Heavens

Dear sweeties,

I think people are busier during the week maybe? I am glad to hear you enjoy music, Juls. I really think it is a huge outlet for emotion, and it carries me away like Calgon. I don't think I would have made it through life without it. Johnny Cash said that he doesn't think he could have made it through his three lonely years in the service without it.

One reason my mother and I don't get along sometimes is that I have a deep resentment, if I let it creep back into my life, of how she rejected my first child and cared not how it tore my heart out of my chest to have to give her up for adoption. But most of the time, I don't feel the pain anymore. The wounds are so old. But sometimes, anniversaries or other things trigger...tonight I went by the cemetary where my DAd, my brother, and my sister are buried. It was the first time I had ever drove by through the place at night. "Gravedigger" was playing on the radio by Dave Matthews Band, and I was driving to a pay phone to call my twins because I had misplaced my cell temporarily. It just seemed appropriate to pull in, since the song came on as I approached the cemetary to pass by on my way to the phone. As I thought about them, I remembered how much Daddy hurt to see me and mama quarrel, and I decided to let the anger go, once again. I called mama, and she was falling all over herself trying to be nice to me. I thought, "Why Can't We Be Friends"? There really is a song for every sentiment, Juls.

Lilya, I don't remember you mentioning your daughter well, but you may have, yet I don't think so. But thanks for sharing now. No, but I feel for you. How awful for you. I can relate. I also relate to slaves having to be separated from their children -- man's inhumanity to man. Don't you just love Mark Twain? You are right, time goes by, and things iron out, don't they? Did I tell you about my cousin asking me if I ever heard from her or found her, and when I said "No," she said, "Maybe something happened to her." I went away that day. But then it worked itself out, like you say. We are all really spirits anyway. That is so cool that you are an author. I did not know or, you know my diseased brain, maybe forgot! I am trying to learn to laugh at my physical imperfections, since, as I say, we are all spirits anyway.

Yes, there is always something to adventure right before our eyes. I am amazed by the ability of the human mind to entertain itself, and the creativity of it. I was reading an article about some prisoners of war who made their own deck of cards. Mama says when she grew up during the Depression they always had to make up their own amusement, and had no toys. She told a great story of them playing a trick on my late Uncle Earl, scaring him half to death with a scarecrow that they made to move and made it talk and named, "Little Johnny." No, I haven't seen Magnolia, but, like any woman, I love Tom Cruise. I don't mind being a stereotype in some ways.

My younger daughter, Connie, four years younger than Baby Evans, 24, used to like the Anne Rice vampire books. I could never finish one. My ex was infatuated with Buffy. I used to be coereced by circumstance into watching her everyday, and after awhile, I grew tp enjoy the series, although in general, I really don't like the way our youth glorify violence as the end all to problem's solutions.

Love you all,
Nancy