I will let you down
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,477
Lets all take it down a notch guys.
Immediately.
This is Newcomers Forum - this might be someones first experience of SR.
We can shoot straight and still be civil.
I'm not going to babysit this thread - If we - all of us - can't keep it civil I'll close the thread
Dee
Administrator
SR
Immediately.
This is Newcomers Forum - this might be someones first experience of SR.
We can shoot straight and still be civil.
I'm not going to babysit this thread - If we - all of us - can't keep it civil I'll close the thread
No posts that attack, insult, "flame", defame, or abuse members or non-members. Respect other members of the community and don’t belittle, make fun of, or insult another member or non-member. Decisions about health and recovery are highly personal, individual choices. "Flaming" and insults, however, will not be tolerated. Agree to disagree. This applies to both the forums and chat.
Dee
Administrator
SR
Member
Join Date: Jun 2017
Posts: 2,909
I would never support banning you Jeff, nor do I think anyone else on here wants to see that either. That would only be another excuse for you to continue drinking. I don't want to give you any more excuses for drinking, I want to strip away the ones you are currently using. I want to help you see your reasons for sobriety.
I have no doubt that you have great inner strength, you are just not using it. Excuses are for the weak. Reasons are for the strong.
I have no doubt that you have great inner strength, you are just not using it. Excuses are for the weak. Reasons are for the strong.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2017
Posts: 2,909
Originally Posted by thomas11 
Did I not make myself clear with opening title? I WILL LET YOU DOWN. Hello?
Jeff, what in life made you say "What's the use?". Whatever it was, you can rise above it. Whatever it is telling you, is a lie. Don't listen to the lies. Listen to your friends, the people who believe in you and know you worthy of that belief.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2017
Location: Wisconsin, USA
Posts: 421
Hey Jeff,
I used to post here on SR quite often a few years ago. I still lurk from time to time but I have taken time off.
As someone who has never read any of your posts, and doesn’t know anything about your story, I can truly see how much you are appreciated and how wonderful you are for this community.
This community helped me A LOT in my darkest days. I stepped away for my own personal reasons but I’ve never forgotten the people here.
We understand, to an extent, your pain and behaviors. So many kind things have been said about you and I want to get to know that Jeff.
Without even knowing you, I can tell you want sobriety and you’ve helped a lot of people here. Let them help you now.
I really hope you can find your peace.
I used to post here on SR quite often a few years ago. I still lurk from time to time but I have taken time off.
As someone who has never read any of your posts, and doesn’t know anything about your story, I can truly see how much you are appreciated and how wonderful you are for this community.
This community helped me A LOT in my darkest days. I stepped away for my own personal reasons but I’ve never forgotten the people here.
We understand, to an extent, your pain and behaviors. So many kind things have been said about you and I want to get to know that Jeff.
Without even knowing you, I can tell you want sobriety and you’ve helped a lot of people here. Let them help you now.
I really hope you can find your peace.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2012
Posts: 5,937
Tomorrow's another day, Jeff! Most of us have been on the ride you're on. Getting off isn't easy but it's possible- once you decide you want to. I freakin' loved being drunk, all of us did! I loved it right up til I didn't. Like you I had a romanticized view of dying young and leaving a beautiful corpse, pretty girls crying over me, etc. At some point you reach an age where that fantasy starts to be a little self indulgent and silly. If you're anything like me it was mostly fun with a little pain in youth, and as you got older it was a lot of pain with a little fun (cribbed from George Carlin but it's spot-on). You can have a successful second or third act in life, or you can keep throwing down drinks. But you can't do both.
We're pulling for you, even if it seems like we're just being jerks.
We're pulling for you, even if it seems like we're just being jerks.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2020
Posts: 277
I just have to say - this thread has been incredibly challenging and painful to read. The way that Jeff is posting, the things he is saying, his general attitude - he reminds me so much of myself when I’m on a bender. It’s heartbreaking, terrifying and I’m shocked to be confronted with this as I now get a small taste off what I put others around me through.
Jeff, I wish you so much peace and contentment. I always thank people for posting, and I’d like to thank you as well - the hopeful and happy posts are a joy to read and help immensely in their own right, but this is a clear cut and cold reminder of why I stopped drinking and why I never want to go there again. Thank you from the bottom of my heart for this reinforcement of my commitment to sobriety, but I don’t want to use someone else’s pain as simply fodder; I genuinely send all the love and good wishes across the ether to you, and hope that you find your way and allow yourself to truly begin to heal.
Jeff, I wish you so much peace and contentment. I always thank people for posting, and I’d like to thank you as well - the hopeful and happy posts are a joy to read and help immensely in their own right, but this is a clear cut and cold reminder of why I stopped drinking and why I never want to go there again. Thank you from the bottom of my heart for this reinforcement of my commitment to sobriety, but I don’t want to use someone else’s pain as simply fodder; I genuinely send all the love and good wishes across the ether to you, and hope that you find your way and allow yourself to truly begin to heal.
EndGame
Join Date: Jun 2013
Location: New York, NY
Posts: 4,677
Originally Posted by thomas11
One good thing about this "go round" is that I'm not angry and cross-eyed crazy. Just drinking, nothing more, nothing less. I've been really drunk and angry and started polishing up my AR-15....I'm not in that space anymore. Just cruising along.
It might help to stop normalizing your relapses, as though they are an inevitable part of life over which you have no control before you even start drinking. That only gets you so far.
Instead of calling it a relapse or a lifestyle, why not call it something like, What is it going to take?
Member
Join Date: May 2016
Location: US
Posts: 264
Hi Jeff!
You are not letting me down. I know that you are letting yourself down but stop thinking of it that way. Just finish up what you are doing however long that takes. Hopefully sooner than later and PICK YOURSELF BACK UP and MOVE ON.
You are not letting me down. I know that you are letting yourself down but stop thinking of it that way. Just finish up what you are doing however long that takes. Hopefully sooner than later and PICK YOURSELF BACK UP and MOVE ON.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2020
Posts: 277
Originally Posted by nez;[url=tel:7581514
7581514[/url]]Yeah I get it, guess what? You are a human being. No human being is exempt from occasionally falling down or suffering a setback. Have you ever watched a small child learning to walk. They take a few drunken sailor steps and then plop. Down on their ass. They don't sit there and say "I let everyone down. I don't deserve to live. I am not worthy. What's the use, I am just going to let everyone down if I try again" Oh hell no, they roll over to their knees and get back to trying to learn to walk.
Jeff, what in life made you say "What's the use?". Whatever it was, you can rise above it. Whatever it is telling you, is a lie. Don't listen to the lies. Listen to your friends, the people who believe in you and know you worthy of that belief.
Jeff, what in life made you say "What's the use?". Whatever it was, you can rise above it. Whatever it is telling you, is a lie. Don't listen to the lies. Listen to your friends, the people who believe in you and know you worthy of that belief.
Thank you for the baby analogy! I’m going to use that moving forward in life, it’s perfect! Life persuades, cajoles or manipulates us into fearing failure and trying to avoid it all costs; the simple truth it is in most cases inevitable, but it’s not the end! Keep picking yourself up and going for it. Love this, thank you!
Life Goes On
Join Date: Jul 2012
Location: Baltimore, Maryland
Posts: 6,069
Ack, that sounded very abrupt.
I've been there, Jeff. Obviously not exactly where you are, but pretty close. And it was exactly a year ago, so that's really striking to me. I fell into that hole and had no idea how I'd gotten there and no idea how to get out. I mean, obviously, I got there because I drank. But I think you might know what I'm trying to describe. It was just that simple - I drank - but I was out of control like I was in the driver seat with no idea how to use the steering wheel or brakes.
So my suggestions come from a place of profound empathy, Jeff. I know you are suffering and want you to help you to take steps to get out of that pit.
O
I've been there, Jeff. Obviously not exactly where you are, but pretty close. And it was exactly a year ago, so that's really striking to me. I fell into that hole and had no idea how I'd gotten there and no idea how to get out. I mean, obviously, I got there because I drank. But I think you might know what I'm trying to describe. It was just that simple - I drank - but I was out of control like I was in the driver seat with no idea how to use the steering wheel or brakes.
So my suggestions come from a place of profound empathy, Jeff. I know you are suffering and want you to help you to take steps to get out of that pit.
O
Giving up is NOT an option.
Join Date: Jan 2015
Location: Western Wisconsin
Posts: 7,809
Hey Jeff, I have to admit, it scares me to read this thread, but I did it anyway. I have been here for years watching you go in and out of sobriety. I feel bad for you, and I *think* the anger is being fueled by the alcohol. I know you feel like there's a lot to be angry about right now, but I'm betting the booze is largely responsible for that feeling. And I'm also betting what you are REALLY angry about is YOURSELF. Oh, I know that feeling. I was an angry person much of the time when I drank. But I was mad at myself for being someone I didn't like, couldn't trust, and who constantly let down the people who still cared about me. I wasn't really mad at anything or anyone else. But I liked to take my anger out on the rest of the world.
If you could get a good long stretch of sobriety going, find some humility, find yourself a good therapist you can really relate to, work through some of that past garbage that seems to really haunt you, let go of some resentments you are carrying around, you just might make some real progress. But I see a lot of avoidance on your part. You say that working hard is the best thing for you, staying busy helps. But here you are... you have a job, you're going to the gym, you're busy, but you are in the depths of a binge anyway. So that isn't the answer. I don't know you. I just know what I see here. But I see the same pattern over and over. And what I see is someone who is really hurting, but presents that as anger. That scares people and drives them away. And when we try to help, you get mean. I'd love to see you figure out how to deal with that anger and resentment. I got nowhere with sobriety until I really surrendered and quit trying to pretend like I had my stuff together.
If you could get a good long stretch of sobriety going, find some humility, find yourself a good therapist you can really relate to, work through some of that past garbage that seems to really haunt you, let go of some resentments you are carrying around, you just might make some real progress. But I see a lot of avoidance on your part. You say that working hard is the best thing for you, staying busy helps. But here you are... you have a job, you're going to the gym, you're busy, but you are in the depths of a binge anyway. So that isn't the answer. I don't know you. I just know what I see here. But I see the same pattern over and over. And what I see is someone who is really hurting, but presents that as anger. That scares people and drives them away. And when we try to help, you get mean. I'd love to see you figure out how to deal with that anger and resentment. I got nowhere with sobriety until I really surrendered and quit trying to pretend like I had my stuff together.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2011
Location: USA
Posts: 690
Originally Posted by thomas11
holy crap, I'm on a bender from hell.
Member
Join Date: May 2012
Posts: 3,748
I would like to apologize to you for any offense that I might have said, Jeff. Sounding and being are two different things and my apologies to you if I implied that you were something you are not.
I think the lot of us do not come from a place of having a cush world. I dont identify with the money, the houses, the dinners etc. However, I do identify with the pain you are in. Maybe not all of it but pain is pain and to me it is all the same feeling. I think WE all understand the struggle. Once we are in a place that is alcohol induced, it is a nightmare. I've been in the nightmare too many times to count.
I do hope your bender ends soon. I hope you make it back to work. and I hope you come back here fresh faced and ready to tackle your sobriety. I hope your wife is okay through all of this. How is she btw?
Thinking of you this morning and sending all the healing light I have to offer. Godspeed, Thomas!
I think the lot of us do not come from a place of having a cush world. I dont identify with the money, the houses, the dinners etc. However, I do identify with the pain you are in. Maybe not all of it but pain is pain and to me it is all the same feeling. I think WE all understand the struggle. Once we are in a place that is alcohol induced, it is a nightmare. I've been in the nightmare too many times to count.
I do hope your bender ends soon. I hope you make it back to work. and I hope you come back here fresh faced and ready to tackle your sobriety. I hope your wife is okay through all of this. How is she btw?
Thinking of you this morning and sending all the healing light I have to offer. Godspeed, Thomas!
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