Codependency and beyond - Part 19
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Codependency and beyond - Part 19
angry potato
Join Date: Jul 2006
Location: Ireland
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I wish everyone the best of wishes and I hope everyone feels good. I am still struggling with feelings of depression that came over me recently. I feel lonely and would love to have close friends who I could ring and chat with or would just drop over to cheer me up. I feel cut off from the world.
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Join Date: Jan 2011
Location: United Kingdom
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Chino interesting idea that we can be grateful when the world pushes us.
Thanks for the reading however.
I get depressed Bravery, thats not to diminish your own feelings of sadness but it helps me to know i am not alone sometimes when i go through things. Maybe it will be some small comfort to you also, to know at least one other person on the codie thread gets sad also. That don't make it nice or anything i know.
Lonely? Thats a horrid feeling.
I do hope you are able to work on that emotion. Sometimes i will meditate or go to recovery chat rooms. To tell us all here how you feel is smart. Emotional honesty right. Oh yesterday i went for a walk when i was climbing the walls. I didn't talk to anyone on my walk but got 'pennies from heaven'
No idea what i will be doing today. I feel ha-ranged and excluded from a place i have been frequenting recently [nothing to do with sr] so that sucks but i will carry on. I suspect i have issues 'my side of the street' [more of them dearie me
))] so i could work on them but (and here comes another negative feeling) I do resent change being foisted on me. The dirt on my side of the street will have something to do with unresolved social conditioning [more of it] sighs dearie me. There again if you will be a flamin drunk for years what aught i to expect of my emotional and psych dev.
Not quite living the spirit of your reading am i Chino but i do what i can each day and i will get there. As a guy at my local f2f coda meeting once said 'you are exactly where you are right now'
Im plodding through codependent no more and another recovery book
Thanks for the reading however.
I get depressed Bravery, thats not to diminish your own feelings of sadness but it helps me to know i am not alone sometimes when i go through things. Maybe it will be some small comfort to you also, to know at least one other person on the codie thread gets sad also. That don't make it nice or anything i know.
Lonely? Thats a horrid feeling.
I do hope you are able to work on that emotion. Sometimes i will meditate or go to recovery chat rooms. To tell us all here how you feel is smart. Emotional honesty right. Oh yesterday i went for a walk when i was climbing the walls. I didn't talk to anyone on my walk but got 'pennies from heaven'
No idea what i will be doing today. I feel ha-ranged and excluded from a place i have been frequenting recently [nothing to do with sr] so that sucks but i will carry on. I suspect i have issues 'my side of the street' [more of them dearie me
))] so i could work on them but (and here comes another negative feeling) I do resent change being foisted on me. The dirt on my side of the street will have something to do with unresolved social conditioning [more of it] sighs dearie me. There again if you will be a flamin drunk for years what aught i to expect of my emotional and psych dev.Not quite living the spirit of your reading am i Chino but i do what i can each day and i will get there. As a guy at my local f2f coda meeting once said 'you are exactly where you are right now'
Im plodding through codependent no more and another recovery book
Living in a Pinkful Place
Join Date: May 2006
Location: Louisiana
Posts: 7,545
((bravery))
do you attend meetings? I know it's difficult to reach out - but you are doing so awesome in reaching out here - maybe try to attend some meetings and hopefully you can connect with some healthy people there - sometimes just that hour interaction with folks in recovery can give us the boost we need.
Praying that you have a great day too!
Today's challenge - Share a smile, a kind word and a compliment - not only with others but also with yourself!
PINK HUGS!
Rita
do you attend meetings? I know it's difficult to reach out - but you are doing so awesome in reaching out here - maybe try to attend some meetings and hopefully you can connect with some healthy people there - sometimes just that hour interaction with folks in recovery can give us the boost we need.
Praying that you have a great day too!
Today's challenge - Share a smile, a kind word and a compliment - not only with others but also with yourself!
PINK HUGS!
Rita
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Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: Atlanta
Posts: 31,179
(((Bravery))) - I was pretty darned lonely when I first got into recovery...had shut out all my "friends" when I was using. SR helped me a lot, with that, and have recently reconnected with friends from before my using days.
I am about to go get my haircut..realized it was last cut in Jan., so no wonder I feel like a sheepdog
Feeling very achy today, after yesterday's fall, but will just get some Motrin while I'm out. I do have a prescription for something stronger, for the times my back flares up, but don't think I'm in the right frame of mind to be taking that. I rarely take it and only if Motrin and physical therapy exercises don't work and it's a rare thing. With my being so scatterbrained right now, and in grief, I'm staying away from anything that may numb me out. Therefore, the prescription will remain unfilled.
Grateful that my recovery voice is speaking much louder than the "I'm in pain (mentally and emotionally) and don't wanna feel it.
It will be tough, today, but I'm going to try to concentrate on celebrating C's life, rather than focus on her being gone.
Hugs and prayers,
Amy
I am about to go get my haircut..realized it was last cut in Jan., so no wonder I feel like a sheepdog
Feeling very achy today, after yesterday's fall, but will just get some Motrin while I'm out. I do have a prescription for something stronger, for the times my back flares up, but don't think I'm in the right frame of mind to be taking that. I rarely take it and only if Motrin and physical therapy exercises don't work and it's a rare thing. With my being so scatterbrained right now, and in grief, I'm staying away from anything that may numb me out. Therefore, the prescription will remain unfilled.Grateful that my recovery voice is speaking much louder than the "I'm in pain (mentally and emotionally) and don't wanna feel it.
It will be tough, today, but I'm going to try to concentrate on celebrating C's life, rather than focus on her being gone.
Hugs and prayers,
Amy
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Join Date: Feb 2008
Location: In a good place
Posts: 4,482
Kevin, it wasn't me who gave that advice but it's something I do as well. That was one of the things I learned as a little girl, but it was more about physical gifts and time. Giving/receiving advice was a serious gray area for me because it was always unsolicited in my experience. In reality that isn't advice, it's an attempt to control. I experienced resentment when people didn't take it or were shoving it down my throat, too. Children learn what they live! It's taken me a long time to accept that advice is also a gift, but only when it comes from the heart 
(((Bravery))) something recovering A's are advised to pay attention to is something called HALT (hungry, angry, lonely, tired). Ignoring those 4 things is a sure fire way to relapse. I discovered it applies to me as well!
When my daughter was in rehab, they had to go blindfolded through a labyrinth. They were told three simple words would get them out of there. One woman immediately said "I need help" and her blindfold was removed. My daughter, being stubborn, CHOSE to continue trying to find her way alone and was the last one to finally say it. She laughs at herself now when we talk about it, and it comes up frequently when she's trying to do things her way. All I have to say is, do you remember the labyrinth?
That exercise they did sticks me as well. I reached out for help immediately when I learned of my daughter's addiction, but I still continued to try to do it my way (like mother, like daughter LOL). It may have taken my daughter longer to ask for help, but at least she didn't put the blindfold back on like I did.
I don't know how close you are in relation to the resources available, but when you're ready.... Welcome to Al-anon Alateen Ireland
(((Amy))), my daughter sticks to ibuprofen like glue. The awareness recovering A's have is so bittersweet. I'm so happy you have it and I'm sad at how you acquired it. That thought reminds me I'm still mourning powerlessness. I'm glad you're not doing the same
(((Bravery))) something recovering A's are advised to pay attention to is something called HALT (hungry, angry, lonely, tired). Ignoring those 4 things is a sure fire way to relapse. I discovered it applies to me as well!
When my daughter was in rehab, they had to go blindfolded through a labyrinth. They were told three simple words would get them out of there. One woman immediately said "I need help" and her blindfold was removed. My daughter, being stubborn, CHOSE to continue trying to find her way alone and was the last one to finally say it. She laughs at herself now when we talk about it, and it comes up frequently when she's trying to do things her way. All I have to say is, do you remember the labyrinth?
That exercise they did sticks me as well. I reached out for help immediately when I learned of my daughter's addiction, but I still continued to try to do it my way (like mother, like daughter LOL). It may have taken my daughter longer to ask for help, but at least she didn't put the blindfold back on like I did.
I don't know how close you are in relation to the resources available, but when you're ready.... Welcome to Al-anon Alateen Ireland
(((Amy))), my daughter sticks to ibuprofen like glue. The awareness recovering A's have is so bittersweet. I'm so happy you have it and I'm sad at how you acquired it. That thought reminds me I'm still mourning powerlessness. I'm glad you're not doing the same
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Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: Atlanta
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Just got home from the funeral. It was hard, but I was glad to see C's mom holding up so well...we've all been worried about her. Did talk to L, and she knew about my addiction. She's on disability for neck and back surgery, never mentioned anything about HER problem and is still on pain meds, but a lot less (what Carolyn or her stepdad told dad).
Dad decided we were going to check in on Brit on the way home. Apparently, she's been calling some really odd numbers on her phone, dad's threatening to shut the phone off again (I introduced him to the concept of quacking ), but REALLY did not want to be involved in this. Stepmom came to my rescue, said that since I had class, they should drop me off and then go.
I got C's granddaughter's phone number. I told her dad was worried they'd never see her again. She brought up how dad and stepmom would bring some wonderful chicken wings "to Nana" and she wanted us all to get together and have a "Moe-Joe's" night (where the wings are from). I told her I would be there. We were seated with the family, but didn't stay for the dinner afterwards due to my class.
It's been a rough day, but I got the generic version of Percogesic - it's in the same family as Motrin but works better. Also got some bandaids for some of my boo-boos. It's my arms that hurt the worst, probably because I grabbed hold of the rafters.
The preacher talked a lot about our lives and how we THINK we have control, but honestly, there's not much we can control and that we need to believe that God does have control. He also mentioned that "difficulties" are often when we're closest to God, as it seems that when we've tried everything else and it doesn't work, that's when we're finally ready to say "Okay, God, I need help". It was a lot more than this, but it was a good sermon.
Okay, gotta get ready for class. Good thing I don't have a test tonight, as my mind just is not comprehending much.
Hugs and prayers,
Amy
Dad decided we were going to check in on Brit on the way home. Apparently, she's been calling some really odd numbers on her phone, dad's threatening to shut the phone off again (I introduced him to the concept of quacking
), but REALLY did not want to be involved in this. Stepmom came to my rescue, said that since I had class, they should drop me off and then go.I got C's granddaughter's phone number. I told her dad was worried they'd never see her again. She brought up how dad and stepmom would bring some wonderful chicken wings "to Nana" and she wanted us all to get together and have a "Moe-Joe's" night (where the wings are from). I told her I would be there. We were seated with the family, but didn't stay for the dinner afterwards due to my class.
It's been a rough day, but I got the generic version of Percogesic - it's in the same family as Motrin but works better. Also got some bandaids for some of my boo-boos. It's my arms that hurt the worst, probably because I grabbed hold of the rafters.
The preacher talked a lot about our lives and how we THINK we have control, but honestly, there's not much we can control and that we need to believe that God does have control. He also mentioned that "difficulties" are often when we're closest to God, as it seems that when we've tried everything else and it doesn't work, that's when we're finally ready to say "Okay, God, I need help". It was a lot more than this, but it was a good sermon.
Okay, gotta get ready for class. Good thing I don't have a test tonight, as my mind just is not comprehending much.
Hugs and prayers,
Amy
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Location: United Kingdom
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You know even though i post here daily i didn't like to admit at coda face to face i had codependent personality thing. I guess i wanted to 'impress' all the women with my manliness. Not quite the point of coda but i am fleshly
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Location: Atlanta
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Thanks (((Dee))) and everyone else. I'd texted C's granddaughter, so she would have my phone number. She thanked us for being there for her and her family. I told her she WAS family, and asked her to give her dad and aunt (foster daughter) my phone number. It's like I've lost Brit (though that may not be true) but have found another "youngun" to enhance my life.
Things may work out, eventually between Brit and I, but I am grateful for the gift of being there for T, H, and A. I'm not being codie about it, but I did love C, and I want to be a part of their lives.
Recovery is such a ride....it has it's ups and downs, but today? I'm looking at the "ups"
Hugs and prayers,
Amy
Things may work out, eventually between Brit and I, but I am grateful for the gift of being there for T, H, and A. I'm not being codie about it, but I did love C, and I want to be a part of their lives.
Recovery is such a ride....it has it's ups and downs, but today? I'm looking at the "ups"
Hugs and prayers,
Amy
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Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: Atlanta
Posts: 31,179
(((Maryjan))) - you are most certainly welcome here!! I'm a recovering crack addict, but have been a codie (codependent) since birth, I think I am working both recoveries, and this thread has been a life-saver for me
Hugs and prayers,
Amy
I am working both recoveries, and this thread has been a life-saver for meHugs and prayers,
Amy
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Location: Atlanta
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((((Maryjan))) - I found that my addiction and codie issues are VERY intertwined...nothing like not being able to control a situation or someone to make me want to be numb
We're called "double winners" because we know both sides of the fence, and we work recovery in both areas.
Personally, I've found the codie recovery to be harder...I can stay away from the dope, but I can't stay away from people. Luckily, this thread and the Friends & Families forums have helped me, tremendously.
Hugs and prayers,
Amy
We're called "double winners" because we know both sides of the fence, and we work recovery in both areas.
Personally, I've found the codie recovery to be harder...I can stay away from the dope, but I can't stay away from people. Luckily, this thread and the Friends & Families forums have helped me, tremendously.
Hugs and prayers,
Amy
mergirl
Join Date: Jan 2009
Location: Paradise
Posts: 4,161
Wednesday, May 18, 2011
You are reading from the book The Language of Letting Go
Don't stop living your life!
So often, when a problem occurs, inside or around us, we revert to thinking that if we put our life on hold we can positively contribute to the solution. If a relationship isn't working, if we face a difficult decision, if we're feeling depressed, we may put our life on hold and torment ourselves with obsessive thoughts.
Abandoning our life or routines contributes to the problem and delays us from finding the solution.
Frequently, the solution comes when we let go enough to live our life, return to our routine, and stop obsessing about the problem.
Sometimes, even if we don't feel like we have let go or can let go, we can act as if we have, and that will help bring about the letting go we desire.
You don't have to give up your power to problems. You can take your focus off your problem and direct it to your life, trusting that doing so will bring you closer to a solution.
Today, I will go on living my life and tending to my routine. I will decide, as often as I need to, to stop obsessing about whatever is bothering me. If I don't feel like letting go of a particular thing, I will act as if I have let go of it until my feelings match my behavior.
You are reading from the book The Language of Letting Go
Don't stop living your life!
So often, when a problem occurs, inside or around us, we revert to thinking that if we put our life on hold we can positively contribute to the solution. If a relationship isn't working, if we face a difficult decision, if we're feeling depressed, we may put our life on hold and torment ourselves with obsessive thoughts.
Abandoning our life or routines contributes to the problem and delays us from finding the solution.
Frequently, the solution comes when we let go enough to live our life, return to our routine, and stop obsessing about the problem.
Sometimes, even if we don't feel like we have let go or can let go, we can act as if we have, and that will help bring about the letting go we desire.
You don't have to give up your power to problems. You can take your focus off your problem and direct it to your life, trusting that doing so will bring you closer to a solution.
Today, I will go on living my life and tending to my routine. I will decide, as often as I need to, to stop obsessing about whatever is bothering me. If I don't feel like letting go of a particular thing, I will act as if I have let go of it until my feelings match my behavior.
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