CBS62

Betty and Graceful congrats on your 2 years! That is great!

I am having a bit of a hard time. My boatiness is still with me all the time. It is worse at night. I have a few days here and there where I wake up and it is gone for a day. But it is not linear. I seem to have had setbacks due to two dental surgeries. I had been doing better with my health anxiety but it is creeping up on me again. I also am thinking a lot about my mortality. Especially because I lost my brother in February and my mother in April. In general I am better than I was a year ago. I am able to exercise, work, go out in public, drive etc. I just want to get off this boat.

Graceful123

@BettyP sorry I just realised I posted right on top of your post (end of page 12). That was not on purpose! I didn't see it until after the fact

Yes, I totally have sucky days still, mostly to do with the fact that there is SO much time during the day and I'm tackling it all sober. Some days are great and others do have problems.

But I've noticed month by month there are improvements and I'm hoping to wake up one day in the near future, having completely forgotten about ALL discomfort that comes with drinking and quitting.

Graceful123

I'm sorry for your loss and for how you're feeling CBS. The boatiness SUUUUCKS. I noticed I get it when I'm overly anxious (public meetings, speaking in front of a crowd, being in a crowded place, things like that). I think it's somehow connected with alcohol-induced anxiety and GABA/Glutamate systems regaining balance (just an educated guess based on the literature I've read about this topic while withdrawing lol). Mine have significantly subsided but were still BRUTAL 1 year into sobriety. I do get them to this day but much better than last year. Hang in there, you've said yourself that you're feeling better than before, healing from PAWS is a process which I wish went along a lot faster.

CBS62

Graceful I am in my 19th month of sobriety now. Fingers crossed it will subside soon. Some of the people on Benzobuddies have the boatiness for years!

Dee74

Congratulations CBS

D

Paddy123

5 weeks sober and suffering PAWs. My symptoms are derealization, anxiety and over thinking. Taking Campral...don't really know if helping or not? Or just placebo? just gotta soldier on and sober on lol. Good luck everyone. 👍 take care, stay strong.

Dee74

Congrats Graceful and Betty on your milestones
Graceful do you feel like slip ups are behind you now?

Hey Paddy - congrats on 5 weeks. I have no experience with Campral to share.

D

Dee74

Just a reminder folks:

Its usually fine to share your experience, but please step back from making recommendations for others that breaks the medical advice rule.

What’s worked for you might not work or even be suitable for others.

Thanks,

Dee
Administrator
SR

BettyP

Graceful - jinx, you owe me a seltzer haha! Congratulations on two years - we have come so far! I'm starting to come out of my wave - still funky today, but not as bad as the last two days. I, too, will be happy when I just forget about all the stupid symptoms. One of the last things to go (besides anxiety) is waves of extreme fatigue - like my whole body feels like a thousand pounds and I can't sleep enough. Must be my brain doing some serious heavy lifting. I do remind myself that even just three and six months ago I had worse symptoms. It would be nice if PAWS was linear, though!
CB - 18-24 months was when I started to really get good progress, but at the same time it was like dragging my dead body out of a desert only to find 10 miles of highway with no water in sight -- like ok, getting somewhere and know where to go, but how to find the energy to get down the last stretch seems impossible at times. I always found comfort in reminding myself that I'm x number of months done with it - that I have less time left than what I've already gone through. So like "I've made it 19 months, so only a few months left" - and then of course try not to think about how we don't know when it's over!
I also echo Graceful that things that are normally anxiety inducing will stir up more symptoms. Like more than a normal level of anxiety - it'll bring up some DP, tingling in my foot, confusion, etc -- brain still not managing normal anxiety yet, but certainly getting a lot closer.
Thanks everyone for jumping in! Paddy - we are all here for you on your journey. I also have no experience with Campral but some other posters do - hopefully you all can connect. Whatever you do, don't pick up!

Graceful123

Sorry folks, I don't check this site nearly as often anymore.

To answer your question about slip-ups Dee: I've had a MUCH easier time controlling my cravings now that I've put in some time with sobriety. I don't look at alcohol anymore as a way to solve problems and don't immediately jump at the thought of drinking at the sign of first trouble. What I call "slip-ups" were actually planned outings where I meant to drink a few pints (for example for my 30th which was a few months ago). The problem is once you do have a drink, those initial issues do tend to kick in the next day (anxiety, uncontrolled emotions, the whole works).

I am super on track for full healing, but right now my biggest issue is spending quiet time alone. I feel uneasy on my days off when there is nobody around (my wife is elsewhere right now, so I have the house to myself). I think it's my body thinking that I should be fueling it with booze and vegging out at the couch but my sobriety says "no". I honestly just want to go back emotionally to my 20-year old self before I started drinking. Life was so easy. Booze is evil. Worst thing I've come across in my life hands down.

Dee74

Yeah I think, especially if you've suffered PAWs, any amount of alcohol is not worth the risk Graceful.
My happiest birthdays have been sober ones
D

Introvrtd1

Sober over 18 months while 7 months on AD’s. Been finally feeling good the last few months. Back to my workouts, eating healthy (with a few cheat meals on some weekends), and getting out more.

Its been so long, that I’ve forgotten what ‘normal’ feels like. Hopefully I can stay this way for another year, 5, 10, 20, 30 years and beyond.

For those still struggling…please don’t give up. Yeah it’s tough, but you’ll get there.

Graceful123

if you don't mind me asking Dee (It's a personal question so feel free to tell me to bugger off), how long have you been sober?

How is your life now compared to when you first quit drinking?

Graceful123

18-24 months were definitely the biggest healing months for me. I've gone weeks without noticing any PAWS (though it does slap you in the face once in a while). I agree with you totally, it's night and day between the start of sobriety and how far we have made it.

Stay strong everyone.

Dee74

no I don't find it personal at all
I got sober in 2007 so a little over 15 years.

My life now compared to then is like technicolour versus black and white.
I'm happy, content, productive and engaged with people and a wide scope of interests.

I could never say that as a drinker

D

VikingGF

I have 11 months tomorrow, and I am being accosted with the memory/poor focus like crazy in the past few weeks, off and on. It's disturbing and I have been making errors that are concerning to me- I check my math/appointments like crazy- can't remember a name or a number to save my life and if this didn't ebb from time to time I'd be convinced I had symptoms of early onset dementia. It's really the only thing left that still bothers me- all my other annoying things have gone away. Just venting. Thanks for listening.

Graceful123

yah, that part sucks, I had a moment where I was the same way, thinking I had parkinsons or some other nasty disorder. You notice it ESPECIALLY with writing and mathematics. It feels like... you forget for a second what 3x4 is and then you start getting anxious, thinking you have some sort of brain cancer or something and the more anxious you get, the more you panic and the less you're able to solve the problem, and it's like an ever-repeating, cascading issue, until you calm down. One thing I noticed is that it always tends to be during times of heightened anxiety. I truly do think there is a link between GABA, perpetual anxiety, long term sobriety, and all these nasty psychological symptoms we are feeling.

For example I notice I only get dizzy if I'm surrounded by a group of strangers. I only get depersonalization (Actually haven't gotten any in many months now) when I'm anxious about something, work, love life, etc. There is certainly a link there.

CBS62

Hey Everyone. Paddy and Viking nice to see you. Sorry it is because of PAWS.

Today is my 19 months off alcohol. I am about 18 months off benzos. I am beginning to think that my PAWS symptoms are more related to my benzo use. But I guess it doesn't matter. I have sworn off both. I am feeling more anxiety and health anxiety the past few days. Maybe I should back off on the coffee. I only drink one cup in the morning usually and it is mostly decaf. But I find I am craving it. That and sugar. My boatiness is with me still every darn day. I also still have tingling in my feet. A new one is I have been waking up with numb hands. So my mind races to "oh my god do I have MS" again. Health anxiety stinks.

Anyway I hope everyone is improving.

Take care of yourself.

BettyP

CB - congrats on 19 months! Your lengthy withdrawal may be related to benzos but it may just be the alcohol. I rarely if ever used benzos except for in early days of withdrawal and even then I think I took a total of maybe 10 0.5 pills of Ativan and still I had severe paws all the way up through 18, 19, 20 and 21 months. I think as you round the bend into two years you’ll start to see some of your worst symptoms begin to fall away. It’s weird - the symptoms go on and on and they feel like forever, but they leave with no fanfare - you just start to realize that something hasn’t happened in a while and you’re like “ok I don’t want to jinx it but I haven’t felt anxious in this situation in a while…” for example. I still get a little tingle in my feet sometimes, but it’s not at all like it was at even four months ago. That symptom was always my bellweather for a PAWS wave. You’re not going to be cured tomorrow, but every week over week you’re going to come out of this!

Paddy123

H1 everyone, just checking in on 51 days clean, all going good.... some good days some not so good!! but from reading other threads this is normal and my brain is in recovery, Anyway, I'm now in Saudi Arabia (before I was in Libya) no alcohol here as you all probably know, same as Libya..my biggest problem now especially in a new job is my memory and remembering names and making errors in my work. Not easy when my new boss is a bit of a control freak and constantly on my case, but will soldier on and do my best. I'm eating healthy and getting some exercise and try to sleep well, I'm waiting for my brain to reset and know I have another while to go!! I'm now making plans with a few of my friends who are recently dry not go to the pub upon my return to Ireland in a few months. The problem I was having was I'd go to these remote dry countries, get clean for a few months and then go on a megga bender when I got home.. this time I have a plan. no pubs, no drinking buddies, family 100% and not be selfish to my kids by not being there for them. I'm delaying my return until the timing is right and making a list of nice places to bring my family. Looking forward to that, thanks Sober-recovery. Take care everyone.