So it sounds like everyone is having a great time with their hubbies
Blue, what time does Husbunny come home? And Clean, woot woot - dirty dishes even!
Clean, my MIL gets those kinds of headaches. For her, they're migraines. I hope your dd is feeling better.
It's melting here too! Except it will be a while before I see bare grass. So much snow still! But, the water is running in the curbs, and someone heard the geese the other morning! When the geese come back, it's a sure sign spring is on its way!
DD went to the funeral this morning for her classmate who killed himself. Such an incredibly hard day for her. My heart is so heavy for his family.
H came home today, he left last night for work and decided to spend the night away. And as usual, we had our "post-fight analysis". I should know by now we always come to this, but it's getting so hard to go through it all. I told him that too. And he says it always comes around to his drinking. I told him he's the one who brings it to that, I want to talk about making our life, from now on, a better one. And then it hit me. He hasn't forgiven himself. I have forgiven him - I won't forget what happened, but I have forgiven him, but he hasn't. And I said that, and I was exactly right. All of this anger, well, a lot of the anger and hurt and shame and guilt is because not only has he not forgiven himself, he thinks I haven't either.
So I explained, again, that I am wanting to move forward, create a happy and healthy life together as a team. That when drinking has to be talked about, it's so we can tackle what is happening now as a result of it (PAWS) and work together to make this a positive thing, and tackle the things that brought him to that point - NOT to point fingers at him and shame him and blame him. I told him I am using this as a catalyst to create a better life, and I think he finally got it. And if he didn't, I did. I think I need to keep reminding him that I forgive him for this.
I didn't realize that I had forgiven him, but I have. I'm still angry, there's still hurt and pain and trust issues, but I've forgiven him. And that's a good feeling!
I think once he really internalizes that, the anger will dissolve and the blackouts will lessen. I think the blackouts are part of the shame and embarrassment he feels about the drinking, he lashes out at me for that because he can't hold all of that pain inside, and then his mind can't deal with that either, so his mind presses "delete" and it's gone. But, I am still keeping track of things for the counselor, because better safe than sorry. And if it's something else, then we can deal with it too.