Penny for your thoughts 11
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kj, now that my pms is passing I decided that maybe I was putting a bit too much emphasis on a couple of minor chores. I can think of some other more fun things for him to do that would contribute more to my happiness and contentment. With enough romance I wouldn't be thinking about dishes, what do you think? Should I try standing in front of the tv nekked? LOL
Cinder, I swear, they have some sort of radar...that as soon as you start to get adjusted and peaceful, they pop in on you unexpectedly...yes, like at work. And it rattles every last nerve.
I thought your letter was wonderful and it made total sense to me.
To be honest I still and will always love my exabf very much but there is no way I could ever go back. I went 2 years no contact, but we do now talk on the phone as friends, but I made some boundaries about respect that if violated means I would go back to no contact first violation, no ifs ands or buts. For what it's worth he still has a special place in his heart and love for me too but knows as well as I do that there's no going back. And, yes, he still is in active addiction.............if I had stayed with it all this time I would be either in an insane asylum or dead or in prison. And he winds up with the same kinds of problems with every girlfriend he has had since. One of them tried to shoot him, there but for the grace of G*d go I!!! It is okay to love someone and let them go and it is okay to love someone from a distance. And it is definitely more than okay to look after our own health, well being and happiness.
I sure get bored sometimes, but.....nothing would be worth the chaos of the past again.
hugs to all!
live
Cinder, I swear, they have some sort of radar...that as soon as you start to get adjusted and peaceful, they pop in on you unexpectedly...yes, like at work. And it rattles every last nerve.
I thought your letter was wonderful and it made total sense to me.
To be honest I still and will always love my exabf very much but there is no way I could ever go back. I went 2 years no contact, but we do now talk on the phone as friends, but I made some boundaries about respect that if violated means I would go back to no contact first violation, no ifs ands or buts. For what it's worth he still has a special place in his heart and love for me too but knows as well as I do that there's no going back. And, yes, he still is in active addiction.............if I had stayed with it all this time I would be either in an insane asylum or dead or in prison. And he winds up with the same kinds of problems with every girlfriend he has had since. One of them tried to shoot him, there but for the grace of G*d go I!!! It is okay to love someone and let them go and it is okay to love someone from a distance. And it is definitely more than okay to look after our own health, well being and happiness.
I sure get bored sometimes, but.....nothing would be worth the chaos of the past again.
hugs to all!
live
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I think the hardest moments are when we , or atleast I long for his arms to hold me. I saw that side in him to as well today. For him I was glad to see Spicey, our cat, run to him as he approached the house. For me, I cant wait to hug my boys and templeton. (Kids squirm too much.)
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Hi everyone,
Just wanted to pop in and wish everyone a happy Tuesday! I have class tonight, so I have to read for the next couple of hours (I just can't seem to get over procrastinating when it's so nice outside!).
cinder, how about a picture of Templeton? We have had hamsters and even a hedgehog once-named him Sonic like the video game.
Have a wonderful rest of the day everyone!!
Just wanted to pop in and wish everyone a happy Tuesday! I have class tonight, so I have to read for the next couple of hours (I just can't seem to get over procrastinating when it's so nice outside!).
cinder, how about a picture of Templeton? We have had hamsters and even a hedgehog once-named him Sonic like the video game.
Have a wonderful rest of the day everyone!!
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Live, for a second I almost swore you were describing my uncle, on of his girlfriends shot him too, but he was so drunk, they said that saved his life. Fortuantely for him he is no longer active
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Live I had to learn to let go of resentments about the house cleaning and such thats just not his thing. Yet he will get out of bed at anytime of the night to kill a spider for me not always with a smile but he does do it. I have to learn to let go and learn to understand. Like yesterday he let me sleep in and had all the potatos peeled and everything chopped for the potato salad and I was just so happy about it yet instead of showing my happiness about it I got in a bitchy mood cause the dishes werent done. Trust me the dishes werent nothing compared to peeling and cutting 10lbs of potatos. I need to show my appreciation for the little things he does do instead of stewing on the things I wish he would do. Thanks for showing me that would make me happier. Oh let me know how the standing in front of the tv works lol.
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The kind of jobs I want to do and am able to do has definitely changed over the years! I have gone from running a project office and being very ambitious to developing an "allergy" to office work. Who knows what opportunity or interest may come along or develop at any time?
Because of my boredom, I am thinking about taking a class at the community college, I would like to take Spanish. I have a dream of being fluent. I have lessons at home, but I have always loved education and school and need to get out around people.
The future is WIDE OPEN....I remember a prof telling me that I couldn't imagine my future and he was right...my imagination wasn't big enough. I have done much more than I could have thought up or thought possible.
Well, we went to West Palm Beach today for hubby's VA appmt. Right through Okeechobee where Love's is. Then I tried to call Edie and she said she had to get off the phone because she is at the ER. That means stepson has hurt himself. She couldn't talk, just said it wasn't serious. I figure knowing what he was working on today he has cut himself a nasty one with a saw or fallen...and am trying to reassure hubby that neither stitches or casts are SERIOUS, in the scheme of things, being at the ER. Am waiting for her to call back.
The pharmacy had my meds screwed up. I called yesterday and they said no refills. I KNEW better, I just knew I wasn't that crazy...but was at work and didn't have bottles with RX numbers. Stopped by with bottles today and they were great about it, never had my refills so fast ever before. Don't mess with my meds!!!!!!!!!!!! That's what keeps me from being truly crazy. I am in no mood to be Baker acted! LOL
However, if I were, they would have me so stoned on so many drugs nothing would matter. Then we'd get a multi-thousands $$$$ bills.
Because of my boredom, I am thinking about taking a class at the community college, I would like to take Spanish. I have a dream of being fluent. I have lessons at home, but I have always loved education and school and need to get out around people.
The future is WIDE OPEN....I remember a prof telling me that I couldn't imagine my future and he was right...my imagination wasn't big enough. I have done much more than I could have thought up or thought possible.
Well, we went to West Palm Beach today for hubby's VA appmt. Right through Okeechobee where Love's is. Then I tried to call Edie and she said she had to get off the phone because she is at the ER. That means stepson has hurt himself. She couldn't talk, just said it wasn't serious. I figure knowing what he was working on today he has cut himself a nasty one with a saw or fallen...and am trying to reassure hubby that neither stitches or casts are SERIOUS, in the scheme of things, being at the ER. Am waiting for her to call back.
The pharmacy had my meds screwed up. I called yesterday and they said no refills. I KNEW better, I just knew I wasn't that crazy...but was at work and didn't have bottles with RX numbers. Stopped by with bottles today and they were great about it, never had my refills so fast ever before. Don't mess with my meds!!!!!!!!!!!! That's what keeps me from being truly crazy. I am in no mood to be Baker acted! LOL
However, if I were, they would have me so stoned on so many drugs nothing would matter. Then we'd get a multi-thousands $$$$ bills.
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the cartoons were a great giggle! Isn't it the truth?
Like you I just genuinely wish my exabf could be well and happy. I also understand that this is not ever going to happen. He was told over a year ago that he had destroyed his heart with alcohol and had about a year to live. He's still going about as strong as ever but not even that was enough to get him to give up the bottle.
When I got divorced many years ago a shrink told me that I couldn't be mad at my ex-husband about not being able to get himself together for me when he couldn't even do it for himself, for his own sake. The years have proven the truth of that to me many times over.
I am more worried about my friend Edie than I am about stepson. Stepson spent time in prison over crack...is clean of that but is making up for it drinking...and predictably it is confusing her, becoming an obsession and she wants to save him and love him................
phone ringing...........
Like you I just genuinely wish my exabf could be well and happy. I also understand that this is not ever going to happen. He was told over a year ago that he had destroyed his heart with alcohol and had about a year to live. He's still going about as strong as ever but not even that was enough to get him to give up the bottle.
When I got divorced many years ago a shrink told me that I couldn't be mad at my ex-husband about not being able to get himself together for me when he couldn't even do it for himself, for his own sake. The years have proven the truth of that to me many times over.
I am more worried about my friend Edie than I am about stepson. Stepson spent time in prison over crack...is clean of that but is making up for it drinking...and predictably it is confusing her, becoming an obsession and she wants to save him and love him................
phone ringing...........
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Thats sad live about your ex, but I was thinking of your friend Edie. Ive been where she's at. I large part of me wants my AH and I together some day still, but Im smarter and know todays not the day and neither is tomorrow, adn then Im still with earlier, Im not sure Ill ever be ready to chance it
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FWIW.. after reading thru all this.. I am SOOOO bad! I am such a slackard.. I took today off from work. I got a bunch of phone calls done and then took my dog and we went up to Laurel House road and walked to the Kaaterskill creek at the top of Kaaterskill Falls. On the way home I bought her a baby vanilla ice cream cone and then we went over to my neighbor's and cut her bushes she wanted cut but could not do herself.
The weather here is just perfect.. clear crystal blue skies and cool and dry. Wonderful!
I am sitting here feeling all kinds of smug and I read about y'all working and a boss wanting a mailing out by 5.. and now I am being a codie and feeling bad I didn't go to work today.. (well not REAL bad, but a little just in support of you all).
I still dream about my XABF sometimes.. but the dreams that used to be of him being nice and loving have turned into dreams where I tell him bad things and tell him to go away. I don't have them often anymore... I am glad.
I cannot imagine having him walk into my life again un announced.. for any reason. I am sure I would tell him where the bear s**t in the Buckwheat if he did. I don't miss him at all and if he showed up here my dog would likely growl and bark and my cats would do the same (they growl at people they don't like just like dogs do.. but I can't get them to bark yet!).
anyhow.. I have to get out and walk the dog in a little bit, then I have to get my stuff together to go to work tomorrow.. and I have to quit this slackard behavior.. You all are slaving away and I am sitting at the top of a 300 foot waterfall with a mountain stream and a wonderful breeze..
Y'all gonna hunt me down an' shoot me!
The weather here is just perfect.. clear crystal blue skies and cool and dry. Wonderful!
I am sitting here feeling all kinds of smug and I read about y'all working and a boss wanting a mailing out by 5.. and now I am being a codie and feeling bad I didn't go to work today.. (well not REAL bad, but a little just in support of you all).
I still dream about my XABF sometimes.. but the dreams that used to be of him being nice and loving have turned into dreams where I tell him bad things and tell him to go away. I don't have them often anymore... I am glad.
I cannot imagine having him walk into my life again un announced.. for any reason. I am sure I would tell him where the bear s**t in the Buckwheat if he did. I don't miss him at all and if he showed up here my dog would likely growl and bark and my cats would do the same (they growl at people they don't like just like dogs do.. but I can't get them to bark yet!).
anyhow.. I have to get out and walk the dog in a little bit, then I have to get my stuff together to go to work tomorrow.. and I have to quit this slackard behavior.. You all are slaving away and I am sitting at the top of a 300 foot waterfall with a mountain stream and a wonderful breeze..
Y'all gonna hunt me down an' shoot me!
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LOL, I wish Id followed my gut instinct and taken the day off. Im not complaining about seeing Ah, but the combo of seeing him and shocked and then dealing with work and my boss, is tooo much for one day.
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elana - you're right - i'm totally jealous - my boss is about to get his mailing shoved you know where!
but a day off from work when you have four kids isn't really a day off anyway! sometimes its actually more peaceful for me to be here than at home. only sometimes though - NOT today, is it 5pm ???
but a day off from work when you have four kids isn't really a day off anyway! sometimes its actually more peaceful for me to be here than at home. only sometimes though - NOT today, is it 5pm ???
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YAY for you and how could you call yourself a slackard when you helped someone accomplish something they cannot do for themselves?
I have been where Edie is also. It's a nightmare. But I figure the best I can do is be her friend and when she has had enough, then she has had enough, and until then.....we just each have to reach our own bottom or end of things.
Stepson has clean cut in the eyebrow. 10 stitches. But, yes, Edie, rearranged her whole day to take care of him and she and I will have extra work the rest of the week making up for it. I know. It was an accident. I didn't dare ask if he was drinking when he did it. I do wonder if he wants to go to work with her to help make up for some of that extra? I don't want to overdo it and throw my back out. And, well, ....I just like my schedule the way we set it up, if I wanted more, I would schedule more.
I have been where Edie is also. It's a nightmare. But I figure the best I can do is be her friend and when she has had enough, then she has had enough, and until then.....we just each have to reach our own bottom or end of things.
Stepson has clean cut in the eyebrow. 10 stitches. But, yes, Edie, rearranged her whole day to take care of him and she and I will have extra work the rest of the week making up for it. I know. It was an accident. I didn't dare ask if he was drinking when he did it. I do wonder if he wants to go to work with her to help make up for some of that extra? I don't want to overdo it and throw my back out. And, well, ....I just like my schedule the way we set it up, if I wanted more, I would schedule more.
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LOL...yesterday I was swearing I was going to run away...I was going to head for Clearwater Beach. (that was when the pharmacy told me I had no refills)
For what it is worth, I would have to ask him not to surprise me at work anymore.
It has happened to me and I can't handle it.
Like he once showed up when he knew I did not want to see him with a dozen roses, all the gals are thinking wow! and my gut is turning over, thinking please don't do this to me.
For what it is worth, I would have to ask him not to surprise me at work anymore.
It has happened to me and I can't handle it.
Like he once showed up when he knew I did not want to see him with a dozen roses, all the gals are thinking wow! and my gut is turning over, thinking please don't do this to me.
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