets thrown away?
Has given me incentive to work on MY room, make it my safe haven and have it nice and comfy. This whole "YAAAYYYYY, Brit has come home" is stirring up a lot of feelings, and they're not good ones, but it has a lot to do with my self-worth/esteem, so I will continue to work on it.
Me doing me, is always the right answer, right?
Hugs and prayers,
Amy
Dad called and I told him I was heading to the store, and why. Mentioned it's apparently Brit's bathroom, and he said "no, it's yours, too". I told him funny how I never have any say on how it's painted, that I now get to see the pink AND neon orange, but whatever. I know this sounds petty, but there are about 20 empty bottles of stuff in there, yet MY stuff is what gets thrown away?
Has given me incentive to work on MY room, make it my safe haven and have it nice and comfy. This whole "YAAAYYYYY, Brit has come home" is stirring up a lot of feelings, and they're not good ones, but it has a lot to do with my self-worth/esteem, so I will continue to work on it.
Me doing me, is always the right answer, right?
Hugs and prayers,
Amy
Member
Join Date: Feb 2008
Location: In a good place
Posts: 4,482
Howdy Rita! Wishing your daughter a happy bday
I got lucky; neither one of our kids whined or baby talked, but our daughter suddenly turned feral at puberty. I think I know how to guide a 13 year old girl into young adulthood now, but I sure don't want to be tested.
Amy, dry socket??? I fear that, not root canals, and hope I don't ever have to deal with it. As far as Britt goes -- maybe your dad perceives you and Britt as sisters, so he stays hands off about most anything between you and her. Does Britt see you as an older sister? How do you see her? How do sisters work stuff out, like what you've got going on? Do they? I'm serious about that last question, too.
It's been a while since I shared a bathroom with my sister (I remember her snipping and whining a lot), and I pretty much took the same path you are. My dad and I abdicated the bathroom to her and my mom; we used the shower in the basement. It was just an old shower head, no curtain or stall; a single hanging dim bulb and a concrete floor. Sounds like a bad movie, huh? We set our clothes, towels, on the washing machine. That's how bad we wanted away from that bathroom lol. My only possessions in the bathroom were my toothbrush and contacts.
I got lucky; neither one of our kids whined or baby talked, but our daughter suddenly turned feral at puberty. I think I know how to guide a 13 year old girl into young adulthood now, but I sure don't want to be tested. Amy, dry socket??? I fear that, not root canals, and hope I don't ever have to deal with it. As far as Britt goes -- maybe your dad perceives you and Britt as sisters, so he stays hands off about most anything between you and her. Does Britt see you as an older sister? How do you see her? How do sisters work stuff out, like what you've got going on? Do they? I'm serious about that last question, too.
It's been a while since I shared a bathroom with my sister (I remember her snipping and whining a lot), and I pretty much took the same path you are. My dad and I abdicated the bathroom to her and my mom; we used the shower in the basement. It was just an old shower head, no curtain or stall; a single hanging dim bulb and a concrete floor. Sounds like a bad movie, huh? We set our clothes, towels, on the washing machine. That's how bad we wanted away from that bathroom lol. My only possessions in the bathroom were my toothbrush and contacts.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: Atlanta
Posts: 31,179
(((Chino))) - having been an only child, and Brit being raised pretty much an only child, we're kinda winging it at being sisters, and yes, that is what she tells people..that I'm her older sister.
We were just talking, I'd heard something that her dad or his family said about why he's not on her birth certificate, and I told her the truth. I also told her if she ever had questions about stuff like that, if I knew the answer, she KNOWS I will tell her the truth, and she said "I know". She said he's "not my dad", and I said "no, he's the sperm donor, being blood related doesn't make you a good relative." I also told her "just like you're my kid...doesn't matter we're not bio-related, that's just the way it is. We fuss, we argue, we forgive and we move forward...THAT is what families do" and she was very agreeable.
So, for now, all is cool. She's working on her room, I'm working on mine, and we just keep piling stepmom's stuff into higher and higher piles as she sits and watches TV. Not making a big deal about the bathroom stuff, will just keep my stuff in my room.
I showed her where I fell through the attic and she said "OMG, you could have REALLY been hurt!!!"
For today, it's like the good 'ole days, I've worked through my little bit of jealousy, bought Father's Day cards for dad and Dan (mom-Kay's hubby) and realized it's not always easy to be my dad...I can be a royal pain in the ***, but dad loves me anyway, and that's how I'm feeling about Brit.
Dad DOES see us as his daughters, and when we're not getting along, he says he feels like he's stuck in the middle. He goes out of his way to do things equally for us. I guess it's a learning experience for all of us.
Now to get busy on my room
Hugs and prayers,
Amy
We were just talking, I'd heard something that her dad or his family said about why he's not on her birth certificate, and I told her the truth. I also told her if she ever had questions about stuff like that, if I knew the answer, she KNOWS I will tell her the truth, and she said "I know". She said he's "not my dad", and I said "no, he's the sperm donor, being blood related doesn't make you a good relative." I also told her "just like you're my kid...doesn't matter we're not bio-related, that's just the way it is. We fuss, we argue, we forgive and we move forward...THAT is what families do" and she was very agreeable.
So, for now, all is cool. She's working on her room, I'm working on mine, and we just keep piling stepmom's stuff into higher and higher piles as she sits and watches TV. Not making a big deal about the bathroom stuff, will just keep my stuff in my room.
I showed her where I fell through the attic and she said "OMG, you could have REALLY been hurt!!!"
For today, it's like the good 'ole days, I've worked through my little bit of jealousy, bought Father's Day cards for dad and Dan (mom-Kay's hubby) and realized it's not always easy to be my dad...I can be a royal pain in the ***, but dad loves me anyway, and that's how I'm feeling about Brit.
Dad DOES see us as his daughters, and when we're not getting along, he says he feels like he's stuck in the middle. He goes out of his way to do things equally for us. I guess it's a learning experience for all of us.
Now to get busy on my room
Hugs and prayers,
Amy
mergirl
Join Date: Jan 2009
Location: Paradise
Posts: 4,161
my room mate does not clean the house. He is not paying me to do his share, he is not my boy friend, he does not pay more rent. We have talked about it, it doesnt change.
My take on it these days is that, the more I let the differences bother me, the more my HP seems to put differences in my face. What you judge in your brother, you reinforce in yourself type of stuff.
The way I handle it is that I try and be grateful for his good qualities (we have not been friends for 25 years in the absence of any I reckon). I try and accept him warts and all. I try and live by example. I clean the house before it bothers me, especially if I have company coming, and I throw his stuff in his room if it gets in the way.
I also am grateful to be in recovery (he drinks and his life gets very unmanageable). I dont want to trade places with him and have him doing all the cleaning if it means that I get all of his financial insecurities, relationship issues and rampant resentments (not to mention ear hair, =).
I try and be in acceptance of my present circumstances.
It doesnt always work, you have all seen me complain when the drinking wakes me up nightly at 3am, I am not a saint hahaha
My take on it these days is that, the more I let the differences bother me, the more my HP seems to put differences in my face. What you judge in your brother, you reinforce in yourself type of stuff.
The way I handle it is that I try and be grateful for his good qualities (we have not been friends for 25 years in the absence of any I reckon). I try and accept him warts and all. I try and live by example. I clean the house before it bothers me, especially if I have company coming, and I throw his stuff in his room if it gets in the way.
I also am grateful to be in recovery (he drinks and his life gets very unmanageable). I dont want to trade places with him and have him doing all the cleaning if it means that I get all of his financial insecurities, relationship issues and rampant resentments (not to mention ear hair, =).
I try and be in acceptance of my present circumstances.
It doesnt always work, you have all seen me complain when the drinking wakes me up nightly at 3am, I am not a saint hahaha
mergirl
Join Date: Jan 2009
Location: Paradise
Posts: 4,161
Amy, I feel like that last post was a little preachy. You and Brit have both been through so much, and I think you need to be gentle and loving with yourself <3. You are the best example she has, and she is lucky to have you in her life.
mergirl
Join Date: Jan 2009
Location: Paradise
Posts: 4,161
Wednesday, June 15, 2011
You are reading from the book The Language of Letting Go
Competition Between Martyrs
"Yes, I know your spouse is an alcoholic, but my son is an alcoholic, and that's different. That's worse!"
My pain is greater than yours!
What an easy trap that can be for us. We are out to show others how victimized we have been, how much we hurt, how unfair life is, and what tremendous martyrs we are. And we won't be happy until we do!
We don't need to prove our pain and suffering to anyone. We know we have been in pain. We know we have suffered. Most of us have been legitimately victimized. Many of us have had difficult, painful lessons to learn.
The goal in recovery is not to show others how much we hurt or have hurt. The goal is to stop our pain, and to share that solution with others.
If someone begins trying to prove to us how much he or she hurts, we can say simply, "It sounds like you've been hurt." Maybe all that person is looking for is validation of his or her pain.
If we find ourselves trying to prove to someone how much we've been hurt or if we try to top someone else's pain, we may want to stop and figure out what's going on. Do we need to recognize how much we've hurt or are hurting?
There is no particular award or reward for suffering, as many of us tricked ourselves into believing in the height of our codependency. The reward is learning to stop the pain and move into joy, peace, and fulfillment.
That is the gift of recovery, and it is equally available to each of us, even if our pain was greater, or less, than someone else's.
God, help me be grateful for all my lessons, even the ones that caused me the most pain and suffering. Help me learn what I need to learn, so I can stop the pain in my life. Help me focus on the goal of recovery, rather than the pain that motivated me into it.
You are reading from the book The Language of Letting Go
Competition Between Martyrs
"Yes, I know your spouse is an alcoholic, but my son is an alcoholic, and that's different. That's worse!"
My pain is greater than yours!
What an easy trap that can be for us. We are out to show others how victimized we have been, how much we hurt, how unfair life is, and what tremendous martyrs we are. And we won't be happy until we do!
We don't need to prove our pain and suffering to anyone. We know we have been in pain. We know we have suffered. Most of us have been legitimately victimized. Many of us have had difficult, painful lessons to learn.
The goal in recovery is not to show others how much we hurt or have hurt. The goal is to stop our pain, and to share that solution with others.
If someone begins trying to prove to us how much he or she hurts, we can say simply, "It sounds like you've been hurt." Maybe all that person is looking for is validation of his or her pain.
If we find ourselves trying to prove to someone how much we've been hurt or if we try to top someone else's pain, we may want to stop and figure out what's going on. Do we need to recognize how much we've hurt or are hurting?
There is no particular award or reward for suffering, as many of us tricked ourselves into believing in the height of our codependency. The reward is learning to stop the pain and move into joy, peace, and fulfillment.
That is the gift of recovery, and it is equally available to each of us, even if our pain was greater, or less, than someone else's.
God, help me be grateful for all my lessons, even the ones that caused me the most pain and suffering. Help me learn what I need to learn, so I can stop the pain in my life. Help me focus on the goal of recovery, rather than the pain that motivated me into it.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: Atlanta
Posts: 31,179
(((Gypsy))) - your post about your roomie reminded me that I can choose my battles. Okay, so I get bent out of shape when something of mine is messed with/used (without my permission) or thrown away, but I think most people are like that.
I did go get some new sheets and a few other things. Have made major headway on cleaning my room and found my remote control tha's been MIA a couple of weeks.
Brit, stepmom, and I have been chattnig, and it's been really, really nice. I just totally impressed my little Diva by telling her that a friend of mine from here, her daughter's bf's uncle is Beyonce's hair dresser.
I am working on "hands off the teenager", not having any expectations of what will happen. After having so much animosity, anger, hurt and feeling rejected for the past 6 months, I am reminded that with time, consistency/boundaries, prayer and hope, I have had a REALLY good day and that is a gift.
To think I could have gone totally off the edge over a loofah sponge NOW makes me laugh, but recovery has taught me to look deeper into what is setting me off..it usually has absolutely nothing to do what what I THINK it does, and that's what it was. The stupid little sponge was just giving me something to focus on, rather than what I was REALLY thinking..is this going to last? Is something else gonna happen and she'll hate met?
I'm pretty sure, now, that no matter how heated our discussions get, no matter what she say, she's not going to hate me, nor I her.
(((Lisa))) today's reading makes me think of stepmom. No matter how sick someone has been what they have been through, she's undergone the same and she was always WAY worse off. The only exception, in the 18+ years I've known her is when I got robbed.
Unfortunately, I also went through this phase, and still slip every now and then. It's literally exhausting to deal with someone who's "whatever" is worse than everyone else's who's chronically depressed but won't do anything about it, and worried about something. When she has a good day, I take total advantage of the opportunity and we often end up laughing. Otherwise, I limit the interactions . t took me years of trying to "boost her up" before I realized that all it did was cause me more angst, feelings of frustration, and that you dan't help anyone who doen't ant help.
Hugs and prayers,
Amy
I did go get some new sheets and a few other things. Have made major headway on cleaning my room and found my remote control tha's been MIA a couple of weeks.
Brit, stepmom, and I have been chattnig, and it's been really, really nice. I just totally impressed my little Diva by telling her that a friend of mine from here, her daughter's bf's uncle is Beyonce's hair dresser.
I am working on "hands off the teenager", not having any expectations of what will happen. After having so much animosity, anger, hurt and feeling rejected for the past 6 months, I am reminded that with time, consistency/boundaries, prayer and hope, I have had a REALLY good day and that is a gift.
To think I could have gone totally off the edge over a loofah sponge NOW makes me laugh, but recovery has taught me to look deeper into what is setting me off..it usually has absolutely nothing to do what what I THINK it does, and that's what it was. The stupid little sponge was just giving me something to focus on, rather than what I was REALLY thinking..is this going to last? Is something else gonna happen and she'll hate met?
I'm pretty sure, now, that no matter how heated our discussions get, no matter what she say, she's not going to hate me, nor I her.
(((Lisa))) today's reading makes me think of stepmom. No matter how sick someone has been what they have been through, she's undergone the same and she was always WAY worse off. The only exception, in the 18+ years I've known her is when I got robbed.
Unfortunately, I also went through this phase, and still slip every now and then. It's literally exhausting to deal with someone who's "whatever" is worse than everyone else's who's chronically depressed but won't do anything about it, and worried about something. When she has a good day, I take total advantage of the opportunity and we often end up laughing. Otherwise, I limit the interactions . t took me years of trying to "boost her up" before I realized that all it did was cause me more angst, feelings of frustration, and that you dan't help anyone who doen't ant help.
Hugs and prayers,
Amy
Member
Join Date: Apr 2011
Posts: 2,826
Hello Friends! Wishing all a peaceful happy day.
Gypsy, what a good reading, thank you.
I think my codie illness (negative stinkin' victim thinking) is worse than my alcohol abuse. I can stop drinking but I can't stop thinking. LOL!
"The goal is to stop our pain, and to share that solution with others.The reward is learning to stop the pain and move into joy, peace, and fulfillment." <--wow
Thank you for the lifeline to a better way to live!
Gypsy, what a good reading, thank you.
I think my codie illness (negative stinkin' victim thinking) is worse than my alcohol abuse. I can stop drinking but I can't stop thinking. LOL!
"The goal is to stop our pain, and to share that solution with others.The reward is learning to stop the pain and move into joy, peace, and fulfillment." <--wow
Thank you for the lifeline to a better way to live!
Living in a Pinkful Place
Join Date: May 2006
Location: Louisiana
Posts: 7,545
Originally Posted by Gypsy Feet 
Wednesday, June 15, 2011
You are reading from the book The Language of Letting Go
Competition Between Martyrs
"Yes, I know your spouse is an alcoholic, but my son is an alcoholic, and that's different. That's worse!"
My pain is greater than yours!
You are reading from the book The Language of Letting Go
Competition Between Martyrs
"Yes, I know your spouse is an alcoholic, but my son is an alcoholic, and that's different. That's worse!"
My pain is greater than yours!
Thank you so much for posting it! I had lots of trouble with discounting my pain or allowing OTHERS to discount my pain/feelings. . .
One of my sponsors explained it this way "Rita, If I had two broken legs and you only had one broken leg - would that mean that your broken leg didn't hurt? Would that mean that you didn't need go to the doctor, to take care of your broken leg, get a cast, use crutches - just because I had 2 and you ONLY had 1?"
How silly!!!
A broken leg whether it be 1 or 2 ~ still needs the attention, care and healing period!
So do all of our problems, hurts and issues - BIG or SMALL - many or few.
Our situation with our granddaughter is tough - there are some that have it a little better - some that have it a little harder. That is a truth. But it doesn't make ours easier or more difficult ~ It just IS what IT is.
I don't need to compare ~ I need to just focus on the Next Right Thing for our family in our recovery pathway and Let Go and Let God - One Day at a Time!
PINK HUGS & prayers for a wonderful blessed day!
Rita
Member
Join Date: Feb 2008
Location: In a good place
Posts: 4,482
I have to share a story my son shared with me.
Yesterday he was in a cellular store (not sure which provider, not that it matters lol) and a teenage girl left her money on the counter. The store was packed with customers and someone promptly stole her money. My son was pretty sure who did it because he watched a guy run out of the store, to a car, then come back in. He told the manager and they said they'd review the tapes.
But here's the part I love: the girl was with her grandmother. After the girl became distraught and kept saying "someone stole my money", her g-ma asked "honey, did you lose your money?" My son thought the g-ma was in denial and out there, but I disagreed. I said she gracefully put the responsibility right back where it belonged, and allowed the g-daughter to work through the incident without shaming or blame for others actions.
Either way, in my eyes, it was a $65 lesson and packed full of tough love. It reminded me how many times I inappropriately and publicly scolded my teenage daughter. Yep, hindsight is like having x-ray vision sometimes!
Yesterday he was in a cellular store (not sure which provider, not that it matters lol) and a teenage girl left her money on the counter. The store was packed with customers and someone promptly stole her money. My son was pretty sure who did it because he watched a guy run out of the store, to a car, then come back in. He told the manager and they said they'd review the tapes.
But here's the part I love: the girl was with her grandmother. After the girl became distraught and kept saying "someone stole my money", her g-ma asked "honey, did you lose your money?" My son thought the g-ma was in denial and out there, but I disagreed. I said she gracefully put the responsibility right back where it belonged, and allowed the g-daughter to work through the incident without shaming or blame for others actions.
Either way, in my eyes, it was a $65 lesson and packed full of tough love. It reminded me how many times I inappropriately and publicly scolded my teenage daughter. Yep, hindsight is like having x-ray vision sometimes!
Member
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: Atlanta
Posts: 31,179
((Chino))) - great story!
I'm getting ready for work so just a short drop in. I am amazed at how well Brit and I are getting along. We were standing in my doorway, talking, and she saw the pictures I have on my wicker stand...one of her, as a baby with her mom...they are in the pool and Brit is in a little floatie thing I bought her. The other is stepsister's first wedding photo as Tina was a bridesmaid.
Brit started crying, said "I DO look like my mama" and talked about how much it hurts that she didn't know her but feels that Tina talks to her. I told her I'm SURE she does, and it's okay to talk back...I do it all the time.
She also was telling how she'd told someone about how much she loves my dad, how he's always been the only dad she has. I had just told her that I was going to write in his father's day card "I know it's not always easy being my dad" and she laughed through the tears, and said "yeah, that goes for both of us, but he still sticks by us".
It's obvious she WANTS to be home, is talking about "I'm so ready to start the GED classes" and just other little things. She said "Amy, I have matured, you may not see it yet, but I've been working really hard on it". I CAN see the beautiful young lady that I have missed SOOOO much.
Will it last? I don't know, but I do think she's come a long way, and I am tickled to have her here. She's going to go to her mom's side of the family reunion, something she hasn't cared about in years.
Honestly, I couldn't have asked for a better day Ya'll told me that things would probably work out in time, and I held on to that faith, and did my part. There's a whole lot of "I love you's" being said around this house!
Love, hugs, and prayers,
Amy
I'm getting ready for work so just a short drop in. I am amazed at how well Brit and I are getting along. We were standing in my doorway, talking, and she saw the pictures I have on my wicker stand...one of her, as a baby with her mom...they are in the pool and Brit is in a little floatie thing I bought her. The other is stepsister's first wedding photo as Tina was a bridesmaid.
Brit started crying, said "I DO look like my mama" and talked about how much it hurts that she didn't know her but feels that Tina talks to her. I told her I'm SURE she does, and it's okay to talk back...I do it all the time.
She also was telling how she'd told someone about how much she loves my dad, how he's always been the only dad she has. I had just told her that I was going to write in his father's day card "I know it's not always easy being my dad" and she laughed through the tears, and said "yeah, that goes for both of us, but he still sticks by us".
It's obvious she WANTS to be home, is talking about "I'm so ready to start the GED classes" and just other little things. She said "Amy, I have matured, you may not see it yet, but I've been working really hard on it". I CAN see the beautiful young lady that I have missed SOOOO much.
Will it last? I don't know, but I do think she's come a long way, and I am tickled to have her here. She's going to go to her mom's side of the family reunion, something she hasn't cared about in years.
Honestly, I couldn't have asked for a better day
Ya'll told me that things would probably work out in time, and I held on to that faith, and did my part. There's a whole lot of "I love you's" being said around this house!Love, hugs, and prayers,
Amy
Living in a Pinkful Place
Join Date: May 2006
Location: Louisiana
Posts: 7,545
Amy - you & Brit do sound happy ! good for yall!
Hey has anyone heard from Annie, Live or Kevin - I noticed Kevin was on a few days ago (the 12th? but I haven't see him here this week?)
I'm sure I'm missing a few others too - just wondering about our friends and sending out good thoughts & PINK HUGS!
Hey has anyone heard from Annie, Live or Kevin - I noticed Kevin was on a few days ago (the 12th? but I haven't see him here this week?)
I'm sure I'm missing a few others too - just wondering about our friends and sending out good thoughts & PINK HUGS!
mergirl
Join Date: Jan 2009
Location: Paradise
Posts: 4,161
Thursday, June 16, 2011
You are reading from the book The Language of Letting Go
Feeling Good
Having boundaries doesn't complicate life; boundaries simplify life.
—Beyond Codependency
There is a positive aspect to boundary setting. We learn to listen to ourselves and identify what hurt us and what we don't like. But we also learn to identify what feels good.
When we are willing to take some risks and begin actively doing so, we will enhance the quality of our life.
What do we like? What feels good? What brings us pleasure? Whose company do we enjoy? What helps us to feel good in the morning? What's a real treat in our life? What are the small, daily activities that make us feel nurtured and cared for?
What appeals to our emotional, spiritual, mental, and physical self? What actually feels good to us?
We have deprived ourselves too long. There is no need to do that anymore, no need. If it feels good, and the consequences are self-loving and not self-defeating, do it!
Today, I will do for myself those little things that make life more pleasurable. I will not deny myself healthy treats.
You are reading from the book The Language of Letting Go
Feeling Good
Having boundaries doesn't complicate life; boundaries simplify life.
—Beyond Codependency
There is a positive aspect to boundary setting. We learn to listen to ourselves and identify what hurt us and what we don't like. But we also learn to identify what feels good.
When we are willing to take some risks and begin actively doing so, we will enhance the quality of our life.
What do we like? What feels good? What brings us pleasure? Whose company do we enjoy? What helps us to feel good in the morning? What's a real treat in our life? What are the small, daily activities that make us feel nurtured and cared for?
What appeals to our emotional, spiritual, mental, and physical self? What actually feels good to us?
We have deprived ourselves too long. There is no need to do that anymore, no need. If it feels good, and the consequences are self-loving and not self-defeating, do it!
Today, I will do for myself those little things that make life more pleasurable. I will not deny myself healthy treats.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: Atlanta
Posts: 31,179
(((Lisa))) - I truly believe that the boundaries I set with Brit is a big part of why we are getting along so well, as well as the fact that i didn't go on and on (or at least not with her, but most of you head all about.
FWIW, any typos? I got to lseep as the sun was cominh up and I am totally exhuasted. Took me 30 minutes to type a short e-mail to Tess.
We had a nice little thunderstorm, lost power at the house for over an hour, but not at wok. It has brought the temps down into the 60's and that is VERY nice.
Was e-mailing, back and forth, to my cousin who's son s now engaged. I mentioned paying them back and she told me they don't WANT he $500 back, were just happy they could help. I feel soooo grateful and loved.
Work was frustrating...busy and not enough people there who knew what they were doing. Corporate is making an appearance next Wed., and if it is anything like tonight was, mrs. P is not going to get a good review. I guess Dotty got my buddy, Mehsia fired, which saddens me, but am glad I don't let her get to me.
I made it very clear that I was closing out my drawer and no longer taking hours after 11,, and J backed me up.
There is someting in my rrom that keeps saying Lost sattelite reception and have NO idea what it's talking about? Just found out my GPS was on in my purse, so maybe that's it?
Mouth and face are feeling much better, though the area of my gum is still sore, so anbesol is my friend. Stepmom recommended I just take the dentures out for a while, but told her with a dry socket, I couldn't see that as a good ideal
Mots and Patches are outside somewhere, apparently somewhere dry, as it's still raining. Stepmom made sure Elvis stayed inside. Brit is 'playing cards with some friends, and i'm working on letting that go.
Will check on Patches and Mots before I go to sleep. Had planned on doing a few stores tomorrow, but will see how I feel. It's like my body is only letting me do the bare minimum, and I'm trying hard to listen to it. It's like I've had this problem with "self care" and HP is forcing me to do something about it. I know, from previous experience, if I continue to push myself, I will get pretty darned sick and won't have a choice.
(((Rita))) I too, miss those who are MIA, but I know ((Live)) was doing better, and has a bit hooked on the FB games nd stuff.
Okay, time to check on other threads then get my a$$ sto slee[1
love, hugs, and prayers,
Amy
FWIW, any typos? I got to lseep as the sun was cominh up and I am totally exhuasted. Took me 30 minutes to type a short e-mail to Tess.
We had a nice little thunderstorm, lost power at the house for over an hour, but not at wok. It has brought the temps down into the 60's and that is VERY nice.
Was e-mailing, back and forth, to my cousin who's son s now engaged. I mentioned paying them back and she told me they don't WANT he $500 back, were just happy they could help. I feel soooo grateful and loved.
Work was frustrating...busy and not enough people there who knew what they were doing. Corporate is making an appearance next Wed., and if it is anything like tonight was, mrs. P is not going to get a good review. I guess Dotty got my buddy, Mehsia fired, which saddens me, but am glad I don't let her get to me.
I made it very clear that I was closing out my drawer and no longer taking hours after 11,, and J backed me up.
There is someting in my rrom that keeps saying Lost sattelite reception and have NO idea what it's talking about? Just found out my GPS was on in my purse, so maybe that's it?
Mouth and face are feeling much better, though the area of my gum is still sore, so anbesol is my friend. Stepmom recommended I just take the dentures out for a while, but told her with a dry socket, I couldn't see that as a good ideal
Mots and Patches are outside somewhere, apparently somewhere dry, as it's still raining. Stepmom made sure Elvis stayed inside. Brit is 'playing cards with some friends, and i'm working on letting that go.
Will check on Patches and Mots before I go to sleep. Had planned on doing a few stores tomorrow, but will see how I feel. It's like my body is only letting me do the bare minimum, and I'm trying hard to listen to it. It's like I've had this problem with "self care" and HP is forcing me to do something about it. I know, from previous experience, if I continue to push myself, I will get pretty darned sick and won't have a choice.
(((Rita))) I too, miss those who are MIA, but I know ((Live)) was doing better, and has a bit hooked on the FB games nd stuff.
Okay, time to check on other threads then get my a$$ sto slee[1
love, hugs, and prayers,
Amy
Living in a Pinkful Place
Join Date: May 2006
Location: Louisiana
Posts: 7,545
Morning folks -
whew it's been a recovery morning for me - truly had to pull out some tools & pray that God spoke thru me EARLY this morning - I posted a thread in the Grief Forum - so I would duplicate here - but GOOD GRAVY ~ I'm glad I have my BIG GIRL PINK Panties - cause this stuff is HARD and heart breaking!
Recovery is such a wonderful thing - i was talking with a few other friends - and suggesting some step work and the light bulb went off -
uh duh - that's exactly what I need to do about these other 2 grandmothers that are not helping us with Kaileigh - when something is making your life unmanagable - PUT IT THRU THE STEPS!!! uh duh duh duh - sometimes this block of wood I use for a head is just too hard!!!
so gotta get to "stepping it"
PINK HUGS & a Smile for the day!
Rita
whew it's been a recovery morning for me - truly had to pull out some tools & pray that God spoke thru me EARLY this morning - I posted a thread in the Grief Forum - so I would duplicate here - but GOOD GRAVY ~ I'm glad I have my BIG GIRL PINK Panties - cause this stuff is HARD and heart breaking!
Recovery is such a wonderful thing - i was talking with a few other friends - and suggesting some step work and the light bulb went off -
uh duh - that's exactly what I need to do about these other 2 grandmothers that are not helping us with Kaileigh - when something is making your life unmanagable - PUT IT THRU THE STEPS!!! uh duh duh duh - sometimes this block of wood I use for a head is just too hard!!!
so gotta get to "stepping it"
PINK HUGS & a Smile for the day!
Rita
Member
Join Date: Jan 2011
Location: United Kingdom
Posts: 1,691
Been trying to observe boundaries everyone so im still here. Actually i feel a bit alone right now and .... well you can guess that my desire for company could be a danger to my boundaries.
Hope you are all well im trying to catch up
Not going two write anything silly :> Om hari krishena or anything good god.
Hope you are all well im trying to catch up
Not going two write anything silly :> Om hari krishena or anything good god.
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