Hey DK. I'm not good at this crap, so you'll have to bear with me....although it's none of my business....I have a feeling there is more going on than you're sharing with us...and you're drinking/smoking instead of dealing with it.
You're a smart guy. You already have your answers, don't you?
My very best to you. You were the second person here to reach out to me, when I thought I was the last sober drunk on the planet. I hope you'll clean yourself up...and help more people like me. You are much appreciated.