doorknob

I really am torn. Yes, I've had problems with alcohol. Yes, I've had some DUI's and I've been injured under the influence. And yes, it complicates my mental health issues. But, I have never gone on extended drunken periods, have never had to be medically detoxed. And I'm not going to push it to that level just to try to hit bottom as some have suggested in the past. In my opinion, attempting control is way better than saying screw it, I have a disease, I can't help myself once I've had a drink.

I want to have a social life. I want to be involved in music. That means, at the very least, being in places where alcohol is being used. That doesn't necessarily mean that I have to use it, and I don't believe that anyone there cares whether or not I imbibe. If I pass, it's just more for them, right? And it is awfully nice to have someone who is sober who can get people around. I didn't relapse because of going out to clubs or from an occasional near beer. I chose to pick up, and I happened to go out and have a good time while I was drinking, but overdid it, and paid the price. I'm not asking for sympathy and I'm not asking anyone to validate my choices. I'm honestly trying to figure out what direction I want to take.

yeahgr8

Psshhh playstation 2 rules, ps1 rules...it's all about resident evil! My fav one was resident evil 2 i can't wait until they remake that one!

DK i have never had to be medically detoxed, never had DUI's, extended drunken periods, yeah of course if you mean drinking every night for 5-7 days at a time but never the morning drink, i've tried to do the morning drink but by midday i am asleep till 4pm!

The control part of it i gave up last year, i have one drink im going to drink until i hit that point where it it going to go very blurry and my whole body is telling me not to drink anymore, and i go to bed!

YOU didn't choose to do it, if this is really secular then at the very least your physical make up drove you to do that, it isn't a choice...i mean you have a choice of whether to go on holiday this year to the UK or Spain...do you think that is the same?!

Dee74

Me neither. Kinda a little puzzled really. I just supported a post, and a poster, I found very real and genuine and I thought was dealt with unfairly.

I thought I made it plain my remarks weren't about DK (or by extension anyone else who posted here).

Same goes with this post. I wouldn't call anyone out like that here, and I'm way too grumpy to do the nudge nudge wink wink passive aggressive thing.

I lost my secret decoder ring years ago.
I dunno whos drinking/using and who's not - and I certainly don't know whether they're struggling with it or enjoying it with gay abandon.

Whether anyone is drinking or using is a personal responsibility.

The group responsibility thing to me - and there is one - is that we're all here for the same reason - to get better.

We all agree implicitly to be accountable to each other, be honest with each other and to give each other support no matter what stage of the journey we're on - and support is not always yes men backslapping and I love your work IMO. Sometimes we all need to be challenged - and sometimes for our good.

And, that believe it or not, was what I was getting at.

It's good to see you back posting DK- that to me means you're not giving up on this recovery thing yet.

D

doorknob

How am I supposed to put a speaker in this???

Gypsy Feet

I am actually crying uhg. So you maybe aren't an alcoholic, just a guy who likes to drink and you wont need us anymore maybe. . .that makes me so so sad. I guess if you decide your ok, I should be happy for you when you move on, but I will miss you.

Dee and Donna, I understood your posts, and I'm sure dk did as well, hes a pretty shmart guy by all accounts.

I miss console games, stupid Wow owns my gaming soul

digderidoo

Hi DK,

You know i could go out tonight and have fun drinking. It's a friday night, i could go to a club meet up with friends and beer buddy's and really have that craic that only comes with drinking.

When i go out now sober, i have tried more than once to have that same fun sober. You know what, it's not the same. I can still have fun but i will never have that comadre that comes from a bunch of lads out on the p*ss.

I know i could have it again by drinking tonight.

Tomorrow night is Saturday and i could do the same, i know i would love it.

Sunday afternoon i could go to a pub that always plays the football (er that's soccer to all you US guys lol), meet up with some friends and have fun.

What worries me about all that though is what's going to happen Monday? If you're anything like me, you should worry too.

Paul

doorknob

Awww Uglyeyes... don't cry. I, personally don't believe that being an alcoholic or not an alcoholic is that cut and dry, as I don't believe it's a disease.

doorknob

I totally hear what your saying, Paul. So, if you were to do that, what would happen for you come Monday?

jimhere

Just keep drinking until you can't Paul. Hope you live through it.

doorknob

So, I should just skip the beer and pot and get a bottle and drink till I'm having DT's?

jimhere

Just get on about finishing the job until you're done.

digderidoo

I'd feel like sh*t.

I could probably go Monday without a drink if i wanted in all honesty. I'm not going to lie to you and pretend to be a chronic alcoholic and say i would get drunk Monday, i have been once, but in the end of my drinking days i had a few days off and a few days on.

But i would want one on Tuesday or possibly Wednesday. My problem is though i can't have one, it would have to be a number.

Then the next day would come and i would feel like sh*t again.

So maybe i'd treat Thursday as the beginning of the weekend.

I'd be like this for a maybe 3 or 4 weeks. Something may happen, an argument with the ex, or someone winding me up and i'd say to myself i could with a pint....i would never say to myself i need a drink to relieve anxiety, but in saying i could do with a pint that's exactly what i'm saying.

After a month of a few days on and a few days off, my whole life would be either getting drunk or feeling like sh*t whilst i'm off the drink. Either way my life will become geared by alcohol.

If you can go out and have fun with just one, two or maybe three drinks and not think about a drink over the following couple of days then good for you...all i know is that i can't

....and i suspect you can't either, please correct me if i'm wrong.

Paul

Gypsy Feet

I dont believe its a disease either. I just believe either you want sobriety or you dont. I can't really imagine you hanging out around here if you decide sobriety isn't for you, therefor I would miss you.

Freepath

People drink or use because it feels good. It gives us a great amount of pleasure and internal gratification. It might even offer a kind of sense of belonging when we go out to parties, meet people, and everyone is drinking or using, or both, and having a good time.

The bond that brings us together is a desire to quit. Not perfection, not the ability to have iron clad will power, but the desire. If DK believes that he doesn’t have a problem, or if he thinks he doesn’t really want to quit, that doesn’t even qualify as an addiction, in my opinion.

We don’t abstain because we think moderation or using is acceptable. We are here because we believe it is not for us. We might think that it’s destructive, we might think that it simply hinders our ability to live optimally.

Coming here starts with a decision. That decision is a desire to quit. We all might want DK to quit, or think it’s best for him; we might think he has a great personality and has other things to offer an arguably social support forum besides a desire to quit.

DK, I would wager that the longer you consume that poison, the more problems you are going to have, and, if you do have problems, then you can live in denial or you can at least recognize that you are screwing your life up.

This is an individual choice. There are lots of people who choose to use or choose to drink, and who don’t think that it’s a problem for them. Whether they are right or wrong, they are not in recovery, by definition.

So, why are you torn?

Rob B

Paul, I like you, we have our differences but I genuinely like you, you know this. What I have to tell you I will say once on this thread because I care more about you living than if I irritate your feelings or anyone elses for that matter.

Drink, stay sober, smoke a litte pot, do whatever moves you. You will have your cheerleaders here to support whatever it is you do. If you are alcoholic, you are suffering from a fatal malady which will kill you. The good news is that is can also be put into remission indefinitely. Booze will convince you more than anything anyone here can say to you. It is the great persuader. If you want permanent recovery I am happy to share what has worked for me. Good luck.

jamdls

I wish I had discovered this website while I was still drinking it might have saved me from my near fatal final drunk. I knew I had a problem, I'd quit briefly and they say 1 won't hurt of course it was a rare occassion when I only had 1 glass of wine, generally it was 1 bottle if not more. The toughest part of recovery for me is learning how to have fun w/o drinking I didn't think that was possible but I am slowly learning (19 months and counting) that it is indeed possible and at least now when I have fun I remember it!

Judy

Zencat

When I'm feeling ambivalence about my recovery I do a CBA. I think it helps to take the time to write the exercise out. Anyhoo just thinking what tool would be of help to you Paul.

SelfSeeking

Dude... I hope you're partying on your own dime. And not your SSI/SSDI.

Cause I remember when you went on it and you were trying to deal with your addiction and mental health issues. It may be hard to believe, but I'm saying it out of love... I really hope you're keeping all that stuff under control.

coffeenut

Hey DK. I'm not good at this crap, so you'll have to bear with me....although it's none of my business....I have a feeling there is more going on than you're sharing with us...and you're drinking/smoking instead of dealing with it.

You're a smart guy. You already have your answers, don't you?

My very best to you. You were the second person here to reach out to me, when I thought I was the last sober drunk on the planet. I hope you'll clean yourself up...and help more people like me. You are much appreciated.

LosingmyMisery

What does it really matter, Paul? I do know that alcohol has been kicking your butt ever since you've joined SR. You are set on your beliefs and do not waiver. However, alcohol keeps winning. Maybe it is time to reevaluate and rethink. It is easy to get angry at the comments. It is easy to rely on sarcasm and get defensive. I know, I did it many times when trying to defend and down play my drinking behaviors. This is real and we watch the same thing happening over and over again. The progression is real. It isn't imagined. Please believe it and I hope you become as afraid for yourself as I am for you.