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Old 06-28-2015, 03:55 PM
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The best piece of advice I ever got was its the first drink that causes all the trouble not the last.

I went to so many things where I knew deep down I'd drink. I wish I'd thought as highly of myself as I did of other people back then.

I hope you're made of sterner stuff than I was, ex.

D
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Old 06-28-2015, 04:18 PM
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Originally Posted by sva777 View Post
I also read the first few posts and the talk about choosing not to die by not drinking hit home. I hope you haven't forgotten where you were not so long ago and I am sure you don't want to be back there again.
Thanks sva, yeah, I definitely don't want to go back, and the reality is that that was not my first time (if your referring cashing out early). You're a smart person and whatever decision you make, I'm sure will be the right one for you.
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Old 06-28-2015, 04:47 PM
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I am aware that the first drink could be the end of everything...I think I am going to go and if it is too much to handle I will leave.I don't want to drink but if I am uncomfortable im out....Nobody in my house will be drinking...I wont have any money...and the med I will be taking wont let me drink...with all that said I don't want to be miserable so being a ferry ride away to safety makes me more at ease........Back to the first sip,I know where that is going to, lead...heard it from many here and in my rehabs...cant go back because there is no more rope.I said to a group in rehab what I want is not to struggle for the rest of my life with this thing....That's askin a lot...
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Old 06-28-2015, 04:54 PM
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Good plan exwell.
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Old 06-28-2015, 04:55 PM
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i was sober for five years -and 1 six pack has led to almost 4 months of heavy, compulsive binge drinking-it felt like i had never stopped - i have not drank now since- june 8-just be carefull and good luck.
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Old 06-28-2015, 05:03 PM
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Plzzzzzzzzzz don't go its not worth messing 80 days or even if you had 1 day, its really not worth going. I use to do the same thing when i was using opiates, i would have maybe 50 days under my belt and one of my old friends would pop up out of no where and be like ''hey bro i have these pills that i just found lets go to my place and have some fun with them" and it would rattle my foundation to the core, knowing that i feel great and finally have my sobriety for over 30 days and this guy comes from no where and wants to do pills. I had to be strong and say "no" to him because my sobriety was my life and i wanted my life back so bad!! exwell66 plzzz don't go!!!! your life depends on it and even if you don't know me i want the best for you!!
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Old 06-28-2015, 05:25 PM
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Hello Exwell,

I am new here and don;t know you, so forgive me stepping in - but you did post asking for advice

Please don't go.

I have been reading SR for an hour or two each day this month. As you know, it is full of people expressing remorse about relapsing again, often falling deeper and taking longer to even try and claw their way back to sobriety again.

It almost sounds as if your AV is typing these posts for you...

Remove the Hazard - Don't Manage the Risk.

Don't go this year.

Go next year - 440 days sober - And every year after that, if you still want to.



D
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Old 06-28-2015, 05:39 PM
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At some point you'll have to be at places where alcohol is served and be able to say "I don't drink" but 80 days into sobriety is pretty early to do that. So maybe next year you can join them. Is ANYONE going who doesn't drink? Anyone you could hang out with who won't be wasted?
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Old 06-28-2015, 06:43 PM
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the place im going to is called Corneille estates in ocean beach fire island...just an incredible beautiful place...right on the ocean,,, there are many other things to do there than drink...surf,boogieboard great resturants....nature walks.....I am going to be with my wife and kids...they will be with me all the time nobody in our house will be drinking....friends that will visit are aware of my situation,,,NOBODY WANTS ME TO DRINK...I am reading these posts and taking them with me.......I haven't forgot the hell that I went thru..Like I said before I love my life now....drinking vodka wont do it for me...I keep telling myself that....I know death is in that glass
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Old 06-29-2015, 02:02 AM
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Originally Posted by 2muchpain View Post
All I can tell you is that every single time I went on a vacation and drank thinking I would quit again when I got home failed miserably. Had just over a year one time, went on a vacation figuring I'd just have a few beers. The first stop I made when I got home was a liquor store. That's my story, but other's might have had a better outcome. John
Could not agree more with 2muchpain... Same story for me..
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Old 06-29-2015, 02:16 AM
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Exwell: You are taking a calculated risk. Are the benefits you might gain really worth the risk? You leave all these "escape hatches" for yourself if things look tough. Are you being realistic in assuming that you would take one of these exits after you have the first one or two drinks? Will your AV take over and convince you that "I can handle it." It's a little like entering the jungle in order to have fun.
Sorry not to be more supportive but is it possible that I am being truly supportive in another way? Sobriety is a rare and expensive gift you can give yourself. It is not easy to obtain. It involves some sacrifices. But it can make you happier than you have ever been. One summer interlude. Do think this over! Good luck.

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Old 06-29-2015, 09:22 AM
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Sounds like the wheels are already in motion for a relapse. Taking the alcohol drink is the final step when we relapse. The actual relapse starts days/weeks/months before the actual act of drinking the alcohol.
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Old 06-29-2015, 11:57 AM
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Exwell. When you say that no one in your family will be drinking or want you to drink, this seems inconsistent with your first post on this thread where you said that "everyone" will be drinking. And even if your family is not drinking, they are hardly likely just to stick to themselves but, rather, will probably socialize with the "everybody" you referred to who will be drinking. It seems probable that they will try to persuade you to have "just one", a suggestion which would be heartily welcomed by your AV.

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Old 06-29-2015, 04:19 PM
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yes to all posts...the place is a family place but lots of partying to a p[oint...in my house nobody will be drinking and I would be watched very carefully.As far as the wheels in motion yes you are so right been there and did it to an extream...so I have that goin for me,meaning I know how fast it can happen withought a thought.I know I wont stay long....I will do some fishing on my own,,,stuff like that just want to go for a bit and when I get past this hump well you know
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Old 06-29-2015, 04:31 PM
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It looks like you are definitely going. It does sound like a great trip. I just hope you do your best to have a plan in place to deal with the difficult situations you are bound to run into. You might want to at least have something in your hand when other people are drinking. Frankly, just telling people at the first opportunity that you are not drinking on this trip should help a lot. Just put it out there in the beginning. If you don't, well........maybe you want that door to remain open, whether you know it or not. 80 days is a great start. Three months is around the corner, the "hard 90" as they call it in AA. It's called the hard 90 for a reason. Think about it. John
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Old 06-29-2015, 04:40 PM
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PS
I know some people have posted that you were already planning to drink long before you started posting, and that might me true.
Once, I shared at an AA meeting that I was going to take a trip and I was concerned about drinking. One guy kept insisting that I had already decided to drink. I couldn't figure out where this guy was coming from, because it wasn't true. Just wanted to put it out there. Well, he was wrong and I didn't drink. Was just looking for support. Honesty with self is key. John
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Old 06-29-2015, 05:39 PM
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2muchpain wrote in part: " Well, he was wrong and I didn't drink."
No one can accurately predict what might happen. But that doesn't mean that it is not wise to check the odds, do a "risk/ benefit" analysis. Suppose there is only a fifteen percent chance of a relapse. An 85 percent chance of everything going well and "having a nice weekend". Would it be prudent to risk the 15 percent chance, considering what might happen with a relapse? Suppose you had a magic revolver, containing six bullets. Five of these would assure you a "nice weekend". One of these would produce a relapse. Would you then spin the barrel, point it to your head and say, "Well I've got an 85 percent chance of having fun. As to the 15 percent chance of possible disaster, or at least severe suffering, not to worry! Be Happy!" CLICK!
Drunken driving is another calculation. How many times have we alcoholics "gotten away with it"? But what if, fifteen percent of the time, there are those flashing red lights in the rear view mirror? How many times have we said, "Well, that's not going to happen tonight, if I'm very, very careful!"

W.
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Old 06-29-2015, 06:06 PM
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Exwell,
Thank you for sharing this.
I am only 12 days sober so my credibility is low but I just went through that experience this past weekend. Off to the coast to a family gathering that included my favorite drinking buddy, my brother in law. I didn't really consider not going because it is about the only family trip we take each year but I did feel concern, almost sadness, that I would have to break the news to my brother in law. He showed up with excellent wine, and broke out a bottle the first night at a restaurant. As he was pouring I quietly told him I was finished. He stared incredulously and then shouted to the waiter "get this man some ice tea!".... I actually felt empowered by the experience, had some great discussions with him later, and had a fantastic time on the trip. I am now home, alone (have to work), while my wife/kids continue the vacation for another week. I honestly feel that home alone is more dangerous than at the beach with family, for me. This would be my normal time to get obliterated with my dogs bearing silent witness. Instead I will do other things.
I really appreciated what was said about the relapse occurring in advance of drinking. I had never thought about that before but find it to be true for me. I have had that feeling of resignation far in advance, in the past. If that is the feeling you have, then this trip might be ill fated. If not, maybe it can be good for you to have a new, sober experience. I took my trip knowing that relapse would not occur and was able to ward off the whispers of my AV as it came and went.
Question: What would you do at home alone during the family vacation?
I wish you the best with your choice and please do take the posts, go online during your trip if that is possible, and stay ahead of the urges. It sounds like your family will be a source of support to you and that you are really the only threat to yourself.
Best!
d
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Old 06-29-2015, 06:12 PM
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Something clicked in my head right after I had my colostomy bag removed in late febuary,then continued to drink a quart of vodka as soon as I got home 3 days later...My room mate was dying of cancer,I was there when he got the news from the doctor that he was too far gone and he had weeks to live.He took it well I did not.Continued to drink and topped it off on vacation in turks and cakois....2 days after vacation I got back to rehab but this time was different,I wanted my life back.I don't want to be the guy next to me in the hospital with a shot liver in a few years.Is it called clarity,no I call it a dose of wtf have you been doing to yourself and EVERYONE AROUND YOU.The more I post here about this the more I know I wont drink....I have it in my face all the time...lots of stress at work etc......and the 4 hr a day commute to the city jeeeezzzzzz. When I left rehab the first time I had that feeling that people here are referring to...that's why I posted....nothing is certain but my will is.....btw thanks for the awesome feedback I need a sledgehammer over my head from time to time.....don't like things sugarcoated
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Old 06-29-2015, 06:24 PM
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Originally Posted by wpainterw View Post
2muchpain wrote in part: " Well, he was wrong and I didn't drink."
No one can accurately predict what might happen. But that doesn't mean that it is not wise to check the odds, do a "risk/ benefit" analysis. Suppose there is only a fifteen percent chance of a relapse. An 85 percent chance of everything going well and "having a nice weekend". Would it be prudent to risk the 15 percent chance, considering what might happen with a relapse? Suppose you had a magic revolver, containing six bullets. Five of these would assure you a "nice weekend". One of these would produce a relapse. Would you then spin the barrel, point it to your head and say, "Well I've got an 85 percent chance of having fun. As to the 15 percent chance of possible disaster, or at least severe suffering, not to worry! Be Happy!" CLICK!
Drunken driving is another calculation. How many times have we alcoholics "gotten away with it"? But what if, fifteen percent of the time, there are those flashing red lights in the rear view mirror? How many times have we said, "Well, that's not going to happen tonight, if I'm very, very careful!"

W.
The point I was trying to make is to be true to yourself and your intentions. I certainly listened to the guy that felt I had already decided to drink. Maybe he misunderstood what I said. I was solid with my sobriety, just needed a group hug I guess to feel people where with me when I was gone, if that makes sense. John
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