It's all about me Part 3
RIP Maria
Join Date: Jan 2010
Location: AR
Posts: 7,654
Hi everyone!
Let me report this before I forget it again! The school system had decided to take cursive writing out of the schools a couple years ago. That led to "students later down the road not knowing how to sign their name on a piece of paper!" Can we say: Some things need to be left alone? Ugh! So it's being brought back!
Jethro is the kind of person that always picks up after himself at the end of the day! It took us an hour to get everything cleaned up yesterday after we got done working in the yard! He turned the two little girls out for some outside time of their outside pens to roam the yard. I got their places inside the house ready for them to come back inside and then joined him outside to finish putting things away! There's been many a time his putting things up can get annoying! Especially when it comes to using the same thing every day! Like lawn chairs or extension cords! It comes to a guessing game for me each day around here. But I won't complain to him about it. I'm glad he's this way! The one big problem though? I never know where he might put something when he puts it up for the day. ARGH! The search is on! Which is taking up my time and the kids times outside! I don't DARE go ask him where he put something either! He'll come out and point to it - which is usually right in front of my face! Then he'll have something smart to say too! Just makes me want to SMACK the whiskers off his face! I usually get the; "You're a blonde! What do you expect, out of him!" I come right back with; "I can be purple if that's the bottle I choose off the shelf
!" I'm a natural blonde though! LOL Thank God I'm not a ditzy blonde!
I'm happy to see your husband is finally able to relax and get back to doing things he enjoys! I'd love to snuggle with Jethro at times too! But I like sleep too! And there wouldn't be any sleep if I was in bed with Jethro at night! He peels the wallpaper off the walls with his snores! His snores are music to Maria's ears. It's alarm clocks for waking up to mine!
Blue: I'm a true female! Don't have the dangling parts to prove it! But I'm far from being the girlie kind! Jethro had sent my salon gal a text asking her to put curls in my hair because we were going out to eat! And oh the ringlets I had going down my back. LOL It was really pretty! My hair goes down to the middle of my back! She used this see thru foil stuff for the hi-lighting. It's long strips of foil with a clear center to the pieces so the salon person can see how a person's hair is coloring w/o having to unroll the foil! Always something new! I'm always in there for a long time! She colors my hair, washes it, dries it and then puts the hi-lighting on. Then she washes it, dries it and does the little bit of trimming. I hardly ever make an appointment. I call and ask if she can fit me in? It's either a yes or no. She calls me her battery charger! LOL I come to see her about every seven to eight weeks! We laugh so much when I'm there she gets her battery recharged! I still had all those curls while I was working in the yard too! LOL
PCCharley: I can well imagine you thinking I had short hair! Considering I used to be in the Army! I've had short and long hair while wearing the Army uniform! With the long hair I'd have to pull it all on top of my head. Then I'd braid the length, fold the braid in two folds and clip it down in the back. There's not supposed to be any hair below a soldiers collar! And I had to be able to get the cap on my head too!
We got lot's of yard work done yesterday! Even after cleaning the gum balls up in the backyard I laid the pile of rocks down in the little flower garden/chicken pen area! I took some pictures! I'll post them on the AP thread! It felt really good to get all that done yesterday! We also had some good tunes jamming while we worked. That always helps!
Blue: I am the future YOU! Ummmmmmm
NO! YES! 
I've talked to mom a bunch about getting her the newer electronic things! She keeps saying NO! Jethro has a sister that lives close to us! There is no relationship there though! I have a sister that lives close to mom and the other an hour away! My SD is about 45 minutes away from us. My daughter is in MD with her own family! Jethro's mom and Step dad aren't that far away either. No relationship with his mother and his Step dad is too old to do much anymore! Jethro's actually got family all over the place!
Okay! It's pouring rain and I need to get out of this chair!
TOD
Let me report this before I forget it again! The school system had decided to take cursive writing out of the schools a couple years ago. That led to "students later down the road not knowing how to sign their name on a piece of paper!" Can we say: Some things need to be left alone? Ugh! So it's being brought back!
Jethro is the kind of person that always picks up after himself at the end of the day! It took us an hour to get everything cleaned up yesterday after we got done working in the yard! He turned the two little girls out for some outside time of their outside pens to roam the yard. I got their places inside the house ready for them to come back inside and then joined him outside to finish putting things away! There's been many a time his putting things up can get annoying! Especially when it comes to using the same thing every day! Like lawn chairs or extension cords! It comes to a guessing game for me each day around here. But I won't complain to him about it. I'm glad he's this way! The one big problem though? I never know where he might put something when he puts it up for the day. ARGH! The search is on! Which is taking up my time and the kids times outside! I don't DARE go ask him where he put something either! He'll come out and point to it - which is usually right in front of my face! Then he'll have something smart to say too! Just makes me want to SMACK the whiskers off his face! I usually get the; "You're a blonde! What do you expect, out of him!" I come right back with; "I can be purple if that's the bottle I choose off the shelf
!" I'm a natural blonde though! LOL Thank God I'm not a ditzy blonde! I'm happy to see your husband is finally able to relax and get back to doing things he enjoys! I'd love to snuggle with Jethro at times too! But I like sleep too! And there wouldn't be any sleep if I was in bed with Jethro at night! He peels the wallpaper off the walls with his snores! His snores are music to Maria's ears. It's alarm clocks for waking up to mine!
Blue: I'm a true female! Don't have the dangling parts to prove it!
But I'm far from being the girlie kind! Jethro had sent my salon gal a text asking her to put curls in my hair because we were going out to eat! And oh the ringlets I had going down my back. LOL It was really pretty! My hair goes down to the middle of my back! She used this see thru foil stuff for the hi-lighting. It's long strips of foil with a clear center to the pieces so the salon person can see how a person's hair is coloring w/o having to unroll the foil! Always something new! I'm always in there for a long time! She colors my hair, washes it, dries it and then puts the hi-lighting on. Then she washes it, dries it and does the little bit of trimming. I hardly ever make an appointment. I call and ask if she can fit me in? It's either a yes or no. She calls me her battery charger! LOL I come to see her about every seven to eight weeks! We laugh so much when I'm there she gets her battery recharged! I still had all those curls while I was working in the yard too! LOLPCCharley: I can well imagine you thinking I had short hair! Considering I used to be in the Army! I've had short and long hair while wearing the Army uniform! With the long hair I'd have to pull it all on top of my head. Then I'd braid the length, fold the braid in two folds and clip it down in the back. There's not supposed to be any hair below a soldiers collar! And I had to be able to get the cap on my head too!
We got lot's of yard work done yesterday! Even after cleaning the gum balls up in the backyard I laid the pile of rocks down in the little flower garden/chicken pen area! I took some pictures! I'll post them on the AP thread! It felt really good to get all that done yesterday! We also had some good tunes jamming while we worked. That always helps!
Blue: I am the future YOU! Ummmmmmm
NO! YES! 
I've talked to mom a bunch about getting her the newer electronic things! She keeps saying NO! Jethro has a sister that lives close to us! There is no relationship there though! I have a sister that lives close to mom and the other an hour away! My SD is about 45 minutes away from us. My daughter is in MD with her own family! Jethro's mom and Step dad aren't that far away either. No relationship with his mother and his Step dad is too old to do much anymore! Jethro's actually got family all over the place!
Okay! It's pouring rain and I need to get out of this chair!
TOD
Member
Join Date: Jul 2013
Posts: 1,854
Hi Girls,
Most exciting news, Mr Blue will be home tomorrow.
And tonight I need to vacuum up pet hair in the bedroom. I told him they moved in and he only laughed about it.
Clean, this new job has had a positive impact on your husband Id say. Im soo happy he found a new place and its working out for all of you. Its kinda funny, I know he does all this detailed, scientific work and I picture him very meticulous at it. Maybe he lets loose when he gets home! I think u should embrace the dirt, think of it as a personal challenge. Ha! I bet its long gone out of the bathroom by now. See Id take the dirt add some water to make mud and then draw an "i luv you messy man" message in the tub, leaving the plants in there of course.
I forgot at first, hes an artist! It was artist paint in your dinner plate right? Like the kind Picasso held as he painted? Has he ever done a portrait of you?
I think the more quality time you spend together the better it is for a marriage. I think Tod made a good point, if something like snoring ruins your sleep, and causes an underlying build up of frustration then maybe its actually worse for the relationship? You can get quality time other times and ways. I thought about sleeping in a different room when Mr Blue had insomnia because I ended up with it too and felt terrible. But we had some fun times too laughing at ourselves, how we were wide awake and functioning on little sleep, and about the quantity of ice cream and movies we watched when the rest of the world was sleeping. Plus I had faith it was temporary. I bet your quitting smoking has improved things too because now you can focus more on watching a movie, or having a talk, and you dont have to think about needing a smoke break and how he will react. Hes got more of your undivided attention, and I think he likes it!
IHOP isnt an electronic device. It stands for International House of Pancakes. All kinds of variety and syrups. We discovered them when he was sick with anxiety and we basically stopped going out much. We would go there when it was late and not busy usually. It kinda became our special place. They make seasonal things too. Right now they are advertising something called a criss croissant with strawberry and rhubarb. I want to go! I shouldnt even start thinking about it! I should suggest, on the way home from the airport have the car drop you off at ihop and I'll meet u there. Might look too desperate ? I think so.
You have a good hairdresser I think Tod. Its a lot of work u had done, including all the curls. My hair is normally straight and when I do curls it takes a long time. Ive thought about going with a shorter cut. I end up doing pony tails a lot once I get home. Hahaha Squirrels appreciate it when I have a tail. Ik ik I need to visit animal planet, Im behind !
PinkCloudsCharley, I owe you a pm. I hope your feeling ok, you were really sick with the stomach bug, and jumped right back into everything so fast.
Butter, hope your trip is safe. I think its today?
Most exciting news, Mr Blue will be home tomorrow.
And tonight I need to vacuum up pet hair in the bedroom. I told him they moved in and he only laughed about it.
Clean, this new job has had a positive impact on your husband Id say. Im soo happy he found a new place and its working out for all of you. Its kinda funny, I know he does all this detailed, scientific work and I picture him very meticulous at it. Maybe he lets loose when he gets home! I think u should embrace the dirt, think of it as a personal challenge. Ha! I bet its long gone out of the bathroom by now. See Id take the dirt add some water to make mud and then draw an "i luv you messy man" message in the tub, leaving the plants in there of course.
I forgot at first, hes an artist! It was artist paint in your dinner plate right? Like the kind Picasso held as he painted? Has he ever done a portrait of you?
I think the more quality time you spend together the better it is for a marriage. I think Tod made a good point, if something like snoring ruins your sleep, and causes an underlying build up of frustration then maybe its actually worse for the relationship? You can get quality time other times and ways. I thought about sleeping in a different room when Mr Blue had insomnia because I ended up with it too and felt terrible. But we had some fun times too laughing at ourselves, how we were wide awake and functioning on little sleep, and about the quantity of ice cream and movies we watched when the rest of the world was sleeping. Plus I had faith it was temporary. I bet your quitting smoking has improved things too because now you can focus more on watching a movie, or having a talk, and you dont have to think about needing a smoke break and how he will react. Hes got more of your undivided attention, and I think he likes it!
IHOP isnt an electronic device. It stands for International House of Pancakes. All kinds of variety and syrups. We discovered them when he was sick with anxiety and we basically stopped going out much. We would go there when it was late and not busy usually. It kinda became our special place. They make seasonal things too. Right now they are advertising something called a criss croissant with strawberry and rhubarb. I want to go! I shouldnt even start thinking about it! I should suggest, on the way home from the airport have the car drop you off at ihop and I'll meet u there. Might look too desperate ? I think so.
You have a good hairdresser I think Tod. Its a lot of work u had done, including all the curls. My hair is normally straight and when I do curls it takes a long time. Ive thought about going with a shorter cut. I end up doing pony tails a lot once I get home. Hahaha Squirrels appreciate it when I have a tail. Ik ik I need to visit animal planet, Im behind !
PinkCloudsCharley, I owe you a pm. I hope your feeling ok, you were really sick with the stomach bug, and jumped right back into everything so fast.
Butter, hope your trip is safe. I think its today?
Member
Join Date: Aug 2014
Location: Canada.
Posts: 795
Clean, I think it's wonderful that your hubby is painting more and enjoying life again! And sleeping together in the same bed has always been high on my list *if* you're both able. When H is in a good headspace (which doesn't happen much lately, anymore) we will cuddle while we're sleeping. I miss that a lot. I think it's good if you can do that.
Tod, go with the glass slipper. Looks good with everything
Blue, happy Mr Blue is coming home! I don't think it's desparate that you want to meet at IHOP, I think it's cute. I love that you have a special place, and IHOP is a cool place t have
So Tod and Blue both have long hair? Mine is chin length. Used to be longer but I don't have the patience or time anymore.
H is off the rails again. Looping. Marriage session next week and that's it until May, our counselor is gone on vacation for April. I knew he hasn't been getting enough sleep but the simple act of asking him to come to bed early means I'm "nagging". and then he doesn't get enough sleep, and the loops start. anyone want to bet on how long it will be till he relapses? Because I can see it clearly on the horizon.
I need to find a way to protect myself. I'm so low emotionally and physically I can't keep going through this.
Tod, go with the glass slipper. Looks good with everything
Blue, happy Mr Blue is coming home! I don't think it's desparate that you want to meet at IHOP, I think it's cute. I love that you have a special place, and IHOP is a cool place t have
So Tod and Blue both have long hair? Mine is chin length. Used to be longer but I don't have the patience or time anymore.
H is off the rails again. Looping. Marriage session next week and that's it until May, our counselor is gone on vacation for April. I knew he hasn't been getting enough sleep but the simple act of asking him to come to bed early means I'm "nagging". and then he doesn't get enough sleep, and the loops start. anyone want to bet on how long it will be till he relapses? Because I can see it clearly on the horizon.
I need to find a way to protect myself. I'm so low emotionally and physically I can't keep going through this.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2012
Posts: 4,966
Hi Blue! Hi TOD!
Blue you figured hubs out perfectly! He is very meticuloous! Very much so! Very picky about cleanliness too! When he works on a project or does something that could make a mess....he's very careful. The point isn't that he's messy or doesn't clean up after himself. The point is he will leave something for me to do! It's as if he has to involve me in some way! He also loves telling me all about what he's doing and how he is doing it.
TOD see mine will put away his tools but has to leave at least one it two out or puts it in a place I dont know of! I'm not a mind reader! Then I get blamed for putting it somewhere it's not supposed to be! But I think you and I went into this....at one time. Blue I did it! I wrote that crazy thing in the bath tub! I can't believe I did something so out of character that he is going to wonder what's up with me!? Ha ha ha ha! I can't wait to see his reaction! You are too funny! I just hope he doesn't think I want something! If you get my meaning! Ha ha ha! I need to get to the grocery store ASAP! I missed it last night!
I totally agree! If sleeping with your guy causes more frustration than it's worth that's a different story! I just think overall it's good. Since I quit smoking I do not have to worry about making him sick with my nicoteen. You are right again Blue! It has changed the dynamics of our relationship so much! I can't tell you! Quiting the pills brought us back together but quitting the cigs cinched the deal!
Blue you figured hubs out perfectly! He is very meticuloous! Very much so! Very picky about cleanliness too! When he works on a project or does something that could make a mess....he's very careful. The point isn't that he's messy or doesn't clean up after himself. The point is he will leave something for me to do! It's as if he has to involve me in some way! He also loves telling me all about what he's doing and how he is doing it.
TOD see mine will put away his tools but has to leave at least one it two out or puts it in a place I dont know of! I'm not a mind reader! Then I get blamed for putting it somewhere it's not supposed to be! But I think you and I went into this....at one time. Blue I did it! I wrote that crazy thing in the bath tub! I can't believe I did something so out of character that he is going to wonder what's up with me!? Ha ha ha ha! I can't wait to see his reaction! You are too funny! I just hope he doesn't think I want something! If you get my meaning! Ha ha ha! I need to get to the grocery store ASAP! I missed it last night!
I totally agree! If sleeping with your guy causes more frustration than it's worth that's a different story! I just think overall it's good. Since I quit smoking I do not have to worry about making him sick with my nicoteen. You are right again Blue! It has changed the dynamics of our relationship so much! I can't tell you! Quiting the pills brought us back together but quitting the cigs cinched the deal!
Member
Join Date: Feb 2012
Posts: 4,966
Oh charley you snuck in while I was writing!
Hey have you guys heard of activated charcoal as a detox? That is all the rave over here. I've never used it but my hubs says it's actually quite healthy!
He says like any good thing it's not healthy in excess! But says it really works and can be excellent for your digestive system and brushing your teeth with it will clean and whiten them. Just saw this on the news.
Oh, TOD was that nationwide? Because my kids have all been taught cursive handwriting. They must have missed that experiment! Ha!
Hey have you guys heard of activated charcoal as a detox? That is all the rave over here. I've never used it but my hubs says it's actually quite healthy!
He says like any good thing it's not healthy in excess! But says it really works and can be excellent for your digestive system and brushing your teeth with it will clean and whiten them. Just saw this on the news.
Oh, TOD was that nationwide? Because my kids have all been taught cursive handwriting. They must have missed that experiment! Ha!
Member
Join Date: Feb 2012
Posts: 4,966
Oh boy I also forgot to congratulate you on husbunny returning home tomorrow! Yay! Any special plans? Any little messages written in food or dirt? Ha ha ha ha! You missed national pancake day! That was last week I think? IHOP was giving away free pancakes for a donation.
Awe sorry about hubs looping charley! Are you still thawing out up there?
Oh...one more thing! Has any of you ever had a sharp painful headache that came on so suddenly and seemed concentrated around one eye? Then after it was over or had dulled little stars were seen in one eye? You know how it is when you are about to faint or get up too fast....u see little flashes of light? Well my daughter had that happen to her just a moment ago. I thought it might be a cluster headache? That's what came up when I googled the symptoms. Not that I've ever heard of those before!
Awe sorry about hubs looping charley!
Are you still thawing out up there? Oh...one more thing! Has any of you ever had a sharp painful headache that came on so suddenly and seemed concentrated around one eye? Then after it was over or had dulled little stars were seen in one eye? You know how it is when you are about to faint or get up too fast....u see little flashes of light? Well my daughter had that happen to her just a moment ago. I thought it might be a cluster headache? That's what came up when I googled the symptoms. Not that I've ever heard of those before!
RIP Maria
Join Date: Jan 2010
Location: AR
Posts: 7,654
PCCharley: What was H's sleeping routine before he stopped drinking? I can tell or rather you seem like a fast paced person! Said nicely! Your mind is always on the research for making things better! WE(I) addicts/alcoholics lost that while using/drinking! The tack/needle I formerly spoke of stuck between my eyeballs had a note stuck to it! Focus on when I get my next fix! That's where my mind stayed most of the time. Sure I got things done that were needing to be done, but I didn't stray far from the thoughts of my next pill dosage. Now that my pills are gone and I'm no longer taking them? Spring is here and I'm wanting to be awake more during the day in order to get things done! While taking the pills I stayed up at night. I would vejjj out in front of the TV and didn't have to be bothered by Jethro or any phone calls. The first of the month would roll around with all the bills needing to be paid and I'd groan! I just didn't want to focus on anything.
Now the tide has turned. Now it's Jethro on the pain meds and I'm not! We were both on the opiates at one time, but not anymore! I'm paying more attention to how he's letting himself go. Whenever I say something to him about things he needs to get done? Like a haircut along with trimming his beard, or getting more exercise to lose some weight, etc. I get met with negativity! So I've reached a point I let him do and look like he wants to! When I get ready for bed? I kiss him goodnight and go to bed. He saw me lock the door last night and he quickly got up to go to bed too. It was at midnight! He said as I got to him to kiss him goodnight: "I'm heading to bed!" I said: "Okay, goodnight, take care of your girls needs!" and headed towards my bedroom. I used to wait until he went to bed before I'd go to bed because I didn't want to hear the same bching every time - "You need to come to bed with me and Maria - Which I'd have to say the same old story over and over! I can't sleep with your snoring! I'm not taking a heavy sleep aid just to sit in a daze for hours after getting up. Basically what I'm trying to say here. Let H figure things out on his own! I know Jethro is watching me and seems to want to get better too! Try carrying on with your stuff and let him see it. He's got a lot going on in that head of his as well as his body trying to heal from the alcohol abuse! His looping could be from getting overwhelmed in his head about things. As long as he doesn't drink? He'll come around! Our mind and body takes time to heal!
Jethro asked me a little while ago what I was going to do for brunch? HAH! I said: "Normally I'd be asleep at this time of the day. You would either have fixed yourself something to eat or left to get something to eat. So figure it out!" Yesterday he cooked himself sausage and pancakes! He got up at 10:30 AM this morning. Four hours later he was snoring on the couch! And then asking me what I was going to cook! NOT! He'll do good to get supper cooked! This woman doesn't cook! I do things to stay busy too. I don't sit in front of my computer and stare at the TV! Yeah he hurts after working yesterday in the yard. But dammit I do too! I'm trying to stay on the move so I don't stiffen up though!
CleaninLI: I read somewhere if you take a slice of lime and rub it across your forehead? It's supposed to get rid of a headache!
Blue: YAY on hubby coming home tomorrow! And even better on getting the laughter over the animals being in the bedroom! LOL
TOD
Your mind is always on the research for making things better! WE(I) addicts/alcoholics lost that while using/drinking! The tack/needle I formerly spoke of stuck between my eyeballs had a note stuck to it! Focus on when I get my next fix! That's where my mind stayed most of the time. Sure I got things done that were needing to be done, but I didn't stray far from the thoughts of my next pill dosage. Now that my pills are gone and I'm no longer taking them? Spring is here and I'm wanting to be awake more during the day in order to get things done! While taking the pills I stayed up at night. I would vejjj out in front of the TV and didn't have to be bothered by Jethro or any phone calls. The first of the month would roll around with all the bills needing to be paid and I'd groan! I just didn't want to focus on anything.Now the tide has turned. Now it's Jethro on the pain meds and I'm not! We were both on the opiates at one time, but not anymore! I'm paying more attention to how he's letting himself go. Whenever I say something to him about things he needs to get done? Like a haircut along with trimming his beard, or getting more exercise to lose some weight, etc. I get met with negativity! So I've reached a point I let him do and look like he wants to! When I get ready for bed? I kiss him goodnight and go to bed. He saw me lock the door last night and he quickly got up to go to bed too. It was at midnight! He said as I got to him to kiss him goodnight: "I'm heading to bed!" I said: "Okay, goodnight, take care of your girls needs!" and headed towards my bedroom. I used to wait until he went to bed before I'd go to bed because I didn't want to hear the same bching every time - "You need to come to bed with me and Maria - Which I'd have to say the same old story over and over! I can't sleep with your snoring! I'm not taking a heavy sleep aid just to sit in a daze for hours after getting up. Basically what I'm trying to say here. Let H figure things out on his own! I know Jethro is watching me and seems to want to get better too! Try carrying on with your stuff and let him see it. He's got a lot going on in that head of his as well as his body trying to heal from the alcohol abuse! His looping could be from getting overwhelmed in his head about things. As long as he doesn't drink? He'll come around! Our mind and body takes time to heal!
Jethro asked me a little while ago what I was going to do for brunch? HAH! I said: "Normally I'd be asleep at this time of the day. You would either have fixed yourself something to eat or left to get something to eat. So figure it out!" Yesterday he cooked himself sausage and pancakes! He got up at 10:30 AM this morning. Four hours later he was snoring on the couch! And then asking me what I was going to cook! NOT! He'll do good to get supper cooked! This woman doesn't cook! I do things to stay busy too. I don't sit in front of my computer and stare at the TV! Yeah he hurts after working yesterday in the yard. But dammit I do too! I'm trying to stay on the move so I don't stiffen up though!
CleaninLI: I read somewhere if you take a slice of lime and rub it across your forehead? It's supposed to get rid of a headache!
Blue: YAY on hubby coming home tomorrow! And even better on getting the laughter over the animals being in the bedroom! LOL
TOD
RIP Maria
Join Date: Jan 2010
Location: AR
Posts: 7,654
CleaninLI: I went and found this link for ya and then forgot to post it!
Is cursive's day in classroom done?
Blue: As for the turtle! I put the little thing in the tin pen! It has lots of safe things to burrow under and bugs to eat! Plus it's dry in there!
TOD
Is cursive's day in classroom done?
Blue: As for the turtle! I put the little thing in the tin pen! It has lots of safe things to burrow under and bugs to eat!
Plus it's dry in there!TOD
Member
Join Date: Aug 2014
Location: Canada.
Posts: 795
Tod, i understand what you're saying. But when H loops, he comes at me, verbally. It's like he was drinking but not. He goes over and over something that he usually misunderstands and doesn't let it go. I've tried talking. I've tried walking away. I've tried yelling back. Today he called me at work, with a blocked number, so i would answer. And he completely misunderstood something but he won't stop long enough for me to say anything.
When he calms down, he usually sees it. But that's after he's yelled and called me names and threatened divorce.
Today's problem? He wants more time together in bed. Which not only i agree with, but have asked for before. And then he tells me I'm pressuring him so I drop it. And when he brings it up, it's in an attacking and degrading way.
He doesn't remember right now anything he said to me earlier. And most of it was on text, but he deletes them and then is so embarrassed he gets angry at me for saying anything.
I'd love more than anything, when he's like this, to just let him be. But he won't let me be and I'm tired of being verbally attacked.
When he calms down, he usually sees it. But that's after he's yelled and called me names and threatened divorce.
Today's problem? He wants more time together in bed. Which not only i agree with, but have asked for before. And then he tells me I'm pressuring him so I drop it. And when he brings it up, it's in an attacking and degrading way.
He doesn't remember right now anything he said to me earlier. And most of it was on text, but he deletes them and then is so embarrassed he gets angry at me for saying anything.
I'd love more than anything, when he's like this, to just let him be. But he won't let me be and I'm tired of being verbally attacked.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2014
Location: Canada.
Posts: 795
I should say, it hasn't always been like this. The past four years have been very hard. It coincides with his parents and most specifically his mother turning their backs on us completely. He has been very hurt by that.
When that happened, the drinking escalated, as did the anger. And that's when the verbal abuse started. So he hasn't always been this way. And the person he is now isn't really him. Except he keeps showing me it is, if that makes sense.
When that happened, the drinking escalated, as did the anger. And that's when the verbal abuse started. So he hasn't always been this way. And the person he is now isn't really him. Except he keeps showing me it is, if that makes sense.
RIP Maria
Join Date: Jan 2010
Location: AR
Posts: 7,654
PCCharley: I got'cha now! Now I understand what's going on! Yes it's easy to block your number when calling someone! I hate those, but I let it go to voice mail! If they don't leave a message? It wasn't a call I needed to answer in the first place!
You do realize you aren't the problem? We always attack our loved ones when in distress! Those should be the last one we attack! He'd have a hard time arguing with me! I'd just start asking "why" for everything that comes out of his mouth when I knew he was looping. He'd have to start looking for answers to answer my "why(s)"! It would eventually wear him out! And you know whatever answer he gave you wouldn't really be him talking or the truth either! It's kind of like me telling the ppl in the Rehab center to "Go to Helll" a hundred times the first week! I eventually woke up!
My 3rdXH would always say; what?, any time I'd call his name. My Quaker parrot started answering for him! My Quaker would say; what? when he heard me call my X's name. LOL I pointed at my Quaker one day and said; "Do you now see how you answer me when I call your name?" My Quaker also learned later on to say; "Shut the "F"k up" from me too! Oh Me! Oh My! Kids are like little parrots too!
I learned early on also. The lower you speak? The harder they have to listen to see what you are saying. They have to shut up to hear you! The fuel to the fire kind of dies out of them.
Alright! I gotta find something for supper! I've been texting with a friend and Jethro is sitting on the couch with Mr. Cotton on his lap and Maria on the back of the couch! He's already asked me three times what's for supper! ARGH!
TOD
You do realize you aren't the problem? We always attack our loved ones when in distress! Those should be the last one we attack! He'd have a hard time arguing with me! I'd just start asking "why" for everything that comes out of his mouth when I knew he was looping. He'd have to start looking for answers to answer my "why(s)"! It would eventually wear him out! And you know whatever answer he gave you wouldn't really be him talking or the truth either! It's kind of like me telling the ppl in the Rehab center to "Go to Helll" a hundred times the first week! I eventually woke up!
My 3rdXH would always say; what?, any time I'd call his name. My Quaker parrot started answering for him! My Quaker would say; what? when he heard me call my X's name. LOL I pointed at my Quaker one day and said; "Do you now see how you answer me when I call your name?" My Quaker also learned later on to say; "Shut the "F"k up" from me too! Oh Me! Oh My! Kids are like little parrots too!
I learned early on also. The lower you speak? The harder they have to listen to see what you are saying.
They have to shut up to hear you! The fuel to the fire kind of dies out of them.Alright! I gotta find something for supper! I've been texting with a friend and Jethro is sitting on the couch with Mr. Cotton on his lap and Maria on the back of the couch! He's already asked me three times what's for supper! ARGH!
TOD
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Join Date: Jul 2013
Posts: 1,854
So much for adding dancing figures to Cleans message in the dirt announcement. It caused me to lose my post. Ha! Im trying again: 
Let me know how it worked out!
I finished work for tomorrow today! And now I should be able to leave early tomorrow. #luvFridays
I bet little turtle is happy there in the place u put him. Do u have water nearby? Is it normal to have turtles?
Ive changed my hair a few times. Ive had it long, short, brunette and blonde. Did u read how long it took Kim Kardashian to do hers in Platinum, it exceeded your time Tod.
Charley, Im sorry still owe you a pm. Its a major problem with how he treats u during his loops. And Im also not sure hes doing enough to work on some of the issues from the past. There are different views but I think he has to begin to work on the root causes of his emotional traumas because they are now extending into his thoughts and actions. Along with the changes due to drinking.
When the doctor suggested the relapse plan, and said to do your own if he didnt. Did you work on one?
Its very hard to distance yourself when your in the same house. Easy solution is physically remove yourself from where he's at so he cant dirext his anger at you. But if he follows you this wont work. I know his thoughts on not moving out. Packing up a baby and a teen to even leave for a few hours would be almost as frustrating as staying put ? Maybe next week you can brainstorm at your session? These times are almost all red lights where you cant reach him, and while he forgets all the painful words, no one expects you to. Your emotional health comes first or you wont have anything left to give the kids or him.
How many times per week do they occur now? Are they becoming shorter in duration? Is he making progress bringing himself out of them? Does he share if he is actively working on how to prevent them on his own?
Is it possible for you mc doctor to also set him up with someone else who could fill in and fit him in once a week, or every two weeks? Would he consider it?
I must clean more now! The sticky brush will be the final step in the war on pet hair!
Let me know how it worked out! I finished work for tomorrow today! And now I should be able to leave early tomorrow. #luvFridays
I bet little turtle is happy there in the place u put him. Do u have water nearby? Is it normal to have turtles?
Ive changed my hair a few times. Ive had it long, short, brunette and blonde. Did u read how long it took Kim Kardashian to do hers in Platinum, it exceeded your time Tod.
Charley, Im sorry still owe you a pm. Its a major problem with how he treats u during his loops. And Im also not sure hes doing enough to work on some of the issues from the past. There are different views but I think he has to begin to work on the root causes of his emotional traumas because they are now extending into his thoughts and actions. Along with the changes due to drinking.
When the doctor suggested the relapse plan, and said to do your own if he didnt. Did you work on one?
Its very hard to distance yourself when your in the same house. Easy solution is physically remove yourself from where he's at so he cant dirext his anger at you. But if he follows you this wont work. I know his thoughts on not moving out. Packing up a baby and a teen to even leave for a few hours would be almost as frustrating as staying put ? Maybe next week you can brainstorm at your session? These times are almost all red lights where you cant reach him, and while he forgets all the painful words, no one expects you to. Your emotional health comes first or you wont have anything left to give the kids or him.
How many times per week do they occur now? Are they becoming shorter in duration? Is he making progress bringing himself out of them? Does he share if he is actively working on how to prevent them on his own?
Is it possible for you mc doctor to also set him up with someone else who could fill in and fit him in once a week, or every two weeks? Would he consider it?
I must clean more now! The sticky brush will be the final step in the war on pet hair!
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Join Date: Feb 2012
Posts: 4,966
Ok Blue! Tidy that bedroom! I was just wondering if Mr. Charley has a mental illness?
The way you describe these loops it looks as if they are pretty serious and maybe not addiction related? Does anything like skitzophrenia run in his family? The way he loses his sense of reality concerns me and points to delusions. Has he ever mentioned hearing voices or seeing things that don't exist? Sorry I could be way out there but I think you should look into every angle.
Hey butter! Did you reach your destination?
The way you describe these loops it looks as if they are pretty serious and maybe not addiction related? Does anything like skitzophrenia run in his family? The way he loses his sense of reality concerns me and points to delusions. Has he ever mentioned hearing voices or seeing things that don't exist? Sorry I could be way out there but I think you should look into every angle.
Hey butter! Did you reach your destination?
RIP Maria
Join Date: Jan 2010
Location: AR
Posts: 7,654
Blue: The Kardashians are the last ppl I care to keep up with! And personally! I think her hair looks awful! She had beautiful coal black hair! She should have kept it! Maybe she's trying to hook her next husband! And not use the booty for doing so! Ik Ik My bad!
.....The turtle will be fine! As for water? It's been pouring buckets for two days! For the past several years. We've been seeing more and more turtles here in the yard. Multiple babies get unearthed/uncovered in our yard work too. I had a turtle digging her hole in my rock garden one night to lay her eggs too. It was hot and she had gotten herself on a rock that wouldn't move. So I moved the rock and dug the hole deeper for her! Maria and Molly were keeping a watchful eye on her too! LOL If I hadn't known where she'd dug the hole the next day? I'd never found it! I looked up info on turtles and it said they like mossy areas. And sure enough! There was a moss where she was digging.
CleaninLI: Yes we've literally beat the horse down to it's knees over our comparison on the husband's antics! LOL Love the writing in the dirt in the tub too! I got a shock out of Jethro one day in the kitchen while I was at the sink. I was washing dishes and he wouldn't leave me alone. So I pulled the sprayer out and turned it on him! Oh the shocked look he had on his face! ROFL
Charley: Here's wishing things are calmer at your home! As for wanting to sleep together per him? Put some music on in the evening that is something y'all both like. Get him in a good mood! Put something sexy on and let him see you in it! He might beat you under the covers!
TOD
.....The turtle will be fine! As for water? It's been pouring buckets for two days! For the past several years. We've been seeing more and more turtles here in the yard. Multiple babies get unearthed/uncovered in our yard work too. I had a turtle digging her hole in my rock garden one night to lay her eggs too. It was hot and she had gotten herself on a rock that wouldn't move. So I moved the rock and dug the hole deeper for her!
Maria and Molly were keeping a watchful eye on her too! LOL If I hadn't known where she'd dug the hole the next day? I'd never found it! I looked up info on turtles and it said they like mossy areas. And sure enough! There was a moss where she was digging.CleaninLI: Yes we've literally beat the horse down to it's knees over our comparison on the husband's antics! LOL Love the writing in the dirt in the tub too! I got a shock out of Jethro one day in the kitchen while I was at the sink. I was washing dishes and he wouldn't leave me alone. So I pulled the sprayer out and turned it on him! Oh the shocked look he had on his face! ROFL
Charley: Here's wishing things are calmer at your home! As for wanting to sleep together per him? Put some music on in the evening that is something y'all both like. Get him in a good mood! Put something sexy on and let him see you in it!
He might beat you under the covers!TOD
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Join Date: Feb 2012
Posts: 4,966
Charley be sure it's a good time (you have a few mins away from the kiddos, preferably they are in bed for the night) before you follow TOD's advice!
I could have used a warning like that along with Blue's advice to write "I love you messy man!" In dirt. Who would have thought that would make hubs frisky?
Oh my, I had to leave my dirty dishes in the sink last night! Looks like I'm becoming a "messy" woman! Ha!
Alright, kids are in school! Yay! Still very worried about my daughter's headaches. Offered to take her to the Doctor. She says she has an appointment on Monday.
Butter must be on her trip now. Please check in butter!
Blue I'm excited for you. Today is the day husbunny comes home! Yay!
Looks like allfor took the night off from SR last night. Hope you are well dear friend!
TOD Hope you are enjoying spring clean-up. I can't wait to get back outside! It will be triggering for me at first. Spent a lot of time out there with cig in hand!
I could have used a warning like that along with Blue's advice to write "I love you messy man!" In dirt. Who would have thought that would make hubs frisky?
Oh my, I had to leave my dirty dishes in the sink last night! Looks like I'm becoming a "messy" woman! Ha! Alright, kids are in school! Yay! Still very worried about my daughter's headaches. Offered to take her to the Doctor. She says she has an appointment on Monday.
Butter must be on her trip now. Please check in butter!
Blue I'm excited for you. Today is the day husbunny comes home! Yay!
Looks like allfor took the night off from SR last night. Hope you are well dear friend!
TOD Hope you are enjoying spring clean-up. I can't wait to get back outside! It will be triggering for me at first. Spent a lot of time out there with cig in hand!
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Join Date: Feb 2012
Posts: 4,966
How's everyone today? Looks like you all are busy huh? Well, I guess it being TGIF and the end of the work week has something to do with it! Ha! Blue is getting ready for husbunny to come hopping home to her. (I know weird mood today!) Butter is lost (hope not) in Cali!
TOD what are you doing? Sleeping? Thanks for that link. I noticed schools have not been focussing on handwriting for quite some time now. Luckily, my daughters went to private schools where they did. My youngest daughter is learning it now. She just mentioned that to me while I was talking about it.
Well I've got a bowl of dough rising as I write this. Thought a pan of fresh baked cinnamon rolls would be a nice treat today.
Will finish my cleaning too. Fridays are my cleaning day. Have extra work to do in the bathroom. (Wink wink)
All right have a great day everyone!
TOD what are you doing? Sleeping? Thanks for that link. I noticed schools have not been focussing on handwriting for quite some time now. Luckily, my daughters went to private schools where they did. My youngest daughter is learning it now. She just mentioned that to me while I was talking about it.
Well I've got a bowl of dough rising as I write this. Thought a pan of fresh baked cinnamon rolls would be a nice treat today.
Will finish my cleaning too. Fridays are my cleaning day. Have extra work to do in the bathroom. (Wink wink)
All right have a great day everyone!
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Join Date: Jul 2013
Posts: 1,854
Go Clean ! 
And you even left dishes in the sink last night! And now your making fresh homemade cinnamon rolls. Those will be delicious!
I dont know about that kind of headache hour daughter has. Ive had pressure around my eye and cheeks and it was sinus related, but no vision probs. I get migraine type headaches every few months and I need total dsrkness, no noise and I cant move or it hurts. I hate those! Medicine helps but takes a while. I hope she feels better soon, way before Mondays appointment.
Ive been trying to think of some creative ways to handle those stray tools too. This idea is more practical but it might help reduce stress. How about a Lost and Found Box? It could be used for everyone. If you know where it goes then it can be put back, but if you dont know then into the box it goes. And then each person can periodically check the box and remove an item if its theirs and put it where it belongs. If this doesnt happen, then on a weekend it can be pulled out and sorted. Husband can collaborate with you on this, and it looks like he might end up with the most items in the box anyway. Wouldnt it be fun to reply to him and say, I dont know where it is, did u check the box of wayward items.
M parents had a drawer for small things and I think stuff is still in the drawer from 20 years ago. One day I asked her why are there so many of these tiny red/blue/black caps. She said I think they were used for capping electrical wires way back when xxx. It made me laugh because Ive so far never needed to cap an electrical wire.
Your yard is pretty, and there is water coming through so it must promote turtles in your yard. We dont have turtles, but we have frogs. They will be in the dirt and when Im planting then I have found them, burrowed under like the turtle did.
Where we live, we like to draw in the sand. Sometimes leave messages and when the tide comes in they are carried away. When we were on vacation and there was a light snow, Mr Blue walked and made a heart shaped out of his footprints. He told me to look from the window above and there it was. It was sweet.
Charley, you ok today? I think you could ask this question about your husbands looping and blackouts either here or at Smart in a section where people are recovering from alcohol, maybe even Newcomers section here? Possible someone would have experience with it being part of Paws? I hope his work stuff goes ok today. I know you need a calm weekend. ((Charley))
Im at work still but get to leave early. I brought home takeout last night and played music while I cleaned. Then it got late but I watched a movie. Ive been totally ok while he was gone. Id still prefer this not become a habit. And he will be going back there for work, but not for a few days at least.
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Join Date: Aug 2014
Location: Canada.
Posts: 795
So it sounds like everyone is having a great time with their hubbies Blue, what time does Husbunny come home? And Clean, woot woot - dirty dishes even!
Clean, my MIL gets those kinds of headaches. For her, they're migraines. I hope your dd is feeling better.
It's melting here too! Except it will be a while before I see bare grass. So much snow still! But, the water is running in the curbs, and someone heard the geese the other morning! When the geese come back, it's a sure sign spring is on its way!
DD went to the funeral this morning for her classmate who killed himself. Such an incredibly hard day for her. My heart is so heavy for his family.
H came home today, he left last night for work and decided to spend the night away. And as usual, we had our "post-fight analysis". I should know by now we always come to this, but it's getting so hard to go through it all. I told him that too. And he says it always comes around to his drinking. I told him he's the one who brings it to that, I want to talk about making our life, from now on, a better one. And then it hit me. He hasn't forgiven himself. I have forgiven him - I won't forget what happened, but I have forgiven him, but he hasn't. And I said that, and I was exactly right. All of this anger, well, a lot of the anger and hurt and shame and guilt is because not only has he not forgiven himself, he thinks I haven't either.
So I explained, again, that I am wanting to move forward, create a happy and healthy life together as a team. That when drinking has to be talked about, it's so we can tackle what is happening now as a result of it (PAWS) and work together to make this a positive thing, and tackle the things that brought him to that point - NOT to point fingers at him and shame him and blame him. I told him I am using this as a catalyst to create a better life, and I think he finally got it. And if he didn't, I did. I think I need to keep reminding him that I forgive him for this.
I didn't realize that I had forgiven him, but I have. I'm still angry, there's still hurt and pain and trust issues, but I've forgiven him. And that's a good feeling!
I think once he really internalizes that, the anger will dissolve and the blackouts will lessen. I think the blackouts are part of the shame and embarrassment he feels about the drinking, he lashes out at me for that because he can't hold all of that pain inside, and then his mind can't deal with that either, so his mind presses "delete" and it's gone. But, I am still keeping track of things for the counselor, because better safe than sorry. And if it's something else, then we can deal with it too.
Blue, what time does Husbunny come home? And Clean, woot woot - dirty dishes even! Clean, my MIL gets those kinds of headaches. For her, they're migraines. I hope your dd is feeling better.
It's melting here too! Except it will be a while before I see bare grass. So much snow still! But, the water is running in the curbs, and someone heard the geese the other morning! When the geese come back, it's a sure sign spring is on its way!
DD went to the funeral this morning for her classmate who killed himself. Such an incredibly hard day for her. My heart is so heavy for his family.
H came home today, he left last night for work and decided to spend the night away. And as usual, we had our "post-fight analysis". I should know by now we always come to this, but it's getting so hard to go through it all. I told him that too. And he says it always comes around to his drinking. I told him he's the one who brings it to that, I want to talk about making our life, from now on, a better one. And then it hit me. He hasn't forgiven himself. I have forgiven him - I won't forget what happened, but I have forgiven him, but he hasn't. And I said that, and I was exactly right. All of this anger, well, a lot of the anger and hurt and shame and guilt is because not only has he not forgiven himself, he thinks I haven't either.
So I explained, again, that I am wanting to move forward, create a happy and healthy life together as a team. That when drinking has to be talked about, it's so we can tackle what is happening now as a result of it (PAWS) and work together to make this a positive thing, and tackle the things that brought him to that point - NOT to point fingers at him and shame him and blame him. I told him I am using this as a catalyst to create a better life, and I think he finally got it. And if he didn't, I did. I think I need to keep reminding him that I forgive him for this.
I didn't realize that I had forgiven him, but I have. I'm still angry, there's still hurt and pain and trust issues, but I've forgiven him. And that's a good feeling!
I think once he really internalizes that, the anger will dissolve and the blackouts will lessen. I think the blackouts are part of the shame and embarrassment he feels about the drinking, he lashes out at me for that because he can't hold all of that pain inside, and then his mind can't deal with that either, so his mind presses "delete" and it's gone. But, I am still keeping track of things for the counselor, because better safe than sorry. And if it's something else, then we can deal with it too.
RIP Maria
Join Date: Jan 2010
Location: AR
Posts: 7,654
Blue: We only have this much water flow after a lot of rain! Jethro has installed drain pipes underneath the ground to help the water move along and not just end up standing water! This area is how my new cub cadet lawnmower ended up with the nickname The Beast! LOL There was one area that had tall weeds and grass in it along with some water. I was tired of mowing around it and decided to see exactly what my new lawnmower was capable of doing! I plowed right thru it sending wet grass flying everywhere! LOL I rushed inside and sent Jethro a message saying: "It's a BEAST!" A guy at work made the Beast stickers for him to put on the lawnmower! And the rest is history! 
Jethro says that story is right up there with the day I called and said: "I have a truck load of dirt coming for the yard!" He wanted to know what size truck it was! Hell if I know! It's a large truck! Full of Free dirt for the yard! Where did he want it dumped? I said: "Well I could drive my small car underneath it! Does that help?" No! Hmmmmm He then wanted to know how many tires were on the truck! I counted 14! WHAT? Was his answer! LOL I get home with the truck behind me and hand the phone to the driver. Jethro could be heard yelling from the phone and then the laughter from both of them. The driver handed me the phone back and Jethro said: "Have him dump the dirt in the back beside the porch room here!" So? When Jethro got home he stood there shaking his head at the mound of dirt in front of him towering over the top of the house! LOL
He said: "Baby? What were you thinking?" I said: "Well it was FREE!" And you said we needed some dirt back here! Here's the dirt and we didn't have to pay for it! 
Those wire caps were a main stay at my parent's house! They were everywhere! My dad was a retired electrician! Here's a picture of them.
Okay! Back to work I go! And no it's not: I owe. I owe. It's off to work I go! LOL
TOD
Jethro says that story is right up there with the day I called and said: "I have a truck load of dirt coming for the yard!" He wanted to know what size truck it was! Hell if I know! It's a large truck! Full of Free dirt for the yard! Where did he want it dumped? I said: "Well I could drive my small car underneath it! Does that help?" No! Hmmmmm He then wanted to know how many tires were on the truck! I counted 14! WHAT? Was his answer! LOL I get home with the truck behind me and hand the phone to the driver. Jethro could be heard yelling from the phone and then the laughter from both of them. The driver handed me the phone back and Jethro said: "Have him dump the dirt in the back beside the porch room here!" So? When Jethro got home he stood there shaking his head at the mound of dirt in front of him towering over the top of the house! LOL
He said: "Baby? What were you thinking?" I said: "Well it was FREE!" And you said we needed some dirt back here! Here's the dirt and we didn't have to pay for it! Those wire caps were a main stay at my parent's house! They were everywhere! My dad was a retired electrician! Here's a picture of them.
Okay! Back to work I go! And no it's not: I owe. I owe. It's off to work I go! LOL
TOD
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