TheSoberNord

Hate when that happens. It's like everything is coming up roses life is feeling normal then out of left field it hits you again. Sure enough after I wrote my last entry I had an episode while walking my dog. I've been going on longer walks and further away from home and right when I was gazing off into the distance and thinking it was great to be able to do this again I got hit with this wave of dread and immediately felt like I wanted to be back home! I was only 10mins away but it might as well of been 10hrs away. I had to keep looking down at my phone because looking anywhere else made feel like I was having vertigo and then the dog wanted to stop and smell everything so I had to keep dragging her. I made it home fine but felt a little weirded out for the day and now today I feel alright again. So it's frustrating for sure but but at least the normal days are happening more than the bad days now.
Something worth trying I find that helps on the rough days is soaking in a epsom salt bath for an hour and using massage pads/gun/pulse massager afterwards. It's no silver bullet cure but it helps.

BettyP

Oh my gosh thank you so so much for that, SoberNord. It's so hard to be brought back down into the trenches and not think you're just starting over again or you're stuck forever and never going to get better. I try to always tell myself that as soon as I have the thought that it's never going to get better, that's when I know it's definitely PAWS - it's it's own symptom. Not that I'm glad you went through an episode of your own, but it's comforting to hear from you that this is normal and you're going through it still. I get it in my head that I'm going to be the one who doesn't recover and I'm doing it wrong. And the anxiety with not wanting to be too far from home REALLY resonates with me. Thanks again for coming and posting - I really needed that boost. Hope you're having a good and relaxing holiday weekend :-)

TheSoberNord

Luckily moments like those don't happen as often as they did before but they still do rear their ugly head every now and again. But as I'm sure as I mentioned in past posts that there's no way me or anyone else who had 28+ years of hard drinking can just quit and walk away like nothing ever happened. That's a long time to be ingesting a slow killing poison. Damage was done and it takes time to heal. I'm better off then where I was a year ago today and by this time next year I'm hoping to say the same.
So chin up an soldier on! You've got this!

Graceful123

Agreed with you, TheSoberNord. It's a tough uphill battle but it can be won.

I'm 95% out of the wood BUT I have this one nagging symptom that clings on. Basically when I'm doing stuff or working or running errands and things like that, I'll be almost always entirely symptom free, but as soon as I'm at home, resting, doing nothing, this nagging feeling of uneasiness comes upon me and it just lingers there. I have a feeling that's my brain having been trained for so long to be drunk on my time off that I can't handle free time sober anymore. Like all other symptoms, it seems to be subsiding, but almost 24 months into it, it's hard to still have to deal with this.

Vindawgs

That's exactly me Graceful. I'll be doing fine and symptom free and as Soon as I sit to relax and maybe watch a movie the symptoms come on uneasiness and anxiety and it just starts driving me crazy. Then there are days when I wake up and from the minute I get out of bed till the end of the day I just have an anxious day and it doesn't give up. And somedays I feel good not a 100% but 95% and I say to myself wow out of the woods, then Pause will come on and get right back at me again and that's when I start doubting myself that I probably won't be healing anytime soon. It's a tough battle but I'm not giving up hope and I'm just gonna keep chugging along. Hope everyone on the here is feeling great and we got out of woods soon and we can celebrate with cranberry and seltzer and laughs of our past. Be blessed

BettyP

The three of us are in that grey area at the end of PAWS that I've read about a ton of times when people say they feel mostly healed but are resigned to never quite being the same. And then in the end they are actually ok. At least from the success stories I've read over at BB. Not taking a drug for two years seems like a pretty reasonable amount of time to feel totally better, but it takes as long as it takes - pretty frustrating. I think of it as life giving me this super huge reason why I need to never pick up a drink again - I couldn't go through this all again. And despite that, on my good days I start to let alcohol creep back into my mind. It's literally crazy. So I needed this sledgehammer to hit me on the head to say "stop." Anyway - we live to fight another day, right? Some of these days are so good - like SoberNord said, you feel like "ok I'm free I'm out of the woods. Time for living!" And then the grossness creeps back in for a few hours or days, and you wonder what the hell you did to make that happen. It's literally torture. Thanks for coming on and sharing you guys - sucks we are still fighting it, but sounds like we're just on the normal trajectory still.

CBS62

Hey there PAWS buddies. Thought I would check in since it has been a while. Yesterday was my 18 month sobriety date. I can say that I am feeling better. Some physical symptoms have subsided like the internal tremor seems mostly gone. The annoying persistent rocking boatiness though just won't give me a break. I think also I have had a setback because I had to have 2 teeth extracted and I took propafol for the procedure. From what I have read I think the dizziness may be more related to my benzo use than the alcohol abuse but I suppose it could be a combination. I know Vinny said he had the rocking for a while. Anxiety and health anxiety is so much better. Insomnia is better too.

I do have a fair amount of depression. And I don't know if I mentioned here in the PAWS thread but I lost my mom in April and my brother in February so I am still grieving. In a strange way the DP and DR have kind of made the losses more bearable. I have cried some but not as much as I would have expected. though I am very sad. So I try to count my blessings and keep busy.

How is everyone else doing?

Introvrtd1

1 year, 5 months, 18 days.

Vindawgs

Congrats Intro. That's some progress. Hope your feeling great.

CB ,

So sorry to hear of your losses. My condolences to you. Seems like you are progressing. im doing better withost of my symptoms but the buzzing and the depression has been really bothering me. I feel that's where my anxiety kicks in is when I feel depressed. Those are the two symptoms I'm dealing with and I still get the slight photophobia. The rocking boaty sensation I use to get is gone. Greatful for that. Hope you are all feeling better.

BettyP

CB it’s really good to hear you’re getting some relief - the change is coming :-)

Vindawgs

Hi All,

Hope your All feeling great. I'm having a rough day today. Feeling extremely pawsy. Have been feeling ok for a few days, not great but ok Then paws would hit me. On those pawsy days I would feel so restless and agitated and don't feel like doing anything. I was wonder if I'm the only one that feels this way on those rough days. . Can anyone relate regarding these feelings.

Thanks in advanc3

Dee74

I can definitely relate - I still feel that way some days.
Pretty sure its not still PAWs with me now ...just getting old and battling my body, lol

Hope things look up for you Vindadawgs

SaberK33

Vindawgs, I relate with you strongly. Restless and yet I don’t want to do anything, what an annoying experience it is. I am on a similar track as you, some depression/anxiety/ never feeling quite right. Yet I have days where I feel some sense of peace and for that I am grateful. I can function quite well these days, and that’s a long way that I’ve come. I’m finishing a masters program, I go backpacking with my family, I work out semi-consistently. I am living my life regardless of not feeling quite right a lot of the time. I try to stay grateful for what I am able to do, and not obsess over the way I feel.

Vindawgs

Dee, thank you so much for your response. I understand the age don't help but getting older day by day is such a blessing. I guess it's just part of being in sobriety. Who woulda thought. Be well and God bless 🙌

Vindawgs

Saber yes that's exactly it. Feels like your actually getting worse. Most importantly I find that dwelling on the feeling surely doesn't help. Keeping busy and occupied is what keeps me going. And when I'm doing fun stuff with family and friends and the feeling of despair, agitation and restlessness come it really grinds me. Your feelings of bring out of the woods goes out the window. I'm 952 days today and wouldn't have it Any other way (Besides feeling that way in those times)...staying positive and sure it only gets better. Has to especially when your doing all the right things. Stay blessed everyone. Have a wonderful weekend 😀

drycucumber77

Hi everyone! If anyone has the links to where people say they went through hell with PAWS for two years and have now recovered, please post them here or let me know where I can find them for some encouragement! I'm nearly 30 months sober and still my head does not feel right. Still suffering with this. I've done everything I possibly could for things to work in my favour, quit booze, quit smoking, quit coffee, quit wheat, pretty much quit gluten, exercise, try to sleep well. This feels like it will be with me for life. I am not in the camp that think life is far better sober, perhaps if I felt significantly better than I do now, I would be. Life has been incredibly hard sober and that is because I've had to deal with things that sober people don't usually have to deal with - massive social dysfunction at times, massive air hunger at times, palpitations for no reason, daily headaches, tremors, developed allergies to pretty much everything I like, weird sensations, stressful social situations where I have no idea why I am stressed, sinus problems...everything. Sometimes all at once, but always something! I understand that things take time to get back together but please even all the rehabilitation centers and recovery retreats all state that in the most severe cases it CAN take up to two years. I just got back from a lunch and I was struggling to relax during the conversation...a thousand days after quitting booze....that never used to happen. Does anyone remember having this head feeling while they were drinking? I do. I remember that if I went three days without a drink my head would get funny, because I would usually go three and this cycle went on and on and on for years....now it's just always funny. Was it PAWS then? It could not have been because it was only three days! I've read everything on quoara, reddit, paws results on google are all highlighted in red for 20 pages. How is it possible to have this disease and it can't be diagnosed? As if it is all imagined!!!

CBS62

Hi Dry. I am so sorry you are still suffering so. I assume you have been to doctors and they can't find anything. I have been to many doctors and the only explanation is that my brain is recalibrating. I am just over 18 months and don't have as many symptoms as you. My worst symptom is the rocking/boaty/dizziness. I also have a tremor in my lower body but it is not as intense as it once was. Have you looked at Benzobuddies? There are people over there with some of your symptoms. And I think there are success stories that far out. I understand you giving up hope sometimes. But keep going. Drinking will set you back.

BettyP

Hey Dry - I'm with CB on this one, check out Benzo Buddies. While your recovery isn't from benzos, there are people over there who have gone through longer recoveries than just two years for sure. On the one hand, read them to feel like you're not alone - and on the other, don't read all of them and decide you're doomed. http://www.benzobuddies.org/forum/in...topic=229194.0
At the end of the day, it's your nervous system being dysregulated. So anything you can do to help get regulated again will help. I know you've done a TON. I believe the OP was out at the far reaches with you in terms of timeline. That said, it might be worth investigating a low dose of antidepressant - find a good doctor, as GP's often don't get it and just throw people on a huge dose of something that just makes life worse. You are also not alone - we're here for you! There's no one timeline that like you can set your watch to - come here and post!

BettyP

I'm a day away from two years sober. I have had a lot of good days lately, and have been feeling like "okay my life is really getting back to normal." And of course, boom - big wave crashes. I feel like at this point I pay for the good days with a wave, it feels unfair! Does anyone else feel that way? Like oh I'm doing great - I wonder what this is going to cost me with PAWS? Also, I have noticed in a lot of recovery stories that people say that they have waves around anniversary times. I think they are extinction bursts. Like my brain is giving it another go to see if I'll buckle and take a drink because I'm just frustrated enough https://evoketherapy.com/resources/b...t-gets-better/
Just being ok with not being ok today over here, guys. How's everyone else?

Graceful123

Good time of day folks,

I'm happy to say that today is officially my 2 year mark since I first quit drinking. I will be the first to admit that I have had 2 or 3 small slip ups involving a few cans of beer and some wine between then and now but I've learned my lessons quickly and picked right back up. 2 years is a significant date, like most of you, I went through hell and high water. It started off with withdrawals and passing out, massive panic attacks, anxiety, depression, absence of the will to stay sober, sometimes will to live under the pain and discomfort that quitting causes, many smoked packs of cigarettes to calm myself down, dizziness, lack of memory, pains in the stomach and so much more.... BUT, I persevered and most of those symptoms are now a distant, horrible memory.

2 years is a significant date, it's a date that I can say I feel more or less normal and lead a more or less normal life. There are still times of discomfort. Urge to drink when I see others drink in front of me or when I see alcohol somewhere, poopy feeling in the morning, like I should be starting to get hammered, but instead it will be a normal, sober, boring day, small things like that. But they are small inconveniences compared to what I have gone through.

I call this a huge win. If I can do it and make it out of the deepest recesses of suck, so can you. Stay strong folks, and as always, always feel free to reach out to me!