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Old 04-24-2015, 05:29 AM
  # 21 (permalink)  
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Your accepted here friend your not alone & im really glad you joined
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Old 04-24-2015, 06:54 AM
  # 22 (permalink)  
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Greetings, C. Just wanted to extend a hello to you. I am a 29 year old woman and struggle as you do, so I understand where you are coming from. I chose sobriety after a night of black out drinking that turned me into a monster. I am still cringing at that and some of my past behaviors. The truth is that alcohol has the ability to make us into people we are not. Please do not let your alcohol driven actions define you. I understand that you struggle with distinguishing the real you from your drunk alter ego, but there is a difference. Most of us are here because we have had horrible things happen, mostly by our own hands and initiated by too much drink.

You may tell your story or you may just express your feelings. Regardless, we are here for you.

God Bless.
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Old 04-24-2015, 07:11 AM
  # 23 (permalink)  
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Welcome Calypso. I'm an old gal and still believe in the more traditional ways. When I first came to AA I was told by the old-timers to keep deeply personal info or info I wouldn't put in the newspaper away from the tables. That that type of info was best shared with a sponsor or close, trusted, AA friend. I agree with it even more so in a public forum on the internet.. not meaning the literal meaning of public as from a search engine but, to say, you just don't know the hundreds here and, thus, who is reading. Find someone whose posts appeal to you and either share with them in PM or email or ask them who they might recommend. This is also advice we give in those hearing a 5th Step... one trusted individual. You may think, right now, that you want to unload what feels shameful to you but once its been posted, its there forever unless you get a mod to delete it later. At best, slow down and think it through. Congratulations on coming here. You're in the right place.

PS: Please don't take people's reactions personally. Its not good for you. When people "squirm in their seats" so to speak it doesn't necessarily mean they're judging you. It just means they're human and certain things make everyone uncomfortable. That's a good thing in its humanity. Also, I didn't mean to imply that you need to be suspiscious of people here. It just makes good sense to keep things close to your vest until you get to know the ropes better.
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Old 04-24-2015, 07:14 AM
  # 24 (permalink)  
A Day at a Time
 
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Originally Posted by calypso17 View Post
Thank you for your warm and open welcomes.
I came here because I do want to tell my story, but it's very painful, humiliating, horrible and repulsive for me that I feel that no one else can understand.
I shared at AA a few times. I was honored by looks of disgust, hate and anger, and then further lectured on how my actions will give me irreversible consequences.

Then I felt so low I relapsed even more.
You are an alcoholic no better no worse. We have all done horrific things while we were drinking. I have heard hundreds of people share their stories and the common theme is we do things under the influence that we would never do sober.

In any of the AA meetings I go to I have found them to be the most nonjudgmental group of people I have ever met. We all have been there done that. I can believe people talked to you about how your actions will have irreversible consequences because that is the truth even if it is a truth that hurts.

Tell your story and I can promise you there will not be judgment only understanding.
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Old 04-24-2015, 07:16 AM
  # 25 (permalink)  
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Sometimes it helps to unburden yourself. No one knows who you are, just your name on the forum. It can really be cathartic. And it is safe here. No one will judge.
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Old 04-24-2015, 07:19 AM
  # 26 (permalink)  
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Welcome, we are here to help each other. Nobody has any right or reason to belittle you here.
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Old 04-24-2015, 07:20 AM
  # 27 (permalink)  
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Hello and welcome!

Calypso, today is a new day. So you have made mistakes in your past. One thing I guarantee is that there are people here at SR who have done less, and done much much more. If it is freeing to you to share, that's fine. There will be NO judgement. That is not what SR is about. We are here to support each other, not judge each other. If you just want to jump aboard and get support from this day forward, that is totally ok too.

The thing you need to hear right now, is that YOU ARE NOT ALONE! We will walk this with you. While my issues are not with drinking, I still have issues. Who doesn't! SR has been am amazing place of great support that has gotten me through some of my darkest days.

Please don't feel scared to come here, we support you!!!!

Welcome to SR!!!!
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Old 04-24-2015, 07:37 AM
  # 28 (permalink)  
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Welcome calypso. This is a safe place.
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Old 04-24-2015, 08:02 AM
  # 29 (permalink)  
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I won't judge you for what you did 5 seconds ago, let alone 5 days, 5 months, 5 years--that's the case with most people here. I'm not sure anyone can top what I did--but it doesn't matter. Doesn't matter at all who did what. You started off this life as a child....something happened inside you or outside of you at some point--and you dealt with it, well, the way you dealt with it. You wouldn't be feeling the remorse you are feeling right now if you weren't a good soul, regardless of what you did.

One more thing.... what I did brought on the Scarlett Letter for me-for 8 years. I have "recovered" from that...and it was BAD. ( from judgment alone I ended up going into a shell, total isolation, so not to face people--developed agoraphobia it was so bad) So it took me 1.5 years....and I am 100% back. I assure you, if I "recovered", so can you. Monica Lewinsky does a fantastic TED talk on shame.....no matter what category your story falls in, it's worth a look.

Hugs to you. Start RIGHT NOW. Your future is spotless.
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Old 04-24-2015, 08:17 AM
  # 30 (permalink)  
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Calypso, it's good to meet you - welcome to a great place. We want you to share what you're comfortable sharing - no one should have to feel isolated. Glad you found us.
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Old 04-24-2015, 08:31 AM
  # 31 (permalink)  
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I had those same thoughts.

I don't fit in at A.A.

I don't feel welcome at church

My counselor doesn't understand me.

In the end, I started looking around at the bar and realized, 9 times out of 10, I was sitting alone because I didn't fit in there either. Actually, if I was honest with myself, I fit in less at the bar than anywhere else.

I did fit in with the friends I made at AA. I was just reluctant to embrace sobriety so I shunned them.

I did fit in at church but I was reluctant to embrace faith so I shunned them.

I did fit in with my counselor but I was reluctant to embrace healing so I shunned them.

I did embrace drinking and everyone there shunned me.

When you are drinking, it depresses you. That is the nature of alcohol. It also causes what I like to call "soul ache". It leads to such intense feelings of failure, loneliness, fear. Those seep into our life and bind us.

You are accepted here. There is so much love, wisdom, and support here.

Welcome.
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Old 04-24-2015, 09:06 AM
  # 32 (permalink)  
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Originally Posted by TennantSmith View Post
I had those same thoughts.

I don't fit in at A.A.

I don't feel welcome at church

My counselor doesn't understand me.

In the end, I started looking around at the bar and realized, 9 times out of 10, I was sitting alone because I didn't fit in there either. Actually, if I was honest with myself, I fit in less at the bar than anywhere else.

I did fit in with the friends I made at AA. I was just reluctant to embrace sobriety so I shunned them.

I did fit in at church but I was reluctant to embrace faith so I shunned them.

I did fit in with my counselor but I was reluctant to embrace healing so I shunned them.

I did embrace drinking and everyone there shunned me.

When you are drinking, it depresses you. That is the nature of alcohol. It also causes what I like to call "soul ache". It leads to such intense feelings of failure, loneliness, fear. Those seep into our life and bind us.

You are accepted here. There is so much love, wisdom, and support here.

Welcome.
Wonderful post and so true for me
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Old 04-24-2015, 11:25 AM
  # 33 (permalink)  
Run to live... live to run
 
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Welcome Calypso!

I am also a 27 year old female.. Been sober for almost 3 years. I did some stuff, I shudder just thinking about let alone saying them out loud.

Your story doesn't matter to us. Your recovery does.

If you feel the need to tell it, I assure you won't be judged. We just want to help.
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Old 04-24-2015, 11:48 AM
  # 34 (permalink)  
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Hi calypso! Welcome! Please join us here.
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Old 04-24-2015, 12:09 PM
  # 35 (permalink)  
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Calypso, Welcome!

I can feel the pain in your posts, and I hope by now you see that we are a welcoming, non-judgemental community. You may share your story if you like, or not. Either way, you will find that we do understand how really difficult this is.

I'm glad that you have continued seeking support for yourself and that you found us. Please know that you can PM me anytime - I'm always around.
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Old 04-24-2015, 12:41 PM
  # 36 (permalink)  
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Welcome to the Forum Calypso!!
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Old 04-24-2015, 01:19 PM
  # 37 (permalink)  
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welcome...

2 things; no one here is going to judge you, we have heard or seen much worse, you are completely anonymous here - as long as you choose to be... okay 3 things
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Old 04-24-2015, 01:31 PM
  # 38 (permalink)  
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Welcome to SR. You've come to a wonderful place where you will find support and advice with no judgment.
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Old 04-24-2015, 01:56 PM
  # 39 (permalink)  
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Hi Calypso: You are accepted here. And no one is going to lecture you or judge you. This is because many or even most of us have been right where you are. Alcoholism remains widely misunderstood. And that makes it harder to become sober. But there is a way out or maybe several ways out. There are several possible paths. Stick with your friends on this website to start with. Tell your story if you feel like it. Listen to the stories others have. And as things better find other recovering alcoholics, whether through AA or some other program. People tend to get better faster if they help each other. At least that's been my experience and I haven't had a drink for nearly 27 years. Every good wish to you.

W.
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Old 04-24-2015, 02:05 PM
  # 40 (permalink)  
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Hi cal - WELCOME!!! You're among people who understand. Hope you stick around! This is an awesome supportive place
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