It's all about me Part 3

Old 02-12-2015, 07:31 PM
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It's all about me Part 3

Here's the continuation from http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...rt-2-a-18.html
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Old 02-12-2015, 07:45 PM
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Old 02-13-2015, 10:25 AM
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Thank you greeteachday!

Happy Friday the 13th!

Idk who suggested acupuncture? Was that you Blue? But I do believe in it! I had it when I started my first IOP. I really can't say what worked completely, because I did a combination of things. But whatever it/they were I remained clean and sober. I was not on sub that time either and it lasted for a good 5 years until this last relapse which I now have two years in recovery. I'm on a very slow taper from sub. Its ok Blue about not getting the massage appointments....it probably means your husband is doing ok right now. I'm sure the vacation and all that went down is still making a difference. He probably still feels the relief and effect of what happened. I mean that in a good way.

Soverylost you are learning a lot from your therapist. I'm sure it helps that you trust him so much! That might be the number one factor! It looks like he takes the time to get to know you guys and understand your dynamic! How cute the way your son says "wabbit, so tute!! awwwwwwww" I remember when my kids pronounced words wrong. My husband would try to teach them the correct pronunciation. I always told him to leave it...not wanting them to change it. It made me sad when they started saying it the correct way...because then I knew they were growing up. I only wished I had taped them more than I did!
Thank you for your concerns? You are so sweet! I am ok now. Yes the panic attacks do leave me tired but the hardest part is during them and trying to not go into complete panic mode because then it's hard to breath and they are very scary. Its those that I fear the most.

Butter hope you are ok? Are you keeping up with your assignments? Sorry....not meaning to sound like a parent or teacher...just wondered how you are doing that?

Alfor the nicotine forum helps a lot. Just the act of pledging 24 more hours gives me a cathartic push forward. Thank you so much for your book reviews. I just went over there to catch up on them. I really learn a lot from them! The way you pull out the important points and interpret some of the stuff that I am sure is hard to understand really helps a lot!

I heard about Brian Williams. Idk but I feel there is more than meets the eye! (More to the story?)

Thank you for reminding me of faith Allfor! That is the one thing that gets me thru. But I have to mentally think it all out to get to that place.

TOD so you didn't want to give up your pillow eh? Ha ha! Good you were able to call him out on a few things. It's unfortunate but true that our men don't always get it do they? We have no choice but to spell it out! Lol

TOD you mentioned your nephew getting a pill in the dentist office to calm him that had the opposite effect? I read this a lot in your posts about the pills causing you to become lazy and not want to do anything. Well, they affected me totally different! On them, I became very industrious! Which was why I took them! I could clean my whole house top to bottom in less than one day while on the pills. I felt like I could do anything. Sometimes you mention that Jethro gets on these busy sprees...these happy phases! Are you sure it's not because he took pills? Because when I was down and out...lazy on the couch....it meant I ran out of my pills. I've read quite a few posts in sub abuse about that same thing. RA's complaining that they have no energy now that they are clean. To tell you the truth with my addiction, my family suffered and noticed more when I ran out of pills than when I had them. When I had them I was happy and everything was wonderful....in my pill induced haze! But when I was out I was cranky and hard to live with. I am so thankful to be out of that cycle where pills in my pocket meant a good day and no pills meant a horrible one! But wanted you to think about that.
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Old 02-13-2015, 11:08 AM
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yay a new thread! Woot woot! Thanks Greeteachday!

Clean, you know, something you said just really hit me, just now. This part:
Originally Posted by cleaninLI View Post
Just the act of pledging 24 more hours gives me a cathartic push forward.
H went to a meeting last night, I know he's been having a rough time lately, counseling I guess didn't sit well with him on Wed and we've been fighting ever since. And I get frustrated with this whole AA "24-hours" thing. But I don't know, when you posted that now, something clicked. I would really rather have an agreement signed in blood, saying he will never drink again (and I'm only kind of joking ...) but this, this made sense to me. Thank you.

I'm so proud of you and how you are doing with your nicotine cravings! You have really earned the name, "Clean"!

I was just popping in here for a moment, I'll be back for more later
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Old 02-13-2015, 11:43 AM
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It was I haha who mentioned acupuncture last I think. I saw a lady posting on Smart about how much it was helping her with cravings and anxiety.

Yep your right Clean. Right now his anxiety is in check and he said he feels ok. Its always best to try and prevent it from returning, sort of be aggressive and dont let it get started, then it is to wait and have to turn defensive against it when its revving up. But ha! Aggressive in this case means taking good care, doing relaxing things, sleeping well, eating well and anxiety will just hopefully have no room to grow!

Aww it would be a mixed feeling when kids start to grow up. Its probably harder for moms than dads? Or is that sexist? Ha! I still mispronounce and mis-spell plenty of words, so you always have me for a chuckle or two! I think about this part a little though, like I had a different kind of childhood than my husband. He always felt pressured to grow up. Do everything right, get the best grades, dont make mistakes, achieve all these things. My mom would make a huge deal if I brought home a little certificate saying I won a spelling bee in class. It was expected he should win. Probably we will even each other out in parenting skills, hes aware of a lot of things he would do differently, so I think he will have his own brand of parenting, keep what worked for him but try to correct what didnt? Yeah jumping the gun with my thoughts.

Clean I was looking over on the nicotine thread, what is all this talk of chocolate!

Nothing scary has happened on todays Fri 13th so far!

You know Svl I think something like the Smart abc's would help your husbunny break down irrational thoughts when he starts looping, or actually at his first signs of emotional discomfort. Ive been playing with them from time to time, and some people work out whole problems /feelings with the tool. Maybe I will make a thread on it, but heres a quick link:

SMART RecoveryŽ - Who Controls You?

Thanks for getting our new thread kicked off Sarge! Can u eat normal food ok since the tooth surgery?
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Old 02-13-2015, 11:49 AM
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This will get me caught up from the last Chapter!

SVL: As for this tooth pain? It wasn’t hurting me last night. My ear was getting real sharp pains shooting thru it though! ARGH! I went to bed early and didn’t get up until 9:30 AM! It’s not hurting today! Thank goodness! I’ll be happy when all this pain associated with this infected tooth is healed and over with.
…..As for brushing your son’s teeth? Have you tried using one of those battery operated toothbrushes? Those seem to be a big hit with kids!
…..Oh I hated those sessions when the Therapist started pulling out the inner part of ourselves. YUCK! Just made me want to crawl underneath my chair and stay there. And it usually started with me saying: “Do we have to?”
…..Sounds like it opened some good doorways on both y’alls part though? And yes! The bad juju has to be dealt with in order to go forward.

Bluechair: Yeah I got a good chuckle out of Allfor placing everyone at the dentist appointment with me. It wouldn’t have been a problem with all y’all there either. There’s always loads of ppl in and out of the rooms. The assistants get moved around every six months. They are always coming back into their former rooms to retrieve stuff to use on patients. And of course there’s other dentists coming in to ask the Specialist about how to do certain procedures. It’s a good thing there isn’t doors into the rooms! LOL And I personally think my dentist is a cutie. The one I had Wednesday anyway! Not my regular dentist though. He could pass for a close twin for my 3rd XH!
…..As for TOD escaping? It’s easily done! I just disconnect my computer! ROFL But we have too much stuff to discuss here, so I don’t do that.
…..Ohhh the Valentine days in elementary school! Sigh! All the sacks hanging on the desks and the kids walking around dropping the little cards in them. Such excitement opening each one. The homemade cookies brought in too! Such good memories!

Butter: We go thru a depression period when we lose a loved one. In your case you have a double whammy. I’m really sorry you have to deal with this so close together!
……Usually when you’re not looking is when you find someone! Don’t be down! There’s somebody out there waiting to bump into you! It may not seem like it, but B actually did you a big favor by him deleting his fb page! You can now move forward in your healing and one day when the time is right you’ll bump into that person looking too! I’ve lost a couple of good friends too along the way due to their drug use! I used to miss them terribly, but I had to let go and move forward. Things happen in our lives that hurt. It’s part of growing up and living. And growing old!
…..Is there any type of gathering for ppl your age you could attend? Might meet someone there?
…..Buy yourself some flowers and have them sent to your address! You’ll get to enjoy the beauty of them!

CleanLI: How do these panic attacks manifest themselves? Do you read about things and get worked up? Do you see something on TV and get worked up? Just wondering! Would going outside help you to get over it?
…..Loved the scenario over the vase to buy! OHHHH! I just remembered my mom will get her flowers today. She loves flowers! Mom has a slew of vases on the top of the cabinets above her washer and dryer!
…..Have you tried planting any grass seeds for Dova? I cut it with scissors and the kids love their little treats!

Blue: I have an email with a link in it I need to try and post on AP. It’s a ton of adorable animals and squirrels.

Allfor: I don’t sit and wonder/worry about what’s going to do me in. I live life, laughing, crying, etc. to the fullest I can each day. When our time arrives? It will arrive! We could be the most healthiest person in this world and then get hit by a car or something worse. Enjoy life!
…..This poor tooth was root canalled back in 1991 and a temporary crown was put on. Then my unit was shipped out for desert storm. I came back a couple months later and got the crown put on. Of course due to the time lapse? It didn’t fit like it should have. I went back to my unit afterwards. Then a couple years later I was in Panama and it fell out. So another adventure with another dentist to try and get it fixed. Then two more attempts with two different dentists thru the years. I guess it just wasn’t meant to be in my mouth!
…..I’m thinking too Eyes got snowed in! Lots of power problems going on there too.

SVL: Jethro is nuts over his little Maria! LOL While I was in the dentist chair he was talking to the assistant about Maria. Then I hear someone from behind me say: “If I hear someone in here talking about chicken’s in their house? I know whose sitting in this chair!” She came around and gave me a big smile with a big hello wave! He was showing pictures and I showed them the video of Maria being held by Jethro eating mashed potatoes off a spoon and then Maria wiping her beak on a napkin. They were all fascinated.

Blue: Hmmmm on hubby not ever seeing the pink cloud! Not everyone has them though so that’s understandable. Man though! I’d love to have at least two of those days each week! I could get a ton done on those days!
…..I was going to ask you the other day if y’all were still using the smilie calendar!
…..No I didn’t know about your sensitive side when it came to discussing family support! I’ve known of your pisssed off side of things about it though! I can see now why you got defensive.
…..Jethro and I were talking about that chicken book earlier. I told him it would have to be one in narrative stage. I’d need to narrate it so they could hear the story thru my voice. It might not make much sense if they were just reading it.
…..Oh yeah! Get those gloves! That would be funny!
…..So what time is coffee time on your end? Your post came thru at 5:38 PM on my end.

It's chilly today! I have Maria outside eating grass for a little bit. Tomorrow it's going to be beautiful and then that night we are plunging. We also have sleet and snow coming for two days. Grrrrrr Molly was mad at me because I didn't put her to bed before daylight appeared. I got her bed ready and snatched her off the floor. I snuggled her for a minute to soothe her ruffled feathers. She snuggled right into the crook of my arm. Mom was forgiven!

TOD
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Old 02-13-2015, 12:05 PM
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Be back later!!



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Old 02-13-2015, 12:12 PM
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Oh no! I give up! It took me all day to catch up and I'm sure I left things out! Sorry if I slighted someone! Didn't mean too! But I'm telling you paws has hijacked my brain!

Now I have three new posts to sift thru! You guys are just too efficient!

Bbl need to cook Din Din!
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Old 02-13-2015, 01:14 PM
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Originally Posted by cleaninLI View Post
Oh no! I give up! It took me all day to catch up and I'm sure I left things out! Sorry if I slighted someone! Didn't mean too! But I'm telling you paws has hijacked my brain!

Now I have three new posts to sift thru! You guys are just too efficient!

Bbl need to cook Din Din!
Make it simple! I put our Thread on the left side of the page and a document page on the right side. Reduce the pages down to fit side by side! I cruise down our Thread page and type on the document page.

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Old 02-13-2015, 04:02 PM
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CleanLI: Why didn't somebody tell me eons ago I was always misspelling your avatar name? Geeezzz I was writing Cleanin!
.....In the early part of taking the opiates? I had lots of get up and go. The longer I was on them and the more MGs I ingested? The less energy I had! And then it was the dreaded - I need a pill or five to do the housework, take a walk, go shopping, cook supper, take a shower, go to bed, etc. I had to get really buzzed to force myself to get moving. And I was moving like a turtle then. So I here ya on how you were a cleaning freak while taking them. I get way more done now with the things I use now for energy. And I'm not popping pain pills everytime I turn around either.
.....When Jethro takes the pain pills he can't hardly breathe and looks like a hundred year old man trying to get around. So I'd say his busy sprees are not when he's taken them. Even my mom made a comment while on the phone today about seeing his labored breathing. Plus he's sweating badly too. I can only watch it happen. I've talked to him about it all until I'M out of breath.
.....Mom had called me to tell me she got her flowers today. She said; they smell sooooo good! There's a fishbowl for the vase too. Then she said: "Maybe I'll get a goldfish later on to put in the bowl?" Oh hell no mom! You'll end up cooking that thing in it from your woodstove! She said I was probably right! LOL

SVL: Maybe suggest to H to write things down. Put it on paper so he can see what's got him so angry. Or on a computer document? Sometimes it just helps getting it off my chest on here to feel better! It's sort of a way in saying: "There! I said it. I feel better now!"
....As alcoholics and addicts. We usually kept track of our times we used. I need to take a pain pill at ??? time for it to last till ???. I need this many pills to make it till my next script is filled. Everything evolved around time. So making a promise to ourselves to go 24 hours w/o something? That's a feat to accomplish in itself! Does this also help you to understand where all that talk comes from in AA/NA?

Blue: You're welcome on the new thread getting started! LOL I just happened to glance at the number since the post rolled over to the new page. I was like - WOW! We need a new thread! LOL
.....Yes I can eat anything I want. I'm just eating slowly and carefully!

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Old 02-13-2015, 07:54 PM
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May I asked what worked for you to get rid of opiates
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Old 02-13-2015, 09:55 PM
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Originally Posted by Rosie2015 View Post
TOD
May I asked what worked for you to get rid of opiates
Hi Rosie!

The will to stop being someone other than who I am drug free! I got tired of always popping pills and fading away! My world around me at home was closing in on me! Nothing was getting done around the house or land either! I couldn't stand it, but by popping another pill? It all went away! It was also taking a simple sore forever to heal! I was starting to look years older than I actually am. I felt like I was becoming a part of the walls around here. Just disappearing!

The problem of never having enough pills to keep me happy up till my next refill of meds was another problem. I was in love with my pain meds! I'd run out of them and would pace the floors looking out the window at the mailbox waiting for the mail to come and praying my pills got delivered.

After the mail ran I'd walk out to the mailbox and open it. I'd look inside and see the bag. My heart would start racing and I'd get back to the house and start kissing the bottle! Yep! I kissed that bottle like it was a lifeline! My heartache was getting ready to end for another round. I couldn't get that bottle opened quick enough to pop a pain pill! After taking the pill I'd think to myself: "I hate these pills with a passion, but oh how I love them!"

After the pain pill took affect in my system I was feeling real good. So good I'd sit in a chair and think: "Damn this is what I've been waiting for!" And there I'd sit for hours with everything needing to be done around me. At some point I'd finally force myself to get up and take care of my pet chickens. I thank God everyday for these precious little ppl in feather suits. They kept me moving. And still do to this day!

I have a passion for life now! I'm happy. I laugh all the time. I see new things everyday that I've missed for years. I can get things done in a more timely manner now. God it used to take me forever just to get ready to leave home to go to town. Now I'm tapping my foot and waiting on Jethro! And out the door I sneak with coat in hand! LOL I have more empathy in myself now. I'm not "Bchy/snappy" anymore! I try to give ppl comfort and advice from my own experiences in life. We are all different in many ways. I try not to judge ppl anymore.

My husband who I call Jethro on here? Is still taking the same pain meds I was! Grrrrrrr Right now there's probably 75 pills in this house. I make him put them away so I don't see them. Preferably out of the house, but they probably aren't. I don't go searching for them either! And this is the reason.

The opiates grab hold of me and keep me locked within their love affair. I have to dig really deep inside to say; I've had enough! No addict wants to go thru the withdrawals. (That's why most stay on them!) When I make the decision to get off of them I know it's going to be a hard couple of weeks ahead of me. Sigh! I know though once those weeks are behind me it's all down hill for me. At least the physical part anyway. I've had RLS my entire life. When I start going thru withdrawals my legs start going crazy! (I've walked miles in the driveway to relieve the RLS). I even get it in my arms the first couple of weeks. My doctor prescribes "Carbidopa" for me to take for the RLS. It's a medication for Parkinson patients, but is known to help stop the RLS also.

I also found this medication will help to calm me down! This is one thing that helps to keep me from running after opiates. The other reason is I don't want to start the craziness all over again. And that's exactly what it turns into! We turn into crazy ppl looking for our DOC and the rest of the world can go to hell!

We(I) have to come to the conclusion that we can no longer survive on opiates or whatever it is that fuels our drive to keep using. It's a personal journey that we have to accept. Sure there's lot's of help to get us thru it. That person just has to want it bad enough to start the journey! And stick with it! I don't do the 12 steps either. It's not for everyone!

I've been on and off these pain meds since 1985! This isn't my first rodeo! I read somewhere on SR a long time ago: "How many withdrawals do we have in us?" I'll be 55 at the end of this month! I have my teeth (shut up Bluechair) sunk into this clean journey as tightly as I can. This is a life and death situation we are all in here! So until I'm in a situation that I'm out cold and an ER team sticks a needle into my arm and pumps pain meds into me? I'm fighting to stay off the pain meds!

TOD

Here's a song that kept me in tears for weeks! But it helped get me thru the days!

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Old 02-13-2015, 11:19 PM
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Happy Valentine Day Everyone!



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Old 02-13-2015, 11:41 PM
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A new thread and a whole lot of posting.. TOD appears to be feeling better and getting all caught up.. LOL

Butter - How are you? I understand now about B, and the decision about facebook. Of course you feel sad.. any idea why he made the decision to delete it, and gave a pre-warning? I gave up my FB when my husband was sick and I didn't want probing questions.. LOL.. Ive thought about adding it back because I could post pics of my son, but I really don't want to keep up with it. I have too much to do as it is.. LOL

I think you must be coming back soon; Im sure its a hard thing for you to do. Im thinking of you & your whole family during this very emotional time.

SVL - I forgot to answer your question about my son and the dentist.. he has been going since he was an infant.. LOL The pediatrician suggested he go in for an oral checkup when he was only a few months old.. and then he went back when he was teething.. one time I took him when I thought his tooth was stuck and not growing fast enough.. .LOL First time mom.. I was informed it was fine, and it was... But he doesn't like to go.. the dentist tries to make a game of it, and we do practice with his brushing.. Ive tried for us all to brush together, for him and his dad to do it. special brushes and it seems like the toothpaste makes the biggest impact on him.. colorful, and little Dixie cups with pictures.

I don't think he would part with store bought valentines day cards either... I had trouble parting with some of those when I was a kid.. You guys may find this surprising (not) but I never wanted to get rid of any of the ones that had animals on them. The others not big deal...

I have some antique valentines day cards passed down to me from great grandparents and they were so ornate... not sure what era I think maybe the Victorian, so much hand work on them. He doesn't get to play with those.

TOD, a quick question.. very nice update you gave on your history of pills and what it felt like to be trapped in there.. but happy the feather kids were able to reach you... so looking at a bunch of your posts just trying to understand.. you don't need to go into detail reply because generally 12 step topics are off topic for our forum.. but I want to understand your history.. so you used NA for fellowship with people in recovery.. even met you 3rd husband ( the abusive one) at an NA meeting, but you never did the step part... but you don't go to meetings anymore, instead you use SR for recovery support.. did I get that right.? Im trying to get all caught up.. never really knew your history.. and during the majority of your pill use you were still in the military service and kept getting re-deployed? Jethro was never in the military was he?

I have usually written Clean's name Cleanin... I don't know how I got started abbreviating it that way.. Blue told me a while back it was easier to type Clean.. LOL.. I tried it a few times.. but you know me I like to be different.. I should switch and we can all be consistent?

Hope your feeling ok Blue.. its nice of you to make cookies for you parents and inlaws.. special plans for Valentines Day?

We miss you Eyes, hope your ok.

Cleanin... I know what you mean about the words.. I feel proud of my son the more he keeps learning and talking better.. able to do more for himself but at the same time it makes me feel sad that hes growing up. Hes at the most adorable age right now. I guess we are growing up together and I will be ready for it as he continues.. but Im not sure...

I still haven't watched the Project Runway finale.. I got caught up on a couple before that I had missed.. and then I fell asleep on the couch. LOL so I still have it to look forward to, and told them at work.. don't tell me who won..

I cant speak to alcohol or smoking addiction.. but I know when trying to give up Dr Pepper and the sugar.. 24 hours at a chunk can seem like a long time.. the initial thought of never having another Dr Pepper is almost impossible to comprehend.. obviously its not as critical that I stick to that.. and well I didn't.. Im drinking it again.. LOL ... but my point is sometimes giving up something can be moment by moment.. make a commitment just for that day.. I think however in time that sort of dissipates for most people.. cravings subside, new skills and habits are formed and its better not to live day by day... its just what is...

Happy to know you like the book thread Cleanin... its a good book for all of us.. my husband liked it too. I will get to another chapter soon as I can... not sure who is reading it, but its got a lot of views.. LOL It strongly replicates what I was taught about addiction.. and its consistent with what science and research has validated about the whole process.

Happy Valentines Day to everyone... not sure I will be here tomorrow.. hope you all have a good day.. and here comes the best part.. after Valentines Day candy will be at least 1/2 off the day after.... time to stock up. LOL
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Old 02-14-2015, 07:19 AM
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Happy Valentine's Day, everyone! I hope everyone has a great day! And to Butter, I hope you have the bestest day today and learn that you are worthy of love and happiness - be your own Valentine today <3
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Old 02-14-2015, 10:14 AM
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Happy Valentines Day





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Old 02-14-2015, 12:25 PM
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HAPPY VALENTINES DAY!!!!!

Been out all day and need to run out again before our new Blizzard hits! Ugh!

Hope everyone is enjoying their Day!

Will comment more later. Hope I make it back!

Rosie I am two years off pain pills! Life is GOOD!!!!!Life in recovery that is!

((((Bluechair))))
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Old 02-15-2015, 09:00 AM
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Friends!

I am buried under seven feet of snow lol. My brother came yesterday and had to replace my router, rooter, I don't know - something for the computer - but I'm able to get back here now! Trade off - I have my nephew for the weekend, and in the midst of yet another snowfall at the moment.

I read through while he played videogames and so much I would love to comment on (though will never remember it all) - however time to make lunch. Bless you mothers, I could never do this on a daily basis!

The one thing I did want to say quickly was, I'm sorry (((Butter))) for what you've been dealing with. Just know I'm thinking about you

Ok, just wanted you to know I'm alive and well, thanks for asking after me all
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Old 02-15-2015, 09:31 AM
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Hi there Eyes! I figured you being absent was a snafu awa the super amount of snow y'all have! Glad to see ya! And yes I give those mom's/dad's big pats on the back for dealing with children in the house during bad weather! Dealing with a one pound whiney feathered Maria can drive me crazy! LOL

It's a whooping 33 degrees here! Grrrrrrr Which is very cold for us ppl in the South! Then tonight thru the next two days we have nasty sleet, rain and snow coming in. So the shelves will be bare in the stores. Maria will be the bain of our problems. She'll be in a nice warm house and constantly bch to go outside. She doesn't understand it's freezing out there!

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Old 02-15-2015, 09:46 AM
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Glad to hear from you eyes! Butter I noticed you are stuck in Switzerland due to the snow in Boston. We were lucky and missed this one. It snowed a little but not much.

Don't worry TOD my name is cleanin! CleaninLI? So you haven't misspelled it? I like your system but not sure I can do that on the ipad and tablet? I don't use a laptop or desktop computer. I have them but I find my iPad easier. But we will see...now that I'm not smoking I do to need to walk around while typing. Lol

Alfor I'm sure you will be ready when the time comes! Thank you so much for providing us all a different perspective and one that has been successful too. Very important. As soon as I'm strong enough in my own recovery I plan to talk to my brother about my nephew. I feel so horrible watching him deteriate.

Soverylost I hope you and hubby had a nice valentines day! Hope everyone did! We didn't really celebrate...just did our usual weekend routine. Went out for breakfast and shopping. I did bring home some red bagels for the kids! Lol Was out most of the day. It was nice!
Allfor will hit the candy today and tomorrow! ha! My daughter refused to let me buy any until it goes to at least half off! Lol

Blue tell us what you and hubby did for valentines day? Hope it was nice!

I know there is more to comment on....will have to came back....I have some special crepe batter in the fridge. Was planning to make them with fruit. I just wish I had picked up some of that hazelnut spread! I've heard it's very tasty with crepes!

Have a nice Sunday everyone!
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