I will let you down
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Originally Posted by Dee74 
I have to be honest. I'm very worried for you man. O have a logn memory is and this how you used to post nack in the day before your accident.
I don't think there's anything little about these messes/episodes/relapses.
I don't read your posts and think there's a guy who's gone a little awry - I see a guy out of control but who's desperately trying not to admit that.
I'm not trying to rile you, annoy you provoke you or scare you, I'm just worried, Jeff.
D
I don't think there's anything little about these messes/episodes/relapses.
I don't read your posts and think there's a guy who's gone a little awry - I see a guy out of control but who's desperately trying not to admit that.
I'm not trying to rile you, annoy you provoke you or scare you, I'm just worried, Jeff.
D
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Originally Posted by Obladi
Jeff, please consider what Dee is saying to you. Seriously. Have a quiet sit down with yourself and hear/feel what's going on within.
You're not a bad person. You're a good guy with some bad demons. It does not have to be this way forever, I promise.
Suggestion from one who cares: Stay home today. Drink lots of water to flush out the toxins. The risk of an accident at work is too high if you were drinking through until the dark of the night. Be safe. And talk to us. There are people here who will understand if you let us.
O
You're not a bad person. You're a good guy with some bad demons. It does not have to be this way forever, I promise.
Suggestion from one who cares: Stay home today. Drink lots of water to flush out the toxins. The risk of an accident at work is too high if you were drinking through until the dark of the night. Be safe. And talk to us. There are people here who will understand if you let us.
O
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Originally Posted by Surrendered19
I'm glad you posted Jeff. It is perfectly OK to say you aren't feeling OK.
I hope the mess you made and reported very late last night is the metaphorical kind and that you are ready to clean it up and get yourself sorted out this morning. We cannot drink as part of any viable lifestyle man. Really nobody should, but that goes double for all of us RS folks.
Healthful pursuits have always been a thread that runs through your posts. I know you suffer too. Sometimes I think you have perfected the art of suffering. But we cannot drink through suffering because then it is only magnified and made that much worse.
Hang in there Jeff.
I hope the mess you made and reported very late last night is the metaphorical kind and that you are ready to clean it up and get yourself sorted out this morning. We cannot drink as part of any viable lifestyle man. Really nobody should, but that goes double for all of us RS folks.
Healthful pursuits have always been a thread that runs through your posts. I know you suffer too. Sometimes I think you have perfected the art of suffering. But we cannot drink through suffering because then it is only magnified and made that much worse.
Hang in there Jeff.
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One good thing about this "go round" is that I'm not angry and cross-eyed crazy. Just drinking, nothing more, nothing less. I've been really drunk and angry and started polishing up my AR-15....I'm not in that space anymore. Just cruising along.
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Originally Posted by thomas11
I'm a hardcore son of a b**tch.
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Originally Posted by SnazzyDresser
Casting yourself like this, which you also do with the thread title association, bespeaks a narcissistic romanticizing of your drinking problem that isn't gonna help you get back to sober and stay there. The graveyard is full of fiery iconoclast hardcore hard cases who over-romanticized themselves and their alcohol addiction.
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I think SnazzyDresser is suggesting that, in real life, you are not a hard core s.o.b. None of us are. You are just in pain. Our AR-15's, our romanticized descriptions of ourselves, and the rest of the props are just that and can work against us in destructive ways. They can keep us stuck.
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Originally Posted by thomas11
One good thing about this "go round" is that I'm not angry and cross-eyed crazy. Just drinking, nothing more, nothing less. I've been really drunk and angry and started polishing up my AR-15....I'm not in that space anymore. Just cruising along.
If you are posting to get a rise out of people then that is some seriously psychologically messed up stuff. Seriously. We are here for support. Not for **** like this.
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So what "triggered" it this time? Seems like it's always a case of, "Somebody done me wrong, I'mma get even by killing myself."
Which.
Totally logical (not) and yet, it is. I recognize that pattern in my past drinking.
I'm with Dee, you sound just like you did before you blew up your whole life.
How about some professional counseling? I bet your employer has an EAP. How about an out-patient alcohol program, or medication? Have you talked to anyone?
I agree that this is all coming from a place of your own personal past pain. There is a way out. Been there.
Which.
Totally logical (not) and yet, it is. I recognize that pattern in my past drinking.
I'm with Dee, you sound just like you did before you blew up your whole life.
How about some professional counseling? I bet your employer has an EAP. How about an out-patient alcohol program, or medication? Have you talked to anyone?
I agree that this is all coming from a place of your own personal past pain. There is a way out. Been there.
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I personally think many of you are over reacting. I'm not a monster, though I can be and NOT proud of it. And I work very hard to keep that monster in its cage. And I've done well. Sure, alcohol is a problem in my life, but many folks have it much worse.
For those who have been around awhile know that I should probably be dead or in prison. The fact that I am not, is gods gift. Who knows, maybe I should be dead or in prison. But I'm not.
For those who have been around awhile know that I should probably be dead or in prison. The fact that I am not, is gods gift. Who knows, maybe I should be dead or in prison. But I'm not.
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Originally Posted by thomas11
I personally think many of you are over reacting. I'm not a monster, though I can be and NOT proud of it. And I work very hard to keep that monster in its cage. And I've done well. Sure, alcohol is a problem in my life, but many folks have it much worse.
For those who have been around awhile know that I should probably be dead or in prison. The fact that I am not, is gods gift. Who knows, maybe I should be dead or in prison. But I'm not.
For those who have been around awhile know that I should probably be dead or in prison. The fact that I am not, is gods gift. Who knows, maybe I should be dead or in prison. But I'm not.
Jeff, I know a lot of people know, but I really know how hard it is to stay completely abstinent. It’s like I hold onto sobriety with a death’s grip as long as I can until I just slip and I’m back in it. My last bender lasted *I think* a week. And like you I wasn’t in as terrible of a place as I had been in before, but we both know where the extended periods of drinking lead. It’s progressive. It will get worse. So go ahead and get this drunk on, but you are playing with fire my friend. And you know it.
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In the same breath you plead that you are not a monster but then describe your ongoing courageous efforts to cage your inner monster - a mean and scary monster that should be in prison or dead. Too much drama Jeff. I hope you can dump your supply and get it reeled in man.
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Well, expect a reaction when you post about polishing an AR-15 .....
Maybe consider choosing words that are not inflammatory? Maybe its your drinking game? You don't sound very healthy and I am not the star child of mental health. I don't think you want help though. I think this is a game for you and its unfortunate.
Have you thought about how your "polishing AR 15" confession could be triggering to some people?
Get some help, Thomas Jeff or Jeff Thomas. ....
Maybe consider choosing words that are not inflammatory? Maybe its your drinking game? You don't sound very healthy and I am not the star child of mental health. I don't think you want help though. I think this is a game for you and its unfortunate.
Have you thought about how your "polishing AR 15" confession could be triggering to some people?
Get some help, Thomas Jeff or Jeff Thomas. ....
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Its easy to pound a man when he is down, and some of you are. Not saying I don't deserve it, but its not helpful. I'm drunk and stupid. big deal. There is much bigger fish to fry for all of us. Who cares about me? I don't, so why should you?
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I know well from my own experience, and from interacting with many others over the years, that it's impossible to help someone who does not really want to change. It seems like you enjoy the attention Jeff, but not much else is getting through to you, at least not when you are in a drinking spell like right now. Hope I am wrong and you will eventually re-emerge sobered up and more willing to do something constructive, before you kill or otherwise seriously harm someone or yourself.
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Originally Posted by Aellyce2
I know well from my own experience, and from interacting with many others over the years, that it's impossible to help someone who does not really want to change. It seems like you enjoy the attention Jeff, but not much else is getting through to you, at least not when you are in a drinking spell like right now. Hope I am wrong and you will eventually re-emerge sobered up and more willing to do something constructive, before you kill or otherwise seriously harm someone or yourself.
with one exception. "enjoy the attention". eff that, I don't want attention from anyone. Sometimes I wish I never would have stumbled on this website. I wish I was invisible to be honest. being somewhat famous is a can of worms that I spent 20 years putting back in the bottle. I want nothing to do with it again.
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Gonna let this cat out of the bag once and for all. I get blasted from all angles all the time. My family, my wife....they are all up my ass constantly about one thing or another. I don't understand it. I've done more in my life than they could do in 3 lifetimes. But yet, I get scolded non stop. I go to work and I've only been there 6 months and people love me. I go to the gym and I have made relationships with some pretty kick ass guys. My gym is owned by cops, and some of the guys that train there are government killers. mercenaries if you will. its awesome.
Yet when it comes to my family sphere, everyone is up my ass. And I'm getting real close to saying **** em. I'm not a loser.
Yet when it comes to my family sphere, everyone is up my ass. And I'm getting real close to saying **** em. I'm not a loser.
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