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For those tortured by PAWS (Post Acute Withdrawal Symptoms) and who fear they might go mad Part 4



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For those tortured by PAWS (Post Acute Withdrawal Symptoms) and who fear they might go mad Part 4

Old 02-08-2023, 02:11 PM
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BettyP Extremely inspirational
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Old 02-10-2023, 04:35 PM
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I hope that all of you are feeling well, and enjoy the Super Bowl
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Old 02-16-2023, 07:18 PM
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Hey gang! Long time no see! My old laptop busted on me and I could not remember my login info for this site. Anyway got some catching up to do here. good to see you're still around Betty P!

I'm still on the straight and narrow, just 2 months shy of 3 years. Life is going good like I'm acually in control again and not a prisoner in my own skin. Anyway now that I have a working laptop again I'll be checking in more here posting with the rest of you PAWS warriors!

Hang in everybody, we'll get through this!
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Old 02-17-2023, 10:51 AM
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"The Sober Nord thank you for checking in, I appreciate the veteran input, and experience. I am on day 293, and continue to have waves..The lows are a bit better but the highs have stalled. I am finding that it takes several cups of coffee to have a decent energy level. Thankfully the anxiety has been lower, and although I am thankful for this, the depressive moods are not currently getting much better. As always thank {all of you who have lived through this} you for any advice, and/or experiences that you can share...
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Old 02-18-2023, 08:19 AM
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Anytime! Congrats on day 293, keep soldiering on.
This thread was an absolute life saver for me when I was at my worst with PAWS. In fact I was dangerously close to jumping ship before I wound up here. I heard of PAWS in the past but it seem most people wrote it off as it being something that was all in their head. Yeah, I f*****g wish it was all in my head!I know what it's like to have something that's all in your head and it doesn't torment me for months at a time and makes everyday life activities feel like I'm trying to climb Mt. Everest. My hope is that one day PAWS will be as widely accepted as a part of recovery as going through detox is. Some people seem to get lucky and not have it, others will have it for only a short amount of time, others are long haulers. Some are mild and some are more severe, everyones mileage will vary. It might scare people to hear these stories but I believe in being upfront and honest waitpeople instead of sugar coating everything. At least they will be ready and try to find ways to cope with it. It might just help make people trying to get clean a better chance at success and might even save a few lives.
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Old 02-18-2023, 01:37 PM
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THESOBERNORD Did you have periods when anxiety decreased and depressive moods and/or lack of energy became an issue for periods of time? Recently I have become less anxious, have had a hard time feeling good, as my energy level is terrible. I had a great deal of anxiety early on with PAWS, but over the past month or two it has been minor.
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Old 02-19-2023, 01:45 AM
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I am on day 50 today and anxiety is still kicking my ass.
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Old 02-19-2023, 06:33 AM
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Originally Posted by rothmaninc View Post
THESOBERNORD Did you have periods when anxiety decreased and depressive moods and/or lack of energy became an issue for periods of time? Recently I have become less anxious, have had a hard time feeling good, as my energy level is terrible. I had a great deal of anxiety early on with PAWS, but over the past month or two it has been minor.
That was pretty much my first 4 months where I was always tired and had a lack of energy. As the months wore on and I had a break from the anxiety I had days where I would feel like I had energy but I found that I would get easily worn out if I tried to do to much which would send my mood south naturally. Also my sleep was really bad for a long time which I still struggle with at times and that will always put you into a funk. Also diet can play a role. There's tons of information out there on better eating. Doesn't have to be anything extreme like switching to a keto diet/paleo/low fat/vegetarian just some simple common sense like choosing whole foods over processed and cutting down sugar and caffiene is a good start. And also remeber that no matter how well of a plan you're following there's just gonna be days you wake up and you have nothing in the tank. Do only what you have to do and rest when you can and if you can spend all day just lounging on the couch watching movies, reading, phone surfing then do it!
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Old 02-19-2023, 06:40 AM
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Originally Posted by LazaB View Post
I am on day 50 today and anxiety is still kicking my ass.
Sorry to hear that. Unfortunately there's no magic wand to make it go away but there's steps you can take to try and lessen it's impact. Deep breathing/light exercises or chores/ epsom salt baths/ massage pads/hobbies etc.
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Old 02-19-2023, 07:26 AM
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Hello fellow PAWS sufferers.I have been reading but not posting much. Thanks to Betty, Sober Nord and everyone else for all your guidance when you check in. I want to give some hope to the people in early sobriety that still have acute anxiety and such. I am 26 months sober and am feeling so much better. I had lots of physical and mental symptoms. Most of them are gone now. The only remaining symptom that is a huge annoyance is my boaty dizziness. I think it is caused by a combo of my long term alcohol consumption and short term benzo use(as prescribed). I have days here and there when I am not "rocking" but it is with me most of the time. Fortunately, I cope pretty well with it. I had horrible anxiety early on for several months, anhedonia, numbness and tingling in my face, arms, legs, feet; depersonalization, derealization, depression, heart palpitations, nausea, lack of appetite, sense of doom, severe health anxiety....I am probably forgetting something. Anyway, I feel so much better. The anhedonia has lifted for the most part just recently. So keep holding on. It does get better with time. But beware because the healing is not linear. The windows and waves are unpredictable. I can say I am so close to being 100% better. I would say that if it were not for the dizziness. Every day away from alcohol is a chance for more healing.
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Old 02-20-2023, 10:50 AM
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CB it's SO good to hear a check in from you and that you're on the up and up! :-D
SoberNord - awesome to hear from you too! I like that "I'm actually in control again" - - PAWS really does feel like your brain and body is possessed.
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Old 02-21-2023, 12:39 PM
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Hey CB good to hear from you! It's a big mess we have to clean up after we decide the party is over. As someone once told me before you don't just drink for almost 30 years and do all that damage and get to walk away without paying something back. I like to think most of my debt is paid back by now!
BettyP it's a freedom you can't put a price on. I may not be living the ideal life I had in my head when I first quit but living life on life's terms and not feeling like I'm detached from everything is really a gift I never knew I would appreciate above all else.
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Old 02-25-2023, 04:28 PM
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Hit the 10 month mark and now the anxiety level has increased to constant agitation. PAWS is a royal pain in the butt. I will continue to push through as in the past, but it really sucks!
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Old 02-26-2023, 03:11 AM
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Originally Posted by rothmaninc View Post
Hit the 10 month mark and now the anxiety level has increased to constant agitation. PAWS is a royal pain in the butt. I will continue to push through as in the past, but it really sucks!
I am on day 57 , thank you for the motivation
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Old 02-26-2023, 12:57 PM
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One year was really tough for me, so at 10 months don't get too discouraged you guys. I just kept telling myself as each week and month ticked off the calendar that I would never have to do that month again. It does really just plain old suck - there is no arguing that! I often think about now how the only silver lining is that PAWS scared me so much that it kept me sober. I think probably a lot of people are like f this and start drinking again, but it really freaked me out that I did so much damage to my brain. I think if I hadn't had this experience I would absolutely have gone back out and started drinking again a few months after stopping. I don't know if that is everyone else's experience, but if you need an answer on some of the days when you really feel like a heap of garbage, it's nice to keep in mind that this is the universe's way of keeping you sober.
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Old 02-26-2023, 04:06 PM
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BettyP thank you for sharing.Today is a little better than yesterday.. I am hoping that tomorrow is a little bit better than today.. It is so frustrating when we experience a semi-normal period of time and then regress, albeit temporarily...Thanks again!
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Old 02-28-2023, 11:13 AM
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For some of our newer members I'm not sure how far back you have read but you might of heard of the site benzo buddies mentioned before. It's been a helppful tool for some of us and while it's geared more for people dealing with benzo withdrawals it mirrors alcohol PAWS closely. Whatever weird symptom or feeling you have you can type type it over there and there's a good chance someone has a story to tell. This is a copy paste of the 4 phases of recovery that was a pretty good reference to gauge my progress with and hopefully helps with yours:

Hey Buddies,

My angel and mentor through this withdrawal mess is someone who survived benzo withdrawal herself, supported and cared for her husband during his withdrawal, and has observed and supported hundreds of people on BB through this process, all of whom have healed and are out living lives of complete rebirth and utter bliss. They have all healed. She has read thousands of posts and followed hundreds of journeys and, as a third party observer, she has concluded there are four distinct phases to this withdrawal process. I thought it might be interesting to some people (me) to try and figure out where we are in our journey and maybe how much longer we have to do "time" before we're released from our temporary prison. I also think it may give some people (me) hope that we are progressing and this will, one day, come to an end. Maybe these phases don't ring true for your withdrawal experience. Tapering versus cold turkey would likely make our journeys different for that reason alone. I hope lots of people chime in with their experiences through withdrawal, as the collection of more anecdotal evidence helps all of us.

PHASE ONE
This is what we commonly refer to as the Acute Phase, which commences once you jump off the medication. If you tapered and went through tolerance withdrawal, this phase is likely to be a smoother transition than a cold turkey or rapid withdrawal.

PHASE TWO
This phase is a little easier than Phase One, but is marked by symptoms "morphing" in nature, becoming intermittent, decreasing in intensity and frequency, and even disappearing altogether. New symptoms may even pop in and out periodically. Some people start detecting the Windows and Waves pattern beginning. Others may start seeing relief in the late afternoon and evening. In this phase, you can pretty easily identify your "core" bugger symptoms versus the auxiliary ones, kind of like a circle within a circle of your close "friends" versus your "acquaintances." Even if you experience windows, the waves crash down on you for no apparent reason too. It's still a very hellish phase, to say the least, but it IS progress.

PHASE THREE
This phase is better than One and Two because it is more situational and predictable. It is the Sensitivity Phase. You might never have noticed you reacted to things earlier in withdrawal, mostly because you were dealing with horrific symptoms all the time and didn't make the sensitivity connection. How could you? You were suffering ALL THE TIME. Now that you are further along in your healing and notice a definite dampening down of symptoms, you'll recognize a big difference when you get upticks and flare ups. For some people, their sensitivity reaction will come the following day in the form of a wave and they will pull out of it in a matter of hours. This delayed wave reaction and short duration is evidence that your system has healed a LOT. Others might get hit with a wave that lasts a few days or weeks. It probably depends on what caused the sensitivity reaction. Here are just a few things that may or may not cause a sensitivity wave:

1. You eat something that doesn't agree with you, or contains preservatives or too much sugar.
2. Caffeine, alcohol, weed.
3. Missing meals which makes your blood sugar drop.
4. Too much strenuous exercise, activity or over-stimulation.
5. Stressful life circumstances.
6. Antibiotics.
7. Drugs and supplements.
8. Chemicals in cleaning and personal products.

These are just a few of the sensitivity triggers that may or may not cause a wave. I'm sure the buddies on this forum could name many others and I HOPE THEY DO, so the rest of us can keep our antennas up. Bottom line: These are situational upticks and waves that are not random and come out of nowhere. You are further along in the healing process. You'll bounce back and keep moving forward, avoiding the things that trigger your waves.

PHASE FOUR
This is the Recovery Phase. Almost all of the debilitating symptoms that kept you dysfunctional are gone. The remaining one or two symptoms are more annoyances than anything. Your systems are still healing, so you need to walk gently into re-entry. You also need to keep living the healthy lifestyle you've acquired throughout your withdrawal journey. You will feel better and better each day because your systems are continually healing. You will KNOW your suffering is over, but you need to keep your antennas up and abstain from your previous vices for another year.

So that's it in a very big nutshell. I'd love to hear feedback from other buddies on whether or not these phases strike a familiar chord, or really don't seem to apply.

My own journey has mirrored these phases so far. I seem to be in Phase Three.

Where are all of you in your journey so far?

[...]
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Old 02-28-2023, 12:55 PM
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Hi guys
Owners rules:
We do not allow links to other blogs or forums in posts anywhere on the forum.

Reposts is a grey area but generally frowned upon, probably over at benzo buddies too.


thanks

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Old 03-07-2023, 10:21 AM
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The frustration is in the arbitrary waves, and agitation. I am now at 10 1/2 months and feel good for a while and then experience ridiculous sensitivity to random problems. Problems that under normal circumstances would have little effect on me. This current wave is different from any other so far. My spouse and one child were going away to visit family in a different state for several days, leaving me with our older teen. This is the first time since coming home that I was without my spouse. I then cut my hand on broken glass while disposing of trash. I felt that my spouse (again increased sensitivity), should have warned me of the broken glass in the trash,, and since then I have had 10 days that are not terrible, but also not good. I was doing well prior to this wave,I am not sure if the wave is random, if it was started by the injury, or the trip, or a combination of all. This wave is lingering and continues to require coffee to get moving, but also has an element of agitation. I have been sleeping at least 10 hours per 24, but I am still lacking motivation which is why I am consuming 2 K-Cups of coffee daily. I am having two, 10 oz cups of coffee with a tablespoon of honey in each, I would prefer not to ingest caffeine but without it I am void of energy and feel a bit down or depressed. If anyone here remembers experiencing similar situations, (any or all) at 10-12 months I would really appreciate it if you could share your memories of said. After feeling good it is hard to deal with 10 days of feeling bad, making me feel like it is not improving. Thank you to all of those warriors who have battled through PAWS and are compassionate enough to come back here and assist us in making it through! This thread, (and those who share their experiences), has helped me through terrible times and provided HOPE!
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Old 03-07-2023, 08:36 PM
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8 weeks sober again. This is always the time my PAWS peaks for the first time. Hate it, The depression, the anxiety, The fear of something terrible is going to happen, not wanting to be around people but feel lonely. I’ll not crumble this time, I want the feeling during the 8 years sobriety I had before dad died.

I did try AA again just for a bit of company. The way they put PAWS down made me walk out
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