For those tortured by PAWS (Post Acute Withdrawal Symptoms) and who fear they might go mad Part 4
Member
Join Date: Aug 2020
Location: Texas
Posts: 110
PAWS is like a boss-level opponent in the game world. Big, mean and tenacious. When I first try and take it on, it seems like I'll never be able to beat it. It's just too strong.
PAWS is tough - it packs 1,000 hit points easy. Its fuel was alcohol, so by simply not drinking I do slowly chip away at its health, but slowly. For each day I don't drink, PAWS loses maybe 1 hit point. At that rate, in 2 - 3 years PAWS will largely fade away and no longer be such a formidable opponent in my life.
But I have hope I can speed up the process somewhat. By watching PAWS closely and learning its ways and the manner in which it has subverted my cognitive and emotional capabilities, I can actively take steps to reclaim some of the mental health it has stolen from me.
Challenging my brain and learning new things that form new cognitive patterns - that's an additional 20 hit points of damage to PAWS.
Forcing a smile and responding calmly to a situation when I'm feeling frustrated and am about to lash out - that's another 10 hit points of damage to PAWS.
Through it all, though, the most important thing I can do is continue not to drink. PAWS knows it's under attack and if I drink, even just a little, it can quickly regenerate the hit points it's lost and become an almost insurmountable beast once again.
PAWS is tough - it packs 1,000 hit points easy. Its fuel was alcohol, so by simply not drinking I do slowly chip away at its health, but slowly. For each day I don't drink, PAWS loses maybe 1 hit point. At that rate, in 2 - 3 years PAWS will largely fade away and no longer be such a formidable opponent in my life.
But I have hope I can speed up the process somewhat. By watching PAWS closely and learning its ways and the manner in which it has subverted my cognitive and emotional capabilities, I can actively take steps to reclaim some of the mental health it has stolen from me.
Challenging my brain and learning new things that form new cognitive patterns - that's an additional 20 hit points of damage to PAWS.
Forcing a smile and responding calmly to a situation when I'm feeling frustrated and am about to lash out - that's another 10 hit points of damage to PAWS.
Through it all, though, the most important thing I can do is continue not to drink. PAWS knows it's under attack and if I drink, even just a little, it can quickly regenerate the hit points it's lost and become an almost insurmountable beast once again.
And welcome to the board. I think I missed your initial posts.Better late than never
Join Date: Feb 2021
Location: middle of no where, missouri
Posts: 142
Good way of putting it.
PAWS is a lot like Dark Souls. There's no easy mode, no handholding, you're gonna get your a$s handed to you more than once, some days seem endless and bleak, other days you praise the sun. And just when you think the impossible boss is defeated a bigger and more bad one comes along and it feels like you're back to square one. But with a little grit and determination you will overcome this one too.
PAWS is a lot like Dark Souls. There's no easy mode, no handholding, you're gonna get your a$s handed to you more than once, some days seem endless and bleak, other days you praise the sun. And just when you think the impossible boss is defeated a bigger and more bad one comes along and it feels like you're back to square one. But with a little grit and determination you will overcome this one too.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2020
Posts: 200
Just checking in folks. Loving the analogies above. It's been a while since I played any challenging video games but PAWS is definitely a hardcore difficulty mode.
How is everyone doing?
I've turned 30 recently, feeling really good (definitely much better than the first months of PAWS). Definitely some light spells of PAWS here and there but mostly at around 10% intensity. Every month is an improvement.
P.S. I've tried to test myself and had a few beers for my 30th birthday two weeks ago (I've had a year and a half sobriety under my belt by that point). Mostly to see how I would react. My body is definitely both physically and mentally rejecting it. It didn't feel good. The buzz didn't feel good and the next day it was a whole day of sadness... And I feel like it brought the dizziness back (even a good 24 hours after the drinking). Moreover it did trigger a desire to drink more in me. So I said no, that's it. I've tried it, I didn't like it, it's clearly not having a good effect on me, I'm going back to staying clean.
I'm not sure what is happening there, why the buzz felt so... bad? Probably something to do with the neurotransmitters we conditioned for years while drinking and then cut them off, oh well, either way I've realized staying sober is a blessing. I feel much better now.
I'm definitely not here to debate on whether or not we can ever go back to even mild, controlled drinking after what all of us here have experienced, that's a debate for a totally different time and place. I just wanted to share my experience with you here.
How is everyone doing?
I've turned 30 recently, feeling really good (definitely much better than the first months of PAWS). Definitely some light spells of PAWS here and there but mostly at around 10% intensity. Every month is an improvement.
P.S. I've tried to test myself and had a few beers for my 30th birthday two weeks ago (I've had a year and a half sobriety under my belt by that point). Mostly to see how I would react. My body is definitely both physically and mentally rejecting it. It didn't feel good. The buzz didn't feel good and the next day it was a whole day of sadness... And I feel like it brought the dizziness back (even a good 24 hours after the drinking). Moreover it did trigger a desire to drink more in me. So I said no, that's it. I've tried it, I didn't like it, it's clearly not having a good effect on me, I'm going back to staying clean.
I'm not sure what is happening there, why the buzz felt so... bad? Probably something to do with the neurotransmitters we conditioned for years while drinking and then cut them off, oh well, either way I've realized staying sober is a blessing. I feel much better now.
I'm definitely not here to debate on whether or not we can ever go back to even mild, controlled drinking after what all of us here have experienced, that's a debate for a totally different time and place. I just wanted to share my experience with you here.
Better late than never
Join Date: Feb 2021
Location: middle of no where, missouri
Posts: 142
Taking a risk there Grace, that's playing with fire.
Personally I'm to scared to see if I would be ok with just a drink or two mostly because experience has showed me in the past when I would manage to quit for a few while I would try to go back to controlled drinking which never worked out in the end. Plus the original founder of the thread said he quit for 2 years and decided to see if he could handle a drink or two just to go through an even worse PAWS experience and there's no way I'm going through this whole ordeal again if I can help it, especially if it's PAWS on steroids! Even if that drink taste like crap and you didn't like the feel of it can still set off the addict response in our heads and suddenly find your self thinking of having another drink again.
So be careful out there. For guys like us it's all or nothing!
Personally I'm to scared to see if I would be ok with just a drink or two mostly because experience has showed me in the past when I would manage to quit for a few while I would try to go back to controlled drinking which never worked out in the end. Plus the original founder of the thread said he quit for 2 years and decided to see if he could handle a drink or two just to go through an even worse PAWS experience and there's no way I'm going through this whole ordeal again if I can help it, especially if it's PAWS on steroids! Even if that drink taste like crap and you didn't like the feel of it can still set off the addict response in our heads and suddenly find your self thinking of having another drink again.
So be careful out there. For guys like us it's all or nothing!
Member
Join Date: Aug 2020
Location: Texas
Posts: 110
Originally Posted by Graceful123 
P.S. I've tried to test myself and had a few beers for my 30th birthday two weeks ago (I've had a year and a half sobriety under my belt by that point). My body is definitely both physically and mentally rejecting it. It didn't feel good. The buzz didn't feel good and the next day it was a whole day of sadness... And I feel like it brought the dizziness back (even a good 24 hours after the drinking). Moreover it did trigger a desire to drink more in me. So I said no, that's it. I've tried it, I didn't like it, it's clearly not having a good effect on me, I'm going back to staying clean.
If I keep at it, though, my brain chemistry very quickly gets taken over by addictive circuits and chemical responses and before you know it I'm 'feeling good.' It doesn't take long after that until things take a turn for the worse and I find myself in a tailspin I can't get out of.
The response you're experiencing with those first couple of beers is the correct one. Alcohol is toxic and your body knows it. If you keep at it, your body's natural response will be suppressed as the inner addict takes over.
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Join Date: Dec 2020
Location: Boston, MA
Posts: 326
Graceful - I'm SO glad you made it back and listened to what your body was telling you. It's f-ing crazy, but like when you get to a certain point in recovery your brain is like "I wonder..." - I've definitely been feeling overall much much better the last few weeks than I have since I got sober. And I've fantasized a few times about drinking a nice glass of wine! It's like "brain what are you even doing??" Then I get a day or so of PAWS symptoms to remind me that it's been more than a year and a half and I'm still battling it out - I certainly do not have the will to do it again.
I'm feeling PAWSY today, which is a drag because I've been feeling SO good lately. I've even thought about coming on the thread and being like "I'm cured!" I am not, sadly - but I'm so much closer than I was even a month ago. I celebrated 20 months last week and there has been some really good progress and healing since 18 months. There are days that I feel almost completely normal and forget I even had PAWS. And there are days when even though I have some spikes of anxiety I don't feel too crummy. I have to do all the things - exercise, keep my blood sugar normal, sleep - but it's all starting to add up. I wanted to say to those out there in the throes, that you don't have to think your way out of PAWS - I felt like "what if I don't know what I'm doing and I am doing it wrong" - it's really really just a time thing. And that you won't have to guess when you're feeling better - you'll know. When you know, you know, as they say. If you're still having symptoms, you're just still healing. When the healing is done, the symptoms will be done. Even the weirdest ones. I can't even remember the last time I had some of my earliest worst symptoms. What lingers now is periods of anxiety and lethargy - and that depersonalization feeling of things feeling off/strange/creepy - impending doom. I'm more on the side of it being occasionally than it being a regular thing. I'm getting more confident and able to live more normally! This will come for everyone. I can't wait until it's been a few months and I can say "yeah it's really over." But I"m glad to be able to say that yes it's ending and you get your life back. If you're sober today that's the biggest battle won - give yourselves all the credit. THIS S**T IS HARD!
I'm feeling PAWSY today, which is a drag because I've been feeling SO good lately. I've even thought about coming on the thread and being like "I'm cured!" I am not, sadly - but I'm so much closer than I was even a month ago. I celebrated 20 months last week and there has been some really good progress and healing since 18 months. There are days that I feel almost completely normal and forget I even had PAWS. And there are days when even though I have some spikes of anxiety I don't feel too crummy. I have to do all the things - exercise, keep my blood sugar normal, sleep - but it's all starting to add up. I wanted to say to those out there in the throes, that you don't have to think your way out of PAWS - I felt like "what if I don't know what I'm doing and I am doing it wrong" - it's really really just a time thing. And that you won't have to guess when you're feeling better - you'll know. When you know, you know, as they say. If you're still having symptoms, you're just still healing. When the healing is done, the symptoms will be done. Even the weirdest ones. I can't even remember the last time I had some of my earliest worst symptoms. What lingers now is periods of anxiety and lethargy - and that depersonalization feeling of things feeling off/strange/creepy - impending doom. I'm more on the side of it being occasionally than it being a regular thing. I'm getting more confident and able to live more normally! This will come for everyone. I can't wait until it's been a few months and I can say "yeah it's really over." But I"m glad to be able to say that yes it's ending and you get your life back. If you're sober today that's the biggest battle won - give yourselves all the credit. THIS S**T IS HARD!
Member
Join Date: Nov 2020
Posts: 200
I have to say, I can confirm kindling is a very real thing. I only had a couple of cans of beer right after my birthday three weeks ago but they made me feel very poopy for quite some time after. Alcohol doesn't give me the same buzz it gave me 2 years ago when I was heavily indulging and the day/days after are just awful.
To someone who hasn't been down this road, they are probably thinking "what's a few beers a year and a half later?! Can't be that bad" but the next morning it instantly brought that dreadful feeling of anxiety back (of course nowhere near as bad as it was the first time around) but I was shocked that I could feel unwell after only a few beers after being sober for so long.
I don't know if it's me triggering my neurotransmitters again, since I've conditioned them for so long with booze or if I was just overthinking and the overthinking started making me anxious but it was not fun. Stay away folks. Stay faaar away.
I did end up saying "hard stop" after that and now I'm back on the sobermobile (hopefully for good this time)
To someone who hasn't been down this road, they are probably thinking "what's a few beers a year and a half later?! Can't be that bad" but the next morning it instantly brought that dreadful feeling of anxiety back (of course nowhere near as bad as it was the first time around) but I was shocked that I could feel unwell after only a few beers after being sober for so long.
I don't know if it's me triggering my neurotransmitters again, since I've conditioned them for so long with booze or if I was just overthinking and the overthinking started making me anxious but it was not fun. Stay away folks. Stay faaar away.
I did end up saying "hard stop" after that and now I'm back on the sobermobile (hopefully for good this time)
Member
Join Date: Jun 2020
Posts: 67
There are so many issues I have with PAWS right now:
I have spoken to many medical professionals now over the last two years, even neurologists that seem pretty convinced that anything past six months is not related to alcohol but is something else entirely. Some of these professionals have been seeing people like me for forty years and maintain this school of thought. I remember six months after I quit drinking I was an absolute disaster so I thought that couldn't be right, but now 2.5 years later I still have the damaged head feeling, my sense of well being is still unpredictable and my moods are as well.
I need to be honest...I have come a long way. But zero booze, zero smokes, lost loads of weight, even cut out gluten...I should be flying not meandering about like some out of synch walrus with a bruised head feeling!!
Nearly a thousand days after my last beer and feeling like this still...c'mon!!! Surprisingly I cut out gluten rich foods, specifically wheat and feel much less shaky but the head feeling does not go away...it's like permanent. So the thing is..and I'll go back to what I said years ago....if you have PAWS and it is a thing, and you recover from PAWS....then normality must eventually resume....otherwise surely you have not recovered from PAWS... you may be are just not as bad or alcohol was just covering up a condition you had in the first instance and doing it successfully until the alcohol started to cause additional stress. It's like what people say regarding years of sobriety and then they go and have a couple of drinks and wake up with more anxiety than they ever had before...well if that's the case - were they ever healed, or they were dealing with something else to begin with? So for me it is brain damage, compromised nervous system, chemical imbalance... and the question is...does this go back to normal or not? It depends, I know. Is this a lifelong condition? It depends again, I know. But if it is, I may as well just go to pub and have two pints a day, every day, for the rest of my life because no one wants to not feel great ever. That's the reality. How many days has anyone on this forum felt great since they stopped drinking? Honestly, I can't think of one! Not one single day. Incredible. I have read so much on PAWS on the internet...most of it from rehabilitation centres or wellness clinics....very little outside of this wonderful forum that deals specifically with PAWS from alcohol and that really surprises me. Doctor's have never heard of it, neurologists have never heard of it, specialists no idea...when you think about it, there are probably half a billion people in this world today who have either a questionable or unhealthy relationship with alcohol...I personally know probably 50 people who have had an unhealthy relationship with alcohol and made efforts to quit or cut back...they have never heard of PAWS or experienced it. It absolutely infuriates me...I feel like I am part of some never ending secret society game.
I have spoken to many medical professionals now over the last two years, even neurologists that seem pretty convinced that anything past six months is not related to alcohol but is something else entirely. Some of these professionals have been seeing people like me for forty years and maintain this school of thought. I remember six months after I quit drinking I was an absolute disaster so I thought that couldn't be right, but now 2.5 years later I still have the damaged head feeling, my sense of well being is still unpredictable and my moods are as well.
I need to be honest...I have come a long way. But zero booze, zero smokes, lost loads of weight, even cut out gluten...I should be flying not meandering about like some out of synch walrus with a bruised head feeling!!
Nearly a thousand days after my last beer and feeling like this still...c'mon!!! Surprisingly I cut out gluten rich foods, specifically wheat and feel much less shaky but the head feeling does not go away...it's like permanent. So the thing is..and I'll go back to what I said years ago....if you have PAWS and it is a thing, and you recover from PAWS....then normality must eventually resume....otherwise surely you have not recovered from PAWS... you may be are just not as bad or alcohol was just covering up a condition you had in the first instance and doing it successfully until the alcohol started to cause additional stress. It's like what people say regarding years of sobriety and then they go and have a couple of drinks and wake up with more anxiety than they ever had before...well if that's the case - were they ever healed, or they were dealing with something else to begin with? So for me it is brain damage, compromised nervous system, chemical imbalance... and the question is...does this go back to normal or not? It depends, I know. Is this a lifelong condition? It depends again, I know. But if it is, I may as well just go to pub and have two pints a day, every day, for the rest of my life because no one wants to not feel great ever. That's the reality. How many days has anyone on this forum felt great since they stopped drinking? Honestly, I can't think of one! Not one single day. Incredible. I have read so much on PAWS on the internet...most of it from rehabilitation centres or wellness clinics....very little outside of this wonderful forum that deals specifically with PAWS from alcohol and that really surprises me. Doctor's have never heard of it, neurologists have never heard of it, specialists no idea...when you think about it, there are probably half a billion people in this world today who have either a questionable or unhealthy relationship with alcohol...I personally know probably 50 people who have had an unhealthy relationship with alcohol and made efforts to quit or cut back...they have never heard of PAWS or experienced it. It absolutely infuriates me...I feel like I am part of some never ending secret society game.
Better late than never
Join Date: Feb 2021
Location: middle of no where, missouri
Posts: 142
I think a lot of people just don't let on how much they're struggling. Outside of this forum no one really knows I quit drinking. I mean it's obvious in almost 2 years I haven't been seen with a drink but no one knows what I've been going through. When I hit the dreaded 9th month and thought I was somewhere between going insane and dying I broke down and told my mom what I was going through and while she was sympathetic she couldn't relate and now I never bring it up and she doesn't ask. Why I say rejoining this site and finding this thread was a godsend, without it I think I would of cracked and started self medicating again. Between here and reading the stories over at benzo buddies since alcohol is liquid benzos it's been a lifesaver, literally.
They say everyone heals at a different pace, some people are lucky and the worse they feel is withdrawal while others like us seem to take a few years before everything seems to be screwed on right. You have to look at where were you when you first quit drinking? How were you a few months later? How about a year ago today? It's been improving, right?
So far 2022 has been treating me well. I have some off days and for a week in February I had a PAWS wave hit me but it was at a duller roar then it used to be. One of my biggest problems is sleeping still. I can fall asleep pretty easily but the slightest noise can wake up and I'll be wide awake for hours afterwards. Now compared to where I was last year I was a wreck! Mornings were the absolute worst part of the day. Like I would walk into the kitchen to start my day then would just stop completely forgetting what I wanted to do and knowing that I should know what I wanted to do would cause a huge wave of anxiety to come over me and I would have to sit down or start pacing around. And then other things like trying to go for walks was impossible. The further I walked away from home the more anxious I got and I would start to feel like vertigo and freaking out so I had to start walking back. I was afraid to be in the house alone, couldn't drive alone even just a 5min trip would cause panic!
But all these things have improved, and I can honestly say I'm feeling the best I've had in a long time....it just takes time!
I'm not saying I'm cured but I'm much better off then where I was even 6 months ago. And I'm sure as sh!t glad I didn't decide to start self medicating myself again! I'm afraid if I started drinking again I wouldn't come back from it.
They say everyone heals at a different pace, some people are lucky and the worse they feel is withdrawal while others like us seem to take a few years before everything seems to be screwed on right. You have to look at where were you when you first quit drinking? How were you a few months later? How about a year ago today? It's been improving, right?
So far 2022 has been treating me well. I have some off days and for a week in February I had a PAWS wave hit me but it was at a duller roar then it used to be. One of my biggest problems is sleeping still. I can fall asleep pretty easily but the slightest noise can wake up and I'll be wide awake for hours afterwards. Now compared to where I was last year I was a wreck! Mornings were the absolute worst part of the day. Like I would walk into the kitchen to start my day then would just stop completely forgetting what I wanted to do and knowing that I should know what I wanted to do would cause a huge wave of anxiety to come over me and I would have to sit down or start pacing around. And then other things like trying to go for walks was impossible. The further I walked away from home the more anxious I got and I would start to feel like vertigo and freaking out so I had to start walking back. I was afraid to be in the house alone, couldn't drive alone even just a 5min trip would cause panic!
But all these things have improved, and I can honestly say I'm feeling the best I've had in a long time....it just takes time!
I'm not saying I'm cured but I'm much better off then where I was even 6 months ago. And I'm sure as sh!t glad I didn't decide to start self medicating myself again! I'm afraid if I started drinking again I wouldn't come back from it.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2020
Location: Texas
Posts: 110
Originally Posted by drycucumber77
So the thing is..and I'll go back to what I said years ago....if you have PAWS and it is a thing, and you recover from PAWS....then normality must eventually resume....otherwise surely you have not recovered from PAWS... you may be are just not as bad or alcohol was just covering up a condition you had in the first instance and doing it successfully until the alcohol started to cause additional stress. It's like what people say regarding years of sobriety and then they go and have a couple of drinks and wake up with more anxiety than they ever had before...well if that's the case - were they ever healed, or they were dealing with something else to begin with?
PAWS is definitely a beast - mental confusion, dizziness, feeling that my head is not my own - but even if the symptoms eventually fade to background noise levels, what am I then? What am I left with? In many ways I was mentally broken before I began drinking, it's just a different style of broken compared to what alcohol/PAWS brings to the table. There's no joy in simply reverting to my pre-drinking days mental state.
And if two years down the road, I am still suffering from PAWS, is it really PAWS? Or is it that I've finally learned to pay attention to what's going on inside my head and am seeing how messed up I've always been?
So what is the path forward? For the moment I am okay to exist in a mentally broken state in the hopes that living alcohol free eventually leads to a more balanced brain. But I am having doubts that I will ever fully recover. So what then?
The prevailing consensus on this forum is to give it time, things get better. I'm not holding my breath, but I'll see...
Member
Join Date: Aug 2020
Location: Texas
Posts: 110
Both my father and my grandmother succumbed to dementia in their later years (both nondrinkers), so I cannot help but wonder if some of my mental symptoms are more than just PAWS. If I have a genetic predisposition to dementia, I definitely have not done myself any favors by drinking as excessively as I did for so long.
In reviewing the symptoms for both PAWS and early dementia, I pretty much check all the boxes on both sides.
PAWS Symptoms
Difficulty with learning and problem solving
Memory issues
Problems with motor coordination
Irritability and hostility
Anxiety or panic
Depression
Mood swings
Stress sensitivity
Early Symptoms of Dementia
Memory problems
Increasing confusion
Reduced concentration
Personality or behavior changes
Apathy and withdrawal or depression
The NIH, among others, has published articles (ex: Intermittent Fasting and Brain Health) regarding the benefits of intermittent fasting on brain health. IF can help reverse brain inflammation, increase synaptic plasticity and neurogenesis, and improve vascular function.
I have added occasional IF to my routine as another tool to help reclaim my brain. At the very least it's helping me to shed a few unwanted pounds. With a little luck it will also help reverse some of the cognitive impairment I'm currently experiencing.
In reviewing the symptoms for both PAWS and early dementia, I pretty much check all the boxes on both sides.
PAWS Symptoms
Difficulty with learning and problem solving
Memory issues
Problems with motor coordination
Irritability and hostility
Anxiety or panic
Depression
Mood swings
Stress sensitivity
Early Symptoms of Dementia
Memory problems
Increasing confusion
Reduced concentration
Personality or behavior changes
Apathy and withdrawal or depression
The NIH, among others, has published articles (ex: Intermittent Fasting and Brain Health) regarding the benefits of intermittent fasting on brain health. IF can help reverse brain inflammation, increase synaptic plasticity and neurogenesis, and improve vascular function.
I have added occasional IF to my routine as another tool to help reclaim my brain. At the very least it's helping me to shed a few unwanted pounds. With a little luck it will also help reverse some of the cognitive impairment I'm currently experiencing.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2020
Location: Boston, MA
Posts: 326
Adair - I think anything you can do to help ease some symptoms is going to make this process more livable. I hear your doubt and frustration - that feeling and fear that it must be something else has been described over and over in these forums and on benzo buddies — it’s it’s own symptom really. I have had bad bouts of ir myself. Looking into other ways to treat symptoms is absolutely good and if you’re helping your brain stave off later dementia that can only be a good thing. I will say at one year I still felt pretty rotten with PAWS and had a hard time believing that it could still be this syndrome happening after all that time had passed. It wasn’t until really 14-18 months that I personally started to feel like I was actually healing and might make it after all. And the emphasis is on the word started. I’ve read a lot of personal accounts of PAWS (as I’m sure you have too) and the prevailing arc of PAWS is anywhere from 6-24 months to get through. Think of your brain like a broken leg, because that’s really what’s going on - you can’t make it heal any faster than it’s going to heal, but you can do a lot of things to be more comfortable though the recovery period. It will end, though - it will. I didn’t believe I’d get better because your brain is saying it doesn’t feel that way. I’m not done with PAWS yet but I’ll tell you I feel loads better than I did at one year. I’m planning an overnight with my boyfriend this weekend - I could still barely leave the house at one year. Healing is happening for all of us as long as we stay sober.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2020
Posts: 67
Hi everyone, at so I finally caved in and went for a series of proper tests.
MRI - perfectly normal ( I didn't know whether to laugh or cry because I was not expecting this)
Comprehensive neurological tests - perfectly normal.
Comprehensive blood tests - perfect.
ENT specialist - Normal findings
Allergy and Intolerance screening - Intolerant to gluten and dairy ( who isn't right?) All cost a small fortune.
From all that - neurologist clueless with what to do and said to try mirtazapine. Have not done so. Anyone else tried this?
So to cut a long story short, I can see why people think I am nuts as there does not APPEAR to be anything WRONG with me at all!!
Current symptoms: Still have the impaired head feeling, long back and forth conversations aggravate me, still have some anxiety, do get shaky after lunch if I have gluten.
Conclusion: Alcohol completely masked anxiety and stress until it in turn became part of the problem!!
Reality: Live with the symptoms and continue having 4 out of 10 days, take the Anti Depressant ( Anti Depressants from I understand can be even harder to come off) Or what.......
MRI - perfectly normal ( I didn't know whether to laugh or cry because I was not expecting this)
Comprehensive neurological tests - perfectly normal.
Comprehensive blood tests - perfect.
ENT specialist - Normal findings
Allergy and Intolerance screening - Intolerant to gluten and dairy ( who isn't right?) All cost a small fortune.
From all that - neurologist clueless with what to do and said to try mirtazapine. Have not done so. Anyone else tried this?
So to cut a long story short, I can see why people think I am nuts as there does not APPEAR to be anything WRONG with me at all!!
Current symptoms: Still have the impaired head feeling, long back and forth conversations aggravate me, still have some anxiety, do get shaky after lunch if I have gluten.
Conclusion: Alcohol completely masked anxiety and stress until it in turn became part of the problem!!
Reality: Live with the symptoms and continue having 4 out of 10 days, take the Anti Depressant ( Anti Depressants from I understand can be even harder to come off) Or what.......
Member
Join Date: Oct 2017
Location: Belgrade
Posts: 293
Originally Posted by drycucumber77
Reality: Live with the symptoms and continue having 4 out of 10 days, take the Anti Depressant ( Anti Depressants from I understand can be even harder to come off) Or what.......
Member
Join Date: Dec 2020
Location: Boston, MA
Posts: 326
Dry, if you have an intolerance to gluten and dairy, before taking any medications I would give a gluten/dairy free diet a good couple of months to see what sort of impact that might make. I have heard of people cutting out gluten and finding months later that their lives are really improved. It takes a few months for your digestive system to heal and adapt once you cut out the allergens.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2020
Posts: 200
Well folks.
I came here today, to you, a broken man. As stated above, I decided to have a few beers for my birthday (early March), which I handled well. After that, I decided I could casually ease into "casual drinking" after a year and a half sober. Anyways, I always found this to be a judgement free zone so I'm just gonna come out with it. This casual drinking last Friday turned into basically a week long binge for me. I just lost control.
Now, part of it had to do with this stupid war in Europe (I have relatives from that neck of the woods, very close relatives) and it's been stressing me out, part of it was me underestimating the enemy (alcohol), part of me overestimated how much I have healed.
Anyways, today is my second day sober after the binge, so far I'm staying strong.
May this be a lesson for those who don't tread carefully. I don't know how long is enough, but a year and a half is nowhere nearly long enough. Funny part is I was happy, I made so much progress and I was returning to 100% normal.
Today is not too bad, some intrusive thoughts here and there but the good news is I've been through all this before so I know the symptoms when they creep up. And now it's a waiting game. Hoping I didn't lose a lot of progress. Time will tell!
Anyways folks, this isn't me trying to get condolences from you or get sympathy. This is just me sharing where I've always came for help and where I've always tried to help others.
Please be VERY aware, don't put yourself through this torture again, stay sober. I will have to suffer (hopefully not for too long) because of this dumb, dumb decision I've made.
Anyways, my second "birthday" was July 6th, 2020. My third "birthday" I'm hoping is April 1st, 2022.
Thanks guys.
I came here today, to you, a broken man. As stated above, I decided to have a few beers for my birthday (early March), which I handled well. After that, I decided I could casually ease into "casual drinking" after a year and a half sober. Anyways, I always found this to be a judgement free zone so I'm just gonna come out with it. This casual drinking last Friday turned into basically a week long binge for me. I just lost control.
Now, part of it had to do with this stupid war in Europe (I have relatives from that neck of the woods, very close relatives) and it's been stressing me out, part of it was me underestimating the enemy (alcohol), part of me overestimated how much I have healed.
Anyways, today is my second day sober after the binge, so far I'm staying strong.
May this be a lesson for those who don't tread carefully. I don't know how long is enough, but a year and a half is nowhere nearly long enough. Funny part is I was happy, I made so much progress and I was returning to 100% normal.
Today is not too bad, some intrusive thoughts here and there but the good news is I've been through all this before so I know the symptoms when they creep up. And now it's a waiting game. Hoping I didn't lose a lot of progress. Time will tell!
Anyways folks, this isn't me trying to get condolences from you or get sympathy. This is just me sharing where I've always came for help and where I've always tried to help others.
Please be VERY aware, don't put yourself through this torture again, stay sober. I will have to suffer (hopefully not for too long) because of this dumb, dumb decision I've made.
Anyways, my second "birthday" was July 6th, 2020. My third "birthday" I'm hoping is April 1st, 2022.
Thanks guys.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2007
Location: Back in the USA
Posts: 2,661
Originally Posted by Graceful123
Well folks.
I came here today, to you, a broken man. As stated above, I decided to have a few beers for my birthday (early March), which I handled well. After that, I decided I could casually ease into "casual drinking" after a year and a half sober. Anyways, I always found this to be a judgement free zone so I'm just gonna come out with it. This casual drinking last Friday turned into basically a week long binge for me. I just lost control.
Now, part of it had to do with this stupid war in Europe (I have relatives from that neck of the woods, very close relatives) and it's been stressing me out, part of it was me underestimating the enemy (alcohol), part of me overestimated how much I have healed.
Anyways, today is my second day sober after the binge, so far I'm staying strong.
May this be a lesson for those who don't tread carefully. I don't know how long is enough, but a year and a half is nowhere nearly long enough. Funny part is I was happy, I made so much progress and I was returning to 100% normal.
Today is not too bad, some intrusive thoughts here and there but the good news is I've been through all this before so I know the symptoms when they creep up. And now it's a waiting game. Hoping I didn't lose a lot of progress. Time will tell!
Anyways folks, this isn't me trying to get condolences from you or get sympathy. This is just me sharing where I've always came for help and where I've always tried to help others.
Please be VERY aware, don't put yourself through this torture again, stay sober. I will have to suffer (hopefully not for too long) because of this dumb, dumb decision I've made.
Anyways, my second "birthday" was July 6th, 2020. My third "birthday" I'm hoping is April 1st, 2022.
Thanks guys.
I came here today, to you, a broken man. As stated above, I decided to have a few beers for my birthday (early March), which I handled well. After that, I decided I could casually ease into "casual drinking" after a year and a half sober. Anyways, I always found this to be a judgement free zone so I'm just gonna come out with it. This casual drinking last Friday turned into basically a week long binge for me. I just lost control.
Now, part of it had to do with this stupid war in Europe (I have relatives from that neck of the woods, very close relatives) and it's been stressing me out, part of it was me underestimating the enemy (alcohol), part of me overestimated how much I have healed.
Anyways, today is my second day sober after the binge, so far I'm staying strong.
May this be a lesson for those who don't tread carefully. I don't know how long is enough, but a year and a half is nowhere nearly long enough. Funny part is I was happy, I made so much progress and I was returning to 100% normal.
Today is not too bad, some intrusive thoughts here and there but the good news is I've been through all this before so I know the symptoms when they creep up. And now it's a waiting game. Hoping I didn't lose a lot of progress. Time will tell!
Anyways folks, this isn't me trying to get condolences from you or get sympathy. This is just me sharing where I've always came for help and where I've always tried to help others.
Please be VERY aware, don't put yourself through this torture again, stay sober. I will have to suffer (hopefully not for too long) because of this dumb, dumb decision I've made.
Anyways, my second "birthday" was July 6th, 2020. My third "birthday" I'm hoping is April 1st, 2022.
Thanks guys.
Hang in there and keep pushing forward once again.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2017
Location: Belgrade
Posts: 293
Today is my 90 days sober , or 91 i'm not sure and today was the election day in my country ( Serbia ). I knew it was going to be a problem going to such a crowded place full of people i know in the middle of my neighborhood , and it was even worse than i expected. I couldn't wait to get out of there and i was worried that my hands would start to shake in front of my brother and few of my friends but luckily it didn't happen. It feels really bad and depressing when i am hanging out with my friends from childhood and they are all normal and i am hiding that i became basically an insane person who get's panick attacks over literally nothing , one friends asked me when am i going to go back to training MMA and i told him that i am waiting for the corona situation to calm down , even though the truth is that i was barely able to go through the voting process without running out of the room.
It's days like this that make me feel like i will never be normal again.
It's days like this that make me feel like i will never be normal again.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2020
Posts: 213
Hey Dry,
Not knowing your circumstances but if you have abused alcohol beyond the norm then its likely PAWS. Trust me. I have had the same discussions. One psychiatrist said he is an expert in alcohol withdrawal and after a month you should be back to normal. Clueless. Some maybe most just don’t get it.
Stay the hell away from alcohol though. You will heal. You have come a long long way. People think this 2 years milestone is like once you reach this your symptoms miraculously disappear. It’s not the case I’m afraid. The brain is very slow at recalibrating. if it changed everything overnight then everyone drinking would be in withdrawal. It took a lot of patience and perseverance to get us into this mess. It will take just as much to get us out again.
the only thing that helps me during a wave is Valium not antidepressants. Funny that. Alcohol’s brother. I rarely take one but the fact that taking one (as I don’t want to slow my healing or get addicted for that matter) stops all my symptoms says to me it’s the gaba glutamate system.
Not knowing your circumstances but if you have abused alcohol beyond the norm then its likely PAWS. Trust me. I have had the same discussions. One psychiatrist said he is an expert in alcohol withdrawal and after a month you should be back to normal. Clueless. Some maybe most just don’t get it.
Stay the hell away from alcohol though. You will heal. You have come a long long way. People think this 2 years milestone is like once you reach this your symptoms miraculously disappear. It’s not the case I’m afraid. The brain is very slow at recalibrating. if it changed everything overnight then everyone drinking would be in withdrawal. It took a lot of patience and perseverance to get us into this mess. It will take just as much to get us out again.
the only thing that helps me during a wave is Valium not antidepressants. Funny that. Alcohol’s brother. I rarely take one but the fact that taking one (as I don’t want to slow my healing or get addicted for that matter) stops all my symptoms says to me it’s the gaba glutamate system.
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