Sally3127

Whoops. Sorry about that. One post did sneak in. Good luck MLC.

sparky78

MLC- detox and rehab really aren't that scary. They generally give you meds to ease the withdrawals and you are in a safe environment. You are trying to numb your fears, so many people here have been in your place and gotten better.

Playing with fire by mixing way too many benzos with opiates and alcohol is no way to have a last hurray. How bad would you feel if your kids and husband knew that you died from a heroin overdose? I have heard so many times from people that they just wanted to drink/use one or more time and their "yets" became realities.

Zee

We are all here for messed up reasons...... we are all the same in a strange way... we can just be thankful that we found eachother... I'm from the UK, I'm a raging alcoholic, I have 2 dogs, 2 cats and a Russian Husband.... We will all find our way in this crazy world... we just have to stick together and share stuff and get through this xxx

peanut44

Mlc,

I can't remember if you said if you had been in rehab before our not but it was an awesome experience for me. I had only wished it had been longer than 30 days.

There are counselors there 24/7 and lots of patients and we were all there for the same reason. I was deep into recovery from the time i woke up till i closed my eyes for the night.

I would love to have the opportunity to do it again, knowing what i do now!!!

I was too cocky then and figured i would be easy. I didn't prepare myself for life when i got back home. Use it for all its worth, mlc!!!!

Midlifecrisis

I have been to rehab and detox before. I was only 21 and detoxing from daily speed use and pot and regular LSD and ecstasy use. So I didn't spend long in detox. Rehab was for a few months until I got booted out, whoops. I did go back out and use but learnt tools and stopped to have a baby.

This time is more scary as it is Benzos which are hellllllll to get off, did it last year and I have a family whom I will miss so much. I can't do rehab after but have a few things in place.

As much as I'm scared of the actual detox, im more scrared of coming out. It's not gojng to be all sunshine and roses. I'm terrified of my eating disorder. It will kill me faster than drugs. I've already slipped up once.

Elisabeth888

When you get out of detox, is there a plan for aftercare? You are like me, we clearly did things to ourselves that normal people would not do. Get to the root of the causes in therapy and work on your issues. It will be hard but it will be SO WORTH it. Do it for YOU, for your kids, your husband.

Right now you need to work on you. Because you are killing yourself.

Midlifecrisis

Yes. Regular appointments with atods counsellor, regular appointments with pastor.

deeker

No ur kids are not fine!!!!!!!

Elisabeth888

Are you really ready to quit?

tomsteve

thanks


mid, my friend, you are not a bad person; you are sick!!
now, i quited what elisabeth posted because it was what i was thinkin. this is what ya wrote a bit ago:
"I am intentionally gojng to detox on the date I am so I miss the concert and won't be tempted to use smack."
this is just my opinion: if thats yer motive for goin to detox, it aint gonna work.
ya gotta WANT to get clean and sober!! if standing on yer head in the middle of the road gargling peanut butter every morning was part of what was necessary to get clean and sober, ya gotta be willing to do it!!!
please WANT to get clean and sober!!! needing it hasnt worked for ya!

yer worth it!! GOD says so and so do we!!!


if no ones told ya yet today they love ya, then let me be the 1st: i love and ya and so does GOD!!!!

Jeni26

MLC-I follow all your posts. Your story really touches me and I want you to know that I care very much.

I think you are so caught up in your addiction you can't see the bigger picture, so you will need to try to believe those who have walked this path before you who tell you it is possible to get better, it really is.

I'm an alcoholic, I suffered physical, emotional, psychological and sexual abuse as a child. I have PTSD and problems with disassociation. In the past I had anorexia and did some self-harm. I'm coming to terms with all that, and no it isn't easy. It is hard. No-one waves a magic wand and gets rid of it for us.

But, the first step is to get rid of the drink and drugs because while we take them we can't move forward and are trapped in the fog.

Do what you are advised to do, listen to the professionals and lean on us for support.

Make that promise to yourself and your children that you will do whatever it takes to get better.

You are in my thoughts and prayers xxx

Lyoness

Well, it's a new day and I'll echo what tomsteve said, I love you, and I know the others who are posting here do too. The reason we sometimes give such strong responses is because we care so much.

Jeni said a lot of what I want to say and probably what I've said to you before. I know it is scary, okay bloodcurdlingly terrifying! I know you are sitting on a lot of extremely painful emotions and memories and that you fear they will drown you if you feel them without the buffer of drugs or ed. And I know you fear that life will suck without drugs. I know this not just because you've written it in your posts but because I have felt the same things and still do.

I can't say anything that will wave a magic wand for you. All I can do is say what I've been learning from my own journey. It is a long and hard road. There is a lot of pain. There are feelings that have been stuffed for a lifetime. And no new coping skills magically in place.

There is also an unending array of wonderful surprises and miracles. A growing sense of freedom. A burgeoning sense of self-respect. An actual growing desire to want to take care of myself, in ways that are truly caring and not self-harming. I can remember things and can track conversations without having to cover up for my lapses. I can really talk with people and listen, truly interact and not just be thinking about my next chance to sneak off and use. I am rediscovering joy and interest in things I let atrophy and slide while using.

And the absolutely most surprising and best thing of all--my self-hatred is actually healing. This is something that predates my addiction issues and that I thought would never ever change. And I am waking up day after day and not hating myself. And that is incredibly freeing.

And this is so much what I wish for you. I believe in you as do so many of us here. You can do this! And you will reach a place of self-care that you never imagined possible. If recovery wasn't worth it, none of us would stick with it. And none of us would be here trying to urge you to do the detox and really follow through.

I'm the first person who responded to your first post so I guess I feel extra strongly about this. You CAN do it! You have all our hopes and prayers and wishes for you!

Lyoness

Midlifecrisis

I wasn't when I first started posting but I am now. It's out of hand, I'm snorting Valium hourly, taking codeine like lollies and have started drinking agajn. On 2 daily pickup for Valium now , I can't go any further without resorting back to illegal drugs. I missed a whole day today. Public holiday with my kid because I was in so much pain I couldn't get out of bed.

I'm lying here next to my sleeping 6 year old innocent daughter and i never ever want her to feel this way . Or any of my children.

Elisabeth888

I am so glad! It was only when I WANTED to quit when I did. Nothing else made me want to. We are here for you! We just want to see you succeed and you know we are going to give you our experience, strength, and hope along the way of your journey.

YOU CAN DO IT!!!!!!

ScottFromWI

Does your husband know the extent of your drug current use during the day MLC? I hate to harp on this but you are endagering your children's safety by being stoned & drunk out of your mind while also in charge of caring for children on your own. I know you only have 5 days until rehab, but is there anyone that can come be with you these next few days? You mention that you are very active in your church and community, there's got to be someone that can come over and be with you while your husband is gone. And I certainly hope you aren't taking them in tow while you are obtaining the illegal drugs you mention.

Lifewillgetbet

I dont know how people get all the Valium. My Dr gave me 6 before detox in 2009 and refused to give any more. And I have asked on several occasions of relapse for some. Nope. He just gave me anti seizure medication and said deal with the WD. Basically telling me to suffer!!!
Maybe he had a good point in doing so because I was medically safe and WD'ing is hell from booze.

Midlifecrisis

I don't drink during the day at all and I haven't touched an illegal drug for over 10 years and got clean from an illegal drug habit over 13 years ago. I meant, where to next? The val doesn't really do much for me anymore so I added codeine then the alcohol. That's why I need to stop. The next I chase will be an illegal one.

ClearLight

Something to consider is that next chase could be death.

I hope the detox works for you. Good luck.

Midlifecrisis

I'm not addicted to alcohol but to Valium. I started off with a 7.5mg a day prescription which is now a 60mg prescription. Though sometimes I take more and was getting away with gojng in earlier for my scripts. My drs know its too dangerous to stop giving it to me but have now put me on 2-3 day pickup from chemist and I'm off to hospital detox next week.

ScottFromWI

Thanks, I misunderstood what you meant by the illegal drug reference. You also mentioned that "I'm snorting Valium hourly, taking codeine like lollies" - is that also only at night when your husband is home? Or during the day with the kids too? Even if you don't feel that it's doing anyting to you it is - you just don't realize it. And it's completely unsafe for you to be caring for children on your own in that condition.