cinderellawkids

Im trying to carry on Teke's thread tradition of anyones thoughts, please share.

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...part-10-a.html

oneeyeopen

got myself moved, am enjoying my new place and the chance to get rid of stuff and set things up in a new way. nice to move somewhere bigger but pay less rent just because it is on the back side of the building with a view inland rather than the ocean, but who cares, I had the ocean view for three years, now time for something different.

lets see, THANK GOD!!!! I have parents who can help me in the way they can, I know some of you are out there struggling and having to live in shelters and wondering where they can go, so I thank my lucky stars that my parents have the resources to help me out.

hmmm another thing -- a bit darker -- I am worried about my daughter's drug use, but I will leave that for another thread.

cinderellawkids

Hi everyone. Im declaring myself officially nuts. Why, I got a new member of my family today. His name is templeton and yes he's a rat, the cutest one Ive ever seen he thinks he lives on my shoulder and I love him. Pictures will be forthcoming. He's a Rex, meaning he has wavy hair and curled whiskers. My middle son is supposed to get his hamster next week, as it will finally be old enough, and now my oldest wants a rat too. We will see, starting with mine.
It could have been worse,,,I missed snuggling at night, Templeton is my compromise, minnie and snoopy the cats are quite interested...

Today Im doing a gratitude check. I am full of grattitude. friday night I got an updated rebuilt computer given to me, so Im hitting family up for extras for the old one to be my sons. I had a wonderful weekend at a private time share pool deck and today when visiting with family my aunt made arrangements to give me a 55 gallon aquarium...now will I use it for fish, turtles or rodents.hmmm....
and no what else...No HEADACHE today. YEAH. Kids want to watch Charlottes Web in honor of templeton, so check in a bit later

kj0975

Evening everyone ALLLLRRIIIGGGHHHTTTYY NO MORE family things for a while lol. Went to the race track this morning and bet on some horses I WON 5.30 yep thats alot of mula. lol. After the big win we decided to leave plus we had ANOTHER family picnic kinda chilly in the shade though then we started a bomb fire yep in the day light so now I smell like a bomb fire its alright though I like the smell lol. Well off to put on the PJ's and call it a night. Hope everyone had a good weekend.

PS I was just asked if I could wash the dishes tomorrow YEAH RIGHT...... I just hid a stash of plastic cups for myself lol. OY maybe I should chalk this up to a lost cause.....

Jewelz

Hi everyone I havent been on this weekend that much Michael has kept me sooo busy.

I see teke hasnt been back... everytime I log on I hope to see her back on. I am going to say a special prayer for her tonight.

Hope all is well with everyone.

duet_4-8

Teke has been on my mind, too. Does anyone know what's up with her? I haven't been on too much in the last several days, but I miss her!!

duet_4-8

I LOVED Charlotte's Web! What a great name-Templeton. I haven't seen the new version but my kids and I watched tp cartoon version about a gazillion times.

Elana

I haven't bought into the Penny for your thoughs thread at all.. but I think I will since Cindy kept 'er going. I have been missing Teke too. She is an inspiration.

It was a wonderful weekend. I am taking an xtra day off today and I am liking it! I had my new dog go with me to visit old friends up at the tourist railroad and museum where I used to be a board memeber. Nice to see old friends and Atka was so well behaved.. sat there on the platform and just watched everything.. not a pest at all. She is such a GOOD DOG and for only 5 months old she is fantastic.

It is a beautful late sroing morning and so pretty out. My garden is planted (food garden) and today I am going to make some appointments and take care f some of the extra stuff I have to do that I hate to do from work (open office, no privacy).

Glad to hear you all are doing well. I had the rodent pet thing for awhile.. and you know.. I just would trather have a horse! I just don't have the room of the $$ right now!

kj0975

Morning ladies not much to add will check back in later. A RAT????????????? Heard they make good pets but not sure they are good for me!!!

cinderellawkids

Morning everyone. Welcome Elana, glad its going well with your new dog.

Palmtree, I didnt think my cats would care, but boy was I wrong, keeping them a part is gonna be a challenge, and no I didnt sleep with him, but my son wanted too.

I have to say he is very very smart already. And a socialized Rat is the best Codie pet, why cause for those that like to be needed, he's sure needy. i read they get clingy of their owner if theres not another rat, and I can already see that. When I got up this morning and went to the computer he stuck his head out of his sleep box, then came out when I say Hi templeton from across the room. So I stuck my hand in the cage and he ran up my arm and perched himself on my shoulder. Very cute. One of the guys I work with says having a rat on my shoulder is guaranteed to keep my AH away. I laughed, AH would freak, maybe thats why I got him, because I could.

My sister said last night I should have named him shredder, because in the livingroom theres 4 teenage turtles swimming in a tank. HAHA. I hate that movie, but I may have to take a video of the 5 together as a remake to enhance my creative side.

Jewelz, sorry Michaels kept you so busy, hopefully its in a fun non sick way.

Duet, The new version of Charlottes Web is cute and the best part is the Rat, HeeHee.

I miss Teke too.

cinderellawkids

I need to get out some thoughts today, so Im gonna do so in a safe place, here.
Letter to AH:
I dont know how to say this, but through it all I still love you with soo much of my heart. So much has happened so much has changed. When we split, I think a part of me believed you'd fix it quick, even though I said I needed months of actions, Im not sure I knew what I wanted I just knew something had to change...
Saturday you called saying you were getting it together, things would be paid by Friday, you have a new desire and thats to be your sons active father role...I can not tell you how that makes me feel. For the boys sake, I hope you can do it..Its obvious you know things are strained between us no matter how much good comes and I think thats a break through. After the call I felt twisted unsure and trying not to get excited...then I let it go. Theres no guarantee or even expectation what tomorrow will bring. As awesome as help with the bills you should pay would be, I feel like this is a game, will he or wont he sorta thing. Its sad. I have no choice but to sell the house you are staying in, knowing that means..well whatever that means?

I jsut woke this morning feeling content. That's such an unfamilar feeling. Even before we met I was never "content" never really happy. Today all is okay, so bills are behind and the SUV needs work, Im at peace.

As much as I love and part of e would love a clean and sober you in my life, I cant imagine going back, I cant imagine taking the risk, Im not sure if I ever can. When we are together all greatness crumbles, We both become crazy people both blaming substances, for today I feel like a part of me is truly letting go of the dream for us, although Ill never give up hope that you will ahve a good life.

This feeling is so unfamilar, but getting a bit more comfortable moment by moment.
Remember Ill always love you, but life has to continue.
Sincerely


Thanks all for letting me share

kj0975

Cinder I think thats a good letter. If your not sure if u want to give it to him hold onto it for a couple days then mail it to him. He really needs to show actions his words are just that words. I couldnt imagine living that way well I can cause I did. Your changing your becoming stronger and your "content" with the way things are for now. Your right even if he was clean whos to say it could or would go back to the way things used to be. In the last few months I have seen u change and evolve into a strong self confident women. For a while that person was in hiding but just as your pet rat stuck its head out of the box you have dug your head out of the place it once was. You should be proud and do what makes u happy and although I know you would like it to be with him well maybe thats just not to be for now.

cinderellawkids

Thanks KJ. I dont think Id ever give it to him, it was written for me, for a release.

For today its easier to say in my head, I could have him if I wanted, but for today Ill leave him be. This weekend me and the kids really had a good time, no running home for a call from jail, no waiting for a release date saying it would be cool if Daddy was here, none of that we just enjoyed our life for what it was.

When he and I met I was stil a child looking for acceptance and to be needed, I hardly had a clue at raising my kids. He filled a void but, I think Im finally a woman, and for the first time in my whole life Im not waiting for someone to fill me up. Does that make sense?

kj0975

Makes total sense u found yourself!!!

cinderellawkids

Just remember Palm tree ,with me nothings final, but Im getting closer....
SOmetimes just letting go our security blankets is the hardest part in life


...and I hold on tightly to my blankie

itiswhatitis...

cinder -

i'm so glad you had a good weekend - a weekend at the beach - and your letter is great - i would save that letter and if he ever wants to know how you really feel, you could share that - strong, loving and honest - sometimes the beauty of that is lost on the *rest* of the conversation - the part that doesn't mean as much as the sincere honesty we really feel - you are an inspiration...

it seems like everyone had good, (busy) weekends - busy is good sometimes - huh?

i actually saw the new tmnt movie - it was ok - but the kids jumping up and down for the turtles was priceless - a rat huh????? you are a real life critter keeper...

off to do laundry...

love,
s
and teke - if you happen to come upon this post know that you are loved - and missed - and being thought of this very minute...

finallyout

happy tuesday! that sounds much better than happy monday doesn't it? i'm crazy busy again at work - how do all my coworkers get time off during our busy season? oh well. had a great weekend, went to the beach - first weekend in months I wore out my kids!! they had such a blast. cindi - the letter is good - i sometimes write letters to him to just to vent and get stuff out eventhough i never give them to him, it sounds like your recovery is doing well - and its ok that nothing is final, when you're ready to move on and move forward you will. but a RAT!!!! i agree that your nuts! just kidding.

palm- i love your myspace. i can't figure out all that neat stuff - maybe i could borrow your stepdaughter?? she should charge an hourly rate for that!

jewlez- i was thinking about you this weekend - hope that everything is ok.

kj0975

Well I broke down and did the dishes and I am slowly working on getting the laundry in! This all takes time and I guess I got enough of it on my hands that I will do what I can today and tomorrow can be a semi lazy day. I really need to get back to work me alone with my mind and time on my hands isnt the best thing for me!!! Well back to work again lol.

kj0975

Live and Teke where are u? Please come back. Anvil if u check in I hope your vacation is going just as great as u envisioned it!!! Enjoy and relax. We are going to Alexandria Bay this weekend and going camping I really like camping the ol fashioned way in a tent. The place we are going seems very nice we can rent boats and such so I hope it goes as good as I picture it going cause it always seems I envision things they way I want them to be and when it doesnt go that way I get disappointed. So this time I'm going with NO expectations well one and thats to enjoy myself and let everything else go. This is very hard for me to do but I will try my hardest!!

cinderellawkids

Im sitting here in shock. Guess who appeared at my desk right at lunch. You guessed right AH. We went to the park and talked a bit about the house ect. He's telling me he wants to try and buy it from me. LOL(well did so quietly). I said if you can come up with $20,000 cash and get morgage company to agree to let you take over payments okay, but in the meantime you have to pay the bills and continue to work on it. (Im still allegedly supposed to receive money from him Friday for it.)
It was nice to see him, nice to talk. I told him alot of the same things I said above in the letter, Got tearry eyed when I said I cant stand the thought of things ever being the way they were, if he ever back slid, I need consistency and things I can count on in my life. He said he understood.
For today we left it there, I dropped him off at the house, which surprisingly looked awesome from outside.