ant385

By the way I took mirtazapine. Useless for me. They want to try me on Venlafaxine (Effexor) as it works on noradrenaline receptors but I’m like nah you alright. Plus I know I’m healing. So I’ll give it a couple more years. Life is mostly better than it was 2 years ago. I still have waves though. But I’m having more 10/10 good days clustered together now.

ant385

Here’s my results lately : - anyone up for a game of ‘who’s had the bigger wave?’

WINDOW
17/02 - 9/10

18/02 - 10/10

19/02 - 5/10

20/02 - 9/10

21/02 - 9/10

22/02 - 8/10

23/02 - 9/10

24/02 - 10/10

25/02 - 9/10

26/02 - 5/10 - improved

27/02 - 8/10



WAVE

28/02 - 2/10 - huge spike. Improved.

01/03 - 1/10

02/03 - 3/10 - bad morning. Got better later.

03/03 - 1/10 - stress

04/03 - 6/10

05/03 - 7/10

06/03 - 3/10



WINDOW

07/03 - 6/10

08/03 - 7/10

09/03 - 9/10

10/03 - 10/10

11/03 - 9/10

12/03 - 6/10

13/03 - 9/10

14/03 - 5/10

15/03 - 9/10

16/03 - 9/10

17/03 - 10/10

18/03 - 10/10

19/03 - 7/10

20/03 - 5/10

21/03 - 6/10

22/03 - 5/10 - stress

23/03 - 10/10

24/03 - 10/10

25/03 - 10/10



WAVE

26/03 - 5/10

27/03 - 3/10

28/03 - 1/10

29/03 - 7/10

30/03 - 2/10



WINDOW

31/03 - 8/10

01/04 - 10/10

02/04 - 10/10

03/04 - 4/10

Introvrtd1

I can relate…I’m on zoloft going into week 14 now…It all started in November 2021 when I was in the 11th month of my sobriety, but then the anxiety came back with a vengeance after things have been so quiet.

By December 2021 I was prescribed zoloft 25mg (lowest dose), but I didn’t take it till January 2022. Just wasn’t ready to deal with the side affects. Turns out, I figured the temporary side affects were worth putting up with for awhile over dealing with these paws like symptoms long term.

Now, at 14 weeks in, I feel better than ever. Yes, the first several weeks were somewhat horrible but things got slowly better.

Hopefully things will continue to be ok for you and looking forward to seeing more of your posts.

Graceful123

Ahh, the dreaded 3 month mark. This was my absolute PAWS peak. Nothing in life made sense. The worst part of it was the thought "it's been 3 months, why don't I feel better?" You'll get better. I was in the darkest of dark places but day by day I climbed out. You won't recognize yourself in a year.

LazaB

Graceful thank you so much for this

drycucumber77

I had a bit of anxiety in my life but not a massive amount considering my circumstances....nothing like the the stuff is coming and going now!

drycucumber77

Thanks ant, really appreciate your input as always! I know, I was one of those people. Because first I was told it was six months, then a year at most, then everything should be resolved within two years. Unfortunately that is a load of rubbish and it still goes on. For me though, a heavy meal at lunch will ruin the afternoon - my head will get all dodgy peculiar and not right like your getting a headache but you are not, like things are moving round. This is happening as I type. So my pattern of PAWS is completely unique to everyone else as my mornings are always fine, my afternoons less so and my evenings are not too bad. It's like that pretty much every day. I don't really get really good or really bad days. In fact this morning I was thinking wow, I feel calm, composed and comfortable in my skin, now it's like my head is all screwed up again and will be like that for probably another two hours.

I've been out quite a bit socially, even to a few clubs and bars with mates - not drinking has not really been an issue for me. I've found some relief in non alcoholic beer and I mean 0.0%...it's called Bavaria Malt. Funny thing is I have one or two and feel good, any more and I start to feel a little dodgy. But it has already become a habit. So again quite different, I need to have the social aspect to my life I find. In two months I'm meeting two best friends on a boys trip who I have not seen since Covid started...I am a bit nervous about it i have to say. The thought of not being able to have a beer with them almost sounds as bad as having a few beers with them and going through this again. Not really of course, the latter would be far, far, far worse. I think the bottom line is everyone yearns to feel good and this has been a really tough journey, to tough to repeat.

drycucumber77

I think one thing we are all in agreement with is that alcohol causes brain damage like symptoms whilst things recalibrate.
If you can feel them, why on earth can't you see them on an MRI scanning your brain for 30 minutes??

drycucumber77

Thank you Betty, I've heard this as well. But I've already cut out alcohol and smoking and am trying to lay off the bread as a start. I think I'll have to give it a shot like you said. All these adjustments are not great for my soul either! I'm about to become the most boring person the world has seen!

Graceful123

To folks who are suffering (and unfortunately I made a misstep myself last week so I'm kinda having a difficult time this week as well). You will get better. I had a year and a half of sobriety under my belt by last week and I went from being in the worst of places (post-cessation anxiety, depression, I was pre-DT in the first few days, panic attacks for days, buildings scared me, people scared me, being in my own skin scared me, I mean you guys all know how it feels, that's why we're all here), to feeling almost perfect in a year and a half.

Don't lose hope, if you're only starting this journey, it's grueling but it's by far the most rewarding thing I've done in my life. I've almost had it and decided to toy around with booze once more. Don't repeat that mistake, you could potentially slip and it's hard to pick yourself back up. It's easier to keep sobriety going than starting anew.

You all got this! Some will take longer to recover, some shorter. My mom said that her friends who have quit 20+ years ago are the happiest they've ever been in their life. We all have that to look forward to.

LazaB

If it makes you feel any better there are some of us who dream to be in your position , i am just over 3 months sober and even going to the store to buy bread brings 10/10 anxiety attacks , going to a party or a trip seems like a completely impossible thing that i will never be able to do again.

drycucumber77

I was in a terrible state after three months but never had that sort of anxiety. I had panic attacks on the regular though. I'm now nearly 30 months sober.

LazaB

Do you still have panic attacks ?

drycucumber77

I have mini ones, like anxiety attacks without any obvious reason to have anxiety where I'm fixated on my breathing.
It's horrible.

Grymt

I will give a brief outline of my experiences with panic attacks. I used to think I was OK. I wasn't drinking but I was taking drugs and a day came when I hit bottom and spun out. A doc prescribed zoloft which seemed to be good but I stopped feeling and felt artificial so I stopped taking them and a massive wave of despair hit me and I attempted suicide. From that I learnt that tapered withdrawal is important. Then I was prescribed valium and I got to where I was taking 8 x 5mg every day to keep anxiety at bay. I was anxious about being anxious even if at the moment I wasn't anxious. In the end after learning some coping techniques I tapered off the valium over a half year period or so. I still kept a bottle of pills, 'just in case'. I found them recently and threw them away. These days, for some years now I've been pill, drug and anxiety free. I even enjoy talking to groups of strangers whereas before I could barely talk to one. Anxiety is just a word for something I once experienced, but I do remember how debilitating and saddening anxiety and panic was. So, having hopefully established credentials I will tell what made all the difference for me. (no, it wasn't God, though some might be comfortable thinking that even though I say so, it was). What made the difference was that I trained to change my relationship to this thing (set of feelings) called anxiety. Firstly, and this is an ongoing thing, I stopped doing things that would really make me anxious. Like harming someone and of course taking intoxicants and perhaps most important becoming friends with truth. When you shape your mind to lean towards truth you begin to unload a whole lot of things to be anxious about. To support this change it is important to associate with good people. For me that meant a counsellor I trusted and the inverse of not associating with bad people who gave me reasons to be bad. Then, that me who tries to be good, instead of self talking or saying 'I am anxious (or whatever)' I changed that to saying, thinking, 'at the moment the set of feelings called anxious (or whatever) has manifested, it is a phenomenon that has the nature of rising, staying for some time and passing and if I step outside of it and just watch it, I let go of it and it passes'. That detachment from it is a habit and a time comes when it is a main go to habit and the anxiety or panic comes and goes in a flash and a time comes when it is gone.

​​​​​Perhaps this wall of text will help someone. I wonder if when I was in the grips of anxiety it would have meant something to me. Nevertheless, that's in a nutshell what worked for me. Sober and serene today.

biminiblue

I hope you're not still drinking...it's kinda hard to tell by your posts. Stay with us. Don't let this become part of your life again, I can assure you the longer it goes on the worse it will be for the next withdrawal process.

Keep posting, Graceful. And, hug.

adair

After I get past the initial withdrawals when coming off a binge after a prolonged absence from alcohol (6 - 8 months) , I hit a sweet spot that begins roughly 10 - 14 days after my last drink and lasts for a few weeks when I feel almost better than normal. I am relaxed, mentally balanced, coherent with minimal brain fog and no rolling dizziness. I briefly think that I beat the odds and PAWS decided to give me a pass. Then the waves start and a fresh new hell begins, with the mental fallout from each dry / binge cycle getting progressively worse and lasting much longer.

Graceful, as you had a year and a half of sobriety under your belt and were feeling almost perfect, I am curious how much this slip sets you back. Does PAWS come roaring back with all its original ferocity or has some of the bite been removed from its teeth?

Keep us posted.

Graceful123

Oh no, I had a slip up last week but I'm no longer drinking. Day 6 sober (after a few days of drinking, after one and a half year sober). Back on that wagon! All good so far.

I just thought I'd share an encouraging message!

Graceful123

So I have an interesting way I gauged my progress. I had depersonalization up until the one year mark when I first quit drinking. In other words I quit in early July and I still had depersonalization well into May next year(not quite a year but you get my point). This said, I had my slip up last week, the first few days were pretty bad, BUT no depersonalization. No anxiety, no loss of sleep. Just the low level humming anxiety. I think my brain remembered the inebriated state and said "yes please, more of that!" and now that I cut off alcohol for the 6th day, my brain is kinda like "nooo, please bring it back!" but I won't bring it back. So to summarize, low level anxiety is there. And it wasn't before I drank last week. I'd say I lost at most two-three months? Curious how quickly I'll bounce back to my pre slip-up level though. Stay tuned!

BettyP

Adair - anxiety was BY FAR the worst symptom for me, and at three months it's really a living hell - you're on an absolutely normal track. I could barely go to the store less than a mile away, and sometimes it would be so much overstimulation that I would cry as soon as I got in the car to drive home. Part of the damage to your brain makes you feel like there is no chance you'll ever feel normal again. This is a lie - it's a symptom in itself. You will get through it. But three to six months is HARD - keep coming here to post whenever you want. We are all here to listen :-)

I had a tough wave the last few days. It's tough to have a wave when you feel like you're coming out of the storm. You're like "apparently this is never going to end," I ate something that I didn't realize had a lot of msg in it - a casserole someone dropped off at the house -- my dad is dying on hospice, and people are bringing food. My dad dying is awful. PAWS is awful. I am demoralized. I really had my heart set on some of the cash and prizes people get for getting sober and it just seems like one terrible thing after another. I know this will pass, but just like fffffffuuuuu******* - that is all. Over it. So completely and utterly over it.