SoberLeigh

By your side, Manta. Day 1 is the most important day.

andyh

hang in there Manta. you know that life is better without drinking.

not all those who wander are lost.

SoberLeigh

Vman, I hear you. When will this end? Prayerfully, very soon. I fear that this will continue to plague us, at differing levels, until a vaccine is found.

My state is among the top ten in the USA with over 13,000 cases but nothing near New York. Our hospitals are not at capacity yet but getting close.

Homemade spicy 🌶 black bean soup is on the menu tonight along homemade bread. Comfort food with a little pizzazz.

Have a very healthy day, all.

MLD51

Manta, I'm sorry I missed all this until now. At least you did reach out. Maybe next time you'll reach out before the drinking starts? I hope so?

You are not a loser. You are a person who is addicted. Keep trying. Don't give up. Many of us tried many times to quit, before it finally stuck. You can do this.

You've been so helpful to so many here, let us help you now. Next time that urge to drink starts up, come here first. We can help you ride it out.

Reid82

It took me years too, a long and fraught battle in the end. It is a good sign you have reached out though, Manta-It shows to me you want this deep down

theVman31

Bravo.
Good news.

Hawkeye13

Manta, I literally lost count of how many relapses I had, but I quit one more time than the total. And to quote Frost, “that has made all the difference”.

MidnightBlue

Hi, Manta!

I am really sorry that I wasn't here last night when you asked for help. I was sound asleep at the time.

When I checked SR today and saw your posts I thought "Oh, no".

I am glad you've overcome the initial impulse to cut the weekenders off.

I know this feeling though - when I am losing all hope, all I want is to crawl into my cave, "fix" myself somehow, be reborn into a new me, and only then show up back into the world being the version of myself I am proud of.

But I am never "strong" enough to spend the time required in my cave - I am tempted to go outside and breathe some fresh air, shoot the breeze with someone, make some another "far from being perfect" move.

And you deserve help when you need it. You are not wasting time of services. Who decides what amount of pain is unbearable enough to be qualified to get help? Which problems are "real" and which are "self-inflicted"? Just because the problem doesn't involve directly another person or a tragic event, its detrimental effect doesn't lose its power.

The consequences of traumas are non-linear, they sometimes seem to be well forgotten, but then deviously emerge with a renewed torturing force.

For me the hardest moment is when I am slipping into "what's the point in all this" state.

What is your hardest moment? What's your "booby-trap" state of mind or a trigger when one awkward step results into an explosion which tears everything apart.

I personally don't believe in prayer - never works for me. I believe in letting go in a sense that uncertainty holds both challenges and new opportunities which are being created at this moment. Letting go - that I don't need to pile every problem in the world on my shoulders and feel guilty for everything that goes wrong around me, letting myself to be human above all and not be afraid of my feelings and thoughts.

Ok, I am getting too deep into philosophy.

You are a good person, Manta. And it hurts to see how you are ruthlessly beating yourself up for being human (I am quite the same, to be honest).

I want to say Leigh huge thanks for supporting you yesterday.

PM me, if you still want to talk. Have you cleared you pm box?

Please, take care of yourself.

You have a fireplace, no?

Can you make yourself a big cup of delicious tea, or cocoa, cuddle your furry friends, watch the fire and think of absolutely nothing. Just watch flames dancing, emerging and fading away. You don't need to manage it, fix it, control it - just watch. Let your thoughts fade away, dissolve in nothingness.

((Big hugs to you))

Hang on.

MantaLady

Thanks MB, you hit the nail on the head above. That is exactly how I felt and have felt today. However I can’t let the shame I feel cut me off from here. I really need all of you and you have all been there for me no matter what I have done with compassion and no judgement.

I don’t really know why I drank to be honest. I’ve had 4-5 days where I have felt a bit tearful. The news and everything on TV is making me really emotional and work is annoying me. I’m feeling a little trapped and the lockdown has got to me more than I gave it credit for. I think I have got back into the habit of not speaking up about anything, just saying what I think people want to hear. Drinking is a way to let it all out, say those things, feel something, do something and stop feeling invisible. I know it’s a lie and it’s none of those things but I keep falling for it.

It’s 8pm and going to get an early night, get up early in the morning and go for a long walk before I start work. I am also going to meditate mid-day just to try and keep grounded and out of my head.

Thanks again everyone x

venuscat

It is really hard (in the real world) to speak up about anything right now.
I am surrounded by people who are terrified and others who do not believe this is real. Sigh. I am exhausted to be honest. And I don't think I have had a battle like this in years that made me question my ability to stay sober. I am not coping either.

I bet a lot of us aren't. We need to stick together. Talk about what we need to (within reason of course) and help each other to be strong. And to stay in faith here. s xx ❤️❤️

jr67

Thank you, Manta!

I just logged on and am planning to log right off again after I quickly report how glad I was that I just did a 20-minute mid-afternoon mindfulness meditation to help ground myself from a little too much preoccupation with coronavirus updates and yes, even a little too much SR-time when I have a work-call later this afternoon to get ready for.

I was still wondering whether to make the post and there is yours resolving to meditate mid-day.

So thanks, and here I go, signing off for now.

Catch y'all l8r.

MantaLady

I’m sorry your struggling Venus, you’re always such a rock round the SR halls and I guess it’s time for you to let everyone else be there for you too! As you always say, we are stronger together xx

MidnightBlue

Good night, Manta!

I am going to call it a night too - has been awake from early morning to get work done in time.

Venus - Please, don't question your ability to be sober. Stay vigilant, but don't question yourself. Hugs to you.

Good night, dear weekenders.

Yes, these are trying times, but if anyone knows how to go through fear and uncertainty and still be alive and kicking on the other side of it, that would be us.

venuscat

Yes.....that would be us. s xx ❤️❤️

SoberLeigh

Sober is our only way, sweet Suze. You will stay sober - of that, I am certain.

venuscat

I know....just putting it out there. s xx ❤️

Willow00

Fantastic posts to read this morning

Manta, you’re an inspiration to so many, our struggles are real, and by being open and honest about them, you bring out amazing insights from everyone that really help others too. Your posts and everyone else’s posts are really helpful for me anyway. Mags, Vinny, MB, Suze, your words really resonate for me.
I think we’re all struggling to various degrees with the current world situation, and by reaching out to each other for support, that support helps more than the person who reached out. It helps others too, including me. So thank you everyone, including you Manta, you’re a very valuable and much loved member of our SR family and I’m very glad that you’re still here with us ❤️ Xxx

Sending big love and support and hugs to everyone

Sober369

I hope you made it through, Manta. Great reading here today. I am also starting over. All these posts to you resonated for me, too. I know I can stay sober, and I know I have to. I'm glad you came back, and I'm glad I did, too.
Venus, I am sending you lots of love and positive vibes. And to everyone else, too.

venuscat

Thank you and so happy to see you darling Karen.....you have been on my mind all day. Sending you love and support. s xx ❤️❤️

saoutchik

You take care too Venuscat.

Remember, you me and most of us on this thread are likely to catch the virus at some point over the next 18 months and are equally likely to only suffer some minor discomfort. The boredom and frustration are probably the harder things to cope with along with the potential financial implications. We will get through this.