Lilya

Juls and Nancy,

I saw "Dead Ringers". It affected me as well. I remember feeling awful and akward in a moviehouse in Paris years ago. I wouldn´t want to see it again. I remember the scene with the instrument too vividly.

The Lost Weekend is excellent. A must see for all AA people.

I liked the Fly. Cronenberg is a good eccentric, although he does go over certain limits, like in "Dead Ringers".

We have all been through so much trauma, it´s amazing we are still there today. I can totally relate to your aversion, Juls. I was beaten up and raped in East-Germany and Ex-Yugoslavia, today´s Bosnia, by the Police. I cannot let a man touch my hair at hair saloons or serve me where touch is indicated. This is something that doesn´t go away.

But we are survivers! Remember that, ladies.

Juls

Lilya,

I didn't know Cronenberg did the re-make of The Fly. I have seen that one also, but the original is good as well. It's in black and white.

I guess I like weird things, because I've seen Dead Ringers more than once.

Lilya,

I am sorry for the trauma you have experienced. I know men experience trauma's, including sexual traumas also, but as women we are so vulnerable to that particular type of trauma. I may have been able to get past it in my life, but in some ways I'll never get over it.

However, I am glad that it hasn't ruined my life, nor hopefully yours, because for me that would be like giving in to it and I want to be stronger than that. I want to go on and live and feel joy in life and not let the bad things that happend to me take that away.

Juls

Lilya

Juls,
Thanks for your support. I wrote my story on the new board for life-stories; it doesn´t really matter because it will be made public anyway. I signed a contract with my editor for writing my autobiography, and I hope it helps someone, particularily drug users and juvenile delinguents, ex-cons and people who have family members trapped in cults.

In fact I think my trauma has made me stronger, as it should. Sometimes it gets me and I get episodes of aversions to men and real bursts of anger, but usually I´m quite stable. I can even have chat with cops over a cup of coffee! I think we are all survivors because we refuse to let these bad things beat us down. It´s all about using the Chinese meaning for Crisis: "Danger and opportunity". I choose opportunity.

We have a saying in French: "Tout sert." meaning: Everything can be used for experience or whatever. I live by that.

Cronenberg made the original of "The Fly", no? Not the remake.

I´m watching one of my late night favorites, "The Prince of Tides". I love the pshychology.

Keep the TV on, ladies! And where are all the movie men here? Is this thread a women only?

Juls

Lilya,

I don't know who made the original of The Fly, but you mentioned Cronenberg in conjunction with Dead Ringers, so I thought that you were referring to the remake, since I would think the Director of the original would be dead by now. The remake was with Geena Davis, and Jeff Goldblum, I'm don't the name of the actor in the original.

Are we talking about the same movie? The original was in B/W, the reamke of course in color.

Juls

Lilya

Juls,

David Cronenberg made The Fly or La Mouche in 1986 with Jeff Goldblum. It´s the one in colour, so someone else did the original.

I love weird movies as well, like David Lynch´s early work, "Eraserhead" and his latest "Mulholland Drive". I also love scary movies, The Shining, The Others with Nicole Kidman, The Sixth Sense. Somehow they calm me late at night and I fall asleep more easily.

It´s kind of nuts, but I like it!

Some say women love scary movies because it reminds them of their struggle with childbirth, menstruations, blood. Maybe. Was it Bela Lugosi who said that?

Juls

Lilya,

See if you can find the original Black and White version. It's good too. Did we talk about La Femme Nakita already?

Juls

Lilya

I look for it today in the Archives!

We have never discussed Nikita. You mean the French one, 1990 by Luc Besson?
I liked it very much. Gritty and gripping. I haven´t seen the American remake with Bridget Fonda. Isn´t she too cute to play a character like Nikita?

Tell me what you thought of the French one.

Juls

I like them both. They made Briget very hard and edgy for the remake. I saw the French version first, and really enjoyed it. My husband prefers the French version, but I like them both because although they present the subject matter in entirely the same way, there are still different elements.

Have you seen that old B/W vampire movie, I can't think of the name right now, but it is a silent movie.

Juls

Heavens

Well, Hello.

I was wondering if this was all ladies, too. I am tempted to say "Hello, Ladies," but I stop myself to keep the invitation open to men, too. Anyway, I loved the "Prince of Tides." I read all Conroy's books, and watch his movies. His literary style is so painterly and he has such a good personality -- he is so amusing. When he describes the scenes, I feel like I am there. Also, I would love to buy a copy of your autobiography, Lilya.
I was kind of thinking of writing one myself. I usually think no one would be interested, but then a kid came in the library today and asked for books on family problems and teen pregnancy. I thought that I should write some more...we need more...I told y'all about my daughter, Baby Girl Evans, that I allowed to be adoped on September 18, 1975, didn't I? She would now be twenty-eight. My first child that I got to keep is now 24. They both weighed nine pounds eight ounces. I hope she is happy somewhere. Well, I definitely plan to relax tonight. It has been a rough day. The kids are running around more than usual. I suspected a fulll moon, and sure enough, the internet tells me the moon was full two days ago. It is also the two-year anniversary of my Dad's death, which my mother uses as an excuse to dump on me. And it is the two year anniversary of the night my ex-boyfriend and I got together. It was a full moon then too.

I am going to un-celebrate with some movies at some point.

Happy almost full moon,

Juls

Nancy,

It's good to hear from you. People seemed to have dropped off from posting lately. Not sure why. I orginally read The Prince of Tides years ago and really enjoyed it, and have re-read it several times since. I was excited when they made a movie based on it, and I think Barbara and Nick made a good team. Of course the book goes into alot more detail.

I know how those anniversary things go. My mom used to dump on me all the time, she didn't need a reason.

I hope you enjoy your evening of un-celebration, and the kids don't drive you too crazy.

Right now I'm listening to music I've downloaded off the net while I post. I really love music, pretty much all kinds. It was great when Napster was going on, I got so much good music. Hundreds of different songs. I could listen for hours without starting it over.

So I'll continue to groove while I'm checkin on the boards.

Peace

Juls

Lilya

Well hello, Ladies!

Boards go sleepy for awhile, then it picks up. Just like the moon and tides.

Nancy, did I tell you about my other daughter I had in my teens with a bodyguard from New York? Conceived in between shelters for juveniles and prison cells and taken from me by the Social Services? She was born in May a lifetime ago and is now in Spain, refusing to talk to me. Just like my other daughter in the cult. I know all about birthdays and anniversaries. My heart goes out for you, sweetie. But remember, we probably will be great grandmothers someday. Life usually has a way of working out and patterns will fall into place.

I´ll send you my autobiography when it´s published, but I´m still writing it. Might have to postpone publication until both my parents are gone. Meanwhile other books of mine will be published. Next year I´m writing a children´s book.

In the meantime, we have movies, books, art exhibitions, a whole world to travel and explore. I´m going to Cuba around Christmas after all the workload is done. But most important, we have other kids. I have my fosterson with me this weekend, so Harry Potter has been on day and night. Now he´s asleep and I´m watching "Magnolia" with Tom Cruise and Liliane Moore. Have you seen it?

The vampire movie inspires me, Juls, is it "Nosferatu", the great German masterpiece? Or is it with Bela Lugosi? Let me know.

So, Ladies, keep watching!

Heavens

Dear sweeties,

I think people are busier during the week maybe? I am glad to hear you enjoy music, Juls. I really think it is a huge outlet for emotion, and it carries me away like Calgon. I don't think I would have made it through life without it. Johnny Cash said that he doesn't think he could have made it through his three lonely years in the service without it.

One reason my mother and I don't get along sometimes is that I have a deep resentment, if I let it creep back into my life, of how she rejected my first child and cared not how it tore my heart out of my chest to have to give her up for adoption. But most of the time, I don't feel the pain anymore. The wounds are so old. But sometimes, anniversaries or other things trigger...tonight I went by the cemetary where my DAd, my brother, and my sister are buried. It was the first time I had ever drove by through the place at night. "Gravedigger" was playing on the radio by Dave Matthews Band, and I was driving to a pay phone to call my twins because I had misplaced my cell temporarily. It just seemed appropriate to pull in, since the song came on as I approached the cemetary to pass by on my way to the phone. As I thought about them, I remembered how much Daddy hurt to see me and mama quarrel, and I decided to let the anger go, once again. I called mama, and she was falling all over herself trying to be nice to me. I thought, "Why Can't We Be Friends"? There really is a song for every sentiment, Juls.

Lilya, I don't remember you mentioning your daughter well, but you may have, yet I don't think so. But thanks for sharing now. No, but I feel for you. How awful for you. I can relate. I also relate to slaves having to be separated from their children -- man's inhumanity to man. Don't you just love Mark Twain? You are right, time goes by, and things iron out, don't they? Did I tell you about my cousin asking me if I ever heard from her or found her, and when I said "No," she said, "Maybe something happened to her." I went away that day. But then it worked itself out, like you say. We are all really spirits anyway. That is so cool that you are an author. I did not know or, you know my diseased brain, maybe forgot! I am trying to learn to laugh at my physical imperfections, since, as I say, we are all spirits anyway.

Yes, there is always something to adventure right before our eyes. I am amazed by the ability of the human mind to entertain itself, and the creativity of it. I was reading an article about some prisoners of war who made their own deck of cards. Mama says when she grew up during the Depression they always had to make up their own amusement, and had no toys. She told a great story of them playing a trick on my late Uncle Earl, scaring him half to death with a scarecrow that they made to move and made it talk and named, "Little Johnny." No, I haven't seen Magnolia, but, like any woman, I love Tom Cruise. I don't mind being a stereotype in some ways.

My younger daughter, Connie, four years younger than Baby Evans, 24, used to like the Anne Rice vampire books. I could never finish one. My ex was infatuated with Buffy. I used to be coereced by circumstance into watching her everyday, and after awhile, I grew tp enjoy the series, although in general, I really don't like the way our youth glorify violence as the end all to problem's solutions.

Love you all,
Nancy

Juls

Lilya,

Nosferatu is the one. I really like some vampire movies. I liked the remake of Mary Shelly's Frankenstein. That was intense.

I am sorry for your loss Lilya of your child. I have abortion anniversaries. If I had a child everytime I had gotten pregnant I would have five different children by five different men. I sometimes think about what they might have been like, and I feel guilty that I was young and foolish enough to allow myself to get pregnant so many times. That was why the last time when I was pregnant with my daughter I just could not do that again. And I wish now that I wouldn't have cared what society would have thought and had all those children.

I also fear that I will be damned by God for having those abortions, but that is not why I wish I hadn't. However, I can't change the past, I can only change the present and work on changing the future.

Nancy, you are right, it seems like there is a song for every occasion. I really enjoy your input on the board here. You have a very good outlook on things.

Juls

Heavens

Dear Juls,

I don't think God damns, you darling. God knows, if anyone were to be damned, it would be me. But, Thank God, there is release from all that. There is love and forgiveness instead. And we are all candidates to receive it from our Higher Power and to give it to ourself. Anyone who thinks they are deserving of love and forgiveness and a good life while someone else is not is a hypocrite. None of us is without baggage. Baggage need not be permanent. Remember, Jesus asked those who would stone the woman who committed adultery to cast the first stone if they were without sin. I know that our Higher Power forgives. Thank God none of us has to live in the past. I don't forget it, I guess to learn life lessons and memory serves certain useful functions. But I don't have to feel guilty today. My Higher Power has said so, so it doesn't matter if I sometimes get the message from others that I don't deserve love. My Higher Power has shown me that I do. It doesn't matter what we did or did not do in the past, although it is good to talk about it and work it out. But Thank God I can be free from my past, and everyday, I can wake up and think, "Just for today, I am in recovery. Just for today it is ok and good to be free from the past and love and parent myself and live a good life." It might be good to kind of go way back to that part of our past BEFORE life damaged us and took away that child within that had the joy de vivre, who just enjoyed life, and believed that she and everyone in the world is loveable, though. That inner little girl. Yes, I would like to go back to that past.

Love you today!
Nancy

Lilya

Dear Juls and Nancy,

I´ve told you before I go to Dalai Lama´s temple in the east banlieu of Paris, The Vincennes forest, to meet with a very wise man from Tibet. We discuss things like that. Once I asked him what he thought about abortitions and he told me that it is his belief that the spirits who decide to come to Earth, but are aborted by the mothers, always follow them as "Special lights". They guard over her and protect her, because they are part of her. There is no rancor or judgment.

I believe this wisdom and I can sometimes feel the child I aborted around me. I know it was a boy. At the time I had little chose. I didn´t want another child taken from me. Society judges incredibly harshly. We are indeed strong if we manage to rise above it.

Many people have said to me: "How could you let the Social Services take your child?" (Reading: What kind of a mother are you, anyway?) I don´t try to explain or jusitfy myself. When a child has been taken from you, as was in my case - and rightly so, I was an unfit mother - or in a case like yours - your mother influencing you, Nancy, it leaves an unbearable pain no one can understand but the person who has been through that same experience.

I also dislike Journalists who call me and ask if they can put a piece about me in a tabloid with the caption: "Ex-con and ex-Cocaine addict publishes fifth novel."

It´s such a disrespect for all the people who have gone through the same.

Your cousin, Nancy, who asked you what if something happened to your daughter, has no idea what she is talking about. To quote the good book, "May God forgive those who don´t not know what they are doing".

Well, enough of that. It´s late night in Paris and I just came home from an enjoyable dinner party. My niece comes tomorrow and I had my appartment waxed and shined. I´m watching "Le Pianiste" by Roman Polanski. My God, what strenght and beauty! The music - incredible! Four stars and two thumbs up.

Angles are watching over our children, born or unborn.



:skiptrip:

Heavens

Dear Lilya,

I can't remember what I watched of Roman Polanski, but I remember being impressed. He was the one who was murdered by Manson, wasn't he, or am I confused again? Anyway, I can just picture your cozy apartment, all bustled and nested. Sounds like you are doing a great job of taking care of yourself! Kudos!

And to all a good night...! Ah, but now, my Higher Power is telling me that strife with my mother, no matter how "justified" I might feel about it, is still poisoinous to my soul, so I must make peace with her...and we do...as I was telling Juls and MG earlier, God knows, I realize I have no moral right to hold anything against anyone, since I will never be morally right, and if I think I am, I am a hypocrite indeed...peace and love and no drugs and rock and roll...from an old hippie.

Nancy

Lilya

Polanski´s first wife, Sharon Tate, was murdered by the Manson Family.

Roman Polanski made "Rosemary´s Baby" among other excellent films and some flops. You can see me in one of them - a flop, "The Ninth Gate" with Johnny Depp. I´m a movie extra when I feel my adventure adrenaline kicking in. It´s great fun and you meet lots of people.

All strife can be poisonous to the soul, but it´s only human to be a little bit bitter. There are some wrong-doings that are hard to forgive. I read in one of Melody Beatty´s books that you can forgive for your own peace of mind, but you don´t necessarily need to connect with the person. You just let her go.

Of course it´s more difficult when it´s your mother!

Did any of you read "Les mots pour le dire" by Marie Cardinale? It came out in the eighties. It´s a brilliant autobiography of a French woman who had continual bleedings, resulting from her strife with her mother. She overcame it with the help of her pshycho-analyst. It´s a deeply touching book and has been translated all over the world. I don´t know the title in English, but you could find it on the web. The most touching chapter is about the foregiveness. I recommend it.

Good night.

Juls

Nancy,

Thank you for your kinds words, and Lilya I love the thought that perhaps the children I chose not to have are special spirits following me in my life.

Lilya, I know you struggle with many things, but the way you describe your life and the things you do makes me wish that I was there too. I am going to try and find that book on the web.

Did anyone read the biography of Camille Claudell? She was an artist who was tutored, and also the lover of Rodin.

When he rejected her she had a breakdown and was committed to a mental hospital. She spent the rest of her life there and never worked again. She was, I think, a brilliant artist and it is sad how things worked out for her. Some people feel that Rodin actually used her work and labeled it as his own. Particularly a piece known as "The foot."

Where I used to live in Palo Alto, at the University there (Stanford) is a museum that has a garden that is filled with sculptures by Rodin. I used to really admire his work, but after I learned of his relationship with Camille and how he used her and tossed her aside, I didn't feel so much admiration for him. Of course maybe I don't know all the real story.

Lilya, do you have any insight into this?

Juls

Lilya

Juls,
I´m glad you know the story of Camille Claudel. She was a brilliant sculpturesse who was indeed Rodin´s mistress and pupil, and her early work show his influence and dominion over her. After she started working on her own, after the split with Rodin, she did major works like La Valse (1892), la Vague (1893), l'Age mûr (1895), to mention a few.

In Paris at least, we have recognized fully the life and work of Camille Claudel who would probably have faded into obscurity if not for a book that came out in the eighties (by Anne something, can´t remember)... and the film "Camille Claudel" with Isabelle Adjani which became a great success. Now her works are on display in Paris, of course, and I know there is or was an exhibition in Ontario on her works and Rodin together.

I believe Rodin was a great artist, there is no question, and like all artists with big egos, like Picasso, he used women and other people in general. He used Camille, yes, but he also tought her a great deal. There are never easy answers in the relationships between two artists. Camille suffered from incredibly difficult mental illness which made her life very sad, got the wrong treatment, but she was a great artist and ahead of her times and is fortunately now recognized.

Try ***** and see what you come up with.

Lilya

Hey Juls,

I jumped on the Net myself and found interesting references on Camille. This might also be of interest for others here because of her mental illness. She was locked up for 30 years, not allowed to work at her art.

Here you go:

Camille Claudel
CAMILLE CLAUDEL Jacques Vilain. Ph527. Portrait of Camille Claudel c.1884 albumen print 15,5 x 10,3 cm Ph.527. ?My very dearest down ...
www.musee-rodin.fr/claud-e.htm cached | more results from this site

2. The Sculpture of Camille Claudel
The Sculpture of Camille Claudel. Photos by Jeffery Howe. Camille Claudel, French late 19th century sculptor. The Age of Maturity. The Age of Maturity. ...
www.bc.edu/bc_org/avp/cas/fnart/art/claudel.html cached | more results from this site

3. Works of Camille Claudel
Some Beautiful (If Tortured) Works of Camille Claudel. ... Rodin sculpts Camille as The Farewell, The Convalescent, and The Head of Camille Claudel. ...
www.cs.wustl.edu/~loui/camille.html cached
More sites about: Sculptors > Camille Claudel

4. Camille Claudel on the Internet
provides list of online exhibits, links, and image archives.
http://www.artcyclopedia.com/artists...l_camille.html more results from this site
More sites about: Sculptors > Camille Claudel

5. http://www.camilleclaudel.asso.fr/
www.camilleclaudel.asso.fr/

6. Camille Claudel
offers brief history.
www.heloise.co.uk/CamilleClaudel.htm cached
More sites about: Sculptors > Camille Claudel

7. Camille Claudel, of Dreams and Nightmares
Camille Claudel, of Dreams and Nightmares. Some say ... well. "Of the dream which was my life, this is the nightmare..." (Camille Claudel). In ...
http://www.angelfire.com/goth/poe/ca...del_index.html cached | more results from this site

8. Goodspeed Musicals 2003 - 2003 Shows - Camille Claudel
Home > 2003 Shows > Norma Terris Theatre > Camille Claudel, ... A revolt against nature- a woman of genius!? Camille Claudel broke all the rules. ...
www.goodspeed.org/shows/camille.htm cached | more results from this site

9. NMWA | Private Collection | Profile - Camille Claudel
Artist Profile; Artist Portfolio. Camille Claudel French, 1864-1943 As a young woman, Camille Claudel was recognized for both her ...
www.nmwa.org/collection/Profile.asp?LinkID=147 cached | more results from this site

10. Camille Claudel
... Frank is working with Nan Knighton on a new musical about the life of the French sculptress, Camille Claudel. The world-premiere ...
www.frankwildhorn.com/projects/camille/ cached | more results from this site

11. Camille Claudel at the Orsay
features images of some of Claudel's sculptures.
http://www.clt.astate.edu/wallen/dig...audelOrsay.htm cached
More sites about: Sculptors > Camille Claudel

12. http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/ASIN/0792899768/
www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/ASIN/0792899768/ more results from this site

13. Camille Claudel 1864~1943
The summary for this Korean page contains characters that cannot be correctly displayed in this language/character set.
www.camilleclaudel.net/ cached | more results from this site

14. Les INFOS du Collège Camille CLAUDEL
Le college camille claudel (21) s'affiche : le club astro, le skateboard, l'unss, les poèmes choisis, les automatismes en techno, le journal interne.. ...
perso.wanadoo.fr/college.claudel.chevigny/ cached | more results from this site

15. Acheter Camille Claudel DVD - Achat au plus bas prix Camille ...
... Camille Claudel, Camille Claudel G