Graceful123

Hey Paddy, welcome to the front lines!

The memory and brain fogginess will last for a while. Remember that in essense you've been throwing your brain out
of chemical balance for a long time and the brain has been trying to keep up with your drinking.
That chemical balance doesn't come back easily. Takes time and putting in that sobriety.
51 days is super impressive though. The first 3 months are the worst. after that it's just waiting it out.
Seems to me you're doing everything right.

Betty, I totally agree with everything you're saying. Especially the part where you say that there is no
fanfare when a symptom leaves. One day you just think back to it and it's like... Oh, I haven't depersonalized for
a while. For me the most recent one has been the depersonalization and the rocking feeling.
Although I still get SUPER uneasy on my free time. I want to lie down on the couch and binge a show but my
insides are uneasy (it's not anxiety like we had in the first year, just restlessness and uneasiness.)

PAWS is a dirty business. Wouldn't wish it on my worst enemy, and for once I actually mean it.

Paddy123

Thanks for your response Graceful123 much appreciated, yes getting better every day, but have the odd days just very fatigued and Bla, but know this is par of the course of brain recovery. Feel good when I get a good sleep and I'm a different person and very happy and diligent in my work, just also sometimes start to think why the hell did I spend all those years and money screwing up my brain, what a waste!! but don't dwell on it... gotta be positive. How are you Graceful123? hope all good off to bed now ..zzzz hope talk soon take care

BettyP

The best thing about this thread is coming on and reading someone describing exactly what you're going through. Graceful, when I could finally sit down some nights on the couch and watch a show from start to finish I considered that a win. It's amazing to see you describe it as your insides feeling uneasy. It's like you said - not like the crushing dissociative anxiety of early recovery, but you also just can't relax and zone tf out. Getting there, getting there - world's worst journey.

Zeliard

My main symptom by far is anxiety. Occasionally, I have a few hours without anxiety. Then I usually have anhedonia. Mostly I walk around the back yard or lie on the bed trying to relax. I try to watch a movie, but it usually takes all day.

Paddy123

Hi Everyone, hope you good, getting better day by day and approaching day 60 clean 3 days ago I decided to quit smoking as too antisocial in my new job in Saudi Arabia and too hot to go outside and smoke !! anyway I did my research on how it effects the Dopamine in the brain like alcohol which explains why I haven't slept since I quit smoking. I went to doctor who after checking my chest put me on an inhaler machine for 40 minutes and allot of my wheezing cleared up, amazing.. another session tomorrow, I asked doc what was in it and she said steroids and other thigs I didn't understand. Anyway, still having the brain fog especially in the mornings and hopefully giving up the cigs will help with that too as they mess with your brain!! I find a little exercise helps me, its difficult when you are sitting in office every day and too hot to exercise outside after work. Will come up with a plan to exercise at home.... anyway this healing/paws is a slow process, need to keep focused now on the nicotine, no alcohol here and feel I'm in rehab. I will delay my leave home to Ireland if necessary if I feel I'm not ready for the real world and have a good plan in place as I have lost too many jobs before through the demon drink.. thanks for reading..update soon. take care, stay safe, don't pick up.. night from desert. Paddy123

Zeliard

I can’t imagine trying to hold down a job or have a life while going through PAWS. So far, it is completely debilitating, and it just feels like it will last forever.

Graceful123

Welcome to the front lines my friend, you're in the thick of it now. The anxiety will suck for a while. Most people on this specific thread know EXACTLY what you're going thru. At day 60 my anxiety was so bad that I would actually throw up occasionally. It was torture.

Things will get easier, I promise you that. It feels like it lasts forever but it will not. Days, weeks, months will pass by and you will feel better and better until one day this will be a distant memory.

My suggestion: DO NOT use any sort of medication or supplements that is not prescribed by your doctor. You will just end up getting addicted to that medication or supplement and that will be yet another thing you will have to quit.
If you can handle the pain, tough it out, if not, go see a doctor but be very careful with anything you take.

My second suggestion (perhaps the more relevant one): What really helped me is constantly doing tasks: going to work, working out, jogging, hobbies, things like that. Keep your time fully occupied, it makes things easier. If you're anything like me during my early recovery, you have the attention span of a toddler. 3 seconds and your brain will tell you to do something else to keep your anxiety down. Listen to your brain, it is trying to help you. It's perfectly ok to switch tasks in a short time span right now, you're just trying to get thru this pain.

Stay strong my friend, and whatever you do, do not drink.

Dee74

Welcome to the thread Zeliard

D

Zeliard

Thanks for the reply graceful. I’ve been prescribed a few things, but they either made me feel worse or did nothing. It looks like I’m just going to have to tough it out. It will probably take at least the full two years. I enjoyed my wine pretty consistently for 35 years.

I’m definitely not drinking again. If I were to drink at this point, I would be giving up on any chance at life. I could not go through all this again.

biminiblue

That's the attitude I had in early days too, Zeliard.

I will NOT go through all that again. I still think about how bad it was...and I've been sober several years now.

Things that helped me the most:
A routine
Reading and posting here
Instrumental Classical music on Pandora
Breathing exercises, here's a good easy one Box Breathing
Walking outdoors every day for an hour
Herbal Tea ("Tension Tamer" was my favorite, Celestial Seasonings)
Good healthy nutritious meals, prepared by me. It takes time to shop, prep, cook and clean up. That's busy hands that can't get into trouble.

Welcome to the site.

BettyP

Zeliard welcome! Just wanted to say hi and tell you that coming here and posting helped (and still helps) me a lot, so don't feel shy. We all have gone through the hell of PAWS here and there's nothing that will shock us. Just know that 1. it's all temporary and will not last forever, and 2. when it feels like it's going to last forever, that's actually a very common symptom of PAWS! It may take two years, it may take six months - it's all different for different people and it seems like there's not a lot of rhyme or reason. Stay strong and talk to us - and you'll see as you recover and get sober that you'll also be able to help the next person by sharing your experience :-)

Zeliard

Thanks everyone for responding. I’ve read through all 4 parts of this thread multiple times in the last 60 days. I’ve pretty much had all the usual symptoms plus some nausea and tinnitus. The symptoms seem to come and go somewhat independently of each other. I haven’t seen tinnitus mentioned too much, but I hope it is just a consequence of some part of my brain being overactive temporarily.

Vindawgs

Hey Zeliard,

Welcome and hope your feeling better today. All your symptoms are common of active alcohol recovery or (paws). It's not easy and at 60 days I was literally in he**.. It was a day at a time. I was just fighting to get through the day. I had your symptoms and tinnitus, o boy that's a big one. I'm at 33 months sober and that guy tinnitus seems to have become my best friend. There are days where it gets really low and then the next day It seems to wake up with a roar. We are all on here and very well aware of what your going through. It gets better and like Betty says, no one going through recovery goes through it the same. Some take longer than others to heal and others heal quickly. But one thing for sure is it will get easier day by day. Keep posting and don't hesitate to write on here often.

LazaB

How would you compare your first few months of sobriety to where you are now , especially anxiety symptoms , have they changed much ?

Vindawgs

Big difference in the way I handle the symptoms. They are much father a fewer in between. I still get the symptoms but they are more manageable and I know how to cope with them better. Not out of the woods yet or at least more than half way there 🙏

LazaB

Thank you for the response.
If it's not a secret how long were you drinking before you quit ?

Vindawgs

Laza,

No secret at all. I was a binge drinker. I drank since I was 17 and never really quit. At 21 I quit for a year and a half and was miserable and didn't know why. Went back to my beers and I was relieved of my symptoms until 33 months ago I quit again. I just knew something wasn't right. Alcohol just wasn't cooperating with my body and after a 2 week vacation I knew I had to stop. Forgetfullness, anxiety and that just not right feeling. I decided to quit and that's where the rodeo began. Slowly and surely we are getting there. Hope you are all getting better and the worst is behind you all. Have a great weekend.

Vinny

Paddy123

Hi everyone hope you all keeping well. Had some super news today, I'm 61 days alcohol free and 6 days nicotine free and woke up this morning and brain fog gone !!!! OMG... I was so full of joy and even managed some exercise, never did that before!! I had a 3 mile brisk walk yesterday in the hot sun as I was stuck kind of out of town by accident and had no choice but walk home home briskily, no taxis where I am, fairly remote Saudi Arabia. I was full of beans today and got stuck into my work genuinely the first time in 2 months.. I'm so happy and hope its here to stay.. more updates soon, genuinely tired now as near bedtime here and had a busy day. hang in there everyone, but I know from previous experience my problem is remaining sober when I go home home, so I plan on a major plan and making it in advance with my kids before I get home in 6 weeks,,kind of still in shock and off the cigarettes' too !! a double whammy, so so happy I feel normal, never want that pain again... I have learned my lesson and will not repeat again, blessings to all, update soon, Paddy123

Graceful123

Hey Paddy, congrats!

Yes, the brain fog lifts very suddenly, and it was pretty much on my third month as well, seems like very typical PAWS progression to me!

Judging by your earlier post you're pretty lucky (not sure if that's the word I'd use, but that's the best one I can think of right now) with your symptoms, you aren't suffering TOO much.

One thing I'd recommend is make sure you don't fall into the folly of thinking that you can now go back to casual drinking. At the end of the day it's your choice, of course, BUT I tried to play around with alcohol on a casual level but it backfired and just caused my healing to slow down. It's a lesson I've learned the hard way a few months back. You're doing really well, keep going!

Paddy123

Fortunately, I'm in Saudi Arabia where alcohol is forbidden and hope to get another few months here, I think about it here like being in rehab, was never in Rehab but here will do..the way I look at it the is the more I cure my brain the better chance I have of not relapsing.. I will have a plan for my return to ensure no return to this pain, don't have any intension even to consider moderate drinking as I cannot do!! I cannot have 1 as it just takes control and end up on a bender for days and then a massive guilt trip. I've promised my kids I will bring them to many places when I return home and intend to stick to my promise, also I have told a few of my drinking mates I will not see them when I return as I will be away with family. They know the reason and 2 of the said they wanted to talk to me upon my return!! but I know they are not ready yet to quit. I have hit the wall and need to stay clean for my health and my brain to heal. that's all for now Geaceful123 and thanks for reading and your reply, very much appreciated, God Bless you.