I really am torn. Yes, I've had problems with alcohol. Yes, I've had some DUI's and I've been injured under the influence. And yes, it complicates my mental health issues. But, I have never gone on extended drunken periods, have never had to be medically detoxed. And I'm not going to push it to that level just to try to hit bottom as some have suggested in the past. In my opinion, attempting control is way better than saying screw it, I have a disease, I can't help myself once I've had a drink.
I want to have a social life. I want to be involved in music. That means, at the very least, being in places where alcohol is being used. That doesn't necessarily mean that I have to use it, and I don't believe that anyone there cares whether or not I imbibe. If I pass, it's just more for them, right? And it is awfully nice to have someone who is sober who can get people around. I didn't relapse because of going out to clubs or from an occasional near beer. I chose to pick up, and I happened to go out and have a good time while I was drinking, but overdid it, and paid the price. I'm not asking for sympathy and I'm not asking anyone to validate my choices. I'm honestly trying to figure out what direction I want to take.