So depressed....help

Old 01-17-2017, 06:18 AM
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sodevestated.....just wondering how you are feeling......thinking about you....
If you can...let us know what is going on......
You know how we "mother hens" are...lol.....
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Old 01-17-2017, 06:32 AM
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Hey SoDev - I so hope you're doing ok. Checking in! Let us know what is going on in your world whenever you have the chance. Hope Aaron's tummy ache has gone.
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Old 01-17-2017, 07:26 AM
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SD, sending you love and hugs-and yes, part of the mother hens group (cluck, cluck).
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Old 01-17-2017, 10:00 AM
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Hi my dear friends,

I haven't forgotten about you. Aaron has been crying night and day and I haven't got much sleep. He's still very very cranky. I think something is up with his tummy. Colic? Last night none of us got any sleep at all. I am so exhausted. Who said it would be easy becoming a mom. Aaron has been crying for over an hour now. Oh boy....

I hope you're well and thank you for checking in on me. I'll try to post when Aaron lets me too.

Sending you hugs 💗
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Old 01-17-2017, 10:14 AM
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I am sending you a PM.....
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Old 01-17-2017, 03:10 PM
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My son had colic. The first six months were crazy. I made a CD of filled with the sounds of vacuum cleaners and hair dryers because it was one of the only things that calmed him down. Sometimes I would just put him a car seat and just drive. When he was old enough to "appreciate" the electric rocker-damn I must have celebrated that day when it finally worked.

If it's a stomach bug, ugh! My mom used to get a hot water bottle and put it over my tummy (after wrapping it in towels so I wouldn't get burnt). Sometimes that would help. And sometimes it didn't - but I appreciated the effort.
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Old 01-17-2017, 08:33 PM
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Oh SoDev - Not many things are as hard as trying to understand why a crying baby is crying on top of sheer exhaustion. I used to get so frustrated when someone would offer to watch DS when I knew he was upset and only wanted me. I empathize with you. Unfortunately I don't have experience with colic. We were so lucky with that although DS was a terrible sleeper for a loonng time! I do know several friends who had babies with colic, so if you find out that is what Aaron has for sure let us know, and I'll find out what helped for them.

Praying for strength, healing, and REST for all of you. This too will pass.
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Old 01-18-2017, 04:33 AM
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Sodev.....How awesome is it to have your own
support group right here online with many caring
folks like us to travel with you on this wonderful
journey in life.

Us, little mother hens, raised our infants
to grow into adults now and live their own
lives raising our grandchildren.

An awesome cycle of life that has been
going on for centuries now.

Can you imagine living in the stone age
with baies....lol don't know how those
women did it back in the day but they
survived. Right?

And here today, mothers are using Pampers
instead of cloth diapers which is what my
mom used on me back in 1958.

Today there are so many neat items available
to new moms. But nothing like the traditional
holding and rocking your little one, bonding
closely with them.

When I had my babies, esp.my first one,
Kenny, I was a nervous wreck mainly because
I wanted to be perfect in all I did and not
wanting him to feel the tenseness or stress
I was feeling inside me.

Remaining calm ourselves I'm sure our
babies know that. If we are tensed/stressed
then they feel it when we hold them.

It's hard sometimes to not want our
little ones to see us weak because we are
their role models. They depend on us
for everything until they reach adulthood.

I played a lot of music from the moment
I conceived. All kinds of music and I read
to them while they grew inside me. Sure
enough both grew up playing instruments
in school, becoming leaders and teachers
in music and literature.

What we feed our babies will reflect on
them as adults in some way or another.
Happiness, understanding, caring, and
so many other awesome qualities we have
in ourselves will be those strong traits they
will carry on within themselves.

Anyway....I was just rambling.

I'm so happy that you came back to let us
know how you and baby Aaron are doing
and hope as time goes on you both will
settle in a comfortable rhythm of life.

I know most folks come and go here in
SR. and hope you know that you have a
place right here with us to come to any
time you want or need us.

Just to know that you, we, us, never
have to go thru anything in life alone
or by ourselves is comforting.

We may not be there in person with
you, but thru thru cyber space, we are
with you in spirit and heart lending
an ear to listen to or a shoulder to lean
or cry on and lots of laughter to keep
the heart and soul joyful.

Never hesitate to write any of us privately
if needed or us as a whole for comfort,
guidance, questions, friendship and support
because we are always there and here
for you.

Your SR Angels from afar.
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Old 01-18-2017, 02:11 PM
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Thank you all for advicing me as a new mom. It's good to know what could be done with the little ones when they are sick. We saw the pediatrician today and got some advice about how to handle Aaron's stomach. Aaron seems to feel somewhat better, but you never know. Nights are worst. Some nights he sleeps a few hours and others he just cries, cries and cries and I try everything and he just seems to be in pain and won't stop. The pediatrician adviced me to use some kind of solution for Aaron's stomach ache. Will try that and see how it works. I will try to play some music and see if it will calm him down. I tried to sing to him and it worked a couple of times. Yeay ! Can't say I'm talented though, but he appreciates it.

Thank you Dandy for your message. I appreciate it!

Another thing that bothers me is my weight. I gained 55 lbs during my pregnancy. I was really thin prior to that. I still have 25 lbs to lose. I think the extra weight makes the depression slightly worse. I feel fat and tired and depressed. Ugh. Did you gain a lot when you were pregnant? How did you lose weight?

Thanks again for being there for me. Cannot express how much it means to me! One day maybe I will show these posts to Aaron, when he is big enough and tell him about my lovely friends on SR.

Love you all ❤
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Old 01-18-2017, 02:36 PM
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Originally Posted by irisgardens View Post
SD-time and experience builds resilience and perseverance within (that is my definition of strong, as strong sounds so different to my ears and is not how things are within me during crisis). I am so glad that Aaron is such a great baby and that he is growing stronger. You, yourself, although you cannot feel it or tell-are quite a wonderful person (it shows in your writing and in your 'voice') and Aaron is a lucky, lucky baby to have a mother like you. It is so wonderful to get to know you and yet, the circumstances are so hard...so glad you are grasping the small moments-and as dandylion said-these moments can be strung together (later, your life timing later) as a strand of beautiful precious pearls...creating the next moments that are beautiful, precious and better.
Thank you for these words Irisgardens and I'm glad I've made a good impression on you. The words that I'm writing, the feelings I'm expressing are truly and genuinely the real "me". I'm so glad that you my friends bare with me and my eternal rambling. So happy I have you here 💖❤💗
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Old 01-18-2017, 02:53 PM
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Another post from me, posting away while I have the chance to do that. Aaron is calm at the moment 😊.

I think my meds have started to kick in. Still depressed but my emotions feel a bit more in control now. I talked to my AH's best friend ( he was the one who notified me about my AH's death that horrid day months ago) a few days ago and we shared memories, hows and whys and cried together. We just feel so abandoned both of us and we can't really understand he's gone, what really happened and why we didn't get what was going on. It felt good to talk to him cuz he really understands me and knows the whole story ( not many people do as I had to cover eveything up to so many people). Also he was there in the apt the night my AH passed away. That same night I had a dream about my AH where he said he was sorry for everything. I think I dreamt about it because that was one of the things me and his best friend talked about that night.

Just venting/rambling as usual. Thanks for reading.

Sending you hugs
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Old 01-18-2017, 03:57 PM
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sodevestated....I am sooo glad that you are able to connect and share with his friend, in this way. I think it is very therapeutic for the both of you.
Sharing your feelings and memories with someone is so essential, when one is grieving.....I hope you will continue to do this...with those who understand.
Are you able to do the same with his mother?

I was always very thin before my p regnancies....but, I did gain some weight. As I remember....it took two or three months until I looked like my non-pregnant self, again. It always seemed to take about 3 mo. until I got used to the new baby schedule, etc.
Your tiredness will eventually pass, also. having a new baby and being up at night with the crying is really exhausting. Daily walks really help...
So glad to hear from you.....
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Old 01-21-2017, 10:41 AM
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Hello sodev....How are things going with
you and baby Aaron? Hoping all is well
today.
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Old 01-21-2017, 12:37 PM
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Yeah, it really feels good to talk to his friend Dandy. He's one of the few people who understand me. We'll keep on sharing. I talk to my MIL too. We had a long conversation two days ago about my AH and we shared our feelings of abandonment. She's disappointed too that he chose drugs and gave up his family. She had never seen him happier than with me and still... we also talked about his brother who also is an addict* ( alcohol/drugs,* even worse than my AH) and he also has a family of his own and so my MIL is concerned it's going to end up the same way as with my AH. Poor woman. I feel so sorry for her. It's just a question of time when he's going to die. He's deeply addicted and he has damaged his body so bad. What is even sadder is that his kids are watching him and they are old enough to understand that daddy is behaving bad. I'm happy my son won't have to see his daddy like that, even if hurts tremendously that he's gone and of course I would prefer he wasn't. But if there's anything* to be thankful for then it's that.

I hope I 'll lose all weight and that my body will look somewhat like it did before. Now everything just sags, to be horribly frank = (.

I'm working on that schedule we talked about Dandy. I've decided to talk a walk an hour a day with Aaron from now on. Today was the first day he was out in his new pram = ). It was the only time he slept today. He cried all the time when we were at home ( that colic...). He seems to like being outside. I feel better and perhaps I will lose some weight too. I cleaned today and Aaron was screaming and when I vacuumed he actually calmed down! He likes the vacuum cleaner. Maybe I too, will make him a cd with that sound haha ( I know someone of you mentioned you did that with your son ). I've also decided to work on my university degree while I'm at home not working. I want to get my certificate and the extra money that would come with that would do us good.

How are you doing my dear friends? I hope you are OK. God bless you for everything 💖
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Old 01-21-2017, 01:34 PM
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You sound absolutely wonderful and upbeat today
sodev. And that to me is progress from when we
first heard from you. Yay...!!!!

Talking, listening, learning, sharing all
helps with the healing and giving you
strength to move forward in your own
life and creating one more secure for
your son. Your blessing and gift.

As far as your weight after birth and
all throughout our life, exercise and
eating healthy will help you, us achieve
stronger, healthy, happy minds, body
and souls. With a little one, you wont
have too much down time because he
will be so curious and inquisitive and
want to know, see and hear all the world
has to offer to him and that will keep
you on your toes to help him achieve
that until he is old enough to explore
on his own.

All those hormones will settle down from
childbirth and you will once again see the
beauty in yourself that is always there.

You are a very strong woman and very
resilient in such a short time turning something
so unexpecting in your life into something
worth living for.

Keep smiling, growing and know that the
Angels above you, as well as those here in
SR, are looking down upon and are with you
in spirit for you and baby Aaron.
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Old 01-21-2017, 04:19 PM
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sodevestated.....it sounds so good...daily long walks with Aaron and pursuing your university degree...
I know that committing to a daily exercise and attention to diet will give you the results that you are wanting....Every woman that has given birth feels the same way about her body, at first! And, assharon is right---at Aaron becomes more mobile...you will burn calories keeping up with him..
I recommend setting short term goals, with the weight...and reward yourself when you meet them...like, maybe, a flattering new dress, etc....
Attending university will broaden your horizons, a lot, and you will meet some new people...and, eventually, new friends and interests....all good!
Each new day will bring new possibilities and new experiences for you.....
I have the greatest sympathy for your MIL.
Have you ever considered that you and Aaron in the Universe bringing a joy into her life that could not have been accomplished, in any other way...? I think it could be...
I am so proud of you for how determined you have been to go forward through one of life's most difficult times.....
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Old 01-22-2017, 02:42 PM
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Sodevastated - so good to read your update
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Old 01-22-2017, 02:54 PM
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Yes, I guess I was upbeat when I made up my two goals- the walks and the degree. But my mood goes up and down like a rollercoaster during a day. The disappointment in my AH and the fact that he let me down makes me stubborn-angry and makes me think " Ok, so you didn't care about your own family, then I'll have to do it for myself and my son and I will make it! I will be the man you weren't ". These thoughts help me forward, setting up goals, and the next moment I feel so sad, helpless and lonely wishing so bad my AH was here and telling him how bad me and Aaron need him. Memories flashing by. Miss him so much.

I have always been a very proud and independent woman not wanting a man to provide for me, getting my university degree in my twenties, working my economy out, an apt and car of my own etc. and I never needed, nor did I want a man to take care of me in that way. I picked my AH out of sheer love, because he loved and cared about me and I did the same with him and wanted a whole life with him. And so, even if I'm feeling worse than ever, I'm still stubborn and proud and want to make it on my own and pursue another degree. I still want to be independent and I do it for Aaron. I want him to have the best in life even if he doesn't have a father and I want him to be proud of mommy one day when he's old enough. When I feel like I don't want to do anything and that I can't do it anymore, that I just want to give up on everything, I think about my son and that I can't be selfish. I tell myself every day, over and over again : I'll do it for Aaron with the help from God. Aaron is my strenght and my motivation.

Yeah, my poor MIL. She said that Aaron is her only hope since her both sons are addicts and that they don't/didn't want to get sober. She puts so much hope in Aaron to become what his father wasn't able to, and she puts her trust in me and believes I will give him a good upbringing because I'm educated and "smart". My MIL is happy she has my little boy since her son is gone and her life is so dark and miserable. I'm also happy we can comfort eachother and that she has my Aaron to relieve her pain and fill her heart with joy.

Aasharon, I'm so thankful for you, my angels on SR and I will be here updating you on me and Aaron and I will never, ever forget that you all were there for me when I needed you the most 😢.
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Old 01-22-2017, 02:58 PM
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I'm on a rocky road every day. But I'm fighting. Thank you for checking in on me feeling good.

Sending you hugs
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Old 01-22-2017, 03:08 PM
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Originally Posted by dandylion View Post
sodevestated.....it sounds so good...daily long walks with Aaron and pursuing your university degree...
I know that committing to a daily exercise and attention to diet will give you the results that you are wanting....Every woman that has given birth feels the same way about her body, at first! And, assharon is right---at Aaron becomes more mobile...you will burn calories keeping up with him..
I recommend setting short term goals, with the weight...and reward yourself when you meet them...like, maybe, a flattering new dress, etc....
Attending university will broaden your horizons, a lot, and you will meet some new people...and, eventually, new friends and interests....all good!
Each new day will bring new possibilities and new experiences for you.....
I have the greatest sympathy for your MIL.
Have you ever considered that you and Aaron in the Universe bringing a joy into her life that could not have been accomplished, in any other way...? I think it could be...
I am so proud of you for how determined you have been to go forward through one of life's most difficult times.....
Thanks Dandy. Short time goals it is. I'm in no hurry concerning anything as my life is in a standstill. Just working my way out day by day. And yes, you are right I have to reward myself when I achieve a goal, lose weight or whatever. I've been bad at taking care of myself and giving something to myself. When my AH was alive all money I could spare went to him because he worked part time cuz he was supposed to work on staying sober....but we all know where that money went...Ugh.

The university will give me something else to think about and new people too, that's right.

Thank you for being proud of me. I'm blushing = ).

So you think that the point of me and my AH being together might have been bringing Aaron into my MIL's life?

Hugging you Dandy
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