August Sobriety Group Pt 6
Owner of a strange glitch.
Join Date: Aug 2009
Location: midsouth
Posts: 2,331
Y'all getting me sad and frustrated. 
I try to do the same things, and to be honest, it leaves a bitter taste in my mouth. Maybe I'm doing it wrong, but Lord help me, I got nobody live to run things by... to check what I'm doing. The few people I do talk to that are sympathetic know nothing about addiction.
Church does help--most of the time. Once it exactly didn't... I don't know why. Took a wrong turn, and passed a bar that looked like one back home (well, nearby...). Spent the whole mass pretty sure I was going down for thinking about it in church. Don't think I drank that day, but that was hard... Every other time, church has left me with a nice feeling of inner peace that lasts for a while, gave me the strength to get through the week in that old apartment.
Problem is, I keep relapsing in the middle of the week.
AA has caused about as much pain as relieved the ones I already had. I don't know if it's me, if it's the area... but they are nice when I'm there... just don't answer the phone and I have a list of about 9 women now I call every day. So far I have no answer. It's been like this for a few weeks (well, every week I collect a new name/number)... and because of my phone plan, my minutes are going down for having called them.
Being there helps, with one exception (a meeting I no longer go to), but all of that will change with the rains. There is no way I can walk 2 hours in the dark with the cold desert rain pounding down on me. This isn't sprinkling, this is a flash flood in the making...
I was hoping I could connect with one of those ladies and then have a ride, or at least be 'vetted' for rides or whatever it takes... it's getting down to the wire though. The rains can start anytime now...
Rehab is a no go, and the only thing left of all of this is SR and I have a therapist appointment on the first. I'm the opposite of Midas... everything I touch just falls apart, and I don't know why. At least with sobriety. Other things, it's gold right away... I don't get it. I want to be sober, I really do... but I want it to be enjoyable...
Maybe I don't want it enough. Maybe I just want to be around people... But the idea of being around people drinking doesn't appeal to me at all. Heck, I don't really know.
Sorry Richard, don't mean to bring you down, but we both know I surely don't have the answers you seek. I'd love to help you, but I can't help myself right now, so just know you got my support... for what it's worth.
Take care y'all,
TB, not as depressed as this all probably sounds
I try to do the same things, and to be honest, it leaves a bitter taste in my mouth. Maybe I'm doing it wrong, but Lord help me, I got nobody live to run things by... to check what I'm doing. The few people I do talk to that are sympathetic know nothing about addiction.
Church does help--most of the time. Once it exactly didn't... I don't know why. Took a wrong turn, and passed a bar that looked like one back home (well, nearby...). Spent the whole mass pretty sure I was going down for thinking about it in church. Don't think I drank that day, but that was hard... Every other time, church has left me with a nice feeling of inner peace that lasts for a while, gave me the strength to get through the week in that old apartment.
Problem is, I keep relapsing in the middle of the week.
AA has caused about as much pain as relieved the ones I already had. I don't know if it's me, if it's the area... but they are nice when I'm there... just don't answer the phone and I have a list of about 9 women now I call every day. So far I have no answer. It's been like this for a few weeks (well, every week I collect a new name/number)... and because of my phone plan, my minutes are going down for having called them.
Being there helps, with one exception (a meeting I no longer go to), but all of that will change with the rains. There is no way I can walk 2 hours in the dark with the cold desert rain pounding down on me. This isn't sprinkling, this is a flash flood in the making...
I was hoping I could connect with one of those ladies and then have a ride, or at least be 'vetted' for rides or whatever it takes... it's getting down to the wire though. The rains can start anytime now...
Rehab is a no go, and the only thing left of all of this is SR and I have a therapist appointment on the first. I'm the opposite of Midas... everything I touch just falls apart, and I don't know why. At least with sobriety. Other things, it's gold right away... I don't get it. I want to be sober, I really do... but I want it to be enjoyable...
Maybe I don't want it enough. Maybe I just want to be around people... But the idea of being around people drinking doesn't appeal to me at all. Heck, I don't really know.
Sorry Richard, don't mean to bring you down, but we both know I surely don't have the answers you seek. I'd love to help you, but I can't help myself right now, so just know you got my support... for what it's worth.
Take care y'all,
TB, not as depressed as this all probably sounds
Member
Join Date: Aug 2009
Location: The Sunny South
Posts: 1,666
Sphal...wonderful post. I had accumulated several 24 hours awhile back...five years worth. I too joined on a online recovery board, and was sober. But...I wasn't as happy as I thought I should be. Alcohol still preoccupied my thoughts. Would I drink, or not drink, will others drink, or not drink...will I be able to be in that environment and not drink..blah blah blah. Then, with this last slip, I went to AA, the one thing I didn't do before. It too has made such a difference in my life. Other people that understood me, and understand what I just shared with no additional explanation.
Brent...your post was great also..I love the visual of the "empty glass". It is the truth, that we have to fill that void that we once drowned with booze.....
Richard., Dee has been able to work a great recovery program without meetings...some of us need meetings. We all have to find something that works for us...thats the key,
finding what works for us, and living a sober life.
Brent...your post was great also..I love the visual of the "empty glass". It is the truth, that we have to fill that void that we once drowned with booze.....
Richard., Dee has been able to work a great recovery program without meetings...some of us need meetings. We all have to find something that works for us...thats the key,
finding what works for us, and living a sober life.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2009
Location: The Sunny South
Posts: 1,666
TB-----
It does seem that things don't follow an easy route for you....
But, and I mean this with all the care and concern I can muster...I wish you would
give things more time. When I had strung together several years of sobriety, it was
a good year or two before I was convinced I could live without a drink. Things didn't
get better right away...there was no pink cloud. I faced some of the hardest times in my life, and that was all areas of my life., I kid you not. I remember thinking, d*mn...if this is
the way I am going to live the rest of my life., I am not sure this sobriety thing is worth it.
Take things in baby steps...all things won't be better tomorrow.,, but, one thing might,
like your roomate situation. Some of the other things you deal with are a consequence of your drinking., and will take some time to work thru.
You are such a smart, bright young lady that has the rest of her life ahead of her.
AA works for me right now. I think though, it is because I went in with the notion that it was going to work. I don't focus on what I don't get at a meeting, or who I don't connect with, I focus on what I do get...who I do connect with. Others socialize more then I, but, thats ok...I am where I am right now...and that is not permanent. Accepting what I can change, and focusing on that, makes all the difference. I don't awfulize who doesn't call me, or if someone doesn't answer me. I take it one baby step at a time.
You are sober today...how wonderful is that!!!!!!!!!!You are in college, you have a roof over your head,( not homeless), have no physical limitations (as in no missing limbs, etc), you aren't in jail, you have a computer and internet access and many people that care about you. Some people don't even have one of those things..yet, they are happy, and find a way to relish that.
Don't mean to sound, (as my children would say) that I am giving you a Sunday School lesson on acceptance and gratitude...but, it is the only way, I can stay in the present, looking up, rather then looking behind me, or looking down on this journey....
Peace.
It does seem that things don't follow an easy route for you....
But, and I mean this with all the care and concern I can muster...I wish you would
give things more time. When I had strung together several years of sobriety, it was
a good year or two before I was convinced I could live without a drink. Things didn't
get better right away...there was no pink cloud. I faced some of the hardest times in my life, and that was all areas of my life., I kid you not. I remember thinking, d*mn...if this is
the way I am going to live the rest of my life., I am not sure this sobriety thing is worth it.
Take things in baby steps...all things won't be better tomorrow.,, but, one thing might,
like your roomate situation. Some of the other things you deal with are a consequence of your drinking., and will take some time to work thru.
You are such a smart, bright young lady that has the rest of her life ahead of her.
AA works for me right now. I think though, it is because I went in with the notion that it was going to work. I don't focus on what I don't get at a meeting, or who I don't connect with, I focus on what I do get...who I do connect with. Others socialize more then I, but, thats ok...I am where I am right now...and that is not permanent. Accepting what I can change, and focusing on that, makes all the difference. I don't awfulize who doesn't call me, or if someone doesn't answer me. I take it one baby step at a time.
You are sober today...how wonderful is that!!!!!!!!!!You are in college, you have a roof over your head,( not homeless), have no physical limitations (as in no missing limbs, etc), you aren't in jail, you have a computer and internet access and many people that care about you. Some people don't even have one of those things..yet, they are happy, and find a way to relish that.
Don't mean to sound, (as my children would say) that I am giving you a Sunday School lesson on acceptance and gratitude...but, it is the only way, I can stay in the present, looking up, rather then looking behind me, or looking down on this journey....
Peace.
Administrator
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,473
Originally Posted by Richard54 
No recover progammes...no meetings..?
"keep doing this and inevitably die pretty soon...or try something different."
Dee ..what on earth has worked for you?
What have you done differently?
What has worked for you?
Was it simply a 'choice'?
Of living and dying?
Black and White?...One path leads this way..I'm going that way instead..?
Was it just your commitment...?
Is it your Higher Power...a semi-spiritual awakening of self
What the heck are you doing to make it? I'm sorry to pry your brain for your secrets...please share...
I know the help you give to others still struggling gives you strength.
I'm sorry man, but I am totally intrigued.
What on earth has worked for you the most on your journey?
No program...no meetings...Man I'm lookin for answers too....
What worked?
"keep doing this and inevitably die pretty soon...or try something different."
Dee ..what on earth has worked for you?
What have you done differently?
What has worked for you?
Was it simply a 'choice'?
Of living and dying?
Black and White?...One path leads this way..I'm going that way instead..?
Was it just your commitment...?
Is it your Higher Power...a semi-spiritual awakening of self
What the heck are you doing to make it? I'm sorry to pry your brain for your secrets...please share...
I know the help you give to others still struggling gives you strength.
I'm sorry man, but I am totally intrigued.
What on earth has worked for you the most on your journey?
No program...no meetings...Man I'm lookin for answers too....
What worked?
I don't - I only have what worked for me.
What worked was not drinking Richard.
I know that sounds like a wiseguy answer but it's not.
I nearly died. No hyperbole. I nearly died, and when I found myself in that situation it sorted out my priorities pretty quick.
I accepted that drinking was bad, inevitably terminal for me, and resolved never to drink again.
I've come close to breaking that vow several times, but each time I made sure I would at least reach out to people who could help me before I drank - and each time I made it through.
The longer I don't drink the more sane my brain gets, the more I get used to dealing with life sober and the less likely I am to think of drinking as a response or a solution to anything. I'm also gifted with a far greater degree of clarity. I used to BS myself stupid.
Fears a great motivator - but I'm glad I came here to SR because I think fear would have only kept me sober for so long.
I changed my life - my old life was totally self indulgent - I wasn't an evil guy but all I did was fill my desires...
my new life...I'm not a saint...but I do a lot of service...it just seems right to me to do it and it doesn't seem a chore....mostly anyway LOL
Obviously I could waffle on all day here
I also got lucky - I found my partner just when I needed her, and I found God along the way too...but all that was icing really.
in a sentence?
The 'Dee plan' is don't drink, be honest with yourself, reach out to others to try and ensure that - and find a vocation whatever that is - find a way that you can be the best person you can be...thats how I think we can restore ourselves to sanity.
Sane people don't want to destroy themselves
D
Last edited by Dee74; 11-25-2009 at 07:00 PM. Reason: typo
Member
Join Date: Jul 2008
Location: New England
Posts: 660
Happy Thanksgiving Eve, my friends! :)
Thank you for all of the thoughtful posts and sharing! You all ROCK in my book :)
Tonight I entertained thoughts of going out to dinner and having a few drinks to "relax". I didn't do it. YAY!!! Progress...progress...
I hope you all have a wonderful day tomorrow...I GRATEFUL for all of you!
Sweet Dreams, my friends!
Love and hugs,
Thank you for all of the thoughtful posts and sharing! You all ROCK in my book :)
Tonight I entertained thoughts of going out to dinner and having a few drinks to "relax". I didn't do it. YAY!!! Progress...progress...
I hope you all have a wonderful day tomorrow...I GRATEFUL for all of you!
Sweet Dreams, my friends!
Love and hugs,
Owner of a strange glitch.
Join Date: Aug 2009
Location: midsouth
Posts: 2,331
Y'all, I don't mean to sound ungrateful... many of these things are new to me, and I can't see the value in them yet.
I was happy before I heard of the internet... but I had people around.
I'm somehow getting through sobriety, not doing bad in my opinion, don't really feel like drinking at all, just feel sad and lonely due to the holiday.
I got plenty, it's just day to day it feels hollow.
Anyways, will be more positive after Monday. Promise. Maybe Tuesday, but one of those days...
Take care y'all, see y'all on Monday then.
TB
I was happy before I heard of the internet... but I had people around.
I'm somehow getting through sobriety, not doing bad in my opinion, don't really feel like drinking at all, just feel sad and lonely due to the holiday.
I got plenty, it's just day to day it feels hollow.
Anyways, will be more positive after Monday. Promise. Maybe Tuesday, but one of those days...
Take care y'all, see y'all on Monday then.
TB
Member
Join Date: Jun 2009
Location: South Dakota, USA
Posts: 1,429
Happy turkey day peeps! Gobble Gobble! I went out last night with a bunch of friends to celebrate one of my best friends sisters 21st birthday. It was a blast. We went bar hopping buying her shots. The best part? I drank Sprite the WHOLE night! The desire to drink is gone. I know, I have to be careful, as I am playing with fire being around it like that. But it was so fun to be able to go out and NOT drink. I don't know where the strength comes from, but it sure is there. Thank you GOD! I couldn't do it without him.
I went to an AA meeting last night after work. It was another meeting I had never been to. I had met a couple of the guys from before, but most of them were new. Handshakes and welcomes from everyone. SO NICE! Small meeting, only 10 people. But the love was huge.
So I hope you all have great day. Remember to give thanks for what we have, not what we DONT have! Hugs and love to all of you.
Brent
I went out last night with a bunch of friends to celebrate one of my best friends sisters 21st birthday. It was a blast. We went bar hopping buying her shots. The best part? I drank Sprite the WHOLE night! The desire to drink is gone. I know, I have to be careful, as I am playing with fire being around it like that. But it was so fun to be able to go out and NOT drink. I don't know where the strength comes from, but it sure is there. Thank you GOD! I couldn't do it without him.I went to an AA meeting last night after work. It was another meeting I had never been to. I had met a couple of the guys from before, but most of them were new. Handshakes and welcomes from everyone. SO NICE! Small meeting, only 10 people. But the love was huge.
So I hope you all have great day. Remember to give thanks for what we have, not what we DONT have! Hugs and love to all of you.
Brent
hypercube
Join Date: Aug 2009
Posts: 306
My two weeks of leave are now drawing to a close and it's back to work on Monday. I set myself a long list of maintenance type jobs do to this break and I'm pleased to say I've gotten through all of it: put up shelving, check, sort through and dust books, check, organise books for donation, check, clear up the front and back garden, check, plant out the back garden, check, clean and treat couch and dining chairs, check, wash and iron cushion covers, check, wash and air doona, check, unpack and organise errant boxes of stuff, check, etc, etc.
I couldn't have done any of the above if I was in drinking mode, I'd schlep morosely around the house, looking at everything that needs to be done and do absolutely none of it. I've been useful, but a little bit lonely.
Enjoy the celebratory weekend American folks, and for those alone and without family, my thoughts are with you -- SR is here, so keep posting.
I couldn't have done any of the above if I was in drinking mode, I'd schlep morosely around the house, looking at everything that needs to be done and do absolutely none of it. I've been useful, but a little bit lonely.
Enjoy the celebratory weekend American folks, and for those alone and without family, my thoughts are with you -- SR is here, so keep posting.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2009
Location: South Dakota, USA
Posts: 1,429
It sure is quiet in here. I hope that means everyone is still in a bit of a "turkey coma." haha. I had a great Thanksgiving. Family, friends, and SOBRIETY! Wine was served, and I politely refused. No one cares, or even questions me saying no. Funny huh
So I hope you all are well and sober. I am off in a couple hours to my in-laws for the weekend for yet another Thanksgiving dinner. I had better loosen the belt up now! haha.
Hugs to you all, and Happy Thanksgiving weekend!
So I hope you all are well and sober. I am off in a couple hours to my in-laws for the weekend for yet another Thanksgiving dinner. I had better loosen the belt up now! haha.
Hugs to you all, and Happy Thanksgiving weekend!
Guest
Join Date: Jul 2009
Posts: 1,262
Hi everyone! I'm fine. Just wanted to say hi and Happy Post-Thanksgiving to you all. Sorry I've been MIA. Have been a little "involved" with someone and that is taking my time and energy right now. Hang in there TB. The holidays can be long and lonely. I'm lucky I have my kids this weekend. Take care for now.
Laura
Laura
Member
Join Date: Jul 2006
Location: Philadelphia, PA area
Posts: 335
KC here.
I have been MIA for a day or two as well. Went to pick up my 93-year old grandmother yesterday to take her to Thanksgiving Dinner at a local restaurant and it appears as though she may have had another "mini-stroke" or a TIA. She has them from time to time and there is really nothing that can be done according to her doctor. I just need to determine if it is a "TIA" or the real thing. I was able to quickly determine it was a TIA so I just kept her still for 1/2 hours. Hubby and I quickly cancelled the dinner reservations and stayed wtih her while she fought me on calling an ambulance. After 1/2 hour, she was fine and so we just took her to my Uncle's house instead. He and his family had already finished their Thanksgiving dinner, but were very welcoming and heated up leftovers for us. So a stressful Thanksgiving dinner. My cousin is leaving for Iraq tomorrow, so he was there with his wife and two little kids - age 5 months and 1-1/2 years. So sad. Anyhow, I had two Diet Cokes, despite my other cousins trying to give me wine, kaluah, frangelico, whiskey, etc. They are clueless as to my "problem." Hubby had a few beers and I was the DD. So it was a good day. Today picked up my grandmother and took her to her hair appointment, then out to lunch, then I joined the "Black Friday" crowds at the stores. Hubby and I just came back from dinner and now we are watching the Military Channel (wheeee!) and have a fire going in the fireplace. So a quiet night for sure. So glad...next weekend it is "black tie weekend" all weekend long with work stuff.
Hope all are doing well and I will check in tomorrow. Going into the office for a few hours......ugh.
KC
I have been MIA for a day or two as well. Went to pick up my 93-year old grandmother yesterday to take her to Thanksgiving Dinner at a local restaurant and it appears as though she may have had another "mini-stroke" or a TIA. She has them from time to time and there is really nothing that can be done according to her doctor. I just need to determine if it is a "TIA" or the real thing. I was able to quickly determine it was a TIA so I just kept her still for 1/2 hours. Hubby and I quickly cancelled the dinner reservations and stayed wtih her while she fought me on calling an ambulance. After 1/2 hour, she was fine and so we just took her to my Uncle's house instead. He and his family had already finished their Thanksgiving dinner, but were very welcoming and heated up leftovers for us. So a stressful Thanksgiving dinner. My cousin is leaving for Iraq tomorrow, so he was there with his wife and two little kids - age 5 months and 1-1/2 years. So sad. Anyhow, I had two Diet Cokes, despite my other cousins trying to give me wine, kaluah, frangelico, whiskey, etc. They are clueless as to my "problem." Hubby had a few beers and I was the DD. So it was a good day. Today picked up my grandmother and took her to her hair appointment, then out to lunch, then I joined the "Black Friday" crowds at the stores. Hubby and I just came back from dinner and now we are watching the Military Channel (wheeee!) and have a fire going in the fireplace. So a quiet night for sure. So glad...next weekend it is "black tie weekend" all weekend long with work stuff.
Hope all are doing well and I will check in tomorrow. Going into the office for a few hours......ugh.
KC
Member
Join Date: Aug 2009
Location: The Sunny South
Posts: 1,666
KC-glad to hear your Grandmother is ok.Those TIA's are scarey. You "sound" like you are doing well in your post. Way to go avoiding the booze and being the DD..that is an advantage to not drinking. The Military Channel...you go girl!
TJ-love the avator.
Purplecat...a massage and a facial...wow., that is a nice treat.
I did a little shopping yesterday,and then took a nap. I have been fighting a cold,and hopefully will knock it out this weekend.
Hope everyones Saturday is going well.
Peace
TJ-love the avator.
Purplecat...a massage and a facial...wow., that is a nice treat.
I did a little shopping yesterday,and then took a nap. I have been fighting a cold,and hopefully will knock it out this weekend.
Hope everyones Saturday is going well.
Peace
Member
Join Date: May 2009
Posts: 14,940
It's been really quiet around here lately. I've been able to spend sometime with extended family and catch up on some of the things that never seem to get done during the normal 5 day work weeks. Hope everyone is having a relaxing and sober weekend.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2009
Posts: 1,292
So after 112 days I drank last night, as I planned to do. It has just re-affirmed my desire not to drink. I hit it big time and now I have the old feeling of dread. My body is sore. I have cuts and bruises in numerous places and I remember why. At one point I couldn't walk and I always walk home. I tried to phone my wife she didn't answer and in my drunkeness I phoned, by mistake, numerouse other people. Friggin nightmare.
The only good thing is that I didn't enjoy it and am quite happy to continue my sober ways.
I'm in for a tough day but I know the answer.
Sigh.
The only good thing is that I didn't enjoy it and am quite happy to continue my sober ways.
I'm in for a tough day but I know the answer.
Sigh.
Meow
Join Date: Jul 2009
Location: The Great Lakes State
Posts: 1,585
Sounds like a really rough night, Midton. Glad you have your answer, though. (((hugs)))
Got our Christmas lights up outside. I love this time of year with all the lights to chase away the winter darkness and gloom.
Got our Christmas lights up outside. I love this time of year with all the lights to chase away the winter darkness and gloom.
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