Hi Calypso: You are accepted here. And no one is going to lecture you or judge you. This is because many or even most of us have been right where you are. Alcoholism remains widely misunderstood. And that makes it harder to become sober. But there is a way out or maybe several ways out. There are several possible paths. Stick with your friends on this website to start with. Tell your story if you feel like it. Listen to the stories others have. And as things better find other recovering alcoholics, whether through AA or some other program. People tend to get better faster if they help each other. At least that's been my experience and I haven't had a drink for nearly 27 years. Every good wish to you.
W.