So depressed....help
Member
Join Date: Dec 2005
Location: Baton Rouge, La.
Posts: 15,241
Hi sodev.....Was thinking about what you wrote
a few days ago while on our way to Home Depot
and various other stores. Just enjoying the ride
while my husband Charlie was driving.
Thinking about you as a wonderful teacher
to your children and knowing you are a great
mom for baby Aaron.
Remember that you just had Aaron not
long ago and all of us moms know how
our bodies go thru changes before, during
and after giving birth.
Birth is a remarkable miracle of life and
we as moms do the majority of the work
carrying them to term and giving birth whether
natural or cecarian (SP?)
My son was 2 week over due and weighed
in close to 10 lbs where as my daughter was
on time weighing at about 7. Both were deliver
normally with light complications. Yay.
Anyway....we have to give our bodies time
to get back to normal, or as close to it as
possible. Hormones will level out in time
with proper eating and exercises and lots
of tender loving care for ourselves.
In time that dark cloud will not seem
so prominent while new exciting things
will be happening in your life without even
realizing it. You'll look back on this time
and see how much you have grown and
realize that things in life never stay the
same. Just like fashions.
Its good to hear from you today.
Keep smiling because it keeps the
negative away.
Love and Care sent your way.
a few days ago while on our way to Home Depot
and various other stores. Just enjoying the ride
while my husband Charlie was driving.
Thinking about you as a wonderful teacher
to your children and knowing you are a great
mom for baby Aaron.
Remember that you just had Aaron not
long ago and all of us moms know how
our bodies go thru changes before, during
and after giving birth.
Birth is a remarkable miracle of life and
we as moms do the majority of the work
carrying them to term and giving birth whether
natural or cecarian (SP?)
My son was 2 week over due and weighed
in close to 10 lbs where as my daughter was
on time weighing at about 7. Both were deliver
normally with light complications. Yay.
Anyway....we have to give our bodies time
to get back to normal, or as close to it as
possible. Hormones will level out in time
with proper eating and exercises and lots
of tender loving care for ourselves.
In time that dark cloud will not seem
so prominent while new exciting things
will be happening in your life without even
realizing it. You'll look back on this time
and see how much you have grown and
realize that things in life never stay the
same. Just like fashions.
Its good to hear from you today.
Keep smiling because it keeps the
negative away.
Love and Care sent your way.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2016
Posts: 207
Hi everyone,
These past days have been rough. It feels like I'm back at square one, have felt really depressed and sad these last days. Feel so lonely and dissapointed in life and everything. I haven't felt like doing anything - no studying, no nothing. Just so sad and heartbroken over the fact that life and I ended up like this, that I married but ended up alone anyhow as a single mom. I just feel like a big failure and I miss my AH, and at the same time I'm so mad and disappointed in him. Pretty much all of my friends have husbands and families and I'm just lonely and so unhappy. It feels like I'm always going to be alone and unhappy. It feels like it's impossible for me to get a family of my own. Just ends up in disaster.
I'm so so sad and I feel like a miserable person 😢
Sending you hugs
These past days have been rough. It feels like I'm back at square one, have felt really depressed and sad these last days. Feel so lonely and dissapointed in life and everything. I haven't felt like doing anything - no studying, no nothing. Just so sad and heartbroken over the fact that life and I ended up like this, that I married but ended up alone anyhow as a single mom. I just feel like a big failure and I miss my AH, and at the same time I'm so mad and disappointed in him. Pretty much all of my friends have husbands and families and I'm just lonely and so unhappy. It feels like I'm always going to be alone and unhappy. It feels like it's impossible for me to get a family of my own. Just ends up in disaster.
I'm so so sad and I feel like a miserable person 😢
Sending you hugs
Member
Join Date: Sep 2014
Posts: 328
I'm sorry you are feeling so down. I think what you are feeling is normal. I've always heard about the five steps of grieving. I don't think it is unusual to go back to to the sadness. Just don't stay there. Have you reached out to a counselor? That may help you to understand it more.
I myself think you are doing fantastic! You have made huge steps since you first started posting. We are here for you!
I myself think you are doing fantastic! You have made huge steps since you first started posting. We are here for you!
Community Greeter
Join Date: Aug 2011
Posts: 16,246
sodevestated.....it is natural to still some ups and down, in the early months.
Can you try to make another structured schedule for tomorrow...even if it only has a few things on it....like, go for the walk and call your doctors to give them a report....that you feel in a slump.....
Maybe, do a sailing wall exercise before you go to bed, tonight....
This won't last...you will feel better, again.....
I am glad that you came back to post this with us...it helps to tell other people how you are feeling!
Can you try to make another structured schedule for tomorrow...even if it only has a few things on it....like, go for the walk and call your doctors to give them a report....that you feel in a slump.....
Maybe, do a sailing wall exercise before you go to bed, tonight....
This won't last...you will feel better, again.....
I am glad that you came back to post this with us...it helps to tell other people how you are feeling!
Member
Join Date: Jul 2015
Posts: 468
Sodevastated - Your life hasn't "ended up" yet because you're not at the end of it. You still have so much life to live and your future holds great and beautiful potential. As I isolated through a couple of the worst years of my life I looked around at what my friends had. Nothing in my life was normal anymore, it was quickly and forcibly falling apart in front of my eyes and I could do nothing about any of it. As I've worked through all of these days this past year or so I've really come to see that comparison is the thief of joy. One of the friends I used to compare my life to is getting a divorce. Goes to show, not everyone has it together. Actually, let's be real, most of us don't! We're all just trying our best.
You're doing so great. You could never convince me that you're not strong. You are a very strong individual, and this is going to take some significant time. It's still fresh. Not just AH's passing, and your realization of his addiction, but also the birth of your baby boy, the resentment, betrayal, and all of the emotions that come with that. You're dealing with many different emotional factors at one time. You are doing so great. I'm glad you came here and did not isolate.
You're doing so great. You could never convince me that you're not strong. You are a very strong individual, and this is going to take some significant time. It's still fresh. Not just AH's passing, and your realization of his addiction, but also the birth of your baby boy, the resentment, betrayal, and all of the emotions that come with that. You're dealing with many different emotional factors at one time. You are doing so great. I'm glad you came here and did not isolate.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2015
Location: East Coast
Posts: 1,235
Sodev, please cut yourself some slack. You are going through so much now. You are bound to have your down days as well as your up days.
You do have a family of your own - it just happens to be you and Aaron at moment. It isn't the family you envisioned, and I'm sure as hell that you didn't bargain for a motherhood that began at the precipice of despair. If I were in your shoes, I would probably be flailing against anger and sorrow and all the emotions in between.
Right now, you're in the process of building Family 2.0 while simultaneously grieving the loss of your husband. You are doing so many things right even though you can't see it at the moment. You're working on yourself. You're taking care of Aaron. You're not throwing yourself into the dating scene. You're not getting engaged six months after the funeral (My friend's husband did this, and he subsequently got rid of every photo of her from the house, including her children's bedrooms).
You are working through your grief as opposed to burying it. That in itself is an accomplishment. Don't dismiss it.
It feels like it's impossible for me to get a family of my own
Right now, you're in the process of building Family 2.0 while simultaneously grieving the loss of your husband. You are doing so many things right even though you can't see it at the moment. You're working on yourself. You're taking care of Aaron. You're not throwing yourself into the dating scene. You're not getting engaged six months after the funeral (My friend's husband did this, and he subsequently got rid of every photo of her from the house, including her children's bedrooms).
You are working through your grief as opposed to burying it. That in itself is an accomplishment. Don't dismiss it.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2005
Location: Baton Rouge, La.
Posts: 15,241
Morning Sodev...!!!!
Your SR support momma hens or angles are still
with you looking in to see how you and baby Aaron
are doing.
Are you on Maternity leave from work right now?
It's important to take time out for yourself by
leaving baby Aaron with family even if its just
for an hour or so. He is still and infant and will
be in safe hands with them so that you can take
a moment to be by yourself or go sit with a friend
out to eat.
It wont be selfish of you to leave your little one for
that small amount of time. With all that you have been
thru, you need some time to relax a bit. Maybe a spa
treatment? Or a fresh hair cut? Something to get out
of the house for a little while.
Mother-in laws definitely know how to spoil
the grandbabies.
If you don't take time for urself even just
for small amounts of time then you wont
be emotionally, physically there for baby
Aaron.
I know you are a strong women but look
at all that you have been thru emotionally
within the past few months. That can definitely
drain anyone especially your health and frame
of mind.
Remember not to put too much on your
plate to where you cant handle it. Too much
or too many demands on urself will drag you
down.
I enjoy taking vitamin B 12 to help boost
moral. Google it and read up on how it may
help you and is easy to find at your local
Walmart. Sometimes we are soooo busy
with other things in life which are important,
that we put ourselves last, and we don't eat
well, sleep well etc.
Allow yourself to be happy. It's okay. Allow
yourself to get out by urself for a little while.
Its okay. We are with you in spirit and so is
God. He is as close as you can imagine to lean
on for strength and guidance.
Your SR support momma hens or angles are still
with you looking in to see how you and baby Aaron
are doing.
Are you on Maternity leave from work right now?
It's important to take time out for yourself by
leaving baby Aaron with family even if its just
for an hour or so. He is still and infant and will
be in safe hands with them so that you can take
a moment to be by yourself or go sit with a friend
out to eat.
It wont be selfish of you to leave your little one for
that small amount of time. With all that you have been
thru, you need some time to relax a bit. Maybe a spa
treatment? Or a fresh hair cut? Something to get out
of the house for a little while.
Mother-in laws definitely know how to spoil
the grandbabies.
If you don't take time for urself even just
for small amounts of time then you wont
be emotionally, physically there for baby
Aaron.
I know you are a strong women but look
at all that you have been thru emotionally
within the past few months. That can definitely
drain anyone especially your health and frame
of mind.
Remember not to put too much on your
plate to where you cant handle it. Too much
or too many demands on urself will drag you
down.
I enjoy taking vitamin B 12 to help boost
moral. Google it and read up on how it may
help you and is easy to find at your local
Walmart. Sometimes we are soooo busy
with other things in life which are important,
that we put ourselves last, and we don't eat
well, sleep well etc.
Allow yourself to be happy. It's okay. Allow
yourself to get out by urself for a little while.
Its okay. We are with you in spirit and so is
God. He is as close as you can imagine to lean
on for strength and guidance.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2016
Posts: 207
Sorry for not responding. I've been really low. It feels like it did a few months ago again. The depression wears me out and my whole body aches. I miss my AH and that is painful, but the betrayal hurts even more so. My heart and soul has been ripped out. I don't know if I'll ever recover and I don't know If I'll be able to forgive and forget. I'm asking God to help me.
I'm so glad you're here for me. Thank you for checking in on me all the time. It means so much to have all of you around. Hope, I too wish we could meet IRL and give eachother a group hug or that I could do something to show you my appreciation. You truly are my angels. You lift me up. Thank you and God bless you.
I'm so glad you're here for me. Thank you for checking in on me all the time. It means so much to have all of you around. Hope, I too wish we could meet IRL and give eachother a group hug or that I could do something to show you my appreciation. You truly are my angels. You lift me up. Thank you and God bless you.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2016
Posts: 207
Originally Posted by dandylion 
sodevestated.....it is natural to still some ups and down, in the early months.
Can you try to make another structured schedule for tomorrow...even if it only has a few things on it....like, go for the walk and call your doctors to give them a report....that you feel in a slump.....
Maybe, do a sailing wall exercise before you go to bed, tonight....
This won't last...you will feel better, again.....
I am glad that you came back to post this with us...it helps to tell other people how you are feeling!
Can you try to make another structured schedule for tomorrow...even if it only has a few things on it....like, go for the walk and call your doctors to give them a report....that you feel in a slump.....
Maybe, do a sailing wall exercise before you go to bed, tonight....
This won't last...you will feel better, again.....
I am glad that you came back to post this with us...it helps to tell other people how you are feeling!
Thank you my dear friend
Community Greeter
Join Date: Aug 2011
Posts: 16,246
Sodeveatated....Is your therapist the one who writes your prescription? If not, I suggest that you call the doctor who actually prescribes, you might need a medication adjustment......
Yes, exercise is considered a huge depression breaker...so, good on keeping the walks going.
go back a nd read through your threads...and, try to get back to the things you were doing that helped give you some relief.....
Things like....setting very small daily goals....talking to one person every day---even for a few minutes to say hello, seeing one friend a week in a face to face,
congratulating yourself for every small achievement...even if it is taking a shower!
***writing your feeling and thoughts on paper and then tearing it up....or, even better...actually DO the wailing wall exercises...
How are things going between you and your p arents, these days?
Keep in mind that you are in the middle of your grieving (in addition to the depression)...
And, you are right! It won't last for a lifetime...not even close...lol....
I always remember my grandmother saying...like, a gazillion times..."God helps those who help themselves"...lol.....
Yes, exercise is considered a huge depression breaker...so, good on keeping the walks going.
go back a nd read through your threads...and, try to get back to the things you were doing that helped give you some relief.....
Things like....setting very small daily goals....talking to one person every day---even for a few minutes to say hello, seeing one friend a week in a face to face,
congratulating yourself for every small achievement...even if it is taking a shower!
***writing your feeling and thoughts on paper and then tearing it up....or, even better...actually DO the wailing wall exercises...
How are things going between you and your p arents, these days?
Keep in mind that you are in the middle of your grieving (in addition to the depression)...
And, you are right! It won't last for a lifetime...not even close...lol....
I always remember my grandmother saying...like, a gazillion times..."God helps those who help themselves"...lol.....
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2016
Posts: 207
Thank you Hope. Yeah, you're right. My life hasn't ended. It just feels like it did because we got married and our new life was just about to begin, but it ended before it even started. I was left alone, pregnant, with a broken heart and soul, betrayed and manipulated, with a gazillion of debts, in between two jobs, two apartments, in total shock and so lost. My whole life has been turned upside-down and I don't know where I'm headed, what to do with myself and my life. I'm so confused and the worst is that I have been so horribly betrayed. I feel that I have been so badly manipulated and used. My heart, my soul, my body and my mind is aching. Ouch.
I feel the same way you did when I compare myself to others, what they have and what I don't. I feel devastated* when I think about that my friends have partners and families and I don't. I don't envy them,* it just makes me feel like I' ve failed in life. Being 32 I feel there are certain expectations about what you "should" have accomplished in life, and having a family is one of those things. It gets me going and think- Hey, what's wrong with me? How come others have succeeded with that but I haven't? And the only thing I can think of is that I'm a codie = (. Perhaps I should let go of these thoughts and just try not to compare myself and my life to others, like you said.
Thank you for saying that you believe I'm doing well cuz I myself think that I'm going insane
I feel the same way you did when I compare myself to others, what they have and what I don't. I feel devastated* when I think about that my friends have partners and families and I don't. I don't envy them,* it just makes me feel like I' ve failed in life. Being 32 I feel there are certain expectations about what you "should" have accomplished in life, and having a family is one of those things. It gets me going and think- Hey, what's wrong with me? How come others have succeeded with that but I haven't? And the only thing I can think of is that I'm a codie = (. Perhaps I should let go of these thoughts and just try not to compare myself and my life to others, like you said.
Thank you for saying that you believe I'm doing well cuz I myself think that I'm going insane
Community Greeter
Join Date: Aug 2011
Posts: 16,246
Sodev......Do you know who I have admired sooo much, and wished to be like her?.......Diane Sawyer. She is a very well known journalist, here in the states.
I love everything about her...lol.
She didn't get married until after 40yrs....maybe, even 45..? she said that she didn't think it was in the cards for her. Then she met Mike Nichols..a famous movie director, and they were very happily married. She never had any children, either...but, she seems to be a very fulfilled woman....
Dev...you can't fall into the trap of measuring y our own life by other people's yardstick....
You have decades, yet to live! The future is not written......
Oh, another thought.....Consider the time of the month....it is not unusual to feel down around the time of the monthly cycle....You might ask your gynecologist about some hormonal therapy....I don't remember if you are still breast feeding, or not...?
It is worth a thought....
***you are not going insane. People who are insane don't ask that question...lol...
I love everything about her...lol.
She didn't get married until after 40yrs....maybe, even 45..? she said that she didn't think it was in the cards for her. Then she met Mike Nichols..a famous movie director, and they were very happily married. She never had any children, either...but, she seems to be a very fulfilled woman....
Dev...you can't fall into the trap of measuring y our own life by other people's yardstick....
You have decades, yet to live! The future is not written......
Oh, another thought.....Consider the time of the month....it is not unusual to feel down around the time of the monthly cycle....You might ask your gynecologist about some hormonal therapy....I don't remember if you are still breast feeding, or not...?
It is worth a thought....
***you are not going insane. People who are insane don't ask that question...lol...
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2016
Posts: 207
Puzzledheart, yeah you truly get me. Having a family that only consists of me and Aaron was something I could never ever envision, nor that I would have to go through my pregnancy all alone and heartbroken, instead of it being one of the happiest moments in my life. I was supposed to share that joy with my AH, sharing the joy of our child being a part of the both of us. But there was no joy, only deep sadness and grief and it hurts so much. It wasn't supposed to be that way, especially not expecting the very first child. Seeing other couples being happy expecting has smashed my heart into pieces.
I can't see myself dating. I wanted to spend my whole life with my AH and it's hard to imagine being with someone else.***
Also, my AH broke my heart and soul and I don't know if I'll ever be able to trust a man again. How do you do that after what he's done to me?
I'm trying to work on grieving and focusing on myself and Aaron, everything else feels so far-off.
Thank you for your words of wisdom and for being so understanding
I can't see myself dating. I wanted to spend my whole life with my AH and it's hard to imagine being with someone else.***
Also, my AH broke my heart and soul and I don't know if I'll ever be able to trust a man again. How do you do that after what he's done to me?
I'm trying to work on grieving and focusing on myself and Aaron, everything else feels so far-off.
Thank you for your words of wisdom and for being so understanding
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2016
Posts: 207
Oh, Dandy. You truly know how and when to say the right words. My wise friend. You give me so much comfort. The story about Diane Sawyer that you shared with me is comforting, and like she said " It ain't in my cards". Those words really appeal to me.
You're right. I shouldn't compare myself to others. That's one of the reasons why I don't have a Facebook account. It's just hard not to. Being a codie who's never been good enough in the eyes of her mother has reinforced this feature ( unfortunately ).
Finding my husband and the connection between us, that we were so alike and soulmates, I thought I had it all figured out. I thought I had finally succeeded in finding my happiness, my family and my life, and then it all ended up in disaster. Back at square one = (.
I gave up on breastfeeding a month ago. Did not work. Hormonal therapy isn't an alternative ( there's a history of thrombosis in my family, unfortunately ). But thanks for the advice, though.
Perhaps I'm not insane. LOL
My parents are my parents. They still blame me sometimes. However, mostly* they are* sad and devastated over the whole situation and they HATE my AH. I totally understand them. I do too now and then. Such a disappointment. My parents are helping out a lot with Aaron. So thankful for that.
I'm working on the small goals, tiny steps -buying facial masks, having a treat etc.
Thank you for the advice and all you wisdom
You're right. I shouldn't compare myself to others. That's one of the reasons why I don't have a Facebook account. It's just hard not to. Being a codie who's never been good enough in the eyes of her mother has reinforced this feature ( unfortunately ).
Finding my husband and the connection between us, that we were so alike and soulmates, I thought I had it all figured out. I thought I had finally succeeded in finding my happiness, my family and my life, and then it all ended up in disaster. Back at square one = (.
I gave up on breastfeeding a month ago. Did not work. Hormonal therapy isn't an alternative ( there's a history of thrombosis in my family, unfortunately ). But thanks for the advice, though.
Perhaps I'm not insane. LOL
My parents are my parents. They still blame me sometimes. However, mostly* they are* sad and devastated over the whole situation and they HATE my AH. I totally understand them. I do too now and then. Such a disappointment. My parents are helping out a lot with Aaron. So thankful for that.
I'm working on the small goals, tiny steps -buying facial masks, having a treat etc.
Thank you for the advice and all you wisdom
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2016
Posts: 207
Hi Aasharon,
Thank you my mother hens and angels. You are invaluable. Me and Aaron so appreciate it.
I'm on maternity leave now. I'm spending lot of time with Aaron. He is lovely but it's exhausting and I am trying to have some "me-time", take a bath, sleep,go for a walk or even study. My parents take care of Aaron in the evenings so I can do something else. I'm thankful they are helping me out, but angry at the same time cuz it was my AH'S responsibility to take care of his son, not my parents. Today I got myself a haircut indeed = ).
Yeah, Aasharon these last few months have drained me emotionally, mentally and physically. So worn out. Feels like I've aged 10 years = (. I'm trying not to have high demands on myself. I'm too broken for that.
I'm going to check up those vitamins. Thank you for the advice. I need new batteries and a new engine to get me going too..feeling like a car wreck.
Thank you for all your advice. Feels good to get some inspiration, motivation and reminders.
I believe God is with me. I wouldn't be here if he wasn't and if you, my angels, weren't
Hugging you Aasharon ❤ God bless you
Thank you my mother hens and angels. You are invaluable. Me and Aaron so appreciate it.
I'm on maternity leave now. I'm spending lot of time with Aaron. He is lovely but it's exhausting and I am trying to have some "me-time", take a bath, sleep,go for a walk or even study. My parents take care of Aaron in the evenings so I can do something else. I'm thankful they are helping me out, but angry at the same time cuz it was my AH'S responsibility to take care of his son, not my parents. Today I got myself a haircut indeed = ).
Yeah, Aasharon these last few months have drained me emotionally, mentally and physically. So worn out. Feels like I've aged 10 years = (. I'm trying not to have high demands on myself. I'm too broken for that.
I'm going to check up those vitamins. Thank you for the advice. I need new batteries and a new engine to get me going too..feeling like a car wreck.
Thank you for all your advice. Feels good to get some inspiration, motivation and reminders.
I believe God is with me. I wouldn't be here if he wasn't and if you, my angels, weren't
Hugging you Aasharon ❤ God bless you
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