artsoul

It's after 11:00 and I'm still drinking coffee (shame, shame), but I'm going to get to work after this, for the first time in over a week. I ran errands yesterday and my back did OK, so hopefully it's all uphill from here.

Dee - yeah, I'm right there with ya. Once I start to feel good again, I want to go back full force into stuff. As they say, getting old isn't for sissies, lol.

RGO - so sad about those two young people. I like to watch court dramas and murder mysteries on TV sometimes and it's unreal how many tragedies start with alcohol. One thing that helps me stay sober is just knowing that the world needs people who can attest to the negatives of alcohol. I want to be one of the "good guys." Congrats on 72 days - that's fantastic!

Draciack - it really does hit home when you see someone ordering that many drinks in the bar. I have a couple good friends who are functioning alcoholics and I really don't want to be around them anymore. Like you said, it's somehow distasteful - you can see the drink taking over. I'm starting to realize that I'm enough without having to change my mood or personality. People most likely enjoy me more when I'm acting like myself.

One thing for sure: It was really hard to care about myself or love myself while I was drinking. Hell, it was just hard to BE myself. What a relief to accept who I am. It's not like it comes overnight - I'm having to work at it everyday. But it's a HUGE difference from what it was.

Glad that you're enjoying your job, Atlas! I can't imagine taking walks (other than to the mailbox) in this heat, but more power to ya!

Well, I guess it's off to work we go, like one of the 7 dwarfs, hi ho hi ho. Y'all have a great day and I'll see ya later.

Oh, if you want to look at a funny video (about dads), my cousin had this on his facebook. I thought it was great!

Leaving Facebook... | Facebook

Crow3000

90 days and counting.... Yea!

Had a drinking dream the night before last. How cruel the mind is sometimes. What is so strange and terrifying about these dreams (I had another one maybe a month ago) is that they are not about deciding whether or not to drink, they pick up after you have already had one (or several) so they feel absolutely hopeless. All your sober time washed away just like that. It's amazing what a relief it feels like when you wake up and you realize it was just a nightmare. Anyway... Thanks everyone in the May group and beyond...

Oh ... and sweet dreams!!!

Draciack

Crow: Congratulations on 90 days

Artsoul: I hope you're feeling better. Milestones can be tough. We're all here for you

And the MayFlower express rocks on.

porkchopped

Hi everyone.

I log in and read everyone's posts and I think, what an exceptional group of individuals. This is sappy Pork!!! Seriously, I just enjoy coming to our little group so much.

So much going on I hope that I don't miss anyone,

BobGT -oh.my.gosh. THE RATS/MICE/RODENTS/CAR KILLERS!!! That is horrible - how did all that turn out, cause usually the next problem is the insurance company Hope that is all settled now.

Crow - WOWZER. 90 days??? awesome

Steph - nicely done - we are all really cruising along. Can you believe it is August next week??? I remember asking if anyone noticed it was going to be July a few days ago, but it was a month ago!!!

Atlas - so glad that you like the new job!! okay, you may be like the first person to defy gravity - aka not succumbing to wearing jeans? That in itself is impressive!!!

RGO - thanks for posting that tragic story in Houston, just shows how pervasive drinking and driving is and I take those horrid events to heart, as it could have been me.

Drac and Art - thanks for your posts - yes, the feeling that now come up for me around alcohol are interesting - and have a way of making me sad.

My parents were up for the weekend. I got to witness how my Mom's entire demeanor changed after a few glasses of wine. It wasn't pretty, my sister actually used to complain to me previously, but I hadn't noticed because I was keeping pace with her.. and then it just extended to how she acted differently interacting with my nephews.. which triggers memories of asking my mom what was wrong with Gramma when my grandparents would come visit (slurring and tilted spilling glasses during toasts) and she would just say, "Gramma is happy and you just don't understand - you will when you are older".

Then there is my Dad, who last year had an "event" that led him to be hospitalized for weeks - he couldn't walk or feed himself and he had hallucinations - they diagnosed him with delirium saying there was a perfect storm of dehydration and lack of sleep, but my sister and I questioned if part was alcohol withdrawal. Long story less long- they then said it was Alzheimers - but it had a bit of brain rot (not a technical term) saying that alcohol had impacted his brain (like others may have their damage concentrated in the liver or pancreas). BUT recently, they said it was just old age and they are taking him off Alzheimer meds so he recently announces that he now after not drinking for a year, he will start. So my sister and I have now noticed that he is back to not sleeping, hallucinations and other symptoms - so which is it? Getting off the meds? The drinking? A combo? The whole thing is just tragic. I am glad that my sister and I can be a united front as we gather info on how to deal with it all.

Anyway - that is where I am. Thanks for listening to the vent

Have a wonderful evening.

Love!

Pork

artsoul

Hey all - I'm much more optomistic today (but still in defensive mode - hence the umbrella) after battling a BIGGIE yesterday. Just hadn't had anything that strong in months, really. Tomorrow will mark 90 days sober and I still have no clue if that lunar cycle thingy is real, but whatever, it sure did help to post about it. There's something different about reading other threads than there is about starting one of your own. Know what I mean? Anyhoo, congrats to me for getting through it - I just might go get some junk food tonight to celebrate.

Porkchopped - I'm so sorry to hear about your dad. How old is he? My parents still have their wits about them (at 83 and 84), and there's nothing my mother is more afraid of than dementia. Her mother had it the last few years of her life and her sister (my aunt) has it now. It's hard to deal with. I don't relish having to be the strong one as my parents lose their abilities, as I always rely on their wisdom and strength. I hope the doctors can figure out what he needs to be taking/not taking. Glad you have your sister for support.

Crow - I know those drinking dreams can mess with your head...... Alcoholism is just ruthless - I mean it can't even let us sleep in peace. Geez.

Draciack - thanks for your words of support - it means so much. The MayFlower bus is definitely rocking on, though, and I hope we can all celebrate a year together!

HAVE A PEACEFUL, ENJOYABLE, DOWNRIGHT GREAT EVENING, EVERYONE!!

artsoul

Hey all - I'm much more optomistic today (but still in defensive mode - hence the umbrella) after battling a BIGGIE yesterday. Just hadn't had anything that strong in months, really. Tomorrow will mark 90 days sober and I still have no clue if that lunar cycle thingy is real, but whatever, it sure did help to post about it. There's something different about reading other threads than there is about starting one of your own. Know what I mean? Anyhoo, congrats to me for getting through it - I just might go get some junk food tonight to celebrate.

Porkchopped - I'm so sorry to hear about your dad. How old is he? My parents still have their wits about them (at 83 and 84), and there's nothing my mother is more afraid of than dementia. Her mother had it the last few years of her life and her sister (my aunt) has it now. It's hard to deal with. I don't relish having to be the strong one as my parents lose their abilities, as I always rely on their wisdom and strength. I hope the doctors can figure out what he needs to be taking/not taking. Glad you have your sister for support.

Crow - I know those drinking dreams can mess with your head...... Alcoholism is just ruthless - I mean it can't even let us sleep in peace. Geez.

Draciack - thanks for your words of support - it means so much. The MayFlower bus is definitely rocking on, though, and I hope we can all celebrate a year together!

HAVE A PEACEFUL, ENJOYABLE, DOWNRIGHT GREAT EVENING, EVERYONE!!

AtlasMcGee

Wow, I sure relate to this. Losing myself became a norm 'til I was barely existing. The having to work on it everyday is such a constant too. I forget the page number, but on the last page of Bill's story in the Big Book it talks about having to live in faith 24hrs a day or we perish. That really sticks with me, it is such a truth for me.

Today's number 90 for me as well. Congratulations Crow & Art!!!! I am so thankful to have all of you and I got misty eyed (due to joy) just thinking about celebrating a year with ya'll.

RGO Congratulations on 73 days, that's soooo AWESOME!!
& thank you for that reminder! I can look into that girl's eyes and see myself. Such tragic things happen without a second glance. I won't even pretend to know why I was spared such tragedy, lord knows how many times I got behind the wheel loaded out of my mind & using only one eye to navigate.

I hope everyone gets some well deserved rest and that the drinking dreams stay at bay--I agree about the rush of relief when you do wake up! haha, too realistic...Nighty night!

BobGT

Hey Gang,

Just checking in. Nothing newsworthy to report but I'm glad most everyone is doing good. Pork, I'm sorry that your father is not well. And, artsoul, I hope your back continues to feel better.

My rat-car incident turned out ok. Insurance covered everything but the deductable, and the car was fixed in a day. The best possible outcome. Now I just have to hope Robby Rat doesn't come back for dessert.

Anyway, thanks for your continued support MFers (I'm stealing that from Pork ) and I'll check back with you later.

porkchopped

Hey gang,

Congrats on everyone's impending milestones! It's a big deal!! SO be very proud of yourselves!!

I am taking off today for the month of August, the wireless sitch where I am headed is looking kinda grim. So if I am not checking in with regular frequency, do not fear: always a clown, but NOT joining the circus. (YouTube - Circus! Theme Music)
Sorry, I needed you to hear what was going through my mind as I typed that - sadly, it may never leave now :camper:

Which reminds me that I spent some dough on iTunes getting some music that was made... um.. after the 80's??
Yeah, trying to up my street cred, DEE - but I will not OG (Over Gold - YouTube - I'm gonna get you sucka)
So after downloading music from the new millennium, I cannot even get the playlist to show on my iPOD. GRRRRR - Artsoul, now that you are a techie, can you be my geek squad??? lol

Okay, this pimp is out for now... YouTube - I'm Gonna Git You Sucka- Fly Guy. Sorry the first clip reminded me of this scene - I feel like that in my own mind!

Stay straight and keep laughing!!! And thanks to you all for just being you :ghug3

Love,

Pork!!!!!

porkchopped

HAH - BobGT - the original MFer reference was from Artsoul - she be one nasty gurl!! lol

artsoul

I love "Nasty Girl" by Janet Jackson. haha, pork, I'll get you back! We won't worry about you - just enjoy your time with your parents (I know it means alot to me these days, as my folks are elderly and any day something could happen to take them from this world). We'll be thinking of you, too, so put your little porkchopped radar out their and pick up our good vibes.

Don't know if I can be much help on the iTunes/iPod issue (my daughter's the one who would know). I do know that there's a support line for Apple - 1-800-275-2273. Also, make sure you have the latest version of iTunes on your computer.

BobGT - had to laugh when you talked about Robby Rat coming back for desert - Apparently, he doesn't have very discriminating tastes. Who coulda guessed a critter could actually eat your car! It's great that everything worked out well. Life's little stressors...

Atlas - big CONGRATS on 90 days! It really is a big deal, isn't it? I loved this, too: That really resonated with me today. More than anything, I need to keep that positive hope alive: hope in myself and faith that the universe/Higher Power is with me, ready to help me be the best "me" I can be. I tend to react to things by seeing the glass half empty, and need to counter that with positivity on a daily basis. So THANKS for that.

My back is doing sooooo much better, thanks for everyone's concern. I feel as if we have our own little "prayer group" (for lack of a better word, because I'm not religious in the traditional sense). I do believe there is a Higher Power which is all-loving and I believe it's a part of all of us and that we're connected. Therefore, I cherish hearing from all of you, even when there's no "news" (BobGT).........

OK, let me finish my sermon by saying have a totally rad, boss, groovy, MFer day!!! I love you all!

BobGT

Hey artsoul,

Sorry for not giving you credit for originating MFer. I think it's a great acronym and you are obviously a creative thinker.
And thanks for being the head MFer cheerleader.

Dee74

Have a good time Pork
glad you're feeling better (((Art)))...

'grats on the 90 Atlas

and Bob !

D

artsoul

ok guys............ I'm now a nasty MF'in cheerleader! HAHA - you made my day BobGT!

Gimme an "M"
Gimme an "F"
What's it spell?................

We're the MF'ers and we can't be beat
All other alkies you can take a seat
We're tough and we do it one day at a time
If you want what we got, just get in line!

GO, FIGHT, WIN - YEA TEAM!!!!!!

artsoul

My back is acting up a little again this morning, so I'm taking it easy, sitting with my laptop propped up in the bed. I was just checking my FaceBook and came across a friend's post to another friend and I thought it was quite beautiful.

Have a great Saturday!

BobGT

Good morning Mayflowers,

Artsoul, that's a good quote. Did your friend write it or is it a quote from somewhere?

I had some strong cravings yesterday, but I didn't drink. As I wrote elsewhere on this site, I don't really like the feeling of being drunk anymore, and I hate the next day hangover and regrets, so where do these damn cravings come from?

But it is nice to be up early, planning a full day versus lying in bed with one eye cracked open thinking,"Oh sh!t, not again."

Anyway, have a good Sunday gang!

artsoul

Hey BobGT! I can certainly relate to that "oh sh!t, not again!" Towards the end of my drinking days, it seemed like I didn't even have to get a buzz to wake up with a bad hangover. It got harder and harder just to feel decent unless I was sipping that wine or beer.

I'm glad you endured the craving and didn't drink. The urges haven't gone away completely for me either. But I just keep reminding myself of all those times waking up, regretting that I drank and just praying that God would help me stop. About a week before I quit for good, there was one morning I spent throwing up. For sure, I didn't want to make a habit of that.

I've got lots of things coming up in the next week, including a couple deadlines and out of town trips. I tend to get overwhelmed when I know I have a lot of stuff to do. These are the times when I want a vacation from my thoughts, and of course alcohol is the first thing to come to mind. It's probably going to take a good bit of time for that automatic response to die. After all, it consumed our attention almost constantly when we were actively drinking. As they say, progress - not perfection. I'm trying to keep it positive, remembering what I have to be greatful for and take things as they come instead of worrying if I'll get it all done.

I was at a deli yesterday and saw the following quote:

Hope everyone is well out there - another week sober is another week where great things are possible in our lives! KEEP THE FAITH, MAYFLOWERS!!!!!!

porkchopped

so eloquent, powerful and TRUE!! LOL

Just checking in so Artsoul doesn't have to maintain a monologue solo. Being here with my rents is really fabulous - they may try to lock me in one of the closets I am making them clean. There is so much to do to get ready for the tag sale and get their house ready to put on the market. The funniest thing thus far is making my mom actually TRY ON all the clothes in her drawers and 7 closets. Shoulder pads went out and never came back for a reason

The conversations go like this:

Pork: Yeah.. that is pretty old.
Mom: It is perfectly good. I paid a lot of money for this.
Pork: I am sure you did... in 1980. You have tons of comparable items. We should let it be "new" to someone else. Share the joy.
Mom: Well I may not be ready to give up the joy it brings me.
Pork: The how about the fact that it isn't flattering.
Mom: Okay, okay.

Lather, rinse and repeat!

Oh and I am cooking for them!! Fun.. so far. My Dad had seconds the other night and I asked if that was just to be nice - and he reminded me that we don't "do nice" in our family. SO IT WAS GENUINE!! LOL

Okay - better make sure I am not burning the Spinach and Roasted Red Pepper Tart!! I will not be the only tart in the house for a bit. Just typing that makes me laugh - Lean Cuisine (in the freezer section) is my specialty.

Love to you all!!

Pork

BobGT

Yo Mayflowers...Just saying hi.

Pork, I'm glad you are enjoying your parents, and I'm sure they like spending time with you. Thanks for finding time to post while you are away.

AS, I'm hoping you got through your deadlines and out of town trips with ease and weren't overwhelmed. From reading your posts in other areas of SR, I'm guessing that you were a star, lol.

I'm just trying to stay cool. These hot afternoons in TX are brutal if you have to be outside. Luckily, I don't. Nothing exciting going on here, so thanks for listening.

And hi to all the thousands of lurker Mayflowers out there.

And just because I like that emoticon.

artsoul

haha - I like that little guy, too. And the one that says "run for the hills!" One of these days I'm going to figure out how to download and use some extra smileys. It's just too much fun!

I returned from one of my trips today, and will leave for Ohio Sunday. Lots to do tomorrow (clean, pack, dye my hair, paint my toenails, etc.....!) I'm looking forward to it, but am always nervous taking time away from my work. Still, it will be good to be helpful to my parents. Porkchopped, how are things going with your folks, by the way?

BobGT - I think you and I have earned the most points for "How HOT can it get?" Every morning when I wake up, there's so much condensation outside on the windows that you can't see through them. Two days ago, the heat index was 113. I get soaked walking to the mailbox. My swimming pool is hot. How 'bout you?

Just saw someone pouring a huge glass of wine on TV, and for a minute, I could taste it and I wanted some of it. geez.......what a pain in the hiney. It gets tiring sometimes, resisting these urges and not giving in, ya know? I'm telling myself right now, though, that it could be much worse. I could be going through chemo, or the loss of a child, or having my house burn down. Not to be morbid, but there's always someone out there suffering something worse than myself. It would be nice, though, if the Sober Fairy could magically tap away all the thoughts/desires. They need to start telling people how poisonous the stuff is..... like put a skull and crossbones on the label.

Well, not much else, so I think I'll read some other posts and see what's on TV. Hope everyone has a very Mayflowery Evening! HUGS.......