Question about A.A and their community
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2023
Posts: 6
Question about A.A and their community
Hey!
So im very much a lurker and don't really post on forums or reddit, I read alot however and usually find the information I need but this time I made a post in an a.a forum my reasoning being that someone might have had an similar experience but i got shot down right away.
I'll admit that I could have been clearer and honestly a bit more delicate when I stated that I'm not in nor intend to join a.a. but I'm looking for some input. I addressed those that got upset about it right away.
tldr on the post; I'm concerned with how easy its been to stop this time around. I'm well aware of the struggle that is recovery. I've been been there. I'm genuinely concerned about a backlash and I want to be prepared as can be or atleast be aware if there are common fallpits around the 2 year mark. I've been drinking since forever and ended up in a coma with cirrosis, guess something snapped and I've managed it on my own ( with very supportive friends and family), never went to a.a or any other programs but would appreciate if there are any input.
tldr;
So yeah, ive had it very easy this time around, never made it past 2 months before but this time everything clicked, I took all the information I could find and started learning and forming an understanding of alcoholism that makes sense to my brain, after doing my best to drown it for 25 years
It shouldn't be this easy and I realise I'm very fortunate. Like I I said it's not my first rodeo, ive been in the hell that is trying to stay sober long enough for the withdrawals to pass, this last time they came very close to ending me
So I was surprised that appernatly I'm not an alcoholic at all, not a real one atleast since I quit "on my own" and never been in any program. Didn't know that there was a alcoholic version of dick measuring going on.
So I'm just wondering if broke some cardinal rule or something, since I rarely post I'm quite surprised with the hostility. Is it always like this if your not in the club or am I just good at offending random people online unintentionally?
My personal belief is that every one tries to find his own way, be it via a.a, some other program or such as in my case "alone" atleast from a professional help point of view, i detoxed at the hospital but thats about it.
I get that my way isent the the norm but it works for me had for a year now and hopefully it will continue to do do. I respect that others find their own ways but in the end aren't our destination the same, sobriety? Everyone has to find that way that works for them, some will have a harder time the others, life isent black and white and neither is recovery. As I find that gathering information and connecting the dots in a way.that my brain gets helps alot and I honestly thought A.A would be more open to share knowledge and experience but maybe it's not like that at all.
Maybe it's as simple as I'm in the wrong about it all, I'm from a nordic country and things work abit different here. Some things about the u.s can be foreign for us. Never by much but maybe more so with a sensitive subject. Also since I've never been in a program my table manners are probably horrendous.
Sorry about formatting and spelling. Got a bit long and typing on my phone, I'm not sure if we nordics are allowed to use the "English is not my native language" card since almost everyone are bilingual but that doesn't help att all dealing with autocorrect
So im very much a lurker and don't really post on forums or reddit, I read alot however and usually find the information I need but this time I made a post in an a.a forum my reasoning being that someone might have had an similar experience but i got shot down right away.
I'll admit that I could have been clearer and honestly a bit more delicate when I stated that I'm not in nor intend to join a.a. but I'm looking for some input. I addressed those that got upset about it right away.
tldr on the post; I'm concerned with how easy its been to stop this time around. I'm well aware of the struggle that is recovery. I've been been there. I'm genuinely concerned about a backlash and I want to be prepared as can be or atleast be aware if there are common fallpits around the 2 year mark. I've been drinking since forever and ended up in a coma with cirrosis, guess something snapped and I've managed it on my own ( with very supportive friends and family), never went to a.a or any other programs but would appreciate if there are any input.
tldr;
So yeah, ive had it very easy this time around, never made it past 2 months before but this time everything clicked, I took all the information I could find and started learning and forming an understanding of alcoholism that makes sense to my brain, after doing my best to drown it for 25 years
It shouldn't be this easy and I realise I'm very fortunate. Like I I said it's not my first rodeo, ive been in the hell that is trying to stay sober long enough for the withdrawals to pass, this last time they came very close to ending me
So I was surprised that appernatly I'm not an alcoholic at all, not a real one atleast since I quit "on my own" and never been in any program. Didn't know that there was a alcoholic version of dick measuring going on.
So I'm just wondering if broke some cardinal rule or something, since I rarely post I'm quite surprised with the hostility. Is it always like this if your not in the club or am I just good at offending random people online unintentionally?
My personal belief is that every one tries to find his own way, be it via a.a, some other program or such as in my case "alone" atleast from a professional help point of view, i detoxed at the hospital but thats about it.
I get that my way isent the the norm but it works for me had for a year now and hopefully it will continue to do do. I respect that others find their own ways but in the end aren't our destination the same, sobriety? Everyone has to find that way that works for them, some will have a harder time the others, life isent black and white and neither is recovery. As I find that gathering information and connecting the dots in a way.that my brain gets helps alot and I honestly thought A.A would be more open to share knowledge and experience but maybe it's not like that at all.
Maybe it's as simple as I'm in the wrong about it all, I'm from a nordic country and things work abit different here. Some things about the u.s can be foreign for us. Never by much but maybe more so with a sensitive subject. Also since I've never been in a program my table manners are probably horrendous.
Sorry about formatting and spelling. Got a bit long and typing on my phone, I'm not sure if we nordics are allowed to use the "English is not my native language" card since almost everyone are bilingual but that doesn't help att all dealing with autocorrect
Last edited by Countryboner; 04-29-2023 at 02:57 AM. Reason: Spelling g
Member
Join Date: Mar 2014
Posts: 25,373
Well, on this forum we try to be accepting of all forms of recovery. That phrase, "A real alcoholic," is something some people in AA say but don't fool yourself that you can ever go back to drinking normally because you've had an easy recovery. Once that line is crossed into habitual, and daily heavy drinking occurs? Don't poke that bear ever again. Did you detox on your own, too, or in hospital?
I think you're doing great and you're very lucky indeed. Take that gift and run with it.
I don't think any of us have crystal balls here on this site, though, as far as whether or not you'd have some struggle at some point in the future. I started back drinking after many years of being sober and those sober years had not been difficult for me to achieve. It took me another seven years of drinking for it to show me why I'd quit the first time and to quit again, including the last year of heavy drinking that was going to take me down.
Welcome to the forum.
I think you're doing great and you're very lucky indeed. Take that gift and run with it.
I don't think any of us have crystal balls here on this site, though, as far as whether or not you'd have some struggle at some point in the future. I started back drinking after many years of being sober and those sober years had not been difficult for me to achieve. It took me another seven years of drinking for it to show me why I'd quit the first time and to quit again, including the last year of heavy drinking that was going to take me down.
Welcome to the forum.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2014
Posts: 25,373
I read your other thread...so you detoxed during an alcohol-induced crisis in hospital, that's why it felt, "easy." They heavily medicated you and kept you in until your withdrawal was well over. That's the biggest hurdle.
The rest is psychological. Have you been playing with the idea of having a drink at some point in the future?
Posting here never hurts, it is a way to keep my head in the game. For me posting is a daily reminder of a commitment. It's a bit like being on a diet or exercising. It's not just one and done, but daily vigilance and awareness.
The rest is psychological. Have you been playing with the idea of having a drink at some point in the future?
Posting here never hurts, it is a way to keep my head in the game. For me posting is a daily reminder of a commitment. It's a bit like being on a diet or exercising. It's not just one and done, but daily vigilance and awareness.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2023
Posts: 6
Hey!
Yeah i did get an easy detox, or well the withdrawals probably got me there in the first place, but I was out cold for the rest of it. But thats the first step and I've taken it before but it was different this time around, well the first two months, never made it further. I realised that when I've been saying easy its based on my minds reference of the alternative and how it was in the end, the constant battle against withdrawals that I never won and nearly lost everything to in the end. Compared to living like that this is easy mode. I get that at face value it can be insulting so gonna pick something else to describe it.
Think i get the a.a. issue somewhat better after a couple more responses, my way of achiving this is not compatible with theirs. I repspect that, whatever works is great, the entire reason i posted there is beacuse i figured with the collective experiance they have I might learn something or at least have a heads up hurdles that might otherwise come.unexpected, i know its impossible to predict, but i find it easier to deal with these things even if they just briefly crossed my mind, knowlegde is always welcome. What i certainly didn't expect was to have my disease questioned and invalidated, that lack of respect is alarming. You live and learn and I now know I'm not welcome in their club. It dosent affect me at all but since I usually just lurk I had different expectations for engaging.
Regarding your question about possible drinks. It's not something I consider at all, I've done the relapse thing. Not a fan and I won't waste whatever brought out the strength to do this. I don't consider it a permanent thing either so I try to be prepared for some rainy days up ahead. And honestly part of this attempt that is very a foreign, atleast at first and different feeling that I'm done and don't miss it at all. Before it was just a temporary thing that needed to be done. This probably rubs people the wrong way. But in the end I'm on track and thankful for that.
One thing that surprised me is labeling me as a statistical outliner over at aa, I don't disagree with that and I probably fit there now but it's been far from my previous reality. But they added "If you quit on your own and doing well then problem solved and quit questioning it and move on." And that is far from my understanding and experice from how this works and had the impression this was common and accepted knowledge that this is a progressive and chronic disease. It's never going away and the problem is never solved.
In anycase I'll have to adapt if im going to poke around and try and learn how others do it in various communities, I was probably naive and underestimated how proud they are of their system, fair enough. But even when everyone's way differs in someways most small but apperantly major ones too, regardless what works for you my opinion is that there is usually something to learn regardless of what path we take and im assuming the goal is the same, stable long term sobriety? It's dosent matter on a larger scale how you achieve it and lessons learnt are probably applicable across the board.
Sorta ironic how I try not to see things as black and white that's never the case but with this that failed and I zoned in on what was relevant for me and forgot to look how and why it is.
If nothing else it's been interesting seeig all this and your polite was very much appreciated.
Yeah i did get an easy detox, or well the withdrawals probably got me there in the first place, but I was out cold for the rest of it. But thats the first step and I've taken it before but it was different this time around, well the first two months, never made it further. I realised that when I've been saying easy its based on my minds reference of the alternative and how it was in the end, the constant battle against withdrawals that I never won and nearly lost everything to in the end. Compared to living like that this is easy mode. I get that at face value it can be insulting so gonna pick something else to describe it.
Think i get the a.a. issue somewhat better after a couple more responses, my way of achiving this is not compatible with theirs. I repspect that, whatever works is great, the entire reason i posted there is beacuse i figured with the collective experiance they have I might learn something or at least have a heads up hurdles that might otherwise come.unexpected, i know its impossible to predict, but i find it easier to deal with these things even if they just briefly crossed my mind, knowlegde is always welcome. What i certainly didn't expect was to have my disease questioned and invalidated, that lack of respect is alarming. You live and learn and I now know I'm not welcome in their club. It dosent affect me at all but since I usually just lurk I had different expectations for engaging.
Regarding your question about possible drinks. It's not something I consider at all, I've done the relapse thing. Not a fan and I won't waste whatever brought out the strength to do this. I don't consider it a permanent thing either so I try to be prepared for some rainy days up ahead. And honestly part of this attempt that is very a foreign, atleast at first and different feeling that I'm done and don't miss it at all. Before it was just a temporary thing that needed to be done. This probably rubs people the wrong way. But in the end I'm on track and thankful for that.
One thing that surprised me is labeling me as a statistical outliner over at aa, I don't disagree with that and I probably fit there now but it's been far from my previous reality. But they added "If you quit on your own and doing well then problem solved and quit questioning it and move on." And that is far from my understanding and experice from how this works and had the impression this was common and accepted knowledge that this is a progressive and chronic disease. It's never going away and the problem is never solved.
In anycase I'll have to adapt if im going to poke around and try and learn how others do it in various communities, I was probably naive and underestimated how proud they are of their system, fair enough. But even when everyone's way differs in someways most small but apperantly major ones too, regardless what works for you my opinion is that there is usually something to learn regardless of what path we take and im assuming the goal is the same, stable long term sobriety? It's dosent matter on a larger scale how you achieve it and lessons learnt are probably applicable across the board.
Sorta ironic how I try not to see things as black and white that's never the case but with this that failed and I zoned in on what was relevant for me and forgot to look how and why it is.
If nothing else it's been interesting seeig all this and your polite was very much appreciated.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2014
Posts: 25,373
There are probably as many schools of thought and interpretations in AA as there are members. We all come at life with a lens, so to speak.
Keep in mind that if you post in a AA Reddit, the people who reply are probably some very - um - passionate (?) members of AA. Just like there are passionate members of some religions, they take the Big Book, "Alcoholics Anonymous," as a legalist document, and many people have strong personalities. I ran into some of them in some AA meetings, but they are by no means the norm here in the Seattle area AA meetings I attended. Don't use a Reddit forum as an indicator of the makeup of AA or meetings in general. Just like churches, some are more "AA" than others, and there are many different formats at meetings - men only, women only, Step Study, 12 X12, Discussions, Speaker meetings, hiking and beach meetings, bar b ques, camp-outs, retreats, etc etc.
There are a lot of normal people in most meetings. There are a few I attended that you couldn't pay me to go back! Take what you like and leave the rest.
I think with AA or churches or book clubs, or cooking classes, weekend softball teams, or whatever type of groups it makes sense to go to a few until you find some that click.
Keep in mind that if you post in a AA Reddit, the people who reply are probably some very - um - passionate (?) members of AA. Just like there are passionate members of some religions, they take the Big Book, "Alcoholics Anonymous," as a legalist document, and many people have strong personalities. I ran into some of them in some AA meetings, but they are by no means the norm here in the Seattle area AA meetings I attended. Don't use a Reddit forum as an indicator of the makeup of AA or meetings in general. Just like churches, some are more "AA" than others, and there are many different formats at meetings - men only, women only, Step Study, 12 X12, Discussions, Speaker meetings, hiking and beach meetings, bar b ques, camp-outs, retreats, etc etc.
There are a lot of normal people in most meetings. There are a few I attended that you couldn't pay me to go back! Take what you like and leave the rest.
I think with AA or churches or book clubs, or cooking classes, weekend softball teams, or whatever type of groups it makes sense to go to a few until you find some that click.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2016
Location: Canada
Posts: 6,879
Welcome on SR Countryboner
I'm not a fan of AA having a lot of trouble right off the bat with the concept of "God" appearing in six of their twelve steps.
There is also this fanatical rigor among certain members which made me step back and leave several meetings.
As a matter of weighing the pros and cons, a reading of the Orange Papers (Google it) may prove interesting.
AA, on the other hand, has the benefit of reaching out the first day someone decides to stop drinking, at no cost.
Good luck on your journey, come see us again.
I'm not a fan of AA having a lot of trouble right off the bat with the concept of "God" appearing in six of their twelve steps.
There is also this fanatical rigor among certain members which made me step back and leave several meetings.
As a matter of weighing the pros and cons, a reading of the Orange Papers (Google it) may prove interesting.
AA, on the other hand, has the benefit of reaching out the first day someone decides to stop drinking, at no cost.
Good luck on your journey, come see us again.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2023
Posts: 6
Both of you touch on more less how my view of A.A, it's kinda niche in Scandinavia and agreed, it's reddit and if like me you mostly visit it in early recovery and I just grasp the abstract of a.a and an dismissive and direct approach wasn't the best way to make friends.
It's interesting the entire a.a concept and im gonna do the same my muscle memory for some.of the tunes. , if im not mistaken the service provided with our health care follow similar concepts at least for the meetings. I'm not sure exactly how they operate. I had a few one on one meetings right after my hospital stint. Im sure nothing related to religion or symbolism got tranfered to the govermental. We're a very secular bunch up here in the North. I respect a.a and what it means to alot of people. But I'm confident it's not something for me im sure most people these parts feel the same and it's mostly superfical on the same building. what we would view as superficial things Or what we view and such it can be saving very much apperantly A's a big difference.
It's interesting the entire a.a concept and im gonna do the same my muscle memory for some.of the tunes. , if im not mistaken the service provided with our health care follow similar concepts at least for the meetings. I'm not sure exactly how they operate. I had a few one on one meetings right after my hospital stint. Im sure nothing related to religion or symbolism got tranfered to the govermental. We're a very secular bunch up here in the North. I respect a.a and what it means to alot of people. But I'm confident it's not something for me im sure most people these parts feel the same and it's mostly superfical on the same building. what we would view as superficial things Or what we view and such it can be saving very much apperantly A's a big difference.
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Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,477
As Bim said there are many different approaches in play here on SR.
If you don't want to do AA, for any reason, don't do it.
Just stay sober.
I'd much rather talk about what works for individual people rather than what doesn't
D
If you don't want to do AA, for any reason, don't do it.
Just stay sober.
I'd much rather talk about what works for individual people rather than what doesn't
D
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2023
Posts: 6
My last post looks kinda mangeld and scrambled odd.
Yes. I very much agree with the sentiment that talking about progress is both healthier and rewarding. Well try to learn from faliures, if and when you can take it in. Don't know how many relapse stories I've read before understood. I'm probably not alone on that.
This entire thing is mostly misunderstandings, I've been thinking why it even bothered me that much at all, it's not like me to do so. Anyway what I belived A.A was far from what from I had in my mind and I.think the reason is that my view is dated early 90's. A.A exists in Scandinavia but I've no idea.how big they are, never seen a single sign, commercial or anything. And our addiction treatment are quite different. There's private rehabs and local addiction offices and it's all handled very discreetly.
Yes. I very much agree with the sentiment that talking about progress is both healthier and rewarding. Well try to learn from faliures, if and when you can take it in. Don't know how many relapse stories I've read before understood. I'm probably not alone on that.
This entire thing is mostly misunderstandings, I've been thinking why it even bothered me that much at all, it's not like me to do so. Anyway what I belived A.A was far from what from I had in my mind and I.think the reason is that my view is dated early 90's. A.A exists in Scandinavia but I've no idea.how big they are, never seen a single sign, commercial or anything. And our addiction treatment are quite different. There's private rehabs and local addiction offices and it's all handled very discreetly.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2014
Posts: 25,373
One of the founding tenets of AA is anonymity. You won't see signs, advertisements or anything like that. It's only found by those who go searching for it. The God thing isn't a requirement, though it is a discussion point. Most/many rehabs are arranged around AA's basic premise, so there are meetings in rehabs. They're probably overseen by a therapist or some sort of counselor though. Regular AA meetings are just peer support, no professional help involved. More of a social group with Stop Drinking as its main theme.
The only requirement for membership is a desire to stop drinking.
I would say that the books are very good. They are written in 1940's language, but the misery and recovery of an alcoholic hasn't really changed that much. You can read their literature on their website. Well worth a read.
There are also many other recovery books in the Book List here on this site at the top of Newcomers.
The only requirement for membership is a desire to stop drinking.
I would say that the books are very good. They are written in 1940's language, but the misery and recovery of an alcoholic hasn't really changed that much. You can read their literature on their website. Well worth a read.
There are also many other recovery books in the Book List here on this site at the top of Newcomers.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2019
Location: Wisconsin
Posts: 73
Hey CB, my story is somewhat similar with my detox occurring because I had gone to the ER for a condition caused by my drinking but not looking for a detox (my platelet count had dropped so low that I had gotten repeated nose bleeds that weren't clotting for like hours). They admitted me for the platelet count thing after getting me to fess up about my drinking and then wouldn't release me to my own care once the detox started. I demanded to be released but they said that I had to be released in to someone's care and thank God for my wife who absolutely refused until the detox was done.
This was my first time going in to recovery and I've gotten it to stick for over 4 1/2 years now. I also went to one A.A. meeting about 2 or 3 months in to recovery and got the same kind of sense from the group like I wasn't a real alcoholic, though through my own research I found that this isn't an experience for an addict that comes specifically from one group's opinion but rather a common feeling of many in recovery.
I decided A.A. probably wasn't for me, didn't like the vibes and decided to go it alone. What worked for me is a deeper exploration of my own principles and feelings that has led me to a discovery of my own faith and religion. I've used this faith not only to deal my issues with drinking but restructuring my entire outlook on the meaning and purpose of my life. My younger self could have never conceived of myself as following a religious tenant but then again I had never conceived of myself as an alcoholic either.
In the end, go with what others have said. You do you as long as it works and you DO NOT drink.
This was my first time going in to recovery and I've gotten it to stick for over 4 1/2 years now. I also went to one A.A. meeting about 2 or 3 months in to recovery and got the same kind of sense from the group like I wasn't a real alcoholic, though through my own research I found that this isn't an experience for an addict that comes specifically from one group's opinion but rather a common feeling of many in recovery.
I decided A.A. probably wasn't for me, didn't like the vibes and decided to go it alone. What worked for me is a deeper exploration of my own principles and feelings that has led me to a discovery of my own faith and religion. I've used this faith not only to deal my issues with drinking but restructuring my entire outlook on the meaning and purpose of my life. My younger self could have never conceived of myself as following a religious tenant but then again I had never conceived of myself as an alcoholic either.
In the end, go with what others have said. You do you as long as it works and you DO NOT drink.
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