aasharon90

I absolutely agree with dandylion , sodev.

Sharing your thoughts and feeling here
with us and others close to you helps
with the healing process instead of holding
onto it deep within to allow it to fester
and keep you in unhealthy state.

You and baby Aaron deserve lots of
happiness, while learning about addiction
so that you can be the very best person
your son can turn to for advice, experience,
strength and hope when the time comes.

I was so glad I had both addiction and
recovery to share with my 2 kids back
in the day to prepare them when peer
pressures at school popped up as well
as situations in life ahead of them.

Today they are 2 fine young adults with
no addiction and have settled in everyday
life just fine.

With help, guidance and faith from Above
He helped me to get them to where they
are today. I couldn't have done it with out
Him.

What a blessing and joy it is for a mom.

Sodevastated

Thank you Hope. I don't even know how I'm surviving. Just taking a day at a time. Also I'm angry with my AH. He manipulated, used me and broke my heart ( even though he loved me). I still love him, but I hate him for that ( not so Christian of me, but can't help it), and I guess that's a part of what keeps me going, and God, and you my SR-angels. I'm glad I'm giving you strenght.

Sending you a hug

Sodevastated

Yep, the song really sums it all up. I can feel the pain running deep listening to that song.

Sodevastated

Yeay, so nice hearing from you again Aries😊I'm glad you're back. Thank you for letting me know you're still here. I hope you're doing ok Aries?

I could try to cut out those provisions and see if it works. Thanks for the advice! It's worth a try.

Thank you for posting 💓

Sodevastated

Thanks Aasharon for adding a link ( I didn't know how to do that). I hope my heart will mend one day. Thank you for everything my dear angel 😇

Sodevastated

Aasharon, this board and you my friends are a gift. I'm so happy I have ALL of you to turn to. You are always there for me and I'm as always thankful for that. You have experienced what addiction means in different ways, and you've given me good advice and taught me so much since I joined SR. I have you to thank for my progression. I don't know what I would have done if I hadn't found this place and you, my helping angels. Forever thankful to you and God.

I will know so much about addiction when Aaron grows up and I hope I will be able to protect him from that.

Sending you blessings

Sodevastated

Dandy, what a great post about life force. You have been a true lioness with all you've gone through. I agree with you. The force comes when you need it, not a minute before. If someone had told me that I would have to go through what I'm experiencing now, I would have said "I'm going to die, I won't cope". But funny thing is I didn't die after all. I didn't and I don't really cope, I just have to and so I'm doing it. Being a Christian I also believe that God is giving me strenght and that he has sent me angels, human angels like you my friends on SR, and guardian angels from above.

One important point I have to make is that you never know what you are capable of until it hits you, and what you can do because you just have to.

Thank you Dandy for this wise post! 💖

hope778

Me neither!

hope778

SoDev - How are things? I've been thinking about you and Aaron. Does his colic seem to be getting any better? I am praying for strength and peace for you!

Sodevastated

Hi Hope,

Thank you for asking. Aaron seems to feel better. He still has his "cranky moments " but it is not as bad as it was a while ago. I even managed to work on an assignment for school. I put him in his baby bouncer and rocked him with my foot while I was typing on the computer ( Puzzledheart mentioned she did that when she was studying and it worked for me aswell. Thank you Puzzledheart &#128522.

How are you and your son doing? How's everything?

Thank you for your prayers. Sending some back to you 😚

aasharon90

Morning sodeva.....Sharon here from Baton Rouge,
good ol Louisiana. It's bright, clear and abundant
sunshine here on this Monday.

I check in each day to see how you and Aaron
are doing and am glad to see you are moving
along strong and motivated with school and
mommie hood. Just think of all this awesome
experience you are gaining in such a short time.

I start out with walking outside in my backyard
anticipating Spring and what all I want to plant
and add to my gardens when Winter is over. Not
that we've had much cold down here, which is okay
I'm sure with many.

I love cool weather but don't like the cold
where we have to wear all those heavy or
extra clothes. We mostly layer then peel
them away as it begins to warm up during
the day.

If I'm not mistaken, isn't Groundhog's Day
coming up at the end of this week? I saw a
little something on the Weather Channel
this morning and caught the tail end of them
talking about Ground Hogs Day in Dallas,
Tx and wishing they had the committee of
men that come together up north in Pennsylvania
to witness the ground hog seeing his shadow
or not.

Anyway, like I said, I went outside to just
walk around and soon began a project that
took me several hours to complete. Last
October, my husband and I went to Biketober
fest with our Harley to Daytona and I picked
up a Cactus tree to bring home and plant.
Like bringing a touch of Florida to our backyard
to enjoy.

Anyway, I found a spot for it and planted it
with cactus soil then laid some weed preventer
cloth around it then placed these bright white
marble looking rocks around it I found in the
garden center.

Now its pretty in the ground.

Sooooo, what are you studying for in
school? What will you get your degree
in? Nursing? Teaching?

I'm sure whatever you learn will further
you along in your career and set you up
for owning you and Aarons own home
with a backyard for Aaron and you to
enjoy playing, relaxing and possibly some
some pretty gardens to attract birds,
butterflies, and many pretty vibrant flowers
like I have and enjoy daily.

Well, I hope you and Aaron have a blessed
day and look forward to hearing how your
day went later own today or when you have
time to share with us.

Love and Care sent your way from one
of your SR Angels.

hope778

So glad he let you get some school work done! That really is a feat! My son was the same way - wanted to be held always. I just enjoyed it because one day we'll look back missing it believe it or not!

We are actually doing pretty well. If there's anything we all know here is that we've got to take one day at a time, and today was a good one in my book!

I'm feeling blessed. I'm more involved in my church and just spending more time seeking out and growing in my relationship with God, and I'm feeling such a peace and wholeness through that. It's amazing because at one point not long ago I was in such self imposed isolation... involvement and community have been true life savers and enhancers for me. I recommend it to any and everyone.

Anyways, enough rambling. Onward with the schoolwork! Good for you for providing a way for you and Aaron!

Sodevastated

Thanks Aasharon. I'm doing my best. I have one last semester to go in school and then I'll hopefully get my certificate. I'm a high school teacher but I'm pursuing my special needs teacher's degree now. Working as a teacher I realised my mission was, and is to help students with special needs. They have a special place in my heart. I've worked full time for 3 yrs and studied in the evenings to become a s.n.t, and now finally, I only have this semester left. It would be stupid not to finish it, cause then it was all for nothing. Studying gives me a chance to focus on something else and I do it for Aaron ( eveything I do, I do it for him), in order to be able to give him as much as I can, but that does not mean spoling him. My family was poor when I was growing up and I want to be able to give him things that he needs. My parents couldn't give me things I needed, things that were necessary and I was embarrassed being amongst other kids. I don't want him to experience that. Aaron is my angel and he gives me strenght to do things -things I wouldn't and couldn't have done without him. If he only knew he's my life savior.

Oh, your garden sounds absolutely beautiful. It must be wonderful to plant seeds and flowers and watch everything grow. Must be a beutiful sight in the summer. I've only lived in apartments and planted stuff-even vegetables on the balcony for fun. It was something of an experiment. I love gardening too. Well I can tell you it all went down the drain. No vegetables in there. Just a lot of weeds. LOL. But at least I had fun "gardening".

I think Groundhogs is on Thursday, if I'm not mistaken?

It would be fun living in a house just that I'm not too handy. I'm not good at fixing things that need to be fixed in and outside a house. But I would love to have a garden for me and Aaron to enjoy. It's not much fun for a kid to play in an apt.

Funny you mentioned the cactus. I've been so mad at my AH these days, I dreamt planting a cactus on his grave telling him it was his award for being the worst husband and father ever.

Thank you for sharing your everyday with me.

Sending hugs and blessings to my cool biker chick- angel 😉

dandylion

Sodevestated......I have so much respect for teachers. And, especially for the patience and compassion that a special needs teacher requires!
I still carry so much love for some of my favorite teachers....
You have no idea how much you give to the world as a teacher....

Sodevastated

Thank you Dandy. Patience is something you learn as a teacher. It takes a lot of time and effort to become patient, I can tell you. Also it's not only about teaching, well you know that. There are many kids who come from dysfunctional families and who see us teachers as role models and sometimes we are the only grown ups they can talk to. Being a teacher is also being a nurse, therapist, parent and social worker at the same time. I've had students who got beaten up at home, kids with alcoholic parents, parents who comitted suicide etc.etc. No wonder some kids are "no good". The things the are experiencing are horrific. To work with kids who have special needs fills my heart with joy. Seeing them grow as individuals and starting to believe in themselves for the first time, that is big. Thank you for your respect for us teachers Dandy 💜❤

Sodevastated

Every time Aaron lets me do my "homework " is great. I try to be efficient during those moments and accomplish as much as possible. He wants to be held all the time and it's hard to get things done. But I love him and I love to hold him, but sometimes he gets me frustrated.

Nice to hear you had a good day Hope. I hope you will have more of those. I like your outlook on life -one day at a time. It's the right approach when you live with someone with addiction. It will keep you sane and healthy. Thinking long term makes one worry too much about something we cannot affect anyways since it isn't in our hands to control it.

How great that involving with God and church has helped you. God can do miracles and spending time with others who believe in him too gives us strenght and a feeling of solidarity. I have found a church too that I'm going to involve in when I get back to the city. Such good people there and I can feel God's presence when I'm there.

God bless you Hope.* Keep up the good work

53500

SoDev, that you can say this - wow, you must be an amazing teacher and your students are blessed to have you. Your son is, too. He will very proud of his mom and you're giving him such a fantastic role model.

I follow your story. You've been through the wringer but you're coming through and doing great, really, probably so much greater than you give yourself credit for. Caring for your baby and continuing to pursue a profession where someone with your heart is desperately needed.

You're an inspiration, lady! God bless.

PuzzledHeart

No advice. Just dropping by to say hi. You are doing awesome!

Sodevastated

Wow, thank you 53500. I'm trying to be a good teacher. I really love those kids. It's wonderful seeing them develop and suceed in school when they get the help they need.

Thank you for believing in me and my progression. I don't know how I'm doing. Yesterday and today I've been feeling so low. Some days I feel like I'm going to make it and build myself a new life, and others like it's not going to get any better than this. It feels like I'm going to be unhappy forever. I feel like a robot, doing things I have to do - finishing school, taking walks etc. because I know that PERHAPS it will make me feel better and that I and Aaron will have a better life one day.

Thank you for accompanying me on my journey

Sending you hugs

Sodevastated

Thank you Puzzled. I don't feel like I'm doing awesome but it feels good to hear you say that = ). 💜