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Fit for the future - Weekender 03 - 06 April 2020

Old 04-06-2020, 03:45 PM
  # 161 (permalink)  
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Don't worry about that love....stick with us. We all understand and support you every step here. Please stay around honey. s xx ❤️
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Old 04-06-2020, 03:59 PM
  # 162 (permalink)  
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Manta, please keep posting.

And box breathing...

Sometimes my mind gets really revved up with anxiety, PTSD, excitement, whatever the heck it is. Probably a little bit of all those at any given time. I have to tell myself


s l o w d o w n



Sllllllllllooooooooowwwww. Concentrate on the breath. When the mind wanders, come back to the breath...Breathe in to a count of four, hold, breathe out to a count of six, hold. Repeat. Repeat. Repeat.

Box Breathing - Breathe in sync with this
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Old 04-06-2020, 04:08 PM
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Originally Posted by MantaLady View Post
Thanks for your concern all. Won’t be logging on for a while as can’t trust myself but thanks a million for all those that reached out x
I don't think there's a better time to log on for you Manta.
Fight your addiction with everything you have at hand.

D
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Old 04-06-2020, 04:32 PM
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My mum knows I am drinking again. She is angry and disappointed and I get that but I am angry that she is angry if that makes any sense?!?! I know I have to face her disappointment and questioning tomorrow, it’s making me super anxious.

My older cat Alfie knows something is not right and i am currently laying in bed and he is sat on my chest purring and rubbing his face on me. He doesn’t know me as an alcoholic. I feel so sad for him having me as his family. Both my boys deserve better than this. I care more about them than I do myself!

I am so sad I am here again, slap bang in the grip of addiction. What is wrong with me? I am such a failure and just don’t want to be in this place but here I damn well are...again! It was so great to talk to another human being, I don’t think I can express my gratitude enough. Thankfully after the call I was so drunk I passed out and woke up 6 hours later and at least couldn’t do anymore damage in this time.

Having stupid thoughts about throwing away my phone, getting a new number so I cannot call anyone when I am in this state as won’t have their numbers in the cloud. I am not going to action any of this but I honestly want to just end it all. I don’t want to be alive anymore and I am angry that I cannot do anything about that without causing pain for those that do care about or pain with no guarantee it will work for me.

I’m lost all over again x
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Old 04-06-2020, 04:45 PM
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I hope you'll call someone if you feel such despair Manta.
I know there;s a pandemic on but mental health is important too.

If you feel like you might do yourself harm at least ring someone like the Samaritans, if not your Doctor.

Addiction makes us forget things,

You got sober and you stayed sober - you have that capacity in you
Think back to the rehab and the skills and tools you were given there.

I bet they still work?

D
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Old 04-06-2020, 05:04 PM
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Thanks Dee. I don’t want to waste these services time when there are people in real need of help. My problem is self inflicted and I chose to make it worse. I chose a drink, I am totally responsible for all this and if I made different choices everything would be ok. But I make stupid and bad choices, it’s all on me. I can’t in all good faith carrying on wasting other people’s time with something I should be able to fix, in fact something only I can fix. x
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Old 04-06-2020, 05:15 PM
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You see yourself as a failure and we see you as a hero who will not give up. ❤️

Stay with us all the way....we all care about you a great deal.
We can beat this together.....alcoholism and our current scary predicament. s xx
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Old 04-06-2020, 05:25 PM
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I'm going to say, pray.

Even if you are not a believer in the God of books. Pray.

Call on the inner warrior woman. She's in there. She's the one who loves you and wants ONLY what is good for you. Call her your Higher Power or your angel or Mother Nature or Inner Peace or Jesus, or Allah, whatever you want to call her, but pray.

I know you can do this.


We've all been where you are. There is a way out.

Much love to you, Manta. I'm logging off, it's nighttime here.
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Old 04-06-2020, 05:34 PM
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Night bim. s xx ❤️
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Old 04-06-2020, 06:00 PM
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Manta
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Old 04-06-2020, 06:03 PM
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Manta, everyone fails, but that doesn't make them failures. You help me by the things you say here on SR, and for that I am very grateful.
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Old 04-06-2020, 06:34 PM
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Originally Posted by MantaLady View Post
Thanks Dee. I don’t want to waste these services time when there are people in real need of help. My problem is self inflicted and I chose to make it worse. I chose a drink, I am totally responsible for all this and if I made different choices everything would be ok. But I make stupid and bad choices, it’s all on me. I can’t in all good faith carrying on wasting other people’s time with something I should be able to fix, in fact something only I can fix. x
It's one thing to make bad choices but another to beat yourself up over it or decide you're not worthy of support Manta.

That kind of negative low self esteem thinking makes it a lot easier to go back to a drink.

You;re a good kind person who's helped many out here and will do so again

Hate the addiction not the addicted

D
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Old 04-06-2020, 08:16 PM
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You are an integral part of the Weekenders, Manta. We care very much about you.

Please stay and lean on us. Bottom line, that is what we are here for - sobriety support.
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Old 04-06-2020, 08:30 PM
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Manta stay with us. We’re all here for each other. We’ve all messed up sometime or another, some of us (like myself) repeatedly. But we share the desire to live a sober life. Alcohol is an addiction, and we’re all fighting against it. We’re all on the same side, and together we’re stronger
Sending you love and support. You can do this xxx
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Old 04-07-2020, 12:24 AM
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You didn't make bad choices MantaLady addiction robs us of choices and replaced them with wants. It will be those miserable feelings you are experiencing now that will drive you to the place where you beat this thing.
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Old 04-07-2020, 12:50 AM
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MantaLady, you’re not a failure, as Saou says, our addiction robs us of this.

I keep these words a very wise lady wrote to someone on SR once. Can you remember them?

A lot of us here once said the same thing, and with this being a progressive disease many of us have gone on to drink drive going against everything we believe in and what we believe we are capable of. I said I would never drink every night, then I did. I said I would never drink more than a bottle a night, then I did. I said I would never drink during the day, then I did. I said I would never drink first thing in the morning, then I did. I said I would never drink drive, then I did. Alcohol strips is of our very soul and stamps on our moral compass. I could very well have been in this situation myself. With each relapse the further down we go, no matter how far down there is always another layer beneath.

Alcohol does strip our soul and stamps on our moral compass. That resonated with me what you wrote.

I’m sorry I missed your earlier posts.

We’re in difficult times here and with our addiction on top it we need each other, lean on us..constantly.
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Old 04-07-2020, 01:16 AM
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Sorry to hear about your struggle, Manta. Try to nip this in the bud now- you know how worse things can get- stick close to the folks here. Best of luck.
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Old 04-07-2020, 02:40 AM
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I feel your pain and despair Manta Lady.
It surely isn't easy this thing we are doing.
I think everybody goes through alot of pain and suffering before beating addiction, alcoholism.
Some manage to keep it together while others don't. Maybe some are stronger than others, maybe the animal addiction is stronger in some than in others, maybe some are more broken than others, who knows. All I know is you deserve better than this and you have the power inside you to act on it.
Addiction robs us everything.
It's slow suicide.

I'm regret not having been connected more yesterday. You were there for me 19 days ago when I was in a hole. Feel free to PM me if you wish. I don't know if I will have the answers and advice you need but I will try.

Salutations to all the weekenders.
These are really worrying times. 830+ deaths here yesterday. When is it going to stop.

If anyone is interested I watched Le Mans 66 yesterday evening about Ken Miles and Carroll Shelby. Excellent film. Well worth it.
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Old 04-07-2020, 03:16 AM
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Thanks everyone from the bottom of my heart. Mags, thank you for reminding me that when I was truly sober I did actually make sense and I got it. This horrible place of having a binge every week has got me forgetting all the things I know and have learned. So here goes, Day 1 again and going to take it one day at a time. x
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Old 04-07-2020, 04:32 AM
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We’re with you MantaLady, we all know how hard it is. Took me years to get it right. You will do it, and I admire your tenacity and resilience. xx I’m so glad you came on here for help.
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